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Evening all,

My girlfriend of four years and I recently went on a 'break' but now I feel lost and am in need of some advice.

I was the initiator of the break after I discovered she had not gone to a work meeting (as she had told me) but instead had gone out with a male co worker who constantly sends her text messages calling her 'babe' and commenting on her physique. His name is Lorenzo. He is the exact opposite of me in every way.

I then found out that she and he constantly exchange text messages. She calls it 'funny' flirting, but I know that the messages got pretty suggestive with plenty of innuendo.

I confronted her with this last week and we both agreed that a break was in order. She said she needed the break in order to 'find out who she was'. We have both been together since we were 17-18 and after four years she said she didn't have an identity besides being 'my girlfriend'. I thought to myself, that she was right.

She assured me that she was not going on a date to meet other guys. She says just wants to find herself, have some time to herself and then try to get back together. She says she still loves me and sees us one day getting married, going so far as to call me her 'future husband'.

But since last week things have gotten awkward for me. I know she has been out for 5 times in just one fortnight with 'Lorenzo' albeit she says in a group situation. I found out last night he even drove her home several times.

It just seems to me that although she says she wants to get back with me, she is genuinely interested in this other guy. I have asked her and she assures me nothing is going on with him. But judging by the attitude she took towards the messages they exchanged, I'm not so sure. She recently deleted all mention of me from her Facebook bio and relationship status page.

I know she's hanging out with all Lorenzo's friends and she's steadily being introduced into his social circle. Part of me wants to just let go now, to stop the contact and make her realize her mistake.

But it's impossible to just ignore her, when she tells me she loves me, and then continues to go out for drinks with this guy and get chummy with him and his friends and lie to me about it. I feel like she is playing me along in case things don't work out with new boy.

Should cut off contact from her?

The difficult thing is that her mum is having an operation within the next two weeks. I had promised her, for over a year now, that I would help her in any way I could while her mum recovered from surgery. Understandably, I can't ignore her during this time, but how can I reconcile it with myself and how can I go about it?

It's been hard because I'm a novelist and I have a deadline for 100,000 words due to my publisher tomorrow. I have no motivation to write but have been stuck at home for the past week trying to churn out 3000 words a day. All I do is stress about writing and wallow in misery while she goes out and parties with this new guy. This 'break' has been trying, to say the least.

Lorenzo is the lure that instigated this 'break'. I'm willing to bet my bottom dollar that she's 'trying things out' with him, and she's trying to keep you in the loop just in case things go to buggery with Lorenzo.

The excuses she's made to 'find herself' are exactly that - excuses. You are making yourself way too available for her. Muster all the courage you have and just let her go. Say no to her requests, and don't return her calls. The moment she realises that you won't be her fallback option, that nice green grass on her side will suddenly turn brown.

Start No Contact immediately. I have been where you are right now and I understand the pain involved. But you must keep your dignity. I know you want to be there for her during her mothers surgery, But it will be to confusing to you as she will continue to manipulate and lead you on to false hopes for the future.

You will get allot of good advice on here. Just try not to spend all your time getting advice, the only reason I say this is because of your 100,000 words that are due. Don't let this consume you. You don't want to screw up your job right now.

As hard as it will be, you must accept the fact that she has found someone new and is keeping you around for her own selfish purporses. Return the favor by deleting her face book pictures and comments also. Remember, you were the faithful devoted person in your relationship... what was she? The answers are painful, let the healing begin.

I've been exactly where you are... 8 months ago. Things will get better, but for now, you have to focus on what's important... try to push her out of your mind for now. Do your work, and when you get some free time, fill it with your friends and other activities. You got to cut off all contact from her, as this is the only way that your life can actually start to become more focused.

Best.

Thanks for all the replies. I know no contact is the best thing for me now. However, she recently sat me down and spoke to me at length about how she just needed the time, that she still sees us together and that nothing is going on with Lorenzo.

Should I, despite her words, go my on way? I have no concrete evidence that suggests she is lying. Although it hurts to know that she is meeting all these new friends (Lorenzo's friends) and becoming 'one of them' now and doesn't want to involve me anymore.

During the last few weeks of our relationship together she started a new job at armani exchange during college. I remember she would get ready for work with such a spring in her step. Her face would literally glow, she was so happy to start. It often made me wonder if she was really so happy about her new job, or whether there was someone else waiting for her at work.

What have been your experiences in this matter? Can a girl who you've shared so much with (and who you think you know so well) just turn around and lie so blatantly?

