Hi.

Here's my breakup story which I decided to post in order to hear what the people here have to say.

Cliffs :

1) Been with a very beautiful though insecure girl for 1.5 year. She was very into me from day 1 whereas, although I liked her, I was shy enough to hold back my feelings, making her feel I didn't care about her (which was a wrong assumption).

2) She broke up with me 2 months ago. I tried to take her back after 1 week of NC, she told me she was with another guy who she wasn't having feelings for, however he does EVERYTHING she asks. Makes her feel like the most important person in the world (she is actually treating him like a puppy.. go there, do that... AND HE DOES!! ), and she hopes that along the way feelings for him would come.

3) I was having frequent contact with her (and sex a few times) since then, she cried almost every time she met me, but she refused to let the other guy go because she felt things with us would not change and we would again break up after a few months.

4) She would contact me when she was alone but I couldn't contact her whenever I wanted because she was with the other guy. I couldn't take that anymore and after numerous attempts (diamond ring included i.e no fear of commitment) of showing her I REALLY care about her and see her seriously in my life, she didn't change her mind so I asked her for NC.

5) Now on day 4 of NC, don't plan on contacting her anymore but don't know what to do if she contacts me. I still want and love her a lot...

...

6) Profit ?

Anyway, read along, it's an interesting story...

I was with a girl for 1,5 years. For her it was love at first sight. From the very first moment she showed me she was 100% into me… She looked me in the eyes and I could see she was carried away. Never before have I seen a girl look at me this way… She is extremely beautiful and I liked her a lot, however it took me quite some time before I could show it to her. To be honest, I was quite indifferent at the beginning, at least that’s what she thought. She is extremely insecure. The first time we went out as a couple she told me “what are you doing with me ? you could have any girl you want, girls much better than me”. And believe me, she’s the kind of girl that could date any person she wanted and should not be insecure at all !

Anyway, her previous relationships were extremely jealous of her, didn’t let her go out on her own, they didn’t go anywhere without her… I was the extreme opposite. Straight from the beginning I would continue to go out with friends 2-3 times per week without her and of course encouraged her to do the same if she wanted. She wasn’t complaining… I moved in at her home. We made dreams to start a family, have kids, spend the rest of our lives together. (I am 26 she is 20-21). I met her mother (not her father, I’m shy like that) she met mine, we were happier than ever. At least that’s what I thought…

Time went by and about 7 months into the relationship she snapped. Told me that during our relationship there were numerous nights when I went out with friends that she stayed crying at home, sometimes inflicting self-injuries, without telling me, for fear she would lose me… She complained that I hid her from everyone, didn’t share much of my life with her and that I wasn’t proud of her (god forbid, she was the most beautiful woman I ever dated and was EXTREMELY proud of her, it’s just that I am a bit shy as a person and do not express my feelings that easy). I explained that I could try and change things, go out less frequently with my friends and also offered to take her with me anytime she wanted. I did so, went out with friends only once or twice every two weeks, but after a few months she started complaining again for the very same reason. From then on, things went downhill… I moved out of her house and returned to mine, we would argue and break up once every month, however I always chased her back and she returned. I was starting to feel very weird in the relationship however I couldn’t let go because I loved her so much…

Because of work, last May I had to move out to another city, which of course is only 1 hour away, and need to stay there until February 2009. She told me that if I didn’t make a serious commitment when I got back she would break up with me. I became a bit “cold inside” when she told me that. It’s not that I didn’t want it, it’s that I don’t like deadlines in such a serious matter. And I told her so. Anyway, things were cold between us from then on, we stopped having sex (I turned her down every time she tried) and finally we broke up 1 week after I changed cities, for the same reasons that came up in the past (she felt I didn’t care enough about her and I only care about myself and my friends).

I called her after 1 week of NC and tried to make things up. She told me she was with another guy, younger than her (until then she had promised herself that she would only date older men) who was crazy for her and gave her everything that she wanted. He didn’t let her move a muscle, she kept bringing her whatever she requested (food, gifts e.t.c.) whenever she requested it, kept spending tons of money for her and made her feel comfortable because “he’s not as smart as you are and thus I feel smarter than him when we are together” and “I can make him do whatever I want, I just have to ask and he will do it without second thoughts”.

Anyway, I decided to move on with my life and within the next two weeks I slept with a few women in order to get over my ex (they all knew that it was just sex and nothing more), but nothing could make me stop thinking of her. I contacted her again and she agreed to go out for lunch with me. We ended up having sex at my place and her telling me that “I knew you would make me want you if I saw you again, but we can’t be together”. I let her go. (Of course, weeks later she told me that she would have definitely come back to me if I had insisted more that time at my house).

One week after that we met again, she came to my place for 3 days, saw that I had indeed changed, we slept together again and that time she was half a step from calling the guy she was with to tell him to break up. I told her not to do so because I didn’t want her to regret it afterwards (I now regret doing that of course!! ). She told me she would think about it and let me know her decision within the week… She went back to her place and, for the next couple days, she kept spending time with the other guy, however when he would leave, she would immediately call me (2 am – 3 am) or catch me up on MSN and we would talk for hours, talking to me like we were together. Suddenly, on the 4th day she stopped calling. It was their 1 month anniversary the previous night and, of course, the way they spent it must have changed something in her or made her feel guilty. I contacted her and she told me that she decided to stay with the other guy because, although she was not yet in love with him, she was getting everything she wanted, she couldn’t believe in us anymore and she thought that, if we got back, things would be the same after a couple of months. I put much pressure on her to come to my home for one last time, she did, and she just told me that her decision was final. I returned her home and when saying goodbye, I cried for the first time in 1.5 years. No begging, no nothing, just couldn’t believe I had lost her. She cried with me and told me that, if I wanted, I could join her the very next day when she was baptizing a child. Unfortunately, I was too shy to go. When I told her I wouldn’t go, she asked the other guy, who went there and met her parents, as her friend. Of course they knew what he really was to her.

From that moment on, she was extremely different with me, emotionless. She never initiated contact but had no problem talking to me for hours, provided that the other guy wasn’t there, having phone sex with me e.t.c. however, every time I started telling her I want her back and I cared a lot about her, she told me that that conversation was very tiring for her.

We met three weeks ago when he was out of town for business, had sex again but this time it was different. After it was over, you could see she was feeling guilty this time, a look she didn’t have the previous times. She told me that she had to catch a plane in a few hours to meet the other guy and go on vacation together. She asked me not to call her and told me to wait for her to call me. She went to the airport and before boarding the plane she called me (only a couple hours after we split). She told me I was extremely different and that she felt she didn’t know me at all... I rushed to the airport to stop her from leaving. She insisted that she should go and that she would be the one to call me. I kept NC for 2 days but then started calling numerous times. She couldn’t answer, she was with him the whole time, and to make matters worse he found out we were talking (not about meeting or sleeping together though) and had a big fight with her. When she returned from vacation, she called me and told me that I shouldn’t have been calling her like crazy because she was with the other guy and had decided to stay with him. I joked about me going out with another woman (wanted to make her jealous) and when she heard that, she started shouting and told me that she never wanted to see me again (whereas she was also seeing another guy) ! I told her I was joking. Again many hours speaking on the phone when she was alone, phone sex e.t.c. but didn't want to meet me, I believe for fear she would again roll back to me. I requested one last contact to give her something I always wanted. She came to my home last Wednesday and I gave her a diamond ring... Not an engagement ring but something for her to know that I see her seriously in my life and that I had no problem, when I came back in February, to commit. She cried, hugged me, started kissing me but said she couldn’t believe in us anymore. I told her to think about it and tell me as soon as she was sure.

