The X and I have been divorced now 4 years. We have an 3 children - 18, nearly 15, and 10. Last year the now 18 y.o. ran away and refused to come home. She lives with the X now and the younger two live with me. Child support was recalculated on the two and now he has to pay the c.s. to the State of Virginia Department of Child Support Enforcement (DCSE). He has tried to send me money orders through the mail and I just turn around and take them to DCSE. DCSE, in turn, sent him two notices (once by service by the Sherriff's Office) that all payments been to be made to them to be properly credited against the amount he owes. They also said that any amount paid directly to me will be considered a gift and not deducted from his child support amount.

This Friday, he gives the youngest a money order for $404.00 ($1.66 more than his could ordered child support for the month) and DS brings it in to me just prior to leaving with their dad for the weekend.

So... would you consider this a gift? Do I spend my time and gas taking the money order to the local DCSE office to ensure he gets proper credit for the amount? Oh, by the way, the local office is between my house and his so he could have easily dropped it by there on his way to get the boys on Friday.

DCSE said this morning that I could deposit the order, but that if when they find him in arrears at the beginning of May, he may want to go back to court saying that he did pay his child support for the month (although not in the method he's twice been advised of).

On one hand I feel that at least the X is paying child support, but on the other, dammit, he's so stupid for not going through DCSE for his own protection. He pays me directly and he doesn't get credit for paying anything! The reason I wanted DCSE involvement was for the occurrence which I feel is coming when he doesn't pay. They will be the enforcers and I won't have to have my $175/hour atty drag his butt back to court. KWIM? If I deviate from their policies that all support needs to go through them, do I somehow become enabling by removing DCSE from the enforcement ability/process?

And... as far as fighting for child support... I HAVE! I went a year w/o support for all three children because he claimed "disability". During this time we were back in court aty least 3 times. Funny thing, DH saw him working locally as a brick/stonemason (his former occupation) immediately after our court date when he claimed disability through a workmen's comp. claim. He got $63,000 from his claim and was working immediately after it. WTH!?

Oh, well... trying to come to the realization that there's a special hot spot down under for someone who is, as the judge called him, a malingerer.

Is this money order a gift? Any advice?

For some reason he does not want to follow the rules, perhaps he believes or has been told if you start accepting it, that DCSE will stop being envolved, so once they stop being involved, he can start not paying again.

( just a wild guess at what he may be trying to do)

Always expect motives behind stupid actions.

I think peronally keep sending though DCSE unless you are ready to go back to court again

Each state has it's own procedures for collecting child support. Typically that responsibility is delegated to a specific agency which will vary from state to state. In your state it's handled by DCSE. In my state it's handled by the Department of Probation. Usually child support is collected via wage withholding, where the employer of the paying parent withholds the court-ordered amount of support and them submits it to the appropriate state agency (DCSE in your case ; Probation in my case.) That agency then in turn submits it to the custodial parent of the child(ren) for whom the support is paid. The agency is responsible for all accounting and tracking procedures and for taking steps for collecting arrearages if any accrue. The only exception would be if the paying parent is self-employed. In that case only does (s)he pay the child support directly to the appropriate agency. Strictly speaking, any payments given directly to the custodial parent are gifts and cannot be used by the custodial parent as a defense should any legal action be taken for failure to pay child support. Your ex is foolish for not going through DCSE and paying you directly. But that's his problem, not yours. As for enforcement if he should stop paying, technically from the perspective of DCSE he already is in arrears since they have received no payments from him and therefore have no record of payments being made. That being the case they should already be pursuing legal action against him because according to their procedures he hasn't been paying, any money that he's given directly to you notwithstanding. At this point your best bet is to contact DCSE and inform them that you have received no payments from them (DCSE) and let them initiate the appropriate enforcement procedures, the first of which will probably be to seek an order for wage withholding. Take whatever money your ex chooses to give you directly and let the system do its job.

Why do you care if he can't follow instructions, he knows he should be paying through dcse, if he doesn't its his problem not yours, take the money consider it a gift and let him deal with the consquences

What does the check say on it ? Is there anything written on the memo line ?