Stop the insecure feelings, and stop wallowing in your own shat! Don't be such a fool for love, that you ignore the obvious. It doesn't matter her reasons for anything , but what is disgusting is you going along with the program, and doing nothing in your own interest.

A relationship that doesn't include working to gether to solve your issues is over, and I don't give a rats patootie what she says, or how she feels. Her actions speak the loudest!

That you are allowing yourself to be lead along with no resistance, shows me she has control, and you willingly gave it to her. This isn't about you, and a relationship. Its all about you, and coping with your feelings in a realistic way, and losing the baggage (HER), is absolutely first.

Stop all contact, and have no further conversations whatsoever, and put your life together without her in it. Stand up for yourself, and have the dignity, and self respect, to love yourself enough to reward her bad behavior with totally disappearing from her life.

Seriously, this seems harsh, but can't be as harsh as the limbo your in now, and its time to get out of it. Tell her to leave you alone!!

Get that hoe out of your life! It seems as if she doesn't care about her mom or you anymore; instead, she's into this Lorenzo guy. Oh boy, the sugar-coating is this: if she gets with him and Lorenzo says "gtfo", she's screwed. Then, she'll come back to you and ask for forgiveness. But the trick is here: you don't open your door when she's at your door-step. Everyone in world has decisions to make known as CHOICES. Your girlfriend (or ex-girlfriend as I shall say) CHOSE Lorenzo over you, but she says there's nothing going around. If there's nothing going around, then why does she NOT respect your request? I'm 100% sure your ex requested you that if you slept with other girls, she would leave you, right? That's the same for you...

Dude, I was dumped after a one year four months relationship and it's been over 2 months of no contact. Yes, I still get those urges to see whats up and such, but I told myself that if I ever see my ex and she asks me to help her, I'm going to slam my front door in her face just like she did to me; this goes for Tal, BB123, ISF etc. We're doing the same thing together, just different people, location, date, ideas, motivations etc.

Just start packing her stuff up and load it in the back of the pick-up truck cause she's not coming back to your life anymore.

Get that hoe out of your life!



Curious why all the women in your life are hoes and all the men have little weenies -

Ok, I'm going to try and be gentle with this post. What the hell are you thinking! Why are you sticking around for some woman who is obviously with another guy? Don't talk to friends, to her mom to anyone that has contact with her. This is your problem, the solution you ask... NO CONTACT! Completely elimate her from your life, pack her stuff up. Tell her that it will be on the curb on Monday and that trash day is Tuesday, if she doesn't pick it up on Monday, then it's out to trash on Tuesday just like her. You need to show some manhood here bro, she is playing you like a little child. Of course she says she wants you to be her husband, she's getting her jollies off with someone else while your sitting at home pining over her.

I got to hand it to romefalls and tal here.

Cagewalk, I know you think that what you're doing is... how do I put it... right, and you think that your girl is special and wouldn't lie to you, etc. etc. etc.

... and your girl IS special... just like every other girl.

We've all been there. We've all been through it. Romefalls and I went through it about 6 months ago... same exact situation. My ex told me that nothing was going on with her new guy... except... I found out that he was spending nights... and even then, she told me that he was sleeping on the couch.. . and you think, "but...that's your girl...my girl would never lie like that."... dude, my ex was a freaking SAINT at my school... never had a boyfriend before me, sweetest girl imaginable out there.

... sometimes, they're in denial too.

Best way to get closure is to treat her like a stranger. Get rid of her crap, get rid of her, and start moving on.

Got to spread the rep, but Sneezy knows we were in the SAME boat.

My ex, was also a saint, never had a boyfriend before... I was her first everything, then she dropped the bomb "We need to take a break, which went to break up" and if you read me and Sneezy's first posts, we were both b*tches about it... "She's the perfect girl" "I'll never find another like her" all that crap! Look at us now, I don't want to speak for Sneezy, but I can say I am much better off now! My ex is in drastic debt(500 minimum payment for her credit card) and I have a great girlfriend now.

"God will take you through hell to get you to heaven" T.I

well, I can't say that my ex is in debt... as I have no idea what her situation is.

As for me... let me outline what happened after the breakup

- lost 30 lbs... due to working out... a lot.
- had to buy new clothes for said weight loss.
- had money to buy NICE new clothes.
- bank account skyrocketed... due to not having to buy dinner and whatnots.
- with the money I saved up to get a condo so we (the ex and me) could live together after graduation, I bought a gsx-r.
- then I sold the gsx-r and used my savings to buy a restaurant.