She contacted me the very next night through MSN and we chatted for a couple hours (the other guy was sleeping next to her the whole time!! ) She was very touched by the ring, said it was the most wonderful thing anyone had done for her, she cried over the phone, but she was very afraid to come back because she believed that in the long run things wouldn’t change between us and didn’t want to risk something that made her happy right now. She didn’t want to feel like a fool again. She told me she is finally starting to feel things for the other guy (after 1.5 months together!! ). She also told me that she knows it would be the best for both of us to stop talking, however she couldn’t ask it on herself because she knew she would miss me a lot. When I said goodbye she told me she loved me and said that she hoped to see me in her dreams that night!! We talked the next day for a completely different matter and when I told her I still miss her and want her back she said that she was tired of that conversation and that, if I asked her to, we could stop all kinds of contact (she wouldn’t ask it by herself). I told her I couldn’t take it anymore. I mean, she was the one freely contacting me whenever she wanted and then spend the rest of the day with the other guy, whereas, when I wanted to call her, it was impossible because she wasn’t alone. I was the one agonizing alone at home. She had a guy to go to… It was hurting me much more than her. I asked her to stop talking with me. I went NC.

On day 5 of NC, my phone at home rang. I picked it up, but the other person just hung up when he/she heard my voice. Now, only my ex has my home phone number (haven't given it to anyone else) so it was either her or someone who dialed the wrong number and decided to hung up without responding at all... I tend to believe it was my ex since she did exactly the same thing the first time she thought she wouldn't hear from me at all.

It's now Day 9 of NC.

I’m very confused… Thoughts or opinions on this sick situation are more than welcome. Is there any chance for her to come back to me? I suspect that things will not last long with the other guy. I believe that if you are not into a guy from the beginning you can’t push yourself to like him in the long run. She just likes what he gives her right now but I believe this will fade away or she’ll get bored of a guy running after her all the time. No woman likes guys to be puppies ! Duh, let me hear what you have to say…

It appears you are on the right path. Continue NC, avoid sleeping with her as she does have a boyfriend and it's only hurting you in the long run. Why would you want someone back who is so quick to cheat on her boyfriend, ever think she could have cheated on you as well?

Oh, I don't believe I will be sleeping with her anymore (damn, that hearts even writing it) because every time we slept together I was the one to initiate it.

I am now convinced to keep NC, because, although I do love sleeping with her, being unable to contact her when we are not together (and she's with the other guy) will be driving nuts.

As for me being cheated, I don't think I was (of course I would be the last to find out, as it happens in such occasions). She was really into me from day 1, she wanted me like crazy, whereas with the guy she is now, she was more like... "meh, why not ?". He was just providing security and attention, which she needed so much at the time. She wasn't into him, she was into the things he did for her... At least in the beginning of their relationship, maybe things have changed a bit now. And she didn't cheat him with a random guy, but with a guy she spent 1.5 years together, made plans to start a family with and obviously still loves and cares about very much.

Anyway, although I am convinced to keep NC, I don't know what I'll do if she is the one who seeks for me first.

You keep no contact, no matter what. Show her that you aren't a game and you damn sure aren't going to be so easily beat.

I would continue to have no contact with her. You deserve someone better than that.

She's trash. Find a better girl.

She's trash. Find a better girl.

Care to elaborate a bit on that ?

I know that cheating her boyfriend is not a very honest thing to do, but I like to justify her as being extremely insecure and still into me.

When she started feeling things for the other guy (about 1.5 month into their relationship), she avoided me at all costs, for fear that, if we met again, she wouldn't be able resist and her feelings for me would come back once again. Last time we met, about 2 weeks ago, although she kissed me a few times, she refused to have sex with me...

As long as she is with the other guy you need to do no contact because you will always just be the other guy. If she ever misses you enough to break up with him she will let you know and you will have to decide how to proceed. Until then as the other guy NO CONTACT!

As long as she is with the other guy you need to do no contact because you will always just be the other guy. If she ever misses you enough to break up with him she will let you know and you will have to decide how to proceed. Until then as the other guy NO CONTACT!

That's exactly what I plan on doing, I am sure about that.

However, right now, I am at a complete loss and my feeling are a mess.

That's exactly what I plan on doing, I am sure about that.

However, right now, I am at a complete loss and my feeling are a mess.

AND THAT IS WHY SLEEPING WITH MULTIPLE GIRLS WILL NOT ALLEVIATE YOUR SITUATION.

You slept with multiple women for your own sake...

Did you feel better afterwards?

No.

Did you get over your ex?

No.

So use the brain and not the genitals....

Care to elaborate a bit on that ?

I know that cheating her boyfriend is not a very honest thing to do, but I like to justify her as being extremely insecure and still into me.

When she started feeling things for the other guy (about 1.5 month into their relationship), she avoided me at all costs, for fear that, if we met again, she wouldn't be able resist and her feelings for me would come back once again. Last time we met, about 2 weeks ago, although she kissed me a few times, she refused to have sex with me...


That's nothing.

She's extremely insecure and still into you? I sense utter fakeness. That is FROM your point of view, not hers.

Maybe she should seek therapy instead of having sex with you and cheating on her boyfriend.

she's 20. AND this relationship was never even really a relationship.

(I think I drew up a scale one time of what one can expect from what ages. Fyi: don't expect much from someone under 21. And now that she's lowered expectations... EXPECT NADA.)

dude, erase that number, that email, that IM, those digital pix...

she is done. You are the big winner. I am 100% certain of this. She ain't the one!! And you are soon not even going to care anymore!

doubtful? Follow NC and the list below and you will be laughing OUT LOUD in 10 weeks:

erase all contacts (no cheating)
no sightings
no visiting
no mutual friends
no calls

go out whether you like it or not - 2x a week every week. Watch funny movies. We made a list on here one time.. check my older posts... go on at least 2 trips... and generally stay busy...

if you weaken look at my break up survival guide. This is your intervention. You are SEMI-dating a loser. Don't you become one too!

If you leave her alone the lust will fade. (?) Your only good in bed and that means nothing over the long run. She already has a puppy so leave them alone.

Ash, I believe your reply made me feel a lot better and one step closer to getting over her, although I think that you are judging her a bit too hard. That's just my opinion though and I know I cannot be objective in this matter


go out whether you like it or not - 2x a week every week. Watch funny movies. We made a list on here one time.. check my older posts... go on at least 2 trips... and generally stay busy...

if you weaken look at my break up survival guide. This is your intervention. You are SEMI-dating a loser. Don't you become one too! .

I have read your post-breakup survival guide (it was the first thing I did before posting), will be watching swingers today and I go out at least 3 times a week, although I still miss her when I am out and I'm not having as much fun as I should... But, believe me, I try to keep as busy as possible.


she's 20. AND this relationship was never even really a relationship.

(I think I drew up a scale one time of what one can expect from what ages. Fyi: don't expect much. And now that she's lowered expectations... EXPECT NADA.)

Well, it was her who brought up marriage, spending the rest of our lives together, planning into the future... She may be young but this is the ideas she grew up with from her parents. (Although, to be honest, last time we talked she said that she has found out that there are things she wanted to live and marriage is not in her plans anymore... Weird, huh ? It's what made me a lot "colder" inside for her.)

BTW, how do you define lowering expectations ?


dude, erase that number, that email, that IM, those digital pix...

she is done. You are the big winner. I am 100% certain of this. She ain't the one!! And you are soon not even going to care anymore!

doubtful? Follow NC and the list below and you will be laughing OUT LOUD in 10 weeks:

erase all contacts (no cheating)
no sightings
no visiting
no mutual friends
no calls

I have done ALL those (not deleted them, just put them away in a box). That's why I believe that I am much closer to getting over her...

It's just that some days I still feel like a complete mess (nothing compared to how I used to feel 10 days before, though)

If you leave her alone the lust will fade. (?) Your only good in bed and that means nothing over the long run. She already has a puppy so leave them alone.

That might have hit the nail in the head.

