coogiez
Aug 6, 2008, 09:00 AM
I've had lost track of the weeks and days,
After removing that schooling status from my life,
Getting up, going too school, doing nothing, coming home.
Now I work flexible days, only three times a week they say.
Always split up, and every week I go, further down this track.
I feel my mind numb, my thoughts were becoming less and less insightful.
No where near they were before I began.
I began too feel disgruntled, like nothing was comfortable, every breath I drew in felt horrible, every movement pushed my mind further into the dirt.
I stopped listening too music,
I stopped caring about my reasons.
I started too care about others reasons.
I started listening too other people.
And my brain started too rott,
I felt like I was losing who a was.
All this stupidity flooded out of these people and filled me with anger, spitefulness and extreme judgmentalism,
I had then forgotten one (of many) standards I lived by.
Too not judge naïve, arrogant, judgmental people.
And when I began lashing out,
Others heard,
The ones I now didn't know.
And I mean I had forgotten what they meant for me,
I don't have any "friends" as such,
But these people,
These people I knew, looked like disfigured monsters that had just risen from a shallow grave,
And in my rage I threw them out, my own mother became one too walk around.
I didn't trust anyone, I felt like I was truly alone, never reasoning, just hiding.
And with every passing hour, another string that tied me too my logic snapped,
Sure, I have a lot of strings, but they wouldn't have lasted for ever.
I became a beast, lashing out at naïve people like they were ignorant.
Anger rushed out of me, poisoning everything I knew.
How I got out of that mind is unknown,
Mabye I heard a snippet of a song I had once used for guidance,
Mabye I was just lucky too have thought something that triggered another thought.
But now I have found my reasoning,
And through all that,
My reasons feel more comfortable, useable and truthful then they ever have.
But that poison takes time too wear off,
My vigilance will not wear thin again.
Even if going through that made me aware of several things time had pushed into the shadows, now I know and understand more.
Ever so much more.
I have still lost track of the weeks.
After removing that schooling status from my life,
Getting up, going too school, doing nothing, coming home.
Now I work flexible days, only three times a week they say.
Always split up, and every week I go, further down this track.
I feel my mind numb, my thoughts were becoming less and less insightful.
No where near they were before I began.
I began too feel disgruntled, like nothing was comfortable, every breath I drew in felt horrible, every movement pushed my mind further into the dirt.
I stopped listening too music,
I stopped caring about my reasons.
I started too care about others reasons.
I started listening too other people.
And my brain started too rott,
I felt like I was losing who a was.
All this stupidity flooded out of these people and filled me with anger, spitefulness and extreme judgmentalism,
I had then forgotten one (of many) standards I lived by.
Too not judge naïve, arrogant, judgmental people.
And when I began lashing out,
Others heard,
The ones I now didn't know.
And I mean I had forgotten what they meant for me,
I don't have any "friends" as such,
But these people,
These people I knew, looked like disfigured monsters that had just risen from a shallow grave,
And in my rage I threw them out, my own mother became one too walk around.
I didn't trust anyone, I felt like I was truly alone, never reasoning, just hiding.
And with every passing hour, another string that tied me too my logic snapped,
Sure, I have a lot of strings, but they wouldn't have lasted for ever.
I became a beast, lashing out at naïve people like they were ignorant.
Anger rushed out of me, poisoning everything I knew.
How I got out of that mind is unknown,
Mabye I heard a snippet of a song I had once used for guidance,
Mabye I was just lucky too have thought something that triggered another thought.
But now I have found my reasoning,
And through all that,
My reasons feel more comfortable, useable and truthful then they ever have.
But that poison takes time too wear off,
My vigilance will not wear thin again.
Even if going through that made me aware of several things time had pushed into the shadows, now I know and understand more.
Ever so much more.
I have still lost track of the weeks.