Currently single, but right now, I really don't care much for a girlfriend... I'm pretty busy, and... I go on enough dates so not worried about that.

so.

my life - girlfriend = decent looking body + business + lots of money left over.

My opinion is that she made her bed and she should now sleep in it! Don't let her torture you like this any more. My advice would be to break any contact. You have left a reply on my post so you know Ive gone thorugh a situation that sounds very similar to yours. She is just keeping that door open just in case things don't work out with this Lorenzo guy. Do you really want to be with someone that acts in such a selfish way? Because if you decide to keep that door open, you are giving her the right to storm in and out of your life whenever she feels like it. Do you really want that?

I understand that you genuinely want to be there for her through her mothers operation but for once put your well being as your top priority and not hers. Do not mess up your life and job because that is something you will regret. In my case this has really affected my job and I really feel terrible and feel like apologizing to my coworkers for the fact that I can't concentrate and do my work properly. I really enjoy what I do and don't want to mess it up and I am sure you feel the same way about yourself. Just hold on in there and try to concentrate by any means possible, because it is just a phase.

I know you have made promises but then again she has probably made promises in the past that she is breaking with her current behaviour. In my case she always said how she never wants to hurt me because I am the love of her life, yet I don't think there has ever been (and I hope there won't be! ) any other person in my life that has hurt me more. In my opinion those are all excuses and when you genuinely love someone you will do anything that is possible to avoid hurting them. To me it sounds as if she is not worth your support and that you should let her deal with her own confusion and NOT drag you down with her. Take the decision to close the door and stick with it. It might feel hard now but in the long term will prove much better than the alternative option.

Stay strong and good luck with it!

Dont Leave The One You Love For The One You Like, Because The One You Like Will Leave You For The One They Love...
look at whats in front of you, she's seeing another man now. you can wait and fight long and hard for her, but chances are that she'll tell you off and she'll say it in a wrong hurtful way (i.e I dont love you anymore, etc) So just NC and let it go.

Curious why all the women in your life are hoes and all the men have little weenies -

You wouldn't consider a girl who is technically "cheating" a hoe?

I would =/

But that's just my point of view...

You wouldn't consider a girl who is technically "cheating" a hoe?

I would =/

But that's just my point of view...



No, I obviously wouldn't. So was your girlfriend cheating and that's where the anger and name calling are coming from?

No, I obviously wouldn't. So was your girlfriend cheating and that's where the anger and name calling are coming from?

I wouldn't know... heck, I'm not angry... just stressed out

Probably from trying to get a Psych degree at a technical school.

I'm actually pursing psych degree in university, not technical school.

All right ladies and gentleman, that signals the end of round one. Lets get back to the original topic instead of going tit for tat at each other! Thank you!

Afternoon ladies and gents, thank you for all your answers. In a macabre way its comforting to know that people have been in the same place I have and are now better for it. I think I'll go dig up sneeze and romefalls old posts for good measure.

Update: As I was typing this, she called me on my mobile. I did not pick up. It was hard because try as I might, I still care for her in a strange way. This weekend was the european release of my first ever published work and we had always planned to celebrate it together. It's horrible how even the things you looked forward to together, are now just reminders.

It's only been four days with no contact. I've finished my 100 000 words on deadline and mailed that into my publishers yesterday. Now it's a matter of occupying myself as much as possible. Time off is going to be killer but no contact is working. Each day does incrementally get better.

If anyone else is interested... here are romefalls and my post.

Romefalls is split into multiple questions.

Mine's pretty long... lots of updates on the way, starting from December until now. So, enjoy.

Romefalls:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/there-hope-169854.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-if-170527.html

And you can find other followups here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=3050780

Mine: (it's just one long post)

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-doing-nc-what-about-her-161688.html

Rome, hope you don't mind that I posted your stuff.

Isneezefunny..

I just read your post and I'm speechless. The similarities are uncanny. Much like yourself, I was not able to illustrate every detail of our relationship of 4 years. However, everything you have written except your ex-girlfriend's health issues, are almost identical to mine.

'Nice to a fault' was actually something I had screen-printed onto a bed-shirt for her some months ago. It describes her exactly.

She just emailed me today, saying that she wanted to call me regularly and even invited me to hang out at her house this weekend.

