Hi!

My boyfriend and I have been dating for one year. We are planning to get married. We have made a commitment in our relationship not to have sex until our wedding night.

Now, we have both had previous partners, before we became Christians. I have never had an orgasm during intercourse. He doesn't know that, since we don't talk about sex much right now. Before I became a Christian I struggled with masturbation. I know I can orgasm really quickly on my own. But, now I have convictions about masturbation. I don't want to play around and try and orgasm from vaginal masturbation, rather than clitoral. Sex always felt good, I just didn't orgasm.

I have two questions.

1. Do you have ANY suggestions on how I can be confident I will orgasm during sex?

2. Should I tell him I never had an orgasm during sex? I'm very comfortable talking to him, we are very open. But, I'm can't decide if this is "too much information". Should I just leave my past out of our sex, and make sure we learn how to orgasm together?

Thank you! I know it sounds like we have a very weird relationship. Haha! We don't. We just made a commitment. :) It will be worth the wait!! If you have any questions about it let me know. :)

When you adhere to a new religion, you become a new person and all of your previous sins are wiped clean. Don't sin by masturbation, and when the priest tells you, till death do you part, your husband shouldn't leave you. And speaking from a mans point of view, when a woman says she has never had an orgasm before, it is like a bet to the guy to give you an orgasm.

He most probably won't care, and if you love him enough, it won't even make a difference if you do or don't orgasm for your whole life.

But just tell him what you like to be done...

If I were making a list of the things to do to ensure a long, lasting marriage... at the top I would have one word: COMMUNICATE

Talk about goals, talk about sex, talk about money, talk about life. The more open you are about these things, and the earlier you begin to talk, at least in terms of where you are going... not necessarily who you've been with... the better.

For ex, I don't know all about my wife's past lovers, but I know she struggled with all lovers in one particular position... meaning she never hits orgasm in that position.

A great way to share open communication about marriage and intimacy it to share a book. One id recommend is Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages... it isn't about sex. Its about how couples can communicate or miscommunicate. Its an easy read, and one I think that's useful for newly married couples who are still learning each others languages and "dialects"...

Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages: Books About Marriage (http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/books_married.html)

Sharing a book like this can give you both something to center on, talk about, and start a pattern of openness concerning casually talking about all aspects of marriage, including sex.

The time to talk about sex isn't when it's a problem... its before it's a problem.

So what about sex? Along with chapman's books, some of which are christian "angled", but are relevant no matter the faith or lack of faith, another author I like is ian kerner... his series She Comes First... followed by He Comes Next, is a very nice, easy read into discussing how a woman's body can be primed for sex. His focus in She Comes First is mostly about oral on the woman... its not a book of sex positions, no kama sutra here... but it is very informative, I think, on how important sensitization can be for the woman. And sharing a book that isn't smutty, isn't gross, but is an easy read and thought provoking is a good way to begin talking about sex.

His book
Amazon.com: She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman: Ian Kerner: Books (http://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538252)
An interview
Who Comes First -- and Why? - AOL Coaches (http://coaches.aol.com/love-and-sex/feature/_a/who-comes-first-and-why/20060620090709990001)

My wife and I have had a long record of open talk about sex, but when she picks up a book, like she did with kerners, and says "id like you to read this part"... I listen to her and I read it.

I hope your fiancée is open minded enough to understand that success in the bedroom with you requires honest and open discussion. The things he might naturally desire might not be what you like most, or they might. I approach my wife differently that I would if I was just being selfish and only concerned about my own satisfaction.

So don't put too much pressure on wedding night sex. It might be all you wanted, it might be less. Don't let an orgasm or a lack of orgasm take away from the experience.

We talk pretty openly in this forum, as it is adult sex, so feel free to answer or ignore my following questions.

You can reach orgasm yourself. That's great. Some women struggle with this. It means you physically can get there. When you self stim, were you responsive to clitoral stim or was it vaginal stimulation? Also understand that self stimulation during intercourse can be a powerful way to enable yourself to reach orgasm. There are times when the only way my partner might hit orgasm is by self stimulating during intercourse, and a previous partner could hit orgasm every time with this. It means both partners need to be open and willing to experiment, but its something to keep in mind.

With the partners you had sex with before... were you ever responsive to oral? With intercourse, had you ever taken a position of more control, such as woman on top?

Also I've talked about over and over how sensitization and allowing the mind to be lost in the moment can help many, my partner included, for ex...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-sexuality/intercourse-does-not-last-long-enough-240138.html#post1165457

The issue in this post aren't what you are facing, but the point where I talk about what helps my lover be optimally primed for great sex is relevant. Not that it's a recipe for you... it shows that sometimes you need to figure out what works best for your own body and mind. Some take the exploration process and turn it into a record of failure and frustration. I hope you can approach it with excitement and without hangups.

So... glad you are looking to take control of your sexuality and glad you are thinking about how to talk to your husband.

Don't count on wedding night sex to be the best. Too much pressure and both of you may be too tired

I have a question..

Do you guys do anything sexual (like oral or touching)? Because I am Christian and I am confused as to what's the right thing to do with your significant other when you've made a commitment to not have sex.. do you even kiss? Is it really hard to not do it when you know what it's like?

I wouldn't stress over it. Most girls never have an orgasm. Sex is just enjoyable for a girl in a different way than it is for a guy. He really probably isn't going to notice that you don't orgasm unless you just lay there motion less. Foreplay helps a lot for the girl at least it does for me and my friends and we talk about our sex lives all the time and they think the same way. A lot of them have never had an orgasm. Another tip is try it with you on top because you are in control and it is a little bit easier to orgasm, you can move in the ways it feels good and the guy will still probably like it. Communication is very important though you have to talk to each other about what you each like, and expeirment. And if you are not able to orgasm after a while and it still frustrates you, then deffinately let him know and work together on ways to ty and find a solution. And never be ashamed to buy books because they do help. Even the Christian Book Stores have books because sex is a ery important part of a marriage!! Hope this maybe helps some what