Hello people,
I have been dating this girl for 3 years now.
Everything has been going great. Of course we have our little arguments here and there but nothing too serious.
Recently we have been arguing a lot and we both decided to take a break.
She said she needed time and space to think things out. I also know she's REALLY stressed out at work.
I know and admitted to her that I did take her for granted. I didn't show her the attention and affection she deserved.
I saw her last night and she came back to my house to talk about everything. She said she still misses me but isn't sure if she loves me or not? I told her I apologize for not giving her the attention and affection she deserves. I told her I will change and I showed her... We cuddled for a little and kissed for awhile. She also cried a little bit while I was telling her this. I asked her if it made her happy hearing the things I'm going to change about myself and she said "Yes". Anyway, I'm just curious as what I should do now?
She doesn't text me or respond to my phone calls lilke she use to. I know I hurt her and I apologized and showed and told her I am going to change... What else can I do?
What should I do?
Thanks everybody.

Its really hard when you hurt the ones you love. My husband hurt me really bad a while back. It took a lot but everyday he never gives up, He is always texted me and toldme he loves me. He sent me flowers. He wrote me letters. He did whatever it took to get me back. Now we are trying to have a baby. You just need to let it all out and don't stop whatever it takes. Unless she tells you that there is no hope. All I can say is good luck.

Give it a time... shes stressed out. When she's back on her sense's you'll know what she really wants.

Thanks for the advice.
I was thinking about sending her flowers and writing her letters... I just don't want to be bothering her. Do you think she would like that and appreciate the thought?

Yes. Just don't call and bother her... a lot

Yeah I agree don't bug her too much because that will just push her away even more. You know her better than we do. You should know what she likes

Ok, she said she wanted to hang out this week. Should I call her txt her to see when. Or just wait, give her time and space and wait till she calls me?

I know that its hard to wait but calling is too forward so just text her and see if she still wanted to hang out and ask her when a good time would be. Don't push her just ler her tell you if she says she doesn't know when though.

Ok, I will do that... My last question is... She said she's stressed out and needs her time and space... Is that just an excuse because she is seeing someone? Or interested in someone? She assured me she wasn't and wasn't interested in meeting anybody, but I don't know. What do you think?

To be honest at one point and time I said that I just needed time and space. But actually I was interested in another guy. Like I said you know her better than I do so all you can do is either trust your instinct or trust her. Its up to you.

Yeah, I asked her to be honest and she said she wasn't so I like to believe her.
Do you think it would be a good idea to talk to one of her close girlfriends about the whole situation? Just tell them how I feel and ask if anything else is wrong?

No because it will more than likely get back to her and she may feel like you don't trust her. That would just cause more problems. You are better off just talking to her. Leave her friends out of it.

Got it! Thanks a lot of all your help and advice. I really appreciate it.
The girl I talk about is also a bank teller... haha.
She said she wanted to get together this week. I txt her yesterday just to thank her for taking the time to talk to me because I wanted to let her know how I feel and that I realize the mistakes I made. I told her to let me know when she wants to get together.
Should I just wait until she contacts me then?

Lol I'm a stay at home mom now. Yeah I think you should just wait and see what she says. If she doesn't say anything by then end of the week I would try again but don't push her. She does need some space too.

I agree with Angel, never good to talk to her friends about anything because they will tell her in a heartbeat. Just give her time and space and everything will be made clear

Yeah, thanks. I just wish I knew if she was seeing or if she is interested in anybody else.
She swore to me she wasn't and that she just needed time and space to figure out what she wants from me and if she loves me. Do you believe that?

Yeah I can believe that. This is her life and her making sure that she loves you and isn't with you for comfort is a way to make sure she will be happy in life. If you are so serious and she is having doubts then maybe it's a good thing you are on a break because now nobody will be lead on and she can know for sure what she wants.

That's a really good answer... I will def. give her her space...
I saw her Sunday and I txt her yesterday. Do you think I should completely stop contacting her until she contacts me or should I txt her every 2-3 days to say hi and that I miss her?

Just do some NC until she breaks it

Ok... so do you think NC will make her want me more or make her forget about me?

That's not the purpose of NC, NC is for YOU to heal

Its hard not to contact her but its better for you. She will find out what she wants and if its you then she will come back. She does need to realize too that you can't wait forever and at some time and point if she doesn't make up her mind you may move on and then it will be to late for her.