Can you tell me how your situation panned out and how you/she handled it? I would read the rest of your threads but there are 39 pages.

Haha, yeah, it takes a while. I sometimes get e-mails from people saying, "I read your post for the past 4 hours..."

She tried to contact me over and over again... to the point she would call me once a day for two weeks. I ignored. I ignored. I ignored.

Eventually, she stopped calling, and we both I guess moved on. She has a new boyfriend (an idiot, might I add), and I just focused on work, classes, and other things I enjoy.

In the end, the idiot and her broke up (recently), and I'm... still... going. I haven't spoken to her in 8 months, but she did text me recently congratulating me on my new business... however, I ignored once again.

I think I'm doing OK, and I'm sure she is too. Life goes on.

Nope Sneezy, don't mind one bit about you posting my questions. Looking back at them, I must admit, I was such a little B!tch man ha ha. I would NEVER go back to that way again, if my girlfriend was to leave now, I wouldn't be chasing as I am not a dog

I think that if its meant to be it'll be, it can go 2 ways either she finds someone else or realizes how much she misses you, based on the fact that uve been together 4 years I don't think she will last much longer "alone" . Sometimes I feel like my boyfriend ( of 2 years we also started when we were 16-17 :) ) is going to leave me because I'm the only girl he's ever done anything with, while me on the other hand hooked up with several guys and had a lot of little crushes with guys ( not proud of it) but I feel like he's going to want to experience new people, I know what its like to experience new people and it only made me feel worse about myself . I think she's just attracted to the excitement of someone new, and when she realizes he's probably into her for the wrong reasons ( like you said the texts were all like about her physique ) than she's going to know you're the one who's always been there for her. :)

Update:

I get a call today at 6am or so. I answer it without even looking at the number and its her. She tells me her mother is in hospital for eye surgery. In the past 4 years I've gotten to know her mother quite well and it invoked no small measure of empathy. I spoke with her on the phone for awhile, mostly about whether her mother was going to be OK. Wary, I kept the conversation fairly short and non-personal.

She told me she loves me and misses me a lot. I don't reciprocate by changing the topic as smoothly as I could (not as smooth as I probably thought).

Anyway, I tell her I'll call her in the afternoon to see if her mother is OK.

So come 4pm, I call her home. Her mother answers, and yes the operation went fine and she's at home now. It was an eye operation and she did it without any form of anaesthetic or drugs while being awake the whole time. Fortunately, she is now up and about and feeling fine.

Her mother then tells me that 'She' has borrowed her mothers car and gone out for coffee with someone. Who? Well that her mother doesn't know. What I do know, is that during the whole 4 years I've dated her she has NEVER borrowed her mother's car to go for coffee. She must desperately need to see whoever it is she's seeing.

The thing is her mum doesn't know about our 'break'. In my 'Her' words - 'It would upset my mum far too much during her operation and she has enough to think about as it is.'

So there we go. I'll be going back to no-contact now that her mum seems to be coming over the hurdle.

Meanwhile I'm returning to my mma training, which I neglected these past years because I had no time due to us living together. I did only 3-4 hours a week and watched my team mates get booked to fight in japan etc while I lagged behind. Now I'm back to two sessions a day and the smell of sweat is a disgusting but therapeautic opiate. And every guy I spar with I imagine as Lorenzo.

Thanks for all the help so far guys, I don't think I would have gone no-contact otherwise.

Update:

I get a call today at 6am or so. I answer it without even looking at the number and its her. She tells me her mother is in hospital for eye surgery. In the past 4 years I've gotten to know her mother quite well and it invoked no small measure of empathy. I spoke with her on the phone for awhile, mostly about whether her mother was going to be ok. Wary, I kept the conversation fairly short and non-personal.

She told me she loves me and misses me a lot. I don't reciprocate by changing the topic as smoothly as I could (not as smooth as I probably thought).

Anyway, I tell her I'll call her in the afternoon to see if her mother is ok.

So come 4pm, I call her home. Her mother answers, and yes the operation went fine and she's at home now. It was an eye operation and she did it without any form of anaesthetic or drugs while being awake the whole time. Fortunately, she is now up and about and feeling fine.

Her mother then tells me that 'She' has borrowed her mothers car and gone out for coffee with someone. Who? Well that her mother doesn't know. What I do know, is that during the whole 4 years I've dated her she has NEVER borrowed her mother's car to go for coffee. She must desperately need to see whoever it is she's seeing.

