Illinois

I went back to court yesterday to fight to modify custody of our daughter. My ex-husband has retained his previous attorney for the case and she will be filing a modification for custody on his behalf... I wonder if she can use retailiation as a reason :) I had planned on fighting this case pro se, I feel that it is pretty clear cut to me the reasons I need full custody. We are unable to make decisions together for her benefit, and the decisions he makes are based on his needs, not hers.

Example 1: Last year we had decided on her elementary school because the elementary school for his residence is a year round school. Since his neighborhood school started two weeks before the registration dates for the school we choose, he made a unilateral decision and he enrolled her in his neighborhood school under the premise that she was not registered anywhere yet. My daughter spent two weeks attending a school that she was not supposed to be attending.


Example 2: My daughter had strep throat, there are many irrational decisions made during this including not wanting her to go to the doctor while she was running a fever of 103.9 because walk in clinic doctors do not know what they are doing and will just throw antibiotics at her. He thought that she was misdiagnosed for having strep throat. Told me I was over medicating her (although I was following the bottle and the nurse) to keep her out of my hair (?? Anyone who knows a sick child they are a lot calmer unmedicated than medicated). The doctor recommended warm saltwater gargles, he comments she will like that she loves gargling with Listerine... and purchased a bottle of Listerine for my house.

Example 3: We agreed that she would attend summer day camp with her older brother every other week during the summer which he said would work out well for him because of the new infant at his house and my daughter doesn't get as much attention. After her first week of attending he decided (unilaterally again) that she would not be able to go back. After mediation we had 6-7 rewards to her going and his make believe risk that she was not being attended. My daughter has been very much upset about not being able to go back to day camp.

I know that my heart is in the right place, I know that I am making these decisions with her best interest in mind. He knows that she has wanted to go back to camp and justifies his decision by telling her that it's not her choice, it's the choice of me and him. I wasn't involved in that choice, I don't want her to believe I had any responsibility for breaking her heart. Do I continue to fight pro se, I know that I have ample examples of why joint custody is not suitable, or will I just get buried in a legal system that exploits poor parents?

Going to court is usually not pleasant. If you don't have a lawyer, you need to do what a lawyer does, and that is organize your presentation. The judge bases the outcome on evidence, not intentions. There is no misdiagnosis of strep if her throat was swabbed. Do you have the results of the test? If not, can you get them? You may benefit by counseling with a family counselor. I have attached some custody guidelines in Illinois; you can use them to plan your presentation: Child Custody and Support - Illinois Child Custody and Support Guidelines (http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/childcustodylaw1/qt/IllCusSup.htm)

We spent four and a half years trying to finalize the divorce previously. I know that court is EXTREMELY unpleasant and his attorney is just the type to take insufficient evidence and focus so thoroughly on that you never get a word in edgewise. My ex-husband is 100% disabled and I believe that mentally he has suffered, he is equatable to conversing with a teenager, he doesn't see the problem and thinks he is always right and knows everything. It is laughable to think that he thought she had misdiagnosed strep, but he has this conspiracy theory thing about him, he knows more than a doctor anyway, in his mind. Thank you so much for the link.

You sound very bitter and that's one thing your don't want to portray in a courtroom. Is there something wrong with the current custody arrangement as it stands ? If there not really a problem there then you might want to approach it differently. Instead of changing custody you could ask the courts for final decisions in certain matters like medical or schooling.

I would think that the fact that in a joint custody arrangement that leaves me without options to protect my daughter I would be a bit bitter. Would it not be upsetting to you to have no say so in your child's happiness, to make considerations for your ex partner and your child but have him only concern himself with himself. To blatantly disregard his own daughter's happiness. Funny thing is he was so concerned that she should not go to summer camp because he didn't feel she would be safe and yet she came home last night with two black eyes and a scratch running down her face from her younger step brother hurting her. Yeah I would guess I am a bit bitter about the legal system and the situation that leaves me helpless to stand up for her.

...and yet she came home last night with two black eyes and a scratch running down her face from her younger step brother hurting her. Yeah I would guess I am a bit bitter about the legal system and the situation that leaves me helpless to stand up for her.
I hope you have pictures of this, maybe even took her to the doctor? Do you have a satisfactory explanation for how this happened?

I took pictures and the explanation was that he was mad at her hit her in the face and ended up scratching her just below the eye in the process. I contacted DCFS and was told it wasn't a reportable situation because it was a child hurting a child. Her father was on the computer and the step mother wasn't there either. The step brother told them it was an accident and he wasn't even punished. This is the second incident in eighteen months in which he has hurt her. The last time DCFS did get involved because he bite her on the arm so hard he left a bite bruise. To me that is not a satisfactory explanation and it wasn't a satisfactory punishment since there wasn't one. I was told the child was supposed to be going on medication to help him handle his aggression. The case is now in process with my attorney, the sooner I can get her out of the situation the better I will feel. It really does make you feel helpless as a parent.

How old are the chilren ?

My daughter is 7, he is 6.