After 3 years you should be much further along in the communication department than you are, and should be working together to solve your issues. This sounds to one sided as to this break, and space thing, and has you on the defensive wondering what she will do next, and that's not healthy.

She wants to hang out, okay fine have a great time, but make sure you come away with some sort of agreement as to were this is headed, and define some boundaries, so you don't just sit and wait for her to communicate where her head is at.

As it stands you are doing all the worrying, and changing, and she is not committed to this one way or another. This makes for a one sided unequal relationship, with you being kicked to the curb at any time. NOT GOOD!

Invest more time into you, and what makes you happy, and less into her, and her next action. I don't think you would be in this situation, had you both been honestly expressing yourselves in a caring way, to work together.

3 years is a long time to date someone, and not have some type of future plan in the works. You may have gotten used to each other, but have you bonded? Doesn't seem like it from here.

I think your hesitation to show your willingness to move to the next level, has her doubting you, and this relationship. That has to change, or she is out of here any way.

The question you must answer is how far your willing to take this thing, and be in limbo, or maybe giving her all the space she needs is what you should do, in which case you wait until she has time for you. Personally, waiting for someone to throw you a bone, and talk to you is unnacceptable. Just my opinion.


Is this you, Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you a option in theirs.

Yeah, when we talked I told her I would and wanted to change and show her more affection and I apologized for it and took blame. I told her I just got use to her and took things for granted. There are things and stuff she did that hurt me, but she didn't bring that up or apologize for them. She said she wants to see me soon when she's ready, but I haven't heard anything from her. I saw her last week and we both gave each other a kiss. Again, I told her how I feel and how I was going to show her more affection. I am doing NC since then, its been 4 days. I am taking everyone's advice and waiting for her to contact me since she's the one that needs the space. I made my points and feelings clear to her. I am starting to feel better day by day. I have a date next week. No point of waiting around for her to make up her mind right? Any other advice?
Im still confused on what to do if she calls me and wants to get back together? Part of me loves her and part of me gets pissed cause after 3 years like you said... We have no future plans. I mean we talked about a lot... She would ALWAYS pressure me about marriage. She said things like "Well I wanna get married by the time im 27" " I wanna have kids by the time im 30". Anyway, This site is great! I have been feeling better everyday... Anymore advice would be great!
Thanks

Wow by the looks of it you have already kind of moved on. Are you really even serious about her? I mean you were with her for 3 years and for you to already be dating someone else seems soon. I don't mean to pry into your relationship but that seems like what you want us to do so that's what I'm going to do. You need to evaluate yourself and make sure you want her back. As the look of it, it seems like someone is going to get hurt and to be honest I don't think its you.

Yeah I'm serious about her. I love her. But what else can I do? I told her how I feel. I admitted my wrongs and told her I would change them. I haven't contacted her in 4 days.
She hasn't contacted me. Every time I think about her I get upset. Everyone on here told me to keep busy and move on while she figures things out. Me and this girl are just going for lunch... I don't know if you consider it a date or what. Nothing serious... Just talking and eating. I love her A lot, but its been 3 weeks on a break and no real contact or improvement on our relationship. I told her I want to work things out and use to text her saying I miss her, but I never got any response.
Do you think I shouldn't go out to lunch with this girl?

It seems like you consider it a date which means that you are already ready to move on. That is a decision that you will have to make on your own, but if it gets back to your girlfriend it could possibly cost your relationship or what you may have had. You need to tell her what you are thinking so she knows. Not just that you love her and miss her but that you can't wait around forever and that if she is serious about you two then she needs to make an effort as well to try and work things out with you.

Ok, Well I have had NC with her for 4 days now. How long should I wait to contact her if she doesn't contact me to tell her that if she is serious about us two then she needs to make some sort of an effort?
Cause right now she isn't making any effort whatsoever.

I won't give you a reddie Angel, but I whole heartedly disagree, to imply he should put his recovery on hold and not meet new people is wrong. She can't have her cake and eat it too

That's why I said that he needs to talk to her and put it on the table and if she doesn't want it then she just needs to leave him alone. It seems like he is just ready to completely move on. Look at it from a girls point of view. I know what I'm talking about. All he needs to do is tell her and if she isn't willing to work on things now then he should move on because all she is doing is playing games.

You should tell her that you two need to talk and set things straight. Do it as soon as you want.

Well we did talk on Sunday when she came over.
I told her how I felt and asked for her to give me a chance and she said she would. She said she wanted to get together this week but I haven't heard from her.
So basically I told her I'll wait for her to call. NC from me. Like I said, I'm going to take the advice of you and everyone else and let her contact me. If she misses me or does really want me back I think she'll let me know.
Do you think that's the right thing to do?