The thing is her mum doesn't know about our 'break'. In my 'Her' words - 'It would upset my mum far too much during her operation and she has enough to think about as it is.'

So there we go. I'll be going back to no-contact now that her mum seems to be coming over the hurdle.

Meanwhile I'm returning to my mma training, which I neglected these past years because I had no time due to us living together. I did only 3-4 hours a week and watched my team mates get booked to fight in japan etc while I lagged behind. Now I'm back to two sessions a day and the smell of sweat is a disgusting but therapeautic opiate. And every guy I spar with I imagine as Lorenzo.

Thanks for all the help so far guys, I don't think I would have gone no-contact otherwise.

Dude... forget that fugly girl

You'll find lots of cute Japanese chicks xD

I’m such an idiot. For those of you willing to read through this long post, feel free to slander me at the end.

It’s been 3 months since my 4 year relationship abruptly ended and I haven’t dated anyone else since I met my ex in high school. As a result, I’m thick as brick.

Today I was spending hours in my local bookshop when I saw a bookstore girl shelving in the aisle I was in. She was gorgeous in a non-conventional, mary-jane wearing, black-rimmed glasses kind of way. I was pretty floored. So being the idiot that I am - I pretended not to notice her. She continued to shelve books and I absent-mindedly browsed some section I had no interest in.

She finishes shelving and is about to walk away. I’m mentally kicking myself for not trying to talk to her. Then she turned around and asks me-

‘Are you looking for anything in particular?’ (Take note, this is quite a vast book store, and staff generally do not ask customers anything unless approached)

In a stroke of genius I say ‘- no thanks. I’m just browsing.’

So she shrugs and waltzes away.

So after my clumsy strike out (about 5 minutes later and in a different part of the store) I’m in the classics section looking for an Updike biography..

The same girl, appears in my aisle, shelving again. This time, I tell myself I’m not going to be stupid again, so I lean over and say, ‘Excuse me. I’m looking for Updike’s bio, is it in the biography section, or under his own name?’

She offers to help me find it. So we go through the various sections without luck and she goes to the information counter with the computer and searches it up for me.

We banter for awhile as she taps away. I find out that she goes to the same university as I, and we are both in our last semester. And that we are both interested in the same post-graduate course next year.

So we talk for quite awhile, how long I don’t know. Long enough for another customer to join the queue behind me at the info counter – which funnily enough – she sends him away with a ‘Sorry, if you have an inquiry please go to the other counter,’ before turning back and continuing her conversation with me. This happens twice.

At one point I actually have to gesture at her computer and say – ‘and how about the book?’

Anyway, the last portion of the conversation pretty much goes as follows:

Her: ‘I work here every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. Every second week I alternate the Wednesdays in the Thursdays.’

Me: ‘You manage to fit that in with uni?’

Her: ‘Yeh. How many days are you there?’

Me: ‘Oh I managed to fit all my classes onto Monday.’

Her: ‘.. yeh I’m in on Mondays. I have an early class.’

Me: ‘Yeh I go in early too.’

Her: ‘Mmm. Early morning classes are most dreadful.’

Anyway, there ends up being about a million different Updike biographies so she suggests I go back to my English lit class and found of which Updike bio I want.

Me: ‘Thanks I’ll be back next Saturday then.’

‘Yeh I’ll be in Saturday. Or Friday,' she says.

Me: ‘Sure, so I’ll see you around here then.’

‘Yeh I’ll see you here... or uni,' she says (Yes I realize I should probably have said something here, but instead I just waved and sauntered away).

In retrospect, it seems I might have had the chance there…or not. But I can’t help feeling like a dullard for not even trying. That’s pretty much how the conversation ended verbatim. Now I’m debating whether I should go back next week. Urgh, such a jackass.

Ok, I will tell you something, girls want to be asked out, OK a lot of small talk is great if and when you have time.

But dating is, and sorry if this does not sound real romantic at first, it is a matter of numbers, the more people you ask out, the more dates you will get.

Go back in on a day she works and ask her out for coffee, a drink , something.

Or pretend it is JR HIGH have your best friend pass her a note, seriously, OK, ask people out, if there is some interest just ask them.

You haven't blown it. She was obviously interested. And you know where to find her and when - so do something about it.

Step out the door and ask her out. What harm can come from it?

Yeah...
You haven't blown it at all, Cagewalk!

