I'm 17 years old and I been dating my boyfriend who is 19 for 3 years.. I thought we were being careful but I just found out that I'm 10 weeks pregnant. He is steping up to the responsibility we just got an apartment he has a job but I don't because I need to finish my senior year of high school. I am not sure how we will provide for our child. Adoption and abortion are not options. I am keeping my child. How can we make ends meat? Any suggestions or success stories?

Live within your means.
Make sure your rent is always paid up first and then get on a budget with the utility companies and make sure you pay them.
Take the first week of the month's income and whatever portion of the second week to pay the bills with. Then the rest of the month income basically divide into 4 weeks and only spend that much each week.

Ask friends and family for any furniture and things they might want to get rid of.
Shop at second hand stores, yard sales and flea markets
Do not buy anything full price.
Stock up on grocery sale items and use coupons.

See if there is a food bank in your area and you will be eligible for WIC too (in USA)

I see so many young moms sell their food stamps, get things from rent a center and get cable TV etc...
And then they cry that they can not afford to feed their kids.

As n0help said... perhaps asking family and friends for support may help.

On another note... he was 17 when you were 15... when you two started dating. Depending on state laws, if you two were engaging in a sexual relationship, he may have been breaking a law...

I wish you the best of luck.

On another note...he was 17 when you were 14...when you two started dating. Depending on state laws, if you two were engaging in a sexual relationship, he may have been breaking a law...

Actually in many states they don't enforce anything against a minor with a minor.

True, but what about when he was 18 and she was 16?

Still should be okay.

I think the gap that is not legal at all anywhere is 15 year old (or younger) with 19 year old or older.

I know our relationship isn't very legal and I met him while I was pretty young but do you think he will get arrested for getting me pregnant? If so what should I do?

What state do you live in? Were you 17 10 weeks ago?
Pretty much the hospital or your parents or somebody would have to press charges against him --usually.
I am assuming that if your name is on the lease that 17 is considered a legal age in your state?

Check with the WIC office, they should help with the formula.
Remember, you both are still very young and have a lot of living to do. Always keep something put up for you and the baby, mama's baby daddys maybe.

I live in Tennessee and yes 17 10 weeks ago.

You don't have to worry about your boyfriend getting arrested, unless he is doing illegal things (which I hope he's not). It's great that you want to finish high school because in order to care for your child, you will need a good job. Also, don't think that you won't be able to go to college (which would help provide an even better life for you & baby). There are many scholarships available for single mothers (you would qualify even though you have a boyfriend since you aren't married) and many schools have day-care centers - there are also a lot of day-cares that will provide some sort of financial aid if you can't afford the full price. You just need to start doing the research now. Like n0help4u said - start figuring out how to budget your money and if you can't afford cable, then don't sign up for it! Good luck with everything!

Since he is within four years of your age you are okay.

Since he is within four years of your age you are okay.

This can't be true for all states, Is it??
I know of a case (from the media and such) where a guy was sentenced to 10 years in prison for consensual sex with a girl not even 3 years younger than him (she was 16 and he'd just turned 18 at the time of the act) but because she was under 18 and he was 18 he was convicted of aggravated child molestation... under Georgia's Child Protection Act.

Not sure if Tennessee's laws are as harsh, guess they should be careful of that.

I looked up her state on moral outrage and another site and it said that Tennessee between 13 and 18 they have to be within 4 years of an age difference.

Many states have just changed the law within the past couple years too to lower the age of consent to 16 with up to a 4 year age difference.

I looked up her state on moral outrage and another site and it said that Tennessee between 13 and 18 they have to be within 4 years of an age difference.

Many states have just changed the law within the past couple years too to lower the age of consent to 16 with up to a 4 year age difference.

Wow are you saying a 16 yr old can consent to sex with a 20 yr old in some states!
I have a 16 yr old sister and that would freak me out if she dated a 18-20 yr old guy to be honest...

Yep. My state is just one of them

I think some states don't even put a four year limit from a couple things I read on this site

I think you guys should be very supportive, caring and loving of each other no matter how hard it gets.