Yeah but you do need to let her know that she does need to put some effort in or it will never work out for you. I don't know. Where I'm from the men are very dedicated to their women. Maybe its because we are in a small town but most everyone is married by the time they are 22 or 23. My husband when we were having problems he didn't give up on me. I completely cut him off and on top of it started dating someone else. I didn't know what I wanted so there wasn't any sexual relationships with anyone but still. He didn't give up and about after a month or so I took him back and we worked things out and are trying for a baby now. Well things are still being worked out but that will take years.

Read my guide below ASAP.

Well I did it... It's my brother's birthday this Friday... So I txt'd her and said exactly this "Hey, It's my bro's birthday this friday, maybe we can get together then. If you want we can talk about everything and make everything clear. I've been trying hard here and if your serious about us, you'll put in a little effort. Just let me know"
That's what I txt'd her. I will have NC with her until she contacts me.
Her and my brother were really close and they got along great. She never missed his birthday and always got him something. So we'll see what happens.

That was a very good way to put it. Yeah I wouldn't contact her from now on. Let her contact you. BTW I'm not saying you can't hang out with friends or anything I would just keep your distance with girls if you want your girlfriend back. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, I totally understand what you mean... I mean I'm just going to meet this girl for lunch... nothing more... I will keep everybody updated on what's going on.
Thanks for help. I really appreciate it!

Well, not exactly what it says in my survival guide (read it? :-) - but hey -

Fact is that any following is not going to help right now...

IF she simply wants more attention, then I think texting was OK. But that is rarely that simple a case. Good luck though!

I have an update... Just now she txt me after I wrote her that txt earlier today.
She said "I'll probablly see you Sunday if nothing comes up"
It sounds like she's playing it cool? Would I assume correct?
I didn't reply. I just want everyone's opinion on it.
Thanks again

Yeah I think so, or she could be leading you on. Just let it go and see what she does. Remember if she doesn't hold up her end then you have to let her go. BUT just by getting that text it means that she does want you to hold on.

Yeah, I understand... we'll see if she keeps her end up.
I guess texting her that message made her think a little bit... But when she says "If nothing comes up" It's like she still wants me to keep me guessing...
Is that just a mind game she's tryna play?

To be honest yeah I think so. Well if she doesn't do something then you should worry about it.

Yeah, so should I just wait for her to contact me Sunday?
NC until she makes the effort to hang out on right?

Sounds like a plan to me.

LOL! Okay! So Get This! I am SOOO confused! She just txt me again saying "Well I know its late n u don't want 2 say anything 2 me. But goodnite".
What the hell?

Haha she is confused. Trust me she really is. I know exactly what she is going through. Hmmm... Maybe she is on her monthly friend and is very emotional and that's why she sent you that message. Did you reply to her at least?

I sure hope he didn't reply to her. Don't give her the satisfcation of knowing you are pining over her man!

She said "I'll probably see you Sunday if nothing comes up"

She is reacting to your not contacting her. She may be ready for a serious conversation, have it. You may not resolve a darn thing, but talking face to face is what I would do at this point. Pay attention, and listen carefully, and not just talk, but listen.

Leave your heart at home, as I see this as a chance to express yourselves, more than getting a solution to your issues.

I very much so agree with Talaniman. Come on that's a relationship expert.

I didn't respond back. She knows how I feel and knows I want to see her.
I'm just going to see if she puts an effort in seeing me Sunday.
Did I make the right choice with NC?

Talan, your advice is correct. We prob will talk, but we already had a serious, face to face conversation last Sunday for about an hour. I listened to her and she listened to me, and yes she is very confused. I just don't think its fair that when I use to txt her just to say hi she would ignore me, now she's txting me and says " I know you dont want to say anything to me". That's just not fair.

It's not fair man, you need to decide what you want to stand for

Yeah, so you think I'm making the right choice with NC and letting her put some effort into it?

Its good to not contact her and let her do some of it. But if you want to work things out then you have to put the effort in too. It seems like she really does care and she just isn't sure what to do.

Im sorry but the way I see it romefalls19 is just wanting man power and for you to give up on your girlfriend. And just move on. If he wanted to move on he wouldn't have came to us for advice. He wants to work things out with her. Don't give him advice that could possibly cost his relationship with his girlfriend.

