Ok, so I started seeing this wonderful girl about a month and a half ago. A week ago she told me she was pregnant.

My question is this; She was on her period when I met her, assuming she hasn't been with anyone else since we've been together, is it for sure that it's mine?

How far along is she? Weeks/months pregnant?

It is possible for a woman to get her period in first month or two of pregnancy. She needs to see her doctor and find out how far along she is to know when she got pregnant.

Well let's see. Did either of you use protection? If you did, the discussion is over.

If you did not, after the baby is born ask for a DNA test.

Just out of curiosity, why would you even begin to think that the lady might be bedding down with an assortment of other guys.

Personally, I would give the process a little bit longer before pressing the panic button. Less than a month is way to early to guess.

How far along is she? weeks/months pregnant?

We haven't gone to the doctor yet, just planned parenthood to get the test done. But guessing around 5 weeks. Which is right around the time I met her, so we would have had to conceive on the first or second time or something.

But my point is that she was on her period when I met her. Does that validate anything?

Well let's see. Did either of you use protection? If you did, the discussion is over.

If you did not, after the baby is born ask for a DNA test.

Just out of curiosity, why would you even begin to think that the lady might be bedding down with an assortment of other guys.

Personally, I would give the process a little bit longer before pressing the panic button. Less than a month is way to early to guess.


She was on birth control, but other than that, no.

I'm not thinking that she has been sleeping with a bunch of other guys, but I just met her, you know? I don't know how recently she slept with someone before we got together. And I'm just freaking out a little, because first off, I was told by my girlfriend that she's pregnant, and secondly it's just so soon, and I'm wondering if it's for sure mine.

Don't panic yet! Wait for the confirmation first, then panic. Personally I would stay miles away from any abortion factory. Clearly there intent is to sell the abortion.

I say that because my wife and I have one son. We lost three others due to medical problems. There is not a day that goes by that we do not wonder what our world would be like if we were to have been able to save the three sons we lost.

It is so much harder on a woman than a man. I have counseled women who have had abortions for a myriad of reason, but they also wonder, what if.

I knew all about the pain my lady was in and there was nothing I could do to ease the pain.

Please think first before you choose and abortion. The child didn't do anything wrong!

Ok... well if it's confirmed by Planned Parenthood that she's def. pregnant and you THINK she's 5weeks and that's AROUND the time you meet here... she COULD have slept with someone just prior meeting you... you don't know that for sure or not... you didn't know her than... you know... so don't stress anything just yet. I know you're not thinking she was sleeping with a bunch of guys... but you said this is a new relationship... and a baby is kind of a BIG DEAL I'd say... so I'd want to be sure... wouldn't you say?

I would just try to relax, I know it's hard... it's a stressful situation... and request a DNA test... it's just too short and close of a time to fully trust that it's 100% yours.

Best of Luck to you!

Yeah honestly, I didn't want kids ever, and I'd rather not now. But she really doesn't feel comfortable with abortion now that she is pregnant. But I do love this girl even though we haven't known each other long, but it's been one of those crazy things that we are both very happy our paths crossed... and if she is going to have a kid I'd rather it be mine, but I want to be sure.

Can the doctor tell us a conception date? Would it be accurate?

Yes, the doctor would be able to give you accurate dates... I'd stop play guessing games because that's just more stressful and take the visit to the doctor with her! :)

Yes, the doctor would be able to give you accurate dates...I'd stop play guessing games because that's just more stressful and take the visit to the doctor with her! :)

Well, then I guess that will tell me yes or no. I hope it's accurrate. Maybe I should still get a dna test? Thanks for the help everyone.

Any more insight would be appreciated.

well, then I guess that will tell me yes or no. I hope it's accurrate. Maybe I should still get a dna test? Thanks for the help everyone.

Any more insight would be appreciated.



DNA test... DING DING DING... we have a winner... WITHOUT A DOUBT!! Good luck hun!

Have you asked your girlfriend how long it had been since she had sex before having it with you? Do you believe she would answer the question honestly?

Once you know the date of conception from the doctor, it will all be clearer.

Also, try to remember - as much as you are freaking out, it is 10 times worse for her.

The ONLY way you are EVER going to know "for sure" that the baby is yours is if you have a DNA test done after the child's birth.

Conception dates are too weird to predict, unless the woman has only had sex ONCE in the possible window of conception.

My advice to you is to either accept the child is yours, regardless of paternity, or get a DNA test when the child is born.

The ONLY way you are EVER going to know "for sure" that the baby is yours is if you have a DNA test done after the child's birth.

Conception dates are too weird to predict, unless the woman has only had sex ONCE in the possible window of conception.

My advice to you is to either accept the child is yours, regardless of paternity, or get a DNA test when the child is born.


And this is what still freaks me out. She says she is sure it's mine. But if I won't know for sure until it is born, what am I supposed to do until then? And what to do if it's not mine?

Well, THIS is why I recommend NOT sleeping with someone until you can be absolute sure about their past.

She's sure it's yours, hmm? When was the last time BEFORE you that she had sex with someone else?