The sex we had was totally out of this world (we both agreed on that, even after she met the new guy) and I believe that it's the most important thing that kept us going for so long despite our problems and also kept me chasing her when she was with that other guy. (It's no surprise that we broke up when I was no longer wanting to sleep with her that often)

And, honestly, sex is what might make us be together sometime in the future, if she decided to contact me. I'm not saying that sex is the only important thing in a relationship, but it's like 70%. Everything else can be worked on, if the sexual attraction and lust is there...

Last time we talked (about two weeks ago) she admitted that, sexually, I am by no means indifferent to her and that's why we should stop seeing each other. She knew that if we met we would definitely have sex again and it made her feel guilty for the other guy.

Actually, me knowing that sex and lust is what kept us going, made me think that NC was not an option for us, that's why I kept chasing. However, when she started refusing to meet me, that's when I drew the line and decided NC.

Yeah she is only after you for the physical relationship as long as you fall for that she is going to go for the best of both worlds. She knows she can't resist you but she is not going to take any steps to leave him either.

IT TAKES TIME...

IT IS THE WORST PAIN IN LIFE THAT RIVALS LOSING A LOVED ONE TO DEATH.

BUT... man, I am sorry to be harsh but your "relationship" is a DISASTER.

She is sleeping with other guys while sorting out things with you?
She is a mess. And you need to grow up too.

You all have nothing here resembling a relationship. I am not sure what her childhood was like but she has no clue how to act and runs with any emotion... and you are taking her drama seriously..

Man, you are going to be laughing at yourself one day!

... let this drama queen go before one of you catches an STD while revenge f--ing someone else...

You are simply in a bad cycle that keeps repeating and your brain is waiting for the next repeat. UNTIL TODAY - cause this is the end.

Man, you need to focus on your career and life. No soulmate would require this much work and sleepless nights. It's drama. Not love. If you go to the movies the lights come up afeter 2 hours and the drama is over - with her it never ends... get her back and it will just happen again. She's too young. Too insecure and too lost. And you are going in the same direction buddy.

Chin up. Let's get going.

AND THAT IS WHY SLEEPING WITH MULTIPLE GIRLS WILL NOT ALLEVIATE YOUR SITUATION.

You slept with multiple women for your own sake...

Did you feel better afterwards?

No.

Did you get over your ex?

No.

So use the brain and not the genitals....

Well, honest answers ?

If I felt better afterwards ? Sure I did... For a couple days. Of course they knew that it was sex and nothing more. I am not the guy who goes around promising stuff just to get laid. I am 100% clear straight from the beginning.

Did I get over my ex ? Hell no. However, it made it a lot easier for me to cope when I found out she was with another guy. I would feel x10000 worse finding out she was in a relationship, sleeping with another person, whereas I would have done nothing, waiting for her to come back...

yeah she is only after you for the physical relationship as long as you fall for that she is going to go for the best of both worlds. She knows she can't resist you but she is not going to take any steps to leave him either.

Yes, I realized that and since it was tearing me up inside (unable to talk to her whenever I wanted because the other guy was there), I decided to go NC.

Sex can get better by the time, once two people get to know each other's "buttons" and sleep together for a few months. Whereas, she believes that a person's character cannot change, that's why she thinks the problems we had in our relationship would not be solved. I guess that's what made her unwilling to break up with the other guy, after all.

Well, honest answers ?

If I felt better afterwards ? Sure I did... For a couple days. Of course they knew that it was sex and nothing more. I am not the guy who goes around promising stuff just to get laid. I am 100% clear straight from the beginning.

Did I get over my ex ? Hell no. However, it made it a lot easier for me to cope when I found out she was with another guy. I would feel x10000 worse finding out she was in a relationship, sleeping with another person, whereas I would have done nothing, waiting for her to come back...

Thats how you feel but why do you still keep contact with her?

Aren't your feelings down?

Thats how you feel but why do you still keep contact with her?

Aren't your feelings down?

I am not in contact with her. I am on Day 10 of NC. As I said in the original post I told her I couldn't take it anymore. I mean, she was the one freely contacting me whenever she wanted and then spend the rest of the day with the other guy, whereas, when I wanted to call her, it was impossible because she wasn't alone. I was the one agonizing alone at home. She had a guy to go to… It was hurting me much more than her. I asked her to stop talking with me. I went NC.

My feelings are not yet completely down though. It's too soon...

Been reading and re-reading this thread multiple times every day because, although the words written here are harsh, they are the only ones which make me get over her slowly day by day... A slap in the face, as you might say, to wake me up...

Just have one question though. Ash, what did you exactly mean by "she's lowered expectations" ?


she's 20. AND this relationship was never even really a relationship.

(i think i drew up a scale one time of what one can expect from what ages. fyi: don't expect much from someone under 21. and now that she's lowered expectations....EXPECT NADA.)

dude, erase that number, that email, that IM, those digital pix....

she is done. you are the big winner. I am 100% certain of this. she ain't the one!!!!!!!!!!! And you are soon not even gonna care anymore!

doubtful? follow NC and the list below and you will be laughing OUT LOUD in 10 weeks:

erase all contacts (no cheating)
no sightings
no visiting
no mutual friends
no calls

go out whether you like it or not - 2x a week every week. watch funny movies. we made a list on here one time..check my older posts....go on at least 2 trips...and generally stay busy.....

if you weaken look at my break up survival guide. this is your intervention. you are SEMI-dating a loser. don't you become one too!!

do you really see yourself marrying this girl?

For richer and poorer?

In sickness and in health?

Until death do you part?

Does that make you laugh even a little?

Don't you want a stronger more dependable person??

She lowered expectations by dating other guys and keeping them for safety. Imagine if she did that while married... "honey, i'm hooking up with the UPS guy cause i am not sure we are communicating well.."

c'mon man - this is comedy.

Rent a funny movie and have some friends over and laugh bro.

You are living a comedy... relax and move on.

A

do you really see yourself marrying this girl?

for richer and poorer?

in sickness and in health?

til death do you part?

does that make you laugh even a little?

don't you want a stronger more dependable person???

she lowered expectations by dating other guys and keeping them for safety. imagine if she did that while married..."honey, i'm hooking up with the UPS guy cause i am not sure we are communicating well.."

c'mon man - this is comedy.

rent a funny movie and have some friends over and laugh bro.

you are living a comedy...relax and move on.

A

Thanks once again for your input. Your posts are one of the major things helping me move forward.

Anyway, problem is I DID saw myself marrying this girl ! And I liked it...

Yes, her being insecure and totally dependent on me did cause most of the problems which led to the breakup, however I didn't know how to handle such a girl back then. I didn't know how to make her feel secure... I do now.

And furthermore, her being so dependable on me made her express her feelings in a way I have never seen before... Made me feel the most important person in the world for her. As I said in my original post, never have I seen a girl look at me that may, touch me that way, hug me that way. Making me feel that if she lost me she would collapse.. And you know what ? I liked it. A LOT!!

Nah, don't get fooled believing that I will break NC and talk to her or go after her again... No. I'm done... For me it's over and I am on the road of completely getting over her. I believe I'm more than halfway there... Those are just my thoughts, however, and I feel like sharing them.

P.S. : I know what most people are saying about me right now... "Whatever we say or write, this guy is such a dork he'll never get his head straight..." ;)

Well you sound like it was a very valuable learning experience.

Share all you want. I think it is hard not to feel strong attraction to the weak and insecure. We feel like superheroes! But for every high there is a trough. I dated a girl who could not even string 2 weeks together without being depressed. But I stayed because the highs were so high we felt like we could do anything... I hear you.

The big picture - at least after late 20's - is to look for a real partner who has your back and you can depend on emotionally. You NEED to have these some of these relationships NOW or you will never get there and value a strong woman later :-)

Duh, hopefully what I did yesterday night was not a setback...

