View Full Version : He says he gives more than he gets
lovedrunk333
Jul 30, 2008, 01:17 AM
... is the best way I can describe his reason for our last big fight. He said that he knows he expects a lot but he gives just as much. He actually asked me to give him examples of what I do... how I've 'changed' for him... how I give him as much as he gives me. Let me just say, this guy has me going to dinners with other couples, family gatherings weekly, watching movies I wouldn't, cooking, laundry, the most thoughtful gifts ever for his birthday, I go see him daily, go with him to look at houses, I call him 10 times a day and vice versa, I massage him, run my fingers through his hair, kiss him everywhere all the time, have my hands all over him, dress up in sluty outfits, gave him road head! sex him every night, make the bed, leave notes in his pockets... etc! He said that I don't do the little things girlfriends are supposed to do. Now, please keep in mind this man is more sensetive than any I've heard of, ever. Bipolar even, I think. I searched the meds he's on, and he told me early on that he deals with periods that he's not normal, experienceing abnormalties such as stuttering. I've never heard him stutter. He's never said he's bipolar, but I saw it written on a presception paper, 'bipolar 1'. I told him I wanted to know more about his 'nameless condition' but I get nothing. Its causing me to theorize what's possibly way off and leads me to believe it has everything to do with his feeling of not being given enough. Do people with bipolar disorder know they're using bad judgement if they are? I just think that his upset is triggered so easily I never know what I'm going to do wrong next. We've been together 6 months. This 'fight' was actually labeled as a breakup, 4th time. All of which seemed minuscule to me, and humourously so to my friends. I know this guy is crazy about me, why am I not enough?
danielnoahsmommy
Jul 30, 2008, 02:49 AM
If he is bipolar these things will happen a lot unles his meds are well controlled. You are doing more for your boyfriend than I do for my hubby. If you can't handle his "mental disorders (s) you should leave now. By the way I believe that this mental disorder is genetic and can be passed to children.
N0help4u
Jul 30, 2008, 08:53 AM
I agree if you can't deal with his disorder get out and when he is in his up mood and wants you back realize it is just part of the cycle and it will go down hill again.
He wants you to write a list of things write a list like you have here and ask him to write a list of what more he expects. I say do the list to show how unreasonable it is.
Love should not be about who did more or who gave more. As long as he wants to go that way with love it is going to be hard to ever please him.
I believe bi-polar is genetic my kids all have a form of their dads bi polar to some degree
My oldest daughter gets depression and tends to be sad
My younger daughter lashes out and is stubborn and can be moody
My oldest son has ADHD, ADD, ODD and several other mood disorders
My youngest son just plain acts up to push peoples buttons
JBeaucaire
Jul 30, 2008, 11:23 AM
You know, you're dating him, you're not raising him. You are supposed to be deciding life-long things here. You appear to be quite the catch based on your list, if it's true, there is no fault to be found there.
So, this is really a simple situation. Can you live with this behavior? You're fine. I'm talking about HIM. Can you spend the rest of your life treating your man the way you do (you won't be able to keep all that up, by the way, keep that in mind) and have him respond this way to you? His behavior and accusations are HIS personality problems, so, can you live with those forever in front of your kids and family for 50 years?
Can you? That's the decision you have to make. You can't fix him, the meds might not fix him either, so make sure YOU are OK with all of this before calling this a permanent "match".
And set the whole "I love him so much" stuff aside while you're thinking this through. Your love in instinctive. It just is. It has nothing to do with your intelligence. The choice you need to make is ALL about your compatibility, and in that instance your instinctive ability to love someone "regardless" can actually do you harm. We see it here on the forum every day.
So, love aside, can you be with this guy, this way?
KissMe10der
Jul 30, 2008, 02:11 PM
I dated a bipolar guy... He would forget to take his medication.. And I could always tell.. his eyes were different.
I often would be come upset by him being so inconsiderate.. and when I would bring it up. I would have to stop cause he would become so depressed, that I was upset with him. Keep in mind Im not screaming or having a fit either! Lol, I just express how I'm feeling.
They are sensitive and being bipolar is hard. When your depressed and not happy with yourself... And don't love yourself.. They search out for MORE. They want you to fill the void and more.
Rabbit91
Jul 30, 2008, 03:53 PM
...is the best way I can describe his reason for our last big fight. He said that he knows he expects a lot but he gives just as much. He actually asked me to give him examples of what I do...how I've 'changed' for him...how I give him as much as he gives me. Let me just say, this guy has me going to dinners with other couples, family gatherings weekly, watching movies I wouldn't, cooking, laundry, the most thoughtful gifts ever for his birthday, I go see him daily, go with him to look at houses, I call him 10 times a day and vice versa, I massage him, run my fingers through his hair, kiss him everywhere all the time, have my hands all over him, dress up in sluty outfits, gave him road head!, sex him everynight, make the bed, leave notes in his pockets...etc! He said that I don't do the little things girlfriends are supposed to do. Now, please keep in mind this man is more sensetive than any I've heard of, ever. Bipolar even, I think. I searched the meds he's on, and he told me early on that he deals with periods of time that he's not normal, experienceing abnormalties such as stuttering. I've never heard him stutter. He's never said he's bipolar, but I saw it written on a presception paper, 'bipolar 1'. I told him I wanted to know more about his 'nameless condition' but I get nothing. Its causing me to theorize what's possibly way off and leads me to believe it has everything to do with his feeling of not being given enough. Do people with bipolar disorder know they're using bad judgement if they are? I just think that his upset is triggered so easily I never know what I'm going to do wrong next. We've been together 6 months. This 'fight' was actually labled as a breakup, 4th time. All of which seemed minuscule to me, and humourously so to my friends. I know this guy is crazy about me, why am I not enough?
Yupp I agree with all these answers "Just throw your relationship all away and start new! Why would you want to give effort in a relationship when you can just start fresh :D !!!"... :confused:
I say you work and work on the relationship and be supportive of the poor guy. If you don't love him anymore then I would consider moving on, but while'st you have feelings, just keep truckin along and see what the future has for you two.