14 year old son of my boyfriend has been under brainwashing from his mother. We have harassment charges pending on her. She has brought the child to our home and advised him to break in and steal money and valuable items. We did not want to press charges on the child. The child then vandalizes the home, as per the neighbors witnessed, and then felt remorse and washed the house off before we returned home. Two days ago I find the ex-wife parked on my front lawn stalking MY 14 year old son. I go to the police, they do nothing. She has stalked my son at other places he has been and it has been going on for 7 months. My boyfriends son sends him disgusting text messages that are absolutely vile and are the words we have heard his mother leave on our answering machine. This kid was a nice, happy child when we first met him 7 months ago. Our sons got along and played together. The ex-wife has tried non-stop to end this relationship between all of us and has succeeded. She uses the child support money to buy the child expensive gifts, new puppies, etc. for breaking into our home. The court finds nothing wrong with this behavior. Our lawyer is supposed to be the best in Kingston, NY. I think he sucks. Do we have to allow a 14 year old, undisciplined child to run our lives like this? This is mental abuse of a child on to a parent. The child told his advisor that he only wants to see his father 3 hours twice a month. He thinks this is so mom can keep getting the $1200 a month in child support. Where are our rights?

In your case it sounds like for many reasons it would be better to cut all ties at least until the son can grow up and realize what he is doing and apologize.
Having visitations when he is going to steal, vandalize, be a bad influence to your son and disrespect your family sounds like a big price to pay to include him in your life.

The son might think he has to have visitations to keep getting child support but he doesn't have to have any contact to still receive child support.
If I were your husband I would tell him NO more visits until you can apologize AND treat visitations respectfully.

You (husband) can also get a Protection From Abuse so the mother is no longer allowed to contact you or come anywhere near your home. For visitations it would be set up some way that the mother would not make contact with you (husband).

First you may not have done him or you any favor by not calling the police on the child, Get him into the system, so he can perhaps go to a boot camp or somewhere to learn some lessons of right and wrong.

Next get all of the evidence, neighbors testomony, everything and try and get a restraining order against the other women.