My daughter is 22 and just graduated from college. She got a job in New York City and moved there earlier this month. She did some work for the company when she was in college and the owner offered her a job when she graduated. She didn't look elsewhere and just accepted the job.

Background on the job: The first time she worked there in college, the firm was part of a huge mutli-billion dollar global company. The guy she worked for decided to go out on his own and separate from the huge company. The second time my daughter worked for him, he was on his own with a company of 5 employees.

She found an apartment that she is subleasing for the next two months. The lease is up 8/31 and the landlord wants her to sign a yearly lease and also pay first month, last month and security deposit (approx $3000) by Sept 1. My daughter emailed me and said she doesn't have $3000 and what should she do. I asked her a couple questions - like is 3 months security deposit normal? Of which she really didn't answer me.

The next day, she emailed me again. Apparently, the company she works for "doesn't have a payroll system set up yet" and they can either pay her as a subcontractor for 2 months (of which she would have to pay additional taxes - employer portion) or she can wait until September when they figure out how to pay her as an employee. She asked me what to do.

Since I have an accounting background, I explained (in a short answer I thought) about the tax portion of it and how she would be making less money this way because she has to pay more taxes. I also suggested that she be assertive and tell them she wants to paid like an employee with taxes taken out (which isn't really hard to do). I also suggested that maybe she look for another job with a company that can pay her on time.

She emailed back to me that I don't understand and now she's not going to ask me anymore questions.

What did I do wrong? She's my only daughter and I feel like she is alienating me. I'm very upset.

You did not give her the answer she wanted to hear

She wants you to give her the 3000.

Like danielsmom said you didn't say what she wanted to hear and rather than saying she didn't understand and taking the 'blame' for not following it is easier to turn the tables and make it sound like you are the one that has the communication/comprehension problem -NOT her.

I agree with everyone else. The answer she wanted is "I'm wiring you the $3k now. Do you need more?" Not the factual information. She's just pouting. Leave the ball in her court for now.

Thanks everyone for their replies. I agree with all your comments. I'm going to leave her alone for awhile and let her approach me. I'm still not happy with the company she working for and she didn't like my response to look for another job - with a company that has a payroll system. If she doesn't get paid, it's on her. I know that's mean, but she's going to have to learn to make better decisions and be responsible for herself. She decided to move to NYC without much thought and now she's going to have to live with that decision.

What's so weird about this situation is that she was such an easy child to raise! I didn't have any problems or issues at all. But when she entered college and now that she's graduated, she thinks she knows it all and won't take any input from anyone. It's been a struggle for me because I loved to hang out with her before she left for college. We were close. Not I can't hardly get her to open up to me. I'm sure it will get better as she gets older (I hope). I'm just going to lay low for now.

Boy can I relate. My daughter is 24. And she recently moved to Buffalo (like a week ago) because she has a friend there who wanted to move out on her own. She quit a good job and went with no job and no place to live. And not a heck of a lot of savings.

She's gotten lucky so far, in that a friend is letting them rent a room until she gets a job and they can get an apt. But she has obligations (student loan, car payments, etc.) and if she can't meet them we can't help her.

So we are basically holding our breaths until she gets settled or comes home.

By the way, First, Last and security is not uncommon. And $3K for an apt in NYC is actually cheap.

I'm sure she will make nice with you when the company she works for folds. I'm always wary of companies that don't want to pay payroll taxes. What other taxes don't they want to pay? Quickbooks and/or Daceasy take all of 10 minutes to install - there is no reason they can't be running a regular payroll, but you know that already.