After 14 days of NC, I logged into MSN as usual (appearing offline so as to avoid confrontation with the ex - she usually is online), however I saw that yesterday she was online from a second account she sometimes uses on MSN to "have fun", as she had told me before...

And without knowing why, I suddenly clicked on "appear online". I don't know why I did it, I don't know what I was thinking. I honestly don't know...

I didn't talk to her at all (neither did she), stayed online for 20 minutes and then I logged off.

Of course she may have deleted me off MSN (unlikely though) and perhaps she didn't see I went online after 14 days of absence. But I now feel stupid because, perhaps I made her think I went online just to check if she would contact me... Duh... So stupid.

Psychologically, I am doing fine, keeping busy with my life and getting over her. I wasn't crushed or sad that she didn't talk to me. I just feel stupid... The whole purpose of NC is to find yourself and keep any dignity and self-respect you have left, however I might have made her think that I am still there agonizing for her to contact me... (I had told her 2 weeks ago that I will block her on MSN, but this was her secondary account she logged with)

Of course, for all she knows, I might as well have logged onto MSN to chat with a friend and that's just it. Maybe I am over-reacting over this whole thing... Duh, I don't know!!

Well showing her you were on (if she did see) may be a good thing cause she would have also seen you resisted I-M-ing (?) her. I wouldn't make that any habit though.

Well showing her you were on (if she did see) may be a good thing cause she would have also seen you resisted I-M-ing (?) her. I wouldn't make that any habit though.

No, no plan on making it a habit. God forbid... Then it would be certain that I am logging on just to see if she would talk to me...

Just feel really stupid right now...

No don't feel stupid in a way it shows self control is what I am trying to say.

Dude, that's NOTHING.

I wouldn't sweat it for a second!

:-)

A

dude, that's NOTHING.

I wouldn't sweat it for a second!

:-)

A

Thanks Ash... ;)

I think you can avoid this by deleting her from ALL IM's. This way you won't feel tempted to do this anymore. Better yet, you can ignore her user name so even if she is trying to contact you, the IM won't get to you. You are doing good bro, hang in there.

I think you can avoid this by deleting her from ALL IM's. This way you won't feel tempted to do this anymore. Better yet, you can ignore her user name so even if she is trying to contact you, the IM won't get to you. You are doing good bro, hang in there.

Well, this could have happened even if I had deleted her off MSN. She most probably hasn't deleted me off hers so every time I go online she would see me. That's why I am not so bothered anymore by what happened yesterday... As far as there was no attempt to communicate, I am fine, no harm done.

I am keeping strong, reading A LOT of psychology sites and forums (which helps me improve myself dramatically) and moving on with my life... ;)

Just found out that at the secondary MSN account she has ("to have fun" as she had said), she uses another name than her real one and also posts sexy (non-nude) profile pictures of her, chatting with other people...

Now I understand what kind of "fun" she is having with her secondary account. Probably innocently flirting with other guys over the net, just for her to laugh/boost her confidence... And I am afraid she might have been doing so during the last couple months she was with me and of course she keeps doing it now as well... Wow !

You need to stop giving this girl so much credit. She was probably on that site for awhile, I doubt its just innocent flirting, posing sexy in photos for it? Dude how are you so naïve

You need to stop giving this girl so much credit. She was probably on that site for awhile, I doubt its just innocent flirting, posing sexy in photos for it? Dude how are you so naive

Well, she wasn't POSING for that purpose specifically, she just used sexy photos she had taken before she had met me. And I am sure that it started quite recently because she doesn't have internet access for a long time and I doubt she did anything more than flirting with them over the net (i.e. like met anyone from there), since she wasn't using her real name...

Oh well...

This friends with benefits is over for now, just because she has a new friend, so leave her alone, and focus on you, and your life, and not what she does with hers. She is, who she is. You don't have to justify her actions.

Well, two days ago, on day 17 on NC, my mobile rung, it was a private number, and when I picked it up they hung up... Don't know if it was her, however this is something she had done again 1.5 months ago, "just to hear your voice as I thought I would never hear from you again", as she had said afterwards...

Now I know I shouldn't really care whether it was her or not, however, since the whole story is here, I wanted to post that as well.

Good news is, although I still think of her everyday, I am doing very good with the healing process and I have come to the point where I can wake up in the mornings without being as depressed as I used to be and I also no longer get that knot in my stomach thinking her with the other guy or thinking that we will never be together again... :)

Stay on the course, and it will get better, a little progress is good.

you know it's funny, but the thing about another guy entering the picture is it's so FINAL.

It actually (in the big picture) helps begin the healing process because you have a real starting point -
And just the requirement to stay on course... glad to hear you are taking back the driver's seat. Soon you won't even slow down when she passes by...

Weirdest thing is that, after not talking to her for almost 3 weeks and re-evaluating everything that we've been through together, I am honestly not sure anymore whether she was "the one" for me or not.

I am beginning to think I was very naïve forgiving and justifying some of her mistakes/lies during the relationship (including her "cheating" on me by going out and kissing another guy when she felt I didn't care about her anymore, almost 9 months into our relationship -- I justified it because of her "insecurities"... again).

Plus, last time we talked, about a month ago, she also admitted doing a one-nighter with a married guy 30 years older than her (he was chasing her like crazy) one of the times we had broken up for 1 week in the past (I didn't mind that much though because I had also slept with another girl that same time we broke up... what a coincidence!! )

I honestly don't know anymore whether I wanted her back because I had lost "the woman of my life" or because of egoism and missing a girl I loved and just had a great time with (.. but not "THE ONE")

I believe that what kept me coming back again and again was the fact that she was objectively so f*kin beautiful, so f*kin sexy (everywhere we went, EVERYONE turned staring at her) and the sex we had was totally out of this world...

Strange what NC can do, I guess...

Sounds similar to my story. Still have regrets but I'm moving on.

DAY 21 of NC

It's been exactly 3 weeks now.

I feel so much better. Still thinking of her though (nothing like I used to, of course), however I am not sure if I want her back anymore. NC has given me time to think about our relationship and it looks like, although I wasn't treating her the way she wanted, she made much more serious mistakes while we were together and I have come to believe that she wasn't 100% honest with me all the time, the later being a real deal-breaker for me.

However, I have to be honest, I still want her to call me. I don't know why. Maybe it's just my ego talking here... Or maybe someone in here should again kick some sense into me...

It s a normal reaction, but you have been doing a great job and keep at it. I am more or less in the same boat and all though you have that feeling that oyu want them to call what good will it bring in fact it could just make you go a few step backs. If you still have her on your phone delete her ( I did and it helped). Look after yourself now. Maybe a year from now when you are over this you can start to communicate, but not in this current state. In in year I am leaving the city where she is so I think my choice will be very easy. In the mean time take care and stay strong... doing great

Get busy, and stay with NC, as your feeling better, but need to stick with what works.

Time heals.. u have to move on. It seems to me that what you are doing the right thing. You need someone in your life that wants to stay with you and not someone who is going to run away with someone else.. until she's single again No contact at all!

time heals.. u have to move on. it seems to me that what u r doing the right thing. u need someone in your life that wants to stay with u and not someone who is goin to run away with someone else.. until shes single again No contact at all!

Thing is I will never know when she'll be single again because, although she may then think of coming back to me, she is too selfish to call. But to be honest (and I never thought I would ever say that so soon after our breakup) I don't know if I honestly care whether she'll be single again or not.

That s progress, great!! I also want to add that if she is a selfish person, and has been that way why do you still want to anything to do with her. Now that you are out, you will find someone else it is just a matter of time, and someone who is willing to care about you and keep caring (I am sure she did not seem selfish in the beginning during the first couple months)

Just to give you an update, I am now at a month of complete NC and am thinking of breaking it.

The thread is here https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/one-month-nc-thinking-breaking-252739.html#post1235609

I would like your input since everything written in this thread helped me a lot and played a huge role in my healing.