I am def. putting in the effort. Since our break I would text her 2-3 times a week just to say I miss you and thinking of you. I was the one that wanted to talk last week.
I told her how I felt, what I did wrong, told her I realized I didn't show you enough affection and that I will do a lot better. She didn't give me anything back until now.
If Sunday is a go I will show her a great time. I feel it's a good idea for her to contact me now about getting together Sunday because I told her to let me know when she wants to see me, she's the one that needs her space... So do you think that's a good idea to let her contact when she wants to see me?

Yeah, so you think im making the right choice with NC and letting her put some effort into it?

If you want to heal after giving up on her, NC is the way to go. If your trying to repair a shaky relationship with NC, your headed for disaster. You will never build the bonds of communications going this route.

You need to make up your mind how far you invest yourself, and if she is worth it, and stop playing these control games.

Either work together, in an honest caring way, to solve your issues to the benefit of you both, or leave each other alone.

I told her how I felt, what I did wrong, told her I realized I didn't show you enough affection and that I will do alot better. She didn't give me anything back until now.

You expect her to take your word for it, and she is waiting to see if you mean what you say, and have action behind your words.

No way does she go back to doing what she was doing until you have prove its not a waste of her time.

Is she worth it? Or is your ego in the way?

I have to admit I am a bit confused here.

Perhaps a bit more info on how this break up came to pass.

Either she is insecure and wants to be sure of your commitment or just wants space to breathe and think. I am reading two messages here and am not sure what is exactly going on here. Also, how old are you two?

You expect her to take your word for it, and she is waiting to see if you mean what you say, and have action behind your words.

No way does she go back to doing what she was doing until you have prove its not a waste of her time.

Is she worth it?? Or is your ego in the way??

I completely agree.

I am 25, She is 23.
The break came about because we started arguing about things A lot. She said I wasn't showing her enough affection and I felt she wanted to do things with her girlfriends rather than me. I honestly can say we were both right. We both have things to work on. I admitted them and asked for a chance to prove it to her. I guess I will get my chance this Sunday. We have been on a break now for 3 weeks and only saw each other once, I was the one that always txt'd her 2-3 a week just to see how she was doing and say hi and that I miss her. I never got anything back. Now she seems to be responding more.

Talan: when you said "You expect her to take your word for it, and she is waiting to see if you mean what you say, and have action behind your words
I don't expect her to take my word for it. Every time I told her that I would say "Let me proove it to you" "Let me take you out soon" "Let me show you how I'll be different"
And she would say... "When I'm ready" I guess she's ready now.
So should I text her back or should I just wait for her to contact me about Sunday?
Because I just don't want to bother her when she needs her space...
For instance when I would text her 2-3days she wouldn't reply. But when I do NC. She writes me and tries to make me feel guilty by saying "Well, I know its late and you don't want say anything to me But goodnite.
My whole point is... I feel when I try and make an effort she shuts down and pushes away... but when I do NC she contacts me and makes me feel guilty

OK, I am going to assume she wanted more affection. I got to pick... one!

So, if she extended an olive branch, set up a time and place and put yourself out there.

Talk and listen and ask what is bothering her and tell her what you can do to make it better.

Do you really want to? Are you ready to be as affectionate as she wants?
Or do you just want to be casual? If so, be honest and let her go.
Or try again.. but see how you both feel after the talk.
Most relationships repeat patterns. I doubt too much has changed in 3 weeks.

And as for her girlfriends, she is young, that is to be expected... can't say too much there unless a planned event was missed. Or you all never do things together.

Forget NC, what you mean is should you back off a bit and see if she responds.



So should I txt her back or should I just wait for her to contact me about Sunday?

If you have asked about this already, don't pester her again. Just a gentle reminder is all you need.

"Let me show you how I'll be different"
And she would say... "When I'm ready" I guess she's ready now.


She better be worth all this is all I say.

Apparently she is worth it otherwise I don't think he would have came to us to try and save his relationship

Well we've been texting back and forth for about 20 times today. She seems to be her old self... We were joking around. It seems like Sunday is a go... She said "I'm still thinkin things threw" but she said she wants to go to the shore with me and all. So I guess I just have to prove that I will keep my word and show her a good time. Do you think she's realizing now she misses me and wants to be with me?

Well we've been texting back and forth for about 20 times today. She seems to be her old self...We were joking around. It seems like Sunday is a go...She said "I'm still thinkin things threw" but she said she wants to go to the shore with me and all. So I guess I just have to proove that I will keep my word and show her a good time. Do you think she's realizing now she misses me and wants to be with me?