Your creating a miracle together.

:)

I'm 17 years old and i been dating my boyfriend who is 19 for 3 years.. I thought we were being careful but i just found out that i'm 10 weeks pregnant. He is steping up to the responsibility we just got an apartment he has a job but i don't because i need to finish my senior year of high school. i am not sure how we will provide for our child. Adoption and abortion are not options. I am keeping my child. How can we make ends meat? any suggestions or success stories??

It's good to hear that at the very least he's going to be there for you and your child.

Depending on how much he's able to make at his current job he may have to work a second job to keep up with the financial obligations... I would encourage that if it's possible.

You should also try to find a part time job and work until you need to stop for the baby... Try to use this money to save as much as you can. Often times there are unexpected expenses and no one can every have too much emergency cash.

Like others have said You will qualify for WIC, please take advantage of this (I know a couple of girls that can get it but refuse to take a "hand out"... this is not the attitude for a mother to have)

If your family are willing and able to help with furniture, baby clothes, bottles, a crib, car seat etc. Don't be ashamed to take a hand me down.

Also you can go to your local health department to get help there (someone please correct me if Im wrong).

Assuming you have a determined and good hearted boyfriend, I wish you guys the best and I hope that you can return to school (go to college or vocational school) once your baby is born and old enough for childcare.
The best tip I can give:
Just try to remember to be loving, considerate and supportive of each other ex...
If he has to work 2 or 3 jobs to support you and the baby consider that before there's an argument about how he's too lazy to help around the house... on the other hand, If you are tired from being with the baby all day and keeping the house tidy he shouldn't put you down if you need to take a break from cooking a couple nights of the week. If you two can keep those things (being loving, considerate and supportive) as priorities I think you'll have a good foundation to build from.

OK. Now with WIC that leads to another question. I have heard many woman complain that WIC isn't enough and that baby formula is very expensive.. So I thought we could save money if I nursed but am I too young to nurse?

And another question.. Our families are handling the news totally different my family isn't trilled but they are willing to help. His family hates the idea. When we first told them his mother told me that needed to get an abortion because if I didn't all three of us was going to go to hell. His sisters call me names like tramp and slut under their breath. The only person that is helpful is his dad. My boyfriend have tried to talk to his folks about it but they don't want to hear him out. What can we do besides totally withdrawing from them because I think the baby should have a relationship with both sides.

All you can do right now is withdraw from them for now. If they want to be bothered with you or him then okay but for now don't go out of your way to contact them. Let them have time to cool down. Often after a baby is born it changes every bodies tune and they will likely be a bit more supportive.

OK

I feel its retarded that everyone is bringing up laws. That was 3 years ago, And unless they had proof you were having sex way back then. Which you can denie it. You don't have a problem. The issue here isn't whether he will be going to jail its.. she is pregnant and is asking for our advice.

I in high school at 14 was dating a 19 year old. Some of my stupid friends found it important to tell our school cop that I was sleeping with him. Well, the cop pulled me out of class, and asked me if anything was going on between me and him sexually. I told him, that I am not saying anything. And Asked what he could do... He said he could investigate, but with me saying no.. He really didn't have anything to go on.

I agree. She has been @ the age of consent since the time she conceived. Anything prior she could deny.
IF she was not then her parents or the hospital or if she signed up for welfare they could have him charged but her state law she is legal

Oh so all I have to do is deny it?

At this point it isn't an issue. You are legal age of consent and nobody is going to go accusing him of having sex with you when you were 15 (at least I doubt it)

Oh OK.

Do you have to be a certain age to nurse?

Girlygirl... no. Since you can get pregnant, your body will be physically ready to nurse.

I suggest you go to a local clinic or perhaps do some research on how to take care of a child for the benefit of you and the child.

OK

Why do you have the same title thread under pregnancy and new motherhood too. In both threads you ask the same questions. I think it's best to have one.

See the age thing should have never of been brought up, the legal issue that is.

It wasent apart of the question.. Now you have a 17 year old worrying that her baby's father is going to jail.

