Hi there, here's my story:

My ex and I met in our first year psychology lab in college which was only last year. We sat next to each other all the time and as time passed, we started talking more and then have drinks. In the start I knew that I liked him, but I knew he also felt the same way just by the way he treated me. And then one thing led to another, we kissed and then slept together and the next thing I know it was for real.

Now dating back when we were still friends, I remember him saying that he was never really good with relationships and I told him that I wasn't either. But somehow we both ended up together for 11 months and it was really really the best time of my life.

Within those 11 months, however, we have started to feel like it wasn't working out because I felt like over time, he felt less for me and lost his interest. We tried to talk about this a lot and somehow, we end up kissing again and he would try to make it work out too by doing little things. He said he really wants me and he loves me so I just tried to make it work with him.

Now last Monday (only 5 days have passed since he broke up with me) he broke up with me and I felt my world collide like I was falling into the deepest hole. I tried begging for another chance until the next day. And on Wednesday, we came up with a plan to make things work- 1 week of no contact and after that we can sit next to each other in class and see how we feel about being friends, and pick up from there. Honestly speaking, I have no idea why I was calm at that time but we also officially ended it that night and gave each other "the last possible letter we'll ever give each other as a couple". So right after, we hugged twice and I felt that he was still really upset about it and when I got home, I was back to being confused.

His letter said that he had the best year with me but only feel like it's the right time for both of us. How does that make sense? His friend told me that he said he wasn't ready for a long-term relationship but he took me to his family in December which I must say was a bad move for him. But I don't understand.

Anyway, the next day (Thursday) I wanted to still sort things out because I was left confused after that night. So I went over to his place and he was really cold then. I know I should've just followed the rules of the plan and give him space. He kept asking me to leave and he said I'm not allowed to come back, ever. Did he really mean that or was it just his response to my stupid decision to keep wanting to see him? He said I was just making it harder for the both of us. I know.

So then I left and went to my university to see a counsellor. He said that in a week or 2 weeks time can I only infer if I really want to be with him- when I have sorted myself out and he has as well. I thought it was true actually, but it's still hard to realize that. His friends were really concerned with me and how I'm taking it so they still keep checking up on me.

Right now, I'm 5 days from getting hurt and I have already stopped crying. I only have unanswered questions in my head as to what's going to happen next and what I should do. My mom said I should stop contacting him and forget about the "plan" that we worked out together. But somehow I think that in another few days, I might realize that I really do just want him as a friend. Help please?

In a week's time, should I go with the plan or just let myself move on?

When a man says "Im not ready for a long term relationship." they actually mean "I am ready but not to you." Do what your mom and ex said, don't ever come back, forget the plan and move on. Keep NC so you can heal faster and stay seeing the counselor.

PS. For your own good, don't make him your friend for now. Maybe in decades,and better enough to raise eyebrows and say " Do you still recognize the one you dump?"
Yes

I find that when people say they want to keep someone around as a friend, that is code for I want them as a friend so they will see how great I am and come around. That works in the fantasy of our minds but in the reality of our lives it is not practical or emotionally healthy. You can't be his friend because despite what you may tell yourself it's a friendship under false pretenses.

My mom said I should stop contacting him and forget about the "plan" that we worked out together. But somehow I think that in another few days, I might realize that I really do just want him as a friend. Help please?
Your mom is very wise, and you should listen to her, as she knows it takes a lot of time to get over someone enough not to have lingering feelings, and emotions to hold you back. You both must LET each other heal at your own pace however long it takes.


You can't be his friend because despite what you may tell yourself it's a friendship under false pretenses.

From the loss of a relationship to friends, is a longer journey than just a few days, as it takes time to heal, and a friendship where one partner has not moved on, can never be a true friendship. One of you will always have false hope of having more than the other can give.

You can't force friendship, nor healing.