You just left it open, and missed an oppurtunity. She will remember you, and the next time you go to that store, you will talk again. Take that next oppurtunity to ask her out. And this time, you can be prepared, and conifdent that she is interest in you!

Good luck, and let us know how everything goes!

Go get another book. Its not a big deal if you don't ask for a number, or a date, on the first encounter.

Here is what you do-
Next time you see her- tell her
That you really enjoyed talking with her last time and ask for a way to contact her sometime-
This gives her the option of, cell, email, instant message etc
So it will be unlikely she turns you down
Or... here is a good one
Start another conversation-
Then when she is really into the conversation deep, tell her
I really enjoyed talking with you
I would like to pick your brain some more
But you are working- what are you doing later?
We could have coffee or dinner later if you aren't studying for class-
Yeah it's a lot, but it all has to do with how you word things, how confident you seem (not are, seem)
And for heaven's sake keep a good eye contact,
Do not go past the neckline... *winks
Good luck!

My man - you did NOTHING wrong.

Sounds like a great start!

I was on the edge of my seat :-)

Next time, if she is smiling (or plays with hair or just gives you any extra vibe), just pick an easy destination: lunch, school function, etc.
And go for it.

If she says she can't then don't sweat it... If she has a BF, then she can just wink at you in the future :-) Sure it'll be fine.

I think it was awesome!! OK you 2 are just getting to know each other. Now she is thinking about you and looking forward!! Make sure you post again if it works out! This is sooo cute! :)

Hey, thanks for all the replies- guess I haven't sunk yet, so I'm still in with a chance.

I'll be going back there next Saturday to get her to order that book for me. I'll ask her to do something non-commital, like a coffee between classes. Does that sound like a plan to you cats?

And don't worry about keeping the gaze above the neckline - she had grey eyes. I'm pretty sure I spent the whole-time just awestruck at those. Cheese, I know.

Good plan. Let us know how it goes!

I think you think way too much.. You will probably see her around again... Stop worrying so much. Meet her again next Saturday and maybe you will be surprised... like others have said. Peerrrfect start.

I was waiting for the really dumb part, where you either vomit on her or say ( Hey is that a dress or lamp shade you got on?

You did great its nice to make small talk then come back next for the kill

She said ill see you soon.

So take it as a good thing you broke the ice next time you talk, you can make a move

Best of luck

Regards

Good start. A small conversation is great.

I'll be sure to update next Saturday.

Yes I'm also sure I think far too much.

For all I know, she could already have a boyfriend and just likes to be chatty at work.

That's a wise observation. But you'll never know unless you find out.

Talaniman rule- Never fall in sloppy love until after your MARRIED!!!!!! Have fun until then.

Hey, thanks for all the replies- guess I haven't sunk yet, so I'm still in with a chance.

I'll be going back there next Saturday to get her to order that book for me. I'll ask her to do something non-commital, like a coffee between classes. Does that sound like a plan to you cats?

And don't worry about keeping the gaze above the neckline - she had grey eyes. I'm pretty sure I spent the whole-time just awestruck at those. Cheese, I know.

Great plan, friend.

I think coffee between classes would be the perfect first meet for your two.

Isn't it a great feeling to know a great relationship could be just over the horizon?

Lol,
Good luck

She was interested! Ask her out!

Re: TAL: "No sloppy love until married"

Interesting thought, I'll have to ponder...

UPDATE:

So today was the day I went back to the bookstore.

I went a-browsing, but find her I did not. I then ran into a friend at the bookstore and decided to go for lunch. As we're heading out the door, someone calls my name.

I turn and there she was. Evidently, I get a little flustered and caught off guard. So I fumbled a -

'Hey. I know the name of that book now, but we need to go out and grab lunch. We'll be back though.'

40 minutes later, after lunch, I go back. Again, she offers to help me find the book. This time, I'm certain I will ask her for coffee. I even know what to say, I'll ask her as I'm about to leave, that way it won't be awkward if she says no.

Things don't go as planned because instead it goes:

'So there's a local exhibition I've been meaning to catch at glenmore.' She says.

'I've heard good things about that,' says I.

'Do you want to come with me?' She asks.

... so yeah. She beat me to it. I was going to ask her at the end but I guess she thought I was going to be an ignorant taffer and not get the hint. We swapped numbers and I'll be calling her probably tomorrow night.

Good start... I would go back there the next time she was working and striking up another conversation.

Good for you!

Well, they was EASY.

You know it's funny, but often when we sense a need to ask someone out they are feeling the same thing too...