Why do you have the same title thread under pregnacy and new motherhood too. In both threads you ask the same questions. I think it's best to have one.


I know I did it on accident I just got on this website I'm not totally sure on how everything works yet..

I tried answering that it wasn't a problem when Isneeze brought that up but then it kept being brought up when I thought it had been resolved.

See the age thing should of never of been brought up, the legal issue that is.

It wasent apart of the question.. Now you have a 17 year old worrying that her baby's father is going to jail.

I agree especially since he stepping up and the age of consent is 17.

OK let me get this straight my boyfriend is not going to jail.. because I'm old enough right??

Yeah I am sorry if I have not been making that clear enough. Reply #14 I looked up her state on moral outrage and another site and it said that Tennessee between 13 and 18 they have to be within 4 years of an age difference.

Oh OK! I feel better..

Yes. Let's drop the age thing. That's my fault.

What now concerns me is your lack of knowledge of having a child. Is there anyone around you, or a clinic, or some sort of information center that you can get info from?

What is her lack of knowledge of having a child?

She asked if she's old enough to nurse... or if "you need to be a certain age to nurse"

Oh I missed that... yes you can nurse and it is good for both you and the baby

/sigh

WHY is adoption not an option? If you don't know how you'll make ends meet, and need to finish high school, and have at least half of the families not being supportive--That sounds like a GREAT situation to put a child into.

Anyway... yes, there are options like WIC, and you may qualify for Section 8 housing. You need to get yourself into a local Planned Parenthood (or like organization) and start asking what local opportunities for hel you can get. Social Services is also a great place to find out your options for help.

Want to know how to make ends really meet though? Get rid of your cell phone. Get a land line with no long distance. Drop cable TV. Get rid of your internet connection. Dropping those three things, right there, in most places will save you over $100 a month.

Buy only store brand items unless you have a coupon to get brand names at a lower price than the store brand. Learn to cook creatively--noodles and rice go a LONG way, and meat is expensive. Nurse instead of using formula if you can. Buy cloth diapers. Get ALL of your household items (furniture, dishes, etc) at garage sales, thrift stores, or as hand me downs. Same for ALL clothing---you don't get to buy yourself anything new until you can afford to do so WITHOUT being on Welfare.

Get a part time job after school, if you can do it without dropping your grades. Expect to see less of your boyfriend because he made need to work a second job as well. Make sure that ONE of you gets insurance--expecting the taxpayers to pay for it all is ridiculous.

Learn to use your local library for entertainment, and forget buying new movies, video games, books, etc for a while--again, you shouldn't be buying "fun" things when you have to accept public assistance for the necessities.

Walk as many places as you can--getting an apartment near a grocery store is a great idea, because you can borrow the cart to walk home with and then bring it back, rather than spending extra money on gas. Living someplace close to where one of you works is also a good gas-saving idea.

Turn your heat down to the high 50s in the winter and put on a sweater. Open your windows in the summer.

Learn to like drinking water--it's a LOT cheaper than soda, and good for your body. Only wash your hair every other day instead of every day (unless, of course, you have a job that leaves it filthy). Use half the amount of laundry soap it says to use--your clothes still get quite clean, and you get twice as much out of the bottle of detergent.

Recycle. Some places will pay you to recycle certain items, like newspapers and aluminum cans. See if you can find one of those places in your area.

Pay cash for everything. If you can't pay cash for it, then you can't afford it. Save your credit cards (if you have them) for actual emergencies---like a fire burning down your apartment building, or having to rush the baby to the hospital, or your boyfriend losing his job.

Turn off your lights when you don't need them. Same for any other electrical device. Do your dishes by hand in the sink, with a sinkfull of water---you use less water and electricity than running your dishwasher.

If your family is willing to help with free child care while you are in school or working, GREAT! That's awesome. But---don't take advantage of it. Asking them to take the baby so you can go out with your friends should be a VERY rare thing--like once in several months--if you can't afford a sitter, then you really can't afford to go out.