Well, this is not about what she's feeling about you.

This is about what you feel about her.

Are you ready to take this to a more serious level? Really? Seriously?
If you are ready for that then focus on how you feel about her.

That is the more mature move. And she wants a more mature you...

*though that may mean she has to be more mature too (plans with you over plans with the girls) is she ready for that? :-)

Go slow and talk NOW about what was tough for both of you in the past - on Sunday.

Good luck.

Hello people,
I have been dating this girl for 3 years now.
Everything has been going great. Of course we have our little arguments here and there but nothing too serious.
Recently we have been arguing alot and we both decided to take a break.
She said she needed time and space to think things out. I also know she's REALLY stressed out at work.
I know and admitted to her that I did take her for granted. I didn't show her the attention and affection she deserved.
I saw her last night and she came back to my house to talk about everything. She said she still misses me but isn't sure if she loves me or not? I told her I apologize for not giving her the attention and affection she deserves. I told her I will change and I showed her... We cuddled for alittle and kissed for awhile. She also cried alittle bit while I was telling her this. I asked her if it made her happy hearing the things I'm gonna change about myself and she said "Yes". Anyways, I'm just curious as what I should do now?
She doesn't text me or respond to my phone calls lilke she use to. I know I hurt her and I apologized and showed and told her I am going to change.......What else can I do?
What should I do?
Thanks everybody.
Quickly talk to her on a phone and ask her to go to dinner then porpose to her maby she is juist wondering what is talking you so long to do that!

Good I'm happy for you. Good luck

quickly talk to her on a phone and ask her to go to dinner then porpose to her maby she is juist wondering what is talking you so long to do that!

... not sure what fantasy world you're living in kiddo... we don't randomly get down on one knee and propose to appease someone.. . kinda... difficult.

...not sure what fantasy world you're living in kiddo...we don't randomly get down on one knee and propose to appease someone. ...kinda...difficult.
Thank you. I don't know why someone would do that. It doesn't make things better it just could possibly hurt them even more if your not ready for that yet.

I have been dating this girl for 3 years now.

I can very well see her anger, and frustration at him, that he hasn't shown a willingness to include her in his future, with some type of commitment.
3 years is a long time to date and be in LIMBO!!!

Not that I'm recommending marriage by any means, but after all that free milk, the cows get tired of waiting for the farmer to build a barn.

[QUOTE=talaniman]he hasn't shown a willingness to include her in his future, with some type of commitment.
3 years is a long time to date and be in LIMBO!!!
QUOTE]

Hey, well I did show a willingness to be with her. I would always talk about our future together. There were just sometimes I admit I didn't show her the affection I should have.
I think that's do to her actions sometimes. Her mom is a very strict christian. She won't let her go on vacation with me. She won't let her sleep over. And I started not showing her affection when all she did was hang out with her gf's. And to be honest... most of her gf's
Have messed up lives, ruined relationships and they hang around the same
Dive bars and drink everyday. For the first 2 years she wasn't around them that much. Now she is and I see a HUGE change. I just want to know where she stands. She said yesterday "I'm still thinking things threw" I should find everything out this Sunday.

You need to think too.

Does this really work for you.

I am seriouslly thinking about everything... Even though we are on a break, I'm still very considerate and respectful towards her feelings... She's being very rude and inconsiderate of me. Ex: I would txt her just to say hi and that I miss her and ask how she was doing... I wouldn't get a response for 3 days. I would txt her again and say hi. Nothing... Then she finally contacts me and I don't reply within 3 hours and she writes "I know you dont wanna say anything to me" or "Don't you wanna talk 2 me now".
Right now I'm just stuck in the middle... She said she is still thinking things through...
I just want to know where we stand, but she's so confused... She says she's not seeing anybody else but I don't know... HOpefully we talk about everything on Sunday... unless she cancels on me which I would be very dissapointed

It seems to me that this web site is making you doubt what you have for her. You need to stay strong if that's what you want to do. She seems to be very important in you life otherwise you wouldn't have came her for advice on how to get her back. Now everyone is asking if she is even worth it. IF SHE Wasn't WORTH IS HE Wouldn't BE ASKING US TO HELP HIM GET HER BACK!! Be supportive for him.

All right I have heard enough! You need a new g/f. One that gives you what you need, and respects you too! I asked you was she worth it, and to me all this drama, and stringing you along while she thinks about it, ain't love, but some kind of sick twisted game she is playing with her hang out friends, to prove who is calling the shots, in this relationship.

