I felt sad for my husband of a 1year and half together. He is very sweet, loyal, at times jealous but he thinks the world of me and my 3 children. Sometimes,I don't know, I feel he could be using me because I am pretty successful and spiritually endowed. He often proves to me that he would give me his last penny, meal, etc.to show me how good of a man he is.
Recently, we got approved for a home mortgage loan along with 11 acres of land. We were ecstatic! Then the mortgage co. Did the backround check and discovered he had a judgement on him. To help him, I sacrificed missing july's rent to pay half on my husband's debt. Now paperwork is in processing, the loaner called me today and told me they need to see a year's worth of rent reciepts, landlord info, etc. I panicked and redid my figures in budgeting. Either I pay the rent arrears and get the loan or sacrifice paying my rent to pay my husband's debt balance and still lose on getting a loan. I decided to drop him out of the mortgage contract so he can focus on getting back on his feet with paying his debts and then within a year I could refinance the home and add him onto it. (He didn't want to hear that).
50% of me feel I should not be responsible for his debts. He made me feel guilty for moving ahead with the deal. I am moving ahead for my children. I am doing this for my children. Sigh. The whole energy in my warm home is now soggy, sad and depressing. A big part of me feel glad I am moving ahead with this deal for my security, independence and who knows what may become of our marriage (not to think negative either). I don't feel 100% comfortable being locked into a 30-year mortgage with my husband of 1 year and half. He told me he is about us being a team and unifying. I feel guilty and somewhat selfish too about this deal.I think he is selfish also about his way or no way. Tell me what do u think? I reassured my husband that" if our love is true, you won't be left behind.if u truly and sincerly love me, then honey I aint going nowhere". P.S. He is sleeping on the couch and isn't openpetal with me. He is feeling really bad and he just lost his job 2 weeks ago. Thank you for your advice and opinions.
Openpetal

I decided to drop him out of the mortgage contract so he can focus on getting back on his feet with paying his debts and then within a year I could refinance the home and add him onto it. (He didn't want to hear that).
That sounds like an excellent plan. It will get you the house, and it will give him time to get back on his feet. In two years, your marriage could be heavenly.


He made me feel guilty for moving ahead with the deal.
And he thinks he's been honest with you? You aren't required to pay his debts that he incurred all by his lonesome!


He told me he is about us being a team
You're the only one on the team so far.


and unifying
Meaning paying his debts? And he doesn't even have a job?

I felt sad for my husband of a 1year and half together. He is very sweet, loyal, at times jealous but he thinks the world of me and my 3 children. Sometimes,I don't know, I feel he could be using me because I am pretty successful and spiritually endowed. He often proves to me that he would give me his last penny, meal, etc.to show me how good of a man he is.
Recently, we got approved for a home mortgage loan along with 11 acres of land. We were ecstatic! Then the mortgage co. Did the backround check and discovered he had a judgement on him. To help him, I sacrificed missing july's rent to pay half on my husband's debt. Now paperwork is in processing, the loaner called me today and told me they need to see a year's worth of rent reciepts, landlord info, etc. I panicked and redid my figures in budgeting. Either I pay the rent arrears and get the loan or sacrifice paying my rent to pay my husband's debt balance and still lose on getting a loan. I decided to drop him out of the mortgage contract so he can focus on getting back on his feet with paying his debts and then within a year I could refinance the home and add him onto it. (He didn't want to hear that).
50% of me feel I should not be responsible for his debts. He made me feel guilty for moving ahead with the deal. I am moving ahead for my children. I am doing this for my children. Sigh. The whole energy in my warm home is now soggy, sad and depressing. A big part of me feel glad I am moving ahead with this deal for my security, independence and who knows what may become of our marriage (not to think negative either). I don't feel 100% comfortable being locked into a 30-year mortgage with my husband of 1 year and half. He told me he is about us being a team and unifying. I feel guilty and somewhat selfish too about this deal.I think he is selfish also about his way or no way. Tell me what do u think? I reassured my husband that" if our love is true, you won't be left behind.if u truly and sincerly love me, then honey I aint going nowhere". P.S. He is sleeping on the couch and isn't openpetal with me. He is feeling really bad and he just lost his job 2 weeks ago. Thank you for your advice and opinions.
Openpetal



This should be combined with your other post - or else all the facts are not present in order to give advice. If he makes you feel like a sex slave, if he drinks too much, those things must be considered concerning how long will your marriage last and what are your best options - ?

I think you have to address the entire, big picture here to decide how to proceed.