Like I said--your choices are to either suck it up and accept the kid as yours, whether it is, or disappear from this girl's life and get a DNA test after the baby is born, at which time you'll either find out how long you'll be paying child support, or you'll find out how justified you were in leaving.

Look--there are no guarantees. No one is going to be able to tell you that baby is yours until there is a DNA test. Conversely, no one is going to be able to tell you it's NOT yours until a DNA test. You can stick with this girl and be everything she needs right now during a pregnancy, or you can split (which would be kind of a jerky thing to do) and wait to find out IF the child is yours.

Unless the last time she had sex with someone besides you was longer ago than 2 months before you were dating, it could go either way. If she slept with someone a week before you, then there's no way of knowing.

We can't tell you what to do. YOU need to decide what's best for you. If you care for this girl, then stick by her regardless. I'd still get a DNA test when the baby is born, but if you really care for her, then it won't matter in the end anyway.

Well, THIS is why I recommend NOT sleeping with someone until you can be absolute sure about their past.

She's sure it's yours, hmm? When was the last time BEFORE you that she had sex with someone else?

Like I said--your choices are to either suck it up and accept the kid as yours, whether or not it is, or disappear from this girl's life and get a DNA test after the baby is born, at which time you'll either find out how long you'll be paying child support, or you'll find out how justified you were in leaving.

Look--there are no guarantees. No one is going to be able to tell you that baby is yours until there is a DNA test. Conversely, no one is going to be able to tell you it's NOT yours until a DNA test. You can stick with this girl and be everything she needs right now during a pregnancy, or you can split (which would be kind of a jerky thing to do) and wait to find out IF the child is yours.

Unless the last time she had sex with someone besides you was longer ago than 2 months before you were dating, it could go either way. If she slept with someone a week before you, then there's no way of knowing.

We can't tell you what to do. YOU need to decide what's best for you. If you care for this girl, then stick by her regardless. I'd still get a DNA test when the baby is born, but if you really care for her, then it won't matter in the end anyway.


Well, I want to be with her regardless, it's just a lot to handle right now and my mind is racing constantly. I wouldn't disappear from her life or anything if it were to turn out that it's not mine, but at the same time, financially and emotionally for me to take care of a child, I would want it to be mine, not someone else's

Hey Headache,

Using your own words, I have a question for you. "Yeah honestly, I didn't want kids ever, and I'd rather not now."


Why haven't you gone ahead and gotten your wings clipped before this happened? Seems to me, if you wanted to prevent yourself from being a parent you would have; practiced abstinence, worn protection or had a vasectomy?

All of which would have prevented your current state of anxiety.

Well, I want to be with her regardless, it's just a lot to handle right now and my mind is racing constantly. I wouldnt dissapear from her life or anything if it were to turn out that it's not mine, but at the same time, financially and emotionally for me to take care of a child, I would want it to be mine, not someone elses


Honey... what you are failing to understand here is what I've pointed out a couple of times:

If you take responsibility for the child, love the child, and disregard biology--the child WILL be yours.

Biology has NOTHING to do with being a good parent. Ask any adoptive or foster parent. Ask any child of an abusive biological parent.

If, however, you will only love the child if its DNA matches yours, then you may as well split now.

we havent gone to the doctor yet, just planned parenthood to get the test done. but guessing around 5 weeks. Which is right around the time I met her, so we would have had to concieve on the first or second time or something.

But my point is that she was on her period when I met her. Does that validate anything?

It is possible that she ovulated during her period, so yes, you could be the father. As for birth control, only abstinence is 100% effective, so once again, even with birth control, yes, you could be the father. Are you for sure, no one here can tell you, only a DNA test can.

Good luck.

OK new issue.

Ever since I found out about the pregnancy, it's all that's been on my mind, and my mind has been racing at an alarming rate, so much that I haven't felt like I can focus on this or have normal conversations with anyone that doesn't involve talking about this whole situation. I'm sure she is going through some crazy stuff right now as well, but she has been very distant since all of this, which is exactly what I didn't want to happen because things were going so well (also really fast), but very good with us before she found out she was pregnant. Things have felt strange and uncomfortable latley. I'm not sure what to do. Any advice from anyone?

Well, if you've cast doubt on the fact that you're the father, and have TOLD her you don't feel comfortable raising another man's child--I bet she IS pulling away from you.

Like it or not, at this point in time, accepting her child is the same as accepting her.

I agree with Synnen. If you are freaking out so much she has to know it - even if you haven't said anything to her. It's time for you to accept the reality, learn to deal with it and offer your emotional support to her.

I agree with Synnen. If you are freaking out so much she has to know it - even if you haven't said anything to her. It's time for you to accept the reality, learn to deal with it and offer your emotional support to her.

I have definatley offered all the support I can. I have not told her I don't feel comfortable raising someone else's kid, I haven't expressed any doubt that it may not be mine.

I'm just trying to explain how things have been going since we found out. Nothing really to do with paternity.

Hun, she is feeling like she has trapped you in a relationship that neither of you may be ready for... She is giving you a way out now... It's up to you if you want to be there or not. Honestly if you love her as you say you do then you will stand by her and go to the dr appointments and do these things like the family your choices have made for you. You may feel your not ready for a baby but some higher power thinks that you are and me being a firm believer in the "Everything happens for a reason" philosophy maybe this is just what you need right when you need it. Time to accept this most wonderful of challenges and move onto the next one... what color are you going to paint the nursery... She's pregnant, at least she was honest and told you right away, now move past the shock and plan the future as best you can.