In all the healthy relationships I have ever seen, the partners work together to solve their problems, with caring and sharing, not I am still thinking things thru. BULL CRAP, and no man with dignity, and self respect, goes for that, like everything is your fault. I don't think so, and your letting your guilt and fear of being dumped, reduce you to being willing puppy when she wants you.

Let her think it through by herself, with no influence from you, and let her g/f's take her out. Sorry guy, don't mean to be harsh, but if you've been that bad to deserve this kind of disrespect, she would have left, and not given you a thought. This needs resolving, and needs to be confronted and dealt with. Ain't that much love in the world, to make you kiss up to her, while she thinks it thru.

Take all the blame you want, but stand up for yourself.

Well... She came over lastnight... and we had a great time!
She was just a COMPLETELY different person... We laughed, We had fun.
She even said "Your more important to me than my family".
She did a complete 180. I'm happy, but at the same time alilttle hesitant as to why a sudden change like that. But things are worked out. She apologized for things she did and said she will work on them and I did the same.
I did realize that lastnight was the only night she left her cell phone in her car... Is that a bit suspicous or am I just reading too much into that?

you need to think too.

does this really work for you.

Not to be a broken record but make sure you want this for more than just winning her back. Think about it.
She is on her best behavior and so are you.

Sooooo, don't forget to TALK about the issues that separated you (attention, friends, etc.) NOW.

.

Well... The truth came out... She came over again today... I just still felt like she was lying to me... I took a look at her cell phone and saw one of her text messages to her gf's... She slept with some other guy 3 days ago. I know the dude and he really is a loser... I told her to get the hell out of my house... She cried, said she was sorry, that it was a HUGE mistake and that she needs me and that she's a better person with me.
She said I'm her world... and that she'll do anything to get me bacl... Does everyone agree with me that I should kick her to the curb and move on??
I would love your advice on this.
Thanks everyone

Now you know.

Move on. What other choice do you have?

I know abou the urge to try and get information about your so called "other half" when things are shaky by any means but don't go through her cellphone. I know it can be tempting but you shouldn't... (that could lead to you checking her emails if yo knew her passwords, don't become a stalker). But yeah now that you found out abou tthis, the solution is pretty simple she is OUT. I wouldn't be able to trust her anymore and that is something alone that will make me end things. SOrry buddy, we are here for you!!

According to my way of thinking, she would have been chewing bricks when she first started these mind games.

Thanks, I appreciate it! I just want to get rid of this feeling... I try to sleep, but can't. All I can think about is her sleeping with this guy. How the hell do I make it stop?

Should I even answer her phone calls or txt's when she tries to contact me? I'm so confused and hurt right now I can't think straight.

Just follow a few simple suggestions,

No, don't answer her calls, be busy, and unavailable to her.

Remember what you were doing before you met her? Go back to it.

Have you read the stickies for this forum? There is a link in my signature. You'll find many good suggestions, and even will sleep better.

My advise to you is to not smother her but let her know that you are there with sweet SMALL gestures. I know I am a woman and things are very different from men but I learned the hard way that being smothering is a dangerous road to take.

Space is always a good thing but maybe a phone call once a week just to say hi and see how her week was is okay but not calling everyday lets her know that you care but you don't want to cramp her time to think about things.

My husband and I have been married for almost a year now and are still in our honeymoon stage, but I know when he is stressed from work and I give him his time to deal with it and comes back to love me even more for that! They appreciate the help for getting through the tough times.

Good Luck and God Bless!!

I don't know, small gestures right now might be trying to send the wrong signal, especially after what she did. Plus I feel that he is still to heartbroken to be doing or trying anything. I feel he need to be alone and getting over this by no contacting her and not being involved with her.

You know that you weren't a perfect angel in this whole situation either. I think you need to evaluate everything. The pros and cons. Most things can be worked out but is it worth it? You did things to her too. In my eyes you weren't together so there is no way that she can be blamed. BUT if your love is strong for her I would advise you to work it out. If not then leave her alone and don't talk to her. It takes a lot to forgive someone for something like that but it is possible.

For everyone else you don't know his feelings for her. Don't tell him to straight up end it when we don't know the whole story. If he feels that is the right thing to do then let him do it but in my eyes you are just telling him what he should do.

Protect your heart EasyDoesIt!!