Get your butt on birth control after the baby is born, and make sure your boyfriend is ALSO using condoms. The only sure way not to get pregnant again is abstinence, and the last thing you need is ANOTHER baby when you can barely afford the first. So... make sure you're taking the birth control correctly, or getting the shot when you're supposed to, or whatever.

My husband and I lived on this budget when we were flat on our butts broke. We didn't have kids, but we were living from hand to mouth for a long time while we paid off debt. Obviously, we didn't get WIC or anythign like that, but we learned to make money stretch a loooooong way.

/sigh

WHY is adoption not an option? If you don't know how you'll make ends meet, and need to finish high school, and have at least half of the families not being supportive--That sounds like a GREAT situation to put a child into.

Anyway....yes, there are options like WIC, and you may qualify for Section 8 housing. You need to get yourself into a local Planned Parenthood (or like organization) and start asking what local opportunities for hel you can get. Social Services is also a great place to find out your options for help.

Want to know how to make ends really meet though? Get rid of your cell phone. Get a land line with no long distance. Drop cable TV. Get rid of your internet connection. Dropping those three things, right there, in most places will save you over $100 a month.

Buy only store brand items unless you have a coupon to get brand names at a lower price than the store brand. Learn to cook creatively--noodles and rice go a LONG way, and meat is expensive. Nurse instead of using formula if you can. Buy cloth diapers. Get ALL of your household items (furniture, dishes, etc) at garage sales, thrift stores, or as hand me downs. Same for ALL clothing---you don't get to buy yourself anything new until you can afford to do so WITHOUT being on Welfare.

Get a part time job after school, if you can do it without dropping your grades. Expect to see less of your boyfriend because he made need to work a second job as well. Make sure that ONE of you gets insurance--expecting the taxpayers to pay for it all is ridiculous.

Learn to use your local library for entertainment, and forget buying new movies, video games, books, etc for a while--again, you shouldn't be buying "fun" things when you have to accept public assistance for the necessities.

Walk as many places as you can--getting an apartment near a grocery store is a great idea, because you can borrow the cart to walk home with and then bring it back, rather than spending extra money on gas. Living someplace close to where one of you works is also a good gas-saving idea.

Turn your heat down to the high 50s in the winter and put on a sweater. Open your windows in the summer.

Learn to like drinking water--it's a LOT cheaper than soda, and good for your body. Only wash your hair every other day instead of every day (unless, of course, you have a job that leaves it filthy). Use half the amount of laundry soap it says to use--your clothes still get quite clean, and you get twice as much out of the bottle of detergent.

Recycle. Some places will pay you to recycle certain items, like newspapers and aluminum cans. See if you can find one of those places in your area.

Pay cash for everything. If you can't pay cash for it, then you can't afford it. Save your credit cards (if you have them) for actual emergencies---like a fire burning down your apartment building, or having to rush the baby to the hospital, or your boyfriend losing his job.

Turn off your lights when you don't need them. Same for any other electrical device. Do your dishes by hand in the sink, with a sinkfull of water---you use less water and electricity than running your dishwasher.

If your family is willing to help with free child care while you are in school or working, GREAT! that's awesome. But---don't take advantage of it. Asking them to take the baby so you can go out with your friends should be a VERY rare thing--like once in several months--if you can't afford a sitter, then you really can't afford to go out.

Get your butt on birth control after the baby is born, and make sure your boyfriend is ALSO using condoms. The only sure way not to get pregnant again is abstinence, and the last thing you need is ANOTHER baby when you can barely afford the first. So...make sure you're taking the birth control correctly, or getting the shot when you're supposed to, or whatever.

My husband and I lived on this budget when we were flat on our butts broke. We didn't have kids, but we were living from hand to mouth for a long time while we paid off debt. Obviously, we didn't get WIC or anythign like that, but we learned to make money stretch a loooooong way.

Thanks so much for the advice.. I choose not to adopt because I feel that I lhad the baby and its my duty to take care of my child. Also I live in Tn I can't open my windows as a source of air conditioning it get up to 100 degrees and is very humid. But seriously I do appreciate your other advice.

she asked if she's old enough to nurse...or if "you need to be a certain age to nurse"


Well I just thought if everybody say that it's a good chance your baby would be unhealthy if you're a teen mother because your body its fully developed.. So I assumed something probably could be wrong with your breast milk...