Hii I think asking the doctor for a conception date is a good idea.you should go to the doctor with her.it is possible she got pregnant from you if she's 5 weeks and you guys have been messing around for about 5 weeks.PLEASE Don't LET HER HAVE AN ABORTION It's a LIFE YOU'RE KILLING! Good luck to both of you... :)

First off, abortion wasn't even mentioned.

Secondly, if she'd had sex with someone else a few weeks of that date, there would STILL be no way of knowing without a DNA test.

A conception date is a GUESS, based on the size of the fetus and the last menstrual cycle.

OK, please, I'm stressing out here. I just want to know why I've been getting such weird vibes from her latley. I understand she's pregnant and I am in rough mental shape since all of this, but I've accepted that this is happening and I want to be with her no matter what anyway, so now things are weird the last week and I don't know what to do.

Usually I stay at her place, she usually always wants me to, and tonight she expressed no desire for me to stay when I said I was going to go home and go to bed.

And then 2 nights ago, I was 5 blocks from her place after dinner and I asked if I could stop by and say hi. She said that she had to work in the morning really early, (as she was just waking up from a nap) so I said OK have a good night. But it's just so strange, we had spent everyday together before, and 2 weeks after finding out she's pregnant I rarely see her and when I do, I get weird vibes from her






ok new issue.

ever since I found out about the pregnancy, it's all thats been on my mind, and my mind has been racing at an alarming rate, so much that I havent felt like I can focus on this or have normal conversations with anyone that doesnt involve talking about this whole situation. I'm sure she is going through some crazy stuff right now as well, but she has been very distant since all of this, which is exactly what I didn't want to happen because things were going so well (also really fast), but very good with us before she found out she was pregnant. Things have felt strange and uncomfortable latley. I'm not sure what to do. Any advice from anyone?

Have you asked her what's going on in her head?

I would express to her that you're wanting to be with her NO MATTER WHAT, and that you feel like she's pushing you away, when you just want to be there for her.

You need to talk to her--we can't read her mind any better than you can. However--pregnancy REALLY messes with your hormones, and therefore with your thought process. Make sure she understands that YOU can't read her mind, and that you want to be helpful, and there for her, but you don't want to be so clingy that you push her away, either, and that you need her help communicating to make things work.

First off, abortion wasn't even mentioned.

Secondly, if she'd had sex with someone else a few weeks of that date, there would STILL be no way of knowing without a DNA test.

A conception date is a GUESS, based on the size of the fetus and the last menstrual cycle.
Abortion WAS mention if you read the 1st page of answers :rolleyes:

Okay... let me rephrase:

Abortion is NOT the issue here. How a guy deals with an unplanned pregnancy and his girlfriend withdrawing from him IS this issue. Don't drag abortion into it, or this just becomes yet ANOTHER debate about abortion.

If you want to talk about abortion, go start a thread in the Members Discussion section about it. The OP here has left the decision (IIRC) up to his girlfriend--and rightfully so.

How about being constructive to what he actually NEEDS and not lecturing him on a decision he isn't actually going to be the one making?

"I don't want to give you a reddie but even with protection it isn't 100% effective."

I agree 100% During our dating rituals, my wife used this odd word, "No." And that was back in the mid sixties. She always asked me if I saw my wedding ring on her finger. So I finally outsmarted her. I married her and the next time she asked me that question, I told her, Yes, I see my ring on your finger! Thank you very much!

I think you need to chill out, you obviously are getting yourself so worked up over the entire situation that you can't focus on anything. I think these 'weird vibes' you're getting from her are actually you trying to make yourself believe that she is pushing you away, and maybe she is I'm not there so I don't know. I do think that you need to sit down and have an adult conversation about everything ask her to be honest and you be honest with her. Then suggest you do a DNA test when the time is right. If she is game for that then go for it, if not then maybe she wasn't completely honest with you. Sometimes we read into situations way more than we should, take the scenic route be there for her but don't suffocate her.. try to compensate your previous actions and accusations with more comforting words. Put yourself out there and see how she reacts!~

I think you need to chill out, you obviously are getting yourself so worked up over the entire situation that you can't focus on anything. I think these 'weird vibes' you're getting from her are actually you trying to make yourself believe that she is pushing you away, and maybe she is I'm not there so I don't know. I do think that you need to sit down and have an adult conversation about everything ask her to be honest and you be honest with her. Then suggest you do a DNA test when the time is right. If she is game for that then go for it, if not then maybe she wasn't completely honest with you. Sometimes we read into situations way more than we should, take the scenic route be there for her but don't suffocate her.. try to compensate your previous actions and accusations with more comforting words. Put yourself out there and see how she reacts!~

Hi CrazyLady29... welcome to AMHD! Posts from years back are still available if you do a search or look back far enough on a topic... just to be aware as you are reading through them and decide to post a response. This one was from back in 2008... :)

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