Thanks a lot.

BREAK NC? Dude. have some self-respect.

Don't do it!!!

BREAK NC? Dude. have some self-respect.

I hear you. But, honestly, why shouldn't I ? Especially since there is nothing she can do or say to make me feel miserable, angry or depressed...

I bet if you look through Sneezy and my old posts, you can find a lot of reasons. Or hey I got 30 reasons right away, that's how long you've been doing it so far! Just let a sleeping dog lie

Call her if you want.

I was only giving you practical advice, based on a girl being with someone else and not talking to you, but if you want to go for it,
There is no law stopping you.

Let me now how it goes.

based on a girl being with someone else and not talking to you

Then why the hell does she call me and hung up ?

Damn, she's weird... Or confused... I don't know.

Yes, she is weird. Yes she is confused. That's why you stay back. Its her move. Your work is done. If you cannot resist, ring her up. She will be weird and confused, but maybe one day she will not be... let me know what you do. I'm Sure its torture. Rent some funny movies and kill a couple days.hang in there.

Yes, she is weird. Yes she is confused. That's why you stay back. Its her move. Your work is done. If you cannot resist, ring her up. She will be weird and confused, but maybe one day she will not be...let me know what you do. I'm Sure its torture. Rent some funny movies and kill a couple days.hang in there.

Nah, it's not torture. As I said, the days I wanted her back like crazy are long gone.

Thanks for your input there, buddy. I'm not going to do it, after all...

Nah, it's not torture. As I said, the days I wanted her back like crazy are long gone.

Thanks for your input there, buddy. I'm not gonna do it, after all...

Strip club helps a lot (in my opinion)

I haven't contacted her and decided that I will not do so.

By today the car her 2-month boyfriend bought for her should have probably arrived so hopefully she will be concentrated on him and not make these calls again, because, although I liked knowing that she's still interested, I feel like they held me back ! Which is a pity because I am starting to enjoy my life A LOT!!

Keep enjoying it! Make use of modern technology and screen your calls with caller ID.

Just because she is confused, and immature, doesn't mean you have to be.

I haven't contacted her and decided that I will not do so.

By today the car her 2-month bf bought for her should have probably arrived so hopefully she will be concentrated on him and not make these calls again, because, although I liked knowing that she's still interested, I feel like they held me back ! Which is a pity because I am starting to enjoy my life A LOT !!!


Spoiled girl...

2 months and her new boyfriend bought her a car?

WOW!

Spoiled girl....

2 months and her new boyfriend bought her a car?

WOW!!

Well, it is not 100% HER car. He wanted to buy himself a car (he totaled his last one), had one ordered, however, when she told him what HER favorite car was, he canceled that order (losing a couple thousand dollars) and bought the car SHE liked and is going to give it to her for a couple months...

I'm telling you, this guy is a total door-mat... He knew that I was chasing her, he knew that she wasn't feeling things for him in the beginning, however he wanted to keep her with him using every means he got, hoping that feelings would develop on her side along the way. And maybe he was successful... Who knows.

She had told me that him ordering that car was the most beautiful thing anyone had done for her... DUH!!

Well, it is not 100% HER car. He wanted to buy himself a car (he totaled his last one), had one ordered, however, when she told him what HER favorite car was, he canceled that order (losing a couple thousand dollars) and bought the car SHE liked and is gonna give it to her for a couple months...

I'm telling you, this guy is a total door-mat... He knew that I was chasing her, he knew that she wasn't feeling things for him in the beginning, however he wanted to keep her with him using every means he got, hoping that feelings would develop on her side along the way. And maybe he was successful... Who knows.

She had told me that him ordering that car was the most beautiful thing anyone had done for her... DUH !!!


And the most regretful thing is probably her getting pregnant and the guy running off

And the most regretful thing is probably her getting pregnant and the guy running off

Nope, the most regretful (or funny, I don't know) thing is that he did everything he did by using his father's money ( a VERY rich businessman from what she has told me), since the guy is only 20 years old !

Nope, the most regretful (or funny, I don't know) thing is that he did everything he did by using his father's money ( a VERY rich businessman from what she has told me), since the guy is only 20 years old !

Wow... useless 20 year old guy

I'm 19, turning 20 in 3-4 months, and found a job right off the chart..
Got hired immediately =]

No questions asked... interview was signing documents :)

Pfft... I learned the idea that my parents will pass away in the future...

This old saying:

"It's ok for a fisherman to catch fish for their children. But, it's necessary for the fisherman to teach their children how to fish."

Wow... useless 20 year old guy

I'm 19, turning 20 in 3-4 months, and found a job right off the chart..
Got hired immediately =]

No questions asked... interview was signing documents :)

Pfft... I learned the idea that my parents will pass away in the future...

This old saying:

"It's ok for a fisherman to catch fish for their children. But, it's necessary for the fisherman to teach their children how to fish."

Well, to be honest, he also has a job. He goes to his father's business for 2-3 hours each day from Monday through Friday ! :p :p :p

Well, to be honest, he also has a job. He goes to his father's business for 2-3 hours each day from Monday through Friday ! :p :p :p

His fathers' business can crumble any second or any day...

Unless all of his stocks are invested in cheap chinese stuff... I doubt that~

I learned the hard way... was too dependent on family business income..

Now, I'm working from the bottom to the top.
Regardless, find a guy whose going to be independent...

Ok, weird and UNEXPECTED turn !

I posted a message on my best friend's Facebook account two days ago, telling him that summer was great, I had a great time and autumn is going to be much better... Now this friend of mine has an ex with whom they are still great friends, talk almost every week up until now and have added each other on Facebook (i.e. they can see each other Facebook pages). His ex is best friends with my ex...

This is where it gets exciting...

Today, I got a friend request on Facebook from a girl I didn't know. This girl created her Facebook page just today and minutes afterwards she requested me to add her. I did and I am her only friend ! I checked her e-mail and guess what... It's the e-mail my ex uses on her secondary MSN account, the one she created to "have fun with" (at least that's what she had told me).

This girl on Facebook has only two photos of her... And it's not my ex. However the MSN account using the same e-mail has a profile picture of my ex and it's definitely used by my ex...

Now I honestly don't know what to do. This girl on Facebook is online all day today (what the hell is she doing, I'm her only friend!! ). I am THAT close to talking to her and ask her who she is and where she knows me from!! Even if she is my ex, I don't think it's considered a break of NC. I mean, if she IS my ex, she's the one who kind of broke it by requesting me to add her on fb and I honestly don't want her stalking me online. Yes, deleting her is an option, however I am curious as hell to find out what the hell is going on...

Suggestions ?

P.S. : She just added another guy as a friend, a guy who has exactly the same name and surname as me (and who is also on my friends list - I added him out of curiosity) ! Wow, she's weird!!

P.S. 2: If she is my ex (which is quite possible) I don't have any photos or info on my Facebook account showing that I am indeed moving on with my life and enjoying myself, which I certainly do. And I would honestly like her to know that I do... So I am afraid that now she'll scroll through my account and say to herself : Ha, nothing has changed for him, he's just posting messages that he's moving on and having a great time just because he wants me to believe so... Or maybe I am over thinking and over-reacting...

I guess you didn't get the message when we all said DELETE HER FROM YOUR FACEBOOK! Stop reading too far into her simple mind games, sure she wants to know what you're up to and you are letting her. This isn't really NC, as you are still getting excited over stupid little things. It's over man, stop trying to read into stupid mind games

I guess you didn't get the message when we all said DELETE HER FROM YOUR FACEBOOK! Stop reading too far into her simple mind games, sure she wants to know what you're up to and you are letting her. This isn't really NC, as you are still getting excited over stupid little things. It's over man, stop trying to read into stupid mind games

I guess you misunderstood my post. I DID NOT HAVE MY EX ON MY FB!! Never did and never will... She didn't know what I was up to and I also didn't know what she was up to. Just today this girl requested me to add her and I found out what I wrote above.