If you breast feed make sure you keep taking pre natal vitamins. They probably say it is not good because what ever vitamin/mineral deficiencies you have the baby takes them all first and then you can end up with bad bones and teeth if the baby was taking the little you do have. I hope you ARE taking them regularly now too. Folic acid (a B vitamin in vitamins) is really important for a healthy baby. You should also try and take some form of essential fatty acid if possible too because that is really healthy for the baby.

I can understand your feeling it is your baby and your responsibility but be really careful at making sure you are financially stable before having more. I had 4 and then broke up with my ex. He never paid child support and I had to raise them on approx. average $1,200. A month and that INCLUDED my food stamps. It isn't easy but you can do it if you manage things well. Splurging for me was getting Kentucky Fried Chicken about once a year

OK.. Thanks. I'm going to start looking for a job now.. Maybe something in retail. I thought about fast food. But I don't think it would be good for me or the baby to be in all that heat and stress and constant standing and stuff like that.

Yeah don't go for fast food job while you are pregnant. I have heard they have to lift heavy boxes and it can be a strain.

OK

Oh I forgot to mention that if you do go apply for welfare just go for the food stamps and medical do not apply for cash. What they do if you apply for cash is make you go to child support and file for child support and then basically any money you are receiving is the child support. My daughter and other girls I know applied for cash assistance and they live with their boyfriend and that is what happened when they applied for cash assistance.
So instead of the money going from your bf's hands to your hands it goes through the state first.

Wow the state sure got some crazy ways for handling things.

help089:

Please give useful answers when responding.

Pre-natal vitamins are actually VERY important, it's not rubbish, and they're not "not good for the baby"... it's to HELP the baby and the mother.

I really... can't comment on the rest of what you're saying, because... it's either common sense (don't lift any heavy boxes) or just plain... ridiculous (don't always think that breast feeding will save money).

And I don't really like to crap on people's parades... but even Anderson Cooper, one of the MOST well known journalist on CNN with his show, "Anderson Cooper 360"... makes about 2 mil a year, and has just RECENTLY got a new contract for 4 mil.

Hi Sweetheart. Honestly I Was In Your Shoes Once And You Know What Being A Pregnant Teen Is A Big Resposibility. Its Good That You Are Going To School And Finishing Up Because You Are Doing Something Positive For Yourself, And You Know Without An Education There I Nothing Out Here. So Going To School And Finishing Isyour Main Responsibility For Now. After You Graduate You Can Find A Really Good Job. That's Where Finishing School Comes In To Play. But Please Don't Worry Because As Long As The Child's Father Is Around And Providing You Don't Have To Worry. But Keep Focusing On Your Baby And His/her Needs, Show Your Boyfriend That You Are Really Trying To Have A Job And Finish School. He Should Be Behind You 100%.


Remember If You Don't Finish School Then You Don't Make Money:)

I have... no idea what you're saying right now. I'm absolutely positive that the babies weren't lost due to pre-natal vitamins... herb stuff, maybe. Actual... legitimate... pre-natal vitamins, probably not.

Again, I really don't enjoy crapping on others, but if you have 7 wonderful degrees, learn to spell and use proper grammar.

... oh, and I have no idea who Clive Anderson is. I was talking about Anderson Cooper.

Ps - this post here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/management/approached-random-person-252931.html#post1236487

Says you're 14.

I have to agree with Isneeze about taking your prenatal vitamins and you should even take them before and after you are pregnant. A pregnant woman especially needs the folic acid, calcium and B vitamins.

I think the post was deleted.

Often in these situations (where there are young parents who are considered to be making the biggest mistake of their lives) at least one of the sides of the family will say and do hurtful things. Please do not let it bother you. In ten years, provided you and your boyfriend stay strong and fight for YOUR family, not the family on either side, they will have changed their tune. Probably even within five. If they do not, I would suggest keeping the child away from the negativity. No young child will recover from feeling so unwanted.