Um.. . She slept with someone else. That should be a sign that she is a loser. If she did love you, she would even think about having a fling. I am sure you can do better. You seem like a guy who cares about his relationships.

It will be fine and you will find the right girl. It took 3 days for my husband to propose. We got married 14 days later, he found the right one and knew it right away!!

Well... The truth came out... After I found out she slept with someone on our break. She was crying and txting me saying "I am nothing without you" "You are my strength" "I am so weak without you" "If I can't have you I might as well go kill myself". We got back together and a GREAT date... Then she said "I love you, I"m in love with you, I want to be the mother of your children and I want to be your wife". I found out yesterday she slept with 5 guys in a month!!!!!!! YES!!! 5!!!! I told her I found out and I said You just lost me as a friend, a boyfriend, and as a possible husband. And she replied "Whatever, I don't care"... How can someone say those things and then be SOOO Mean, COLD and CRUEL?? I need advice. Help me out people!
Thanks

Wow what a b****. Im so sorry that there are actually women in the world like that. You are way better without her. Just keep your head strong. If she was willing to be with that many guys and hide it from you she is not worth it. She is not even worth your thoughts. Im sure you're a wonderful guy just remember what brought you two to this point and be a stronger man for it. And a better boyfriend. Good luck in life

Thanks... It just kills me because she use to be a great person. Kind, loving, caring... Now she's just someone totally different. I know I made the mistake of not showing her affection now and then, but did I deserve that?

Brother, that girl just did you a massive favor!

Imagine if you'd married her... ugh!

Your life is going to get better and better and hers is going to get... who knows. Likely not so good... But now you won't be legally bound to that disaster.

Hurt now... relief later bud!!

You dodged a bullet. Rock on!

No nobody deserves that!! I can't understand how anyone could do that to a person that they supposedly love. But now you know and have more experience for your next relationship. Don't make the same mistake you did with her with your next girlfriend. Show her the love and compassion that she will deserve. And as for your ex girlfriend. Your better off with out her. She will realize what she missed out on.

Thanks! But how do I get the image of her sleeping with these other guys out of my head.
It's killing me and pissing me off at the same time...
I do realize she did me a favor, but I just got use to her...

Brother, that girl just did you a massive favor!

Imagine if you'd married her....ugh!

Your life is gonna get better and better and hers is gonna get...who knows. Likely not so good....But now you won't be legally bound to that disaster.

Hurt now...relief later bud!!!

You dodged a bullet. Rock on!
I completely agree

Thanks! But how do I get the image of her sleeping with these other guys out of my head.
It's killing me and pissing me off at the same time...
I do realize she did me a favor, but I just got use to her...

It will take some time, but get busy and make new, and better memories for yourself. I have a link in my signature that may help. Check it out!

Isn't this done yet?

How do you get the image out?

Intense isolation from her and stay real busy.

(I have been there and the woman was fairly high-profile so it was not pretty. And a bit public. She was disappointed in my level of commitment previously - and so jumped in bed and MARRIED another guy like two months after our break.what did I do? Sweat, feel sick and lose sleep... JUST LIKE I AM SURE SHE WANTED.
But deep down it was not a cure for anything - and she emailed me two years later - ahem... too late.)

The point is that Time, sweet time does ALL the work.
The trick? Total isolation from her... even in your weakest moments...
If you fight the moments of cheating you will soon not care anymore. I promise.

One day you'll laugh... I mean 5 guys. That is funny - and desperate... and I doubt any of it was any good.

She was on a mission. Mission accomplished you are GONE.

I am trying sooo hard. I couldn't sleep at all lastnight... She txt me at 1am saying "I hate you" "Your an ". How can she say that when she's the one that's out of control.
I just want to know how she can be so loving and caring and all of the sudden have so much hatred towards me. It hurts me soooo bad that she's not the person she use to be.
I look forward to hearing your replies... I NEED THEM!!

The girl you loved has gone and showed you a side to her that you were blind to. I'll bet the signs were there but you ignored them. Don't let this female bully you. Ignore her.

Turn off your phone and delete her text.

OK.... Imagine if you were married and you rolled over after putting the kids to sleep and working for 10 hours and your wife coolly says: I HATE YOU.

Scary huh?

Well, that WOULD have been you. Now you have escaped. She is never going to escape her demons. If she could, her problem solving skills would not be so destructive. The next girl you go out with is going to make you happy to be alive! Let this nut job abuse you and take the pain... I always say if you are not hurting - you are not healing... you can't cheat with texts etc. or your brain can't get to restart... just get a calendar and mark off 90 days. That is a number to get you to the first plateau.