I am over my ex and I am indeed leading a VERY HAPPY life ! I am not excited... I am just VERY curious what the f*** she is trying to pull.

Question is, do I contact that girl on fb and ask her who she is and where she knows me from ?

But you are reading far too much into the whole Facebook thing, if you are going to continue with doing that, it might be wise to stay off it for awhile. When me and my ex broke up, I went off my myspace for 4 months for my own mental stability

But you are reading far too much into the whole facebook thing, if you are going to continue with doing that, it might be wise to stay off of it for awhile. When me and my ex broke up, I went off my myspace for 4 months for my own mental stability

Again, why shouldn't I be using Facebook up until now ? She was not one of my contacts, she couldn't see my page, I couldn't see hers, I have many friends to chat with on Facebook and it kind of keeps me busy when I have nothing else to do...

So why not ?

Problem is what the hell I'll be doing now. I think I'll just think of it throughout the day and decide. Opinions are always welcome.

I think you should take Romes advice as your thinking way too much, presuming and assuming, and allowing an avenue open (thru your friends) of keeping in contact with the ex, and she you.

What if this mystery IS the ex?? What possible good could come from this drama, or mind games. BUT, if you have nothing better to do, have at it, and get what you get.

My advice would be to remove this person from your contacts and continue doing what you were doing so far. You should not care whether this is your ex or not and you shouldn't even start thinking what she could possibly be thinking. If it is her all she is trying to do is stay on your mind for as long as she can. I know my ex has been putting status udates even on her gmail account because she knows I am not checking Facebook anymore but that I cannot stop chekcing my email. Some days it makes me angry but then I forget about it. Its not worth my time.

You are commenting people on your ex's friends list, you even claimed that. So what is YOUR motive behind it? You are writing these messages just so your ex will read them.

You are commenting people on your ex's friends list, you even claimed that. So what is YOUR motive behind it? You are writing these messages just so your ex will read them.

Nope, again wrong. This guy I sent the message to is my best friend for 24 years now (been knowing him since 2 years old!! ) He sent me a message Saturday morning and I replied on his fb. He is not on her friends list. He is not her friend!! She just became friends with his ex. Believe me, I had no intention or suspicion that what I wrote would reach her...

Reason why I have second thoughts about deleting this new girl off my fb ? Because she is so damn beautiful (I mean smoking!! ) and I would like to get to know her if it's not my ex!! ;)

I think you already made up your mind about contacting this mystery girl. That being said, once you find out who this person is, and if you are convinced it is your ex then you need to realize a few things.

First, If it is your ex, why would you let this childish girl play mind effing games with you? This is pretty demented that someone you used to love could now torture you like this and be so immature about it. Be strong and delete her as a friend on FB, no true friend would do this to another.

Second, It may not be your ex at all. 7 years ago I was dating multiple woman and just being a free spirit. Little did I know that I had an admirer in the background and had no idea that she liked me. Well, it took a co worker of mine to tell me that this girl is too shy to tell me how she feels about me and that I should ask her out. I did and we have been together since. We are going through a weird stage right now, but that's another story.

Don't read too much into all of this. And as for the 4am calls try turning your phone off right before bed. I'm sure you are not on call for work 24/7/365. Don't be the pawn in her childish game of chess.

Good luck.

Heh, this mysterious girl added 7-8 more guys as her friends, listed herself as single and looking for a relationship, and posted away messages like "why do we have to hide our true feelings" and "please send a sign you are still there" (the later are lyrics from a local song)...

Heh, I just really want to contact that girl, prove that it's my ex and just delete her off fb... Don't know if I'll do it though.

How about skipping the contacting part and just deleting her?

Whatever is going on, your sure working yourself up about it. Why don't you put an end to the assuming, and presuming, and get some facts for yourself.

It's just so weird that she would do something so immature!! Wasn't expecting that.

Dude, I gotta say simply this:

She is making a fool out of you.

1. DON'T EVEN THINK OF TALKING TO THAT "NEW CONTACT".
2. Get a new account with a cool new username for friends if you must be on faceBook (with no friends with links to exes to use)
3. If it is her email it is her, right? DELETE her from your contacts. NOW. No questions asked.

OR you have wasted a lot of people's time on here. The girl is a mess and she is playing new guy, old guy, all guys... Time to man-up my man... the intrigue and drama have gone far enough with her.

Dude, I gotta say simply this:

She is making a fool out of you.

1. DON'T EVEN THINK OF TALKING TO THAT "NEW CONTACT".
2. Get a new account with a cool new username for friends if you must be on faceBook (with no friends with links to exes to use)
3. If it is her email it is her, right?! DELETE her from your contacts. NOW. No questions asked.

OR you have wasted a lot of people's time on here. The girl is a mess and she is playing new guy, old guy, all guys.....Time to man-up my man....the intrigue and drama have gone far enough with her.

Again, Ash to the rescue... Convincing as always...

Will definitely delete her off my account tomorrow.

It's very funny though... Yesterday was honestly the first day she wasn't the first thing on my mind when I woke up and I almost didn't think of her at all during the day (had many stuff to do) It's like the final stage of healing had started... And then BAM!! There she is. It's like that quote from Swingers :

They know to contact you when you are over them... DAMN!! Lol

Again, Ash to the rescue... Convincing as always...

Will definitely delete her off my account tomorrow.

It's very funny though... Yesterday was honestly the first day she wasn't the first thing on my mind when I woke up and I almost didn't think of her at all during the day (had many stuff to do) It's like the final stage of healing had started... And then BAM !!! there she is. It's like that quote from Swingers :

They know to contact you when you are over them... DAMN !!! lol

Just so it is clear... Bam there she is, where? In you head? In your House? Calling you?

Just so it is clear...Bam there she is, where? In you head? In your House? calling you?

Stalking me... :D :D lol

Stalking me... :D :D lol

Ahhhhhhhh, I see. Had one of those (stalker) they can be annoying. Even more reason to NC. Good Luck, Sounds like your almost there.

Almost reached the top of the healing process... good stuff. Keep it up

Deleted this girl off my Facebook. Have regrets about it, however I know that in the long run it was the best thing for me to do.

If I kept her as a friend, thinking that it possibly was my ex, I would think twice before posting anything on fb, and I would most probably be posting things wanting perhaps to manipulate her. I do not want that at this stage of my healing.

If I would take my ex back ? Certainly not the way she used to be when we were together. If she showed me that she REALLY wanted me in her life (the way I showed her the two months I tried to get her back) and would try hard enough to fix her issues (insecurities e.t.c.), then I would think about it... However it would be her who should initiate proper contact and express her real feelings in order to achieve that, not hiding behind silly mind games.

Deleted this girl off my facebook. Have regrets about it, however I know that in the long run it was the best thing for me to do.

If I kept her as a friend, thinking that it possibly was my ex, I would think twice before posting anything on fb, and I would most probably be posting things wanting perhaps to manipulate her. I do not want that at this stage of my healing.

If I would take my ex back ? Certainly not the way she used to be when we were together. If she showed me that she REALLY wanted me in her life (the way I showed her the two months I tried to get her back) and would try hard enough to fix her issues (insecurities e.t.c.), then I would think about it... However it would be her who should initiate proper contact and express her real feelings in order to achieve that, not hiding behind silly mind games.

I think that she is trying to keep some sort of contact with you as a back up plan in case things don't work out with the other guy or in case she ever changes her mind. She wants to keep you as an option.

Also, "I would try hard enough to fix her issues"? How is that even possible, fixing someone else's issues. No one could fix her issues but her. That is if she thinks she does have issues...

Just as I had imagined.

I opened up MSN after about a month (appearing offline) and she has changed her away message to "why do we need men for ? we can do it on our own"

She most probably broke up with the guy (or had a fight or whatever), and is now trying to "taste the waters" with me again.