YEEEAHHHHHHHHH!

LOL! I am actually dancing with joy, and I don't even know you. Lol... Is that weird?
WOOOOHOOOO!

Go CageWalk!

Lol,
Good luck, and have fun!

... I love a good ending:)

Hey all,

Ever since I came out of a 4 year relationship I've been coming to this board with all sorts of questions, ranging from post-break up dramas, to my tentative first steps back on the dating scene. I think this question is the most difficult yet.

First of all, my girlfriend and I went on a 'break' roughly 4 months ago. She never gave me a time limit for this break or how long she wanted it to be, and the catalyst was because I found out she had been seeing someone else. It left me in a semi-limbo for awhile, because we both needed the time apart, but it seemed neither of us was sure what we really wanted. At first, it really hurt, because our relationship had been going so well until that point.

Fast forward, a little and about 3 weeks ago I met a new girl (bookstore girl, for those who remember). Things have been going quite well between us, and I am quite enamored.

All of a sudden, today I get a call from my previous girlfriend (let's call her historian, because she is a history honors student). She left me 3 Facebook messages, sent me an email. Then on her lunch break, she called me up saying 'I still love you, you know.'

I still feel so deeply loyal toward my historian-girl and I love her but I don't know whether I'm in love with her anymore. I'm very confused. I know telling her about my new friend will really hurt her, and I'm not sure if it's the right time yet. I mean, the new girl and I aren't even officially dating yet.

At the same time, I'm not sure if this sudden surge of re-interest in me is because she found out that I had been on a first date with book-store girl. (She doesn't know about our subsequent dates)

I just don't know how to deal with this situation right now. I don't know where book-store girl and I are headed, I just want to take it slow (As I said, we're not officially dating). I'm certainly not ready for a full-on long term relationship with anyone right now. And because of the dubious circumstances of our 'break' between the historian-girl and I, I'm not even sure where we stand.

Anyway, she said she'd call me after she finished work today, in about 3 hours. She sounded serious, like she wanted to talk. Can anyone help me gather me thoughts and provide an objective by-standers perspective? Thanks, I have a feeling this call when it comes, will be a turning point.

first of all

Congrats on book gril :) see I told you. It was not a dumb thing to say. Girls love silly cute guys. Hehe

You should never go back in life always move forward, even more so if she was seeing someone else,
the relationship with that other guy probable failed and now she is crawling back.

You feel guilty more than love trust me on that.
don't let her effect you. Because if she does get back with you.
then there will always be what if she goes off with someone else and leaves you in the dust again.

I think you need time away from your X girlfriend and you really need to work on yourself

even if you was to get into a relationship I don't think you would be ready, as you said

best of luck

I think if you've been on this break for four months, then you have every right to move on. You shouldn't have to wait 4 months for a girl to come back. If you're happy with this new friend, then go for it. But don't let Historian hold you back, it really isn't fair. And if you love her, but you're not in love with her, just let her know. And try to just be friends if you want her in your life. But, in my opinion Bookstore is probably what you need. Not a girl who's made you 'wait' for 4 months.

I guess the other guy didn't work out like she thought.

Honestly, if she was unsure before and now has changed her mind, SO WHAT!

Your sure about doing your thing, and having fun, so why give it all up, especially after the misery and pain you went through, to get to this point, so why throw all of that away? For what?

I've been dumped enough to know, you don't go back to what hurt you already.

You'll always have fleeting but strong feelings for your history-girl. But she needs to stay history. You're ready to start writing good new chapters in your life, and I can't imagine a better girl to write some chapters with than this "book" girl.

I love when life writes the puns for you.

History-girl is history, Book-girl is the next chapter. Love it!

Get writing.

When History-girl tries to write herself back into your book, just politely remind her you'll treasure your history AS history, and then wish her the best.

Stay free and don't commit to either girl until you know. It's great to go out with many girls as long as you are honest with them.

Well history-girl had always said that she wanted to get back with me, 'hopefully one day'. She just never said when, and we discussed the possibility that we may lose each other if we were to meet someone else during this indeterminate break.

So I guess now it's come to a turning point where I have met someone new and history girl is being provoked into action.

She wants to meet for lunch on Friday.

Thanks for all the sage advice as usual everyone.

She wants to meet for lunch on friday.
So whaddya going to do? I say NC.

(May I come with and sit at a nearby table?)

Hey hey hey!!

What happened next?? Wheres the rest of the story??