We'll all be here.

Thanks for everybody's help... I have decided now that I AM DONE WITH HER!! No more texts and I am ingoring her for now out. If one day she wakes up and realizes it... Tough!
I tried too hard for too long and I def. didn't deserve that. It's going to be hard because I miss the girl she use to be... I loved that person so much and it hurts knowing I won't get her back... I'll keep everybody updated! I hope I can get through this!
Thanks

It'll suck now.

It'll not suck later.

So far I have had NC with her for 2 days. It's very hard cause she keeps txting me asking what I'm doing. Where I"m going and how comes I"m ignoring her...
I am sooo tempted to talk to her. Cause I do miss her. She said she wants a chance to explain. Should I give her a chance to explain and hear what she has to say?
She said she doesn't love herself right now... What should I do?

I think you should ask yourself, "How will this benefit me? Will I feel better after this in any way?" then take it from there.

... the fact that she doesn't love herself... is not your problem. It's hers.

Thanks for everybody's help...I have decided now that I AM DONE WITH HER!!! No more texts and I am ingoring her for now out. If one day she wakes up and realizes it...Tough!
I tried too hard for too long and I def. didn't deserve that. It's gonna be hard because I miss the girl she use to be...I loved that person soo much and it hurts knowing I wont get her back...I'll keep everybody updated! I hope I can get through this!
Thanks

Ok, I guess we're ignoring this for now...

---------------------------------------

Well, nothing has changed in a few days.

But if you can handle that fact then talk to her.
Just know this: NOTHING HAS CHANGED. And that's why there is NC. So, people can adjust to separate lives and get back on their feet.

So, is this more about you changing or her?
Is this just about her wanting you to change?
Or her need to be happy?
I just want to make sure I understand.

Maybe compromise with a short message back that explains that you know she doesn't like herself, and you support her, and are letting her have space because of it-without running to her side will calm you down.. and will make her focus and get her act together.

My fear is that a free 'hanging-out' session to talk about HER problems is cheating for her and you... UNLESS you just want to be friends. Or things were perfect otherwise.

Hey Everyone! Just giving you an update... I'm doing pretty well. I have been sleep very well for the past 3 nights. It feels good. I think I came to realize that maybe I didn't love her... Or I loved her, I just wasn't in love with her. I still hear from her friend though.
I went to visit a past girlfriend that is now a famous actress... I stayed with her a few days.
My ex kept asking me where I was going, with who, what state when she found out she said "Oh Nice, well I hope you give her what she wants BYE!" and then "Well I hope you have fun with ???. Why don't you make me happy and just F*** her cause I know you want to". Stuff like that... haha, I didn't reply... And Today her friend txt me saying "She asked if I talked to you lately and I saw yeah he's hanging out with her all weekend. She said "Good I hope he leaves me alone and dates her." LOL
So what's going through her mind? I am doing everything I'm suppose by NC?
I feel good... Just let me know your opinion. I think she's pissed. Would I be correct?

Nobody knows, but does it matter??

talaniman... hey... its me tiger30... I dono if you remember but ex girlfriend and I had some problems few months back... we talked, things were good... and moving towards engagement and kids... then soon after those discussions/decisions... she started retrieting... all the while talking bad about me and us to some of her friends and going out more and more... finally she met a guy she liked... confided in him and whatever.. I dono... but that was 6 weeks before she left me... and that was july7th... not to interrupt this thread... but if you could... I have posted again.. on another thread from few months back... could you or someone check it out... I need to talk about certain things... a lot of it I already know... but my heart is slowly trying to follow my mind... but there always things to know so that I can improve myself... I seem to get some good advice here.. even if I don't or didn't use all of it... hope you can read my few posts I left recently and give me some feed back... thanks man!

Just move on with your life. You are better off not talking to her

Stick a fork in this one... )Ou are done.
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... ash... what?

You sound really considerate. Most guys would (probably) give up. You sound like you're trying which is awesome. :)

I just want to get her help. I am getting better and better each day. It just bothers me she turned into the person she is now. Honestly... is that my fault? I mean, did me not showing her affection now and then turn her into being this cold and wild person?

The way I c it.. u didn't hurt her at all.. just make sure you want to be with her also.. because if your just doing it to just to get her back.. not worth it.. and in my experience, she's gone or want someone else.. I wouldn't believe everything she says for e.g she's stressed .