That's why she pulled that fb act last week...

I guess I should still stick to what I've been doing, right ? NC and living my life, having fun... Or should I wait a couple weeks and then contact her (it's her birthday then) and see what comes out of this ? I mean, pulling the fb act last week showed she still has interest in me.

Of course, new women have come into my life (nothing serious though, just messing around), so I won't be hoping or counting the days backwards in order for my ex to contact me or whatever... And I also have in mind she may still reconcile with the other guy (poor fella... no way he can handle her)

No! Do NOT break NC! Why in the world do you think that away message is about you? Or even directed towards you as you haven't been on MSN in a month. You need to stop thinking into everything your ex does. You obviously aren't over her, not even close. You are still so convinced it was your ex doing that FB stuff last week. You aren't doing NC for the right reasons at all and only hindering your recovery

No! Do NOT break NC! Why in the world do you think that away message is about you? Or even directed towards you as you haven't been on MSN in a month. You need to stop thinking into everything your ex does. You obviously aren't over her, not even close. You are still so convinced it was your ex doing that FB stuff last week. You aren't doing NC for the right reasons at all and only hindering your recovery

I'm still not over her completely, agree with that, but I am at a point where I honestly don't care if she came back or not. Not sweating it at all... I am not thinking about everything she does, in fact there are days I rarely think of her, however there are people who are now finding out that we broke up and are all over me saying things like "why ? she was so beautiful... you two were good together..." and stuff like that, which keep bringing her back on my mind.

But, trust me, I'm good and, as I said, new people have come into my life, and I'm having a great time. :)

People are still saying that about my ex and myself. The whole perfect for each other and crap like that and I'm living with my present girlfriend. I just say we both went different ways in life and are better off. Me and my ex are actually really good friends now, it's funny how things happen.

I used to be just like you, thinking away messages were directed towards me and stupid little things on myspace and facebook(check my old posts back in January and February)

You are still so convinced it was your ex doing that FB stuff last week.

Just re-read the whole thread...

If it actually wasn't my ex, then I most certainly missed a chance with a very very hot girl... :D :D lol Ah well, I guess many more will come!!

Just re-read this thread once more... (working on weekends does suck and gives you A LOT of free time... lol)


If she ever misses you enough to break up with him she will let you know and you will have to decide how to proceed. Until then as the other guy NO CONTACT!

What if that's what she was trying to do pulling the fb act last week and leaving those away messages ? Letting me know that she's through with the other guy, letting me know that she's still interested in me and letting ME decide what to do ? She was never the kind of person to take strong initiatives, let alone approaching me again when she thinks that me not accepting her back is a very possible option ? Too much pride for a girl to be turned down by a guy...

Confused again... :confused: :confused: :eek:

It doesn't matter one bit if its her, or someone else, as your not ready for either. Stop thinking around, and round, and focus on something else.

That's it... Are you ready?? I BROKE NC.. And I'm happy about it!! :)

Today is my ex's birthday. We haven't talked for more than two months.

Called her a few hours ago on her cell phone... Once. She didn't answer. Didn't bother me at all. Didn't call her again and went out for coffee.

About half an hour ago, my mobile rang. It was her... I answered. She seemed surprised to hear from me... I wished her happy birthday and she said she didn't expect me to remember it.

We chit-chatted for about 15 minutes, talking about our lives... I sounded extremely cool and relaxed, extremely enjoyable... Laughing and making jokes. (Keep in mind, I have totally put all the needy, clingy attitude behind me). She noticed and told me so. "I wasn't expecting you being so full of energy", she said. "I am surprised. I'm not used to you being like this..." I noticed she had started crying over the phone.. I immediately changed subject (don't want to hear her like that) and asked her about what she did or going to do to celebrate her birthday. NO MENTION OF OUR PAST RELATIONSHIP WHATSOEVER!! NOTHING :):p Never asked her if she is still seeing that other guy. Don't care ! She most probably is, judging by where she told me she hangs out (where he lives). But then again, as I said, I don't care ! :D

I was the one to hung up wishing her the best and for her to be happy. I told her I would be in town in a couple of days and that I would call her in order for us to go for a drink ! She paused when I said that... "Yes, ok", she said reluctantly... Didn't bother me at all and never lost my cool. With the same cool and cheerful tone of voice I used throughout our conversation I said goodbye.. I hung up !

THAT'S IT !

How I feel ? Damn, I would have definitely regretted it if I hadn't wished her on her birthday. It was good hearing her voice again. I don't think I would have called her though if she hadn't pulled all that crazy stuff the past couple moths I was NC.

What am I going to do from now on ? Well, I will call her in a couple days when I'll be in town and ask her out for a drink. If she doesn't want to, I will probably go NC again until she initiates contact. If she agrees, we'll go out and try to make her have a good time.. I won't be hoping for anything to happen between us. As I said, the time I pursued her like crazy have long gone, I am having the time of my life and plan on doing so!! :p:p

That's all folks... To be continued... (?? )

Heh, damn, I needed that!!

Don't be fooled just because your feeling good, that you can handle seeing her as a friend.

Just be honest with yourself, your feelings, and your motives.

Don't be fooled just because your feeling good, that you can handle seeing her as a friend.

Just be honest with yourself, your feelings, and your motives.

I never said I want to be seeing her as a friend ! I can't, I know that... I just take the things the way they come. As I said, I have no hidden intentions or expectations here.. I just felt like wishing her on her birthday and I did so. That's all... ;) What comes from now on.. Well, I'll just wait and see.. I'll just sit back and enjoy the ride ! :D

Well buddy, you do want her back and it would be a disaster.

BUT IT'S OK.

Listen, you are a heterosexual male with love still in your heart.

But TRUST ME, she is a mess, and you need to keep going forward, even when you miss her. Breaking NC is human. But try to think of the pain you've already endured.

Peace.

Well buddy, you do want her back and it would be a disaster.

BUT IT'S OK.

Listen, you are a heterosexual male with love still in your heart.

But TRUST ME, she is a mess, and you need to keep going forward, even when you miss her. Breaking NC is human. But try to think of the pain you've already endured.

Peace.

Maybe I still want her back.. Maybe I don't. I honestly don't know... I don't think I do but I am not sure... I am just going to take things they way they come. As for the pain I have already endured... It was actually you and one other guy from another forum who, through your posts, gave me a kick in the butt a few months ago and convinced me to crawl out of the mud I was in (being needy and desperate to get her back... ) Rest assured that my lesson is learned. I will never have to put myself in that position anymore... EVER !

Its OK to put yourself out there, but only for someone who has your back. Until then don't risk more than u can afford to lose-or you are making a bad investment in your life.
The only thing I can add is that she is too young to be your life partner anyway. U began when she was 18 or so. She needs a few more years to grow up and you need to find a more mature girl.really

Well, I texted her today asking her to go out for a drink. She called me about 20 minutes later, we talked for about 10-15 minutes again... She told me that she has been thinking about us going out since the day I initially told her so (2 days ago). She started crying and told me that, although she wants to see me "VERY VERY MUCH", she think that it would be a setback for her, she would be a mess and start crying in front of everyone and that, although she may be with another guy, she is definitely not over me yet, she thinks that she will actually never be over me and that a part of her heart will always belong to me.

Of course, I know better than to believe the words coming from a crying woman when her actions say otherwise. I told her that I didn't know she still had these feelings for me and thought that she was over me, otherwise I wouldn't have called her. I told her that it may also be difficult for me seeing her but I really wanted to see her and since she also wanted to, there was no reason for it not to happen and that I would do my best not to make the meeting emotionally overwhelming for any of us. I tried to change her mind for a couple minutes (not sounding needy or anything, on the contrary, still keeping my humor and cool-ness), she told me she would get back to me within a few hours if she decided to come...

Well she hasn't called, so I texted her the following (I'm quoting here) : "Seems like you decided not to come. Maybe it's better this way... Reminds me of the time you had told me to come to the baptism on July and I didn't... And then regretted it ;-). Have a nice evening, sweetie, good luck with anything you do in your life and I hope that you will always be happy and smiling... Many many kisses !!!"

And that's it for me... No pain, no setbacks to my healing no nothing... It was something I HAD to do. Now I'm heading out for a drink...

See you around fellas !

Man, you are vulnerable.

Be careful. She is a drama queen that you want to sleep with.

Bad idea.

Man, you are vulnerable.

Be careful. She is a drama queen that you want to sleep with.

bad idea.

Nah, I am sure I won't be contacting her... 100 percent sure!! If SHE calls, we'll see... Although I doubt it... But then again... So what??

Cheers... Just got back... 7 am here!!

Good morning people... And thanks ash (and everyone) for your much valuable help... Really helps and I really appreciate it.

Just woke up... 4 pm here!! :p:p lol Last night was a total blast...

Anyway, I just read through the entire thread AGAIN (:D) and, Ash, it seems like you were always completely accurate on your assumptions about my feelings and process of thought, all the way through. Seems like you have a "gift" "reading" people.. Or maybe it's just experience gained through all these years and all these threads...

After everything that has happened these previous months and after the latest happenings, now that my feelings have cooled off a bit, would you take 10 minutes of your time and use your "gift" in order to post your assumptions on HER way of thinking, her feelings, why she acted this way all these months, why she still cries over us, and, finally, (I don't think I'm actually going to write this :D), the chances of us reconciling in the future (months, years whatever... ) Because, honestly, listening to her crying over the phone and telling me all these things she told me, first of all confused me and also made me think that perhaps it wouldn't be THAT BAD to be with that woman again sometime in the future. (Not that I will wait for her, pursue her or stay pondering about it, of course... ;) )

P.S. : I just remembered that she also told me over the phone that, prior to me calling her last Tuesday on her birthday, she was discussing with her best girl-friend whether I would call her!! I hadn't talked to her or shown any sign of me for more than 2 months, she is with another guy but still discusses whether I would call her or not?? These are the things that confuse me...

Well, she broke NC.

She called me today in the morning and told me that she is really sick and having a terrible headache which wouldn't go away with the usual medicines and asked my opinion on what to do (I'm a doctor).

I told her that it was impossible for me to diagnose her on the phone and that I needed to see her (me or any other doctor for that matter) and examine her in order to know what's wrong. She asked if I had time to do it in the morning, I said no and asked her to come over in the afternoon or for me to go visit her at her house. Well, she told me that she would call me and let me know if things didn't go better, she asked me NOT to call her (I didn't have any intention to, actually), because she might be in trouble (with her boyfriend) and that she will probably go see a doctor near her house if the headache insisted. She thanked me "VERY VERY MUCH" and we hung up. Of course she hasn't called since!

Now I am wondering, what the hell is wrong with her ? There are many doctors out there she could have visited... It sounds to me like a silly excuse to call me... Why ? Or am I over-reacting again ?

BTW, I don't expect her to call me ever again.

Well, she broke NC.

She called me today in the morning and told me that she is really sick and having a terrible headache which wouldn't go away with the usual medicines and asked my opinion on what to do (I'm a doctor).

I told her that it was impossible for me to diagnose her on the phone and that I needed to see her (me or any other doctor for that matter) and examine her in order to know what's wrong. She asked if I had time to do it in the morning, I said no and asked her to come over in the afternoon or for me to go visit her at her house. Well, she told me that she would call me and let me know if things didn't go better, she asked me NOT to call her (I didn't have any intention to, actually), because she might be in trouble (with her boyfriend) and that she will probably go see a doctor near her house if the headache insisted. She thanked me "VERY VERY MUCH" and we hung up. Of course she hasn't called since!

Now I am wondering, what the hell is wrong with her ? There are many doctors out there she could have visited... It sounds to me like a silly excuse to call me... Why ? Or am I over-reacting again ?

BTW, I don't expect her to call me ever again.

ALRIGHT BUDDY!! *hi-5*!!

I love how girls use the "I need to talk/see you because (insert reasoning).. but I don't want my new douche boyfriend to know."

Anyways, tell her you're way too busy and you can't do anything... and tell her to go to a hospital or clinic...

ALRIGHT BUDDY!! *hi-5*!!

I love how girls use the "I need to talk/see you because (insert reasoning).. but I don't want my new douche boyfriend to know."

Anyways, tell her you're way too busy and you can't do anything... and tell her to go to a hospital or clinic...

Well actually it was me who proposed to see her in order to examine her. All she wanted from me (at least that's what she said) was to ask me if I had any medicine to propose via phone. She didn't actually know I am still in town, she told me she thought I had left...

Of course she sounded eager to come in the morning but not in the afternoon, cause she thought she would be extremely tired by then (she had to attend a class at her uni)... On the other hand, who the hell goes to his/her classes if a headache is THAT strong ?

Oh well...

Well actually it was me who proposed to see her in order to examine her. All she wanted from me (at least that's what she said) was to ask me if I had any medicine to propose via phone. She didn't actually know I am still in town, she told me she thought I had left...

Of course she sounded eager to come in the morning but not in the afternoon, cause she thought she would be extremely tired by then (she had to attend a class at her uni)... On the other hand, who the hell goes to his/her classes if a headache is THAT strong ?

Oh well...


Hmmm... tell her that you're busy :D

Nah, she hasn't called and I don't actually intend to contact her...

Just let her be..

Well, she texted me this morning. "I am feeling better today. Just so you don't worry. Kisses."

I replied "I'm happy for you. Take care. Wish you a happy recovery."

Maybe I shouldn't have replied... But anyway, I did it.

And, again, I don't plan on initiating contact.. And I also don't think she'd be contacting me anymore... She run out of excuses to do so... ;)

Suggestions on how to proceed if she ever contacts again ? What the hell is she thinking nayways ? I followed every advice on this forum and it has brought me this far... Now what ?

I don't know what she may be thinking, but I know what you should do if she contacts you again, for whatever reason.

Busy, unavailable, but polite, and keep it brief, and under no circumstance be drawn into a long conversation about the past, or you two together, no matter what she says. Politely have something important to do.

This is no contact, and there is no reason to be rude cruel or gullible or confused.

I don't know what she may be thinking, but I know what you should do if she contacts you again, for whatever reason.

Busy, unavailable, but polite, and keep it brief, and under no circumstance be drawn into a long conversation about the past, or you two together, no matter what she says. Politely have something important to do.

This is no contact, and there is no reason to be rude cruel or gullible or confused.

I hear you, tal. And that's what I did and will be doing. However, what does it accomplish, really ?

What does it accomplish?

It slowly removes a wreck from your life.

what does it accomplish, really ?
It gives you a chance to deal with your feelings, and see some reality, and not be confused by the emotions of another.

Dealing with your issues is better from a perspective of real, and honest, vision, and it leads to better decisions be made on your behalf.

Well, it seems like I am on the right road to healing. I have to admit that after wishing her on her birthday and her contacting me when she was sick, I did wonder for a few days about her intentions.. Or MY intentions for that matter. And my mind DID go back to the first days after the breakup. Nothing compared to the depression I was facing back then, I just started thinking of her and missing her again.

However, today, only 2 days after our last contact, I feel free again, and got back to the stage I was before I contacted her last Thursday ! After only 2 days!!

Yes, I still want her to call me (who doesn't, anyway ?) and the thoughts of reconciliation are always on the back of my mind (they never left actually), but I have absolutely ZERO intentions to contact or chase her or even wait for her... I am living my life to its full extent right now, enjoying being single.

BTW, just got back from the gym... AMAZING what those endorphins can do to your psychology!! :D