dontcallmeduck
Jul 11, 2008, 09:07 AM
This is a bit long, but please if you start reading, this means more to me than I can ever imagine anything ever meaning to me.
My girlfriend broke up with me only 2 days ago. We had been going out for almost 2 years, and we were very much in love. We were amazingly happy together and never had arguments.
We got together at the start of my final year in college, and quickly fell head over heels for each other. After only 5 months, we had decided we wanted to spend our summer together in another country. I know in most parts of the world, moving in so soon after the start of a relationship is normal, but in Ireland, this never happens - all the same we felt right about, and excited. We had the most amazing summer together, and knew we were destined to be with each other. We talked about everything we had right now, and everything we had to look forward to - such as moving in together permanaently, having children, growing old together. It was like a fairytale. Im 23 and shouldn't believe in fairytales, but after that summer and getting to know her, I do.
When we got back to Ireland, it was my girlfriend who was starting her final year. For the first 4 months, everything felt great, we were getting even closer to each other and really falling deeper in love. However, after Christmas, my girlfriend really needed to focus on her thesis (which I willingly and lovingly helped her with). Straight after the these there was study, and then exams. The day her exams finished she went to London for a week, and when she came home she moved back to her home with her parents for the summer to try and save up some money. I never realised all along there was a problem, and until last week, I still hadn't.
I felt the summer apart would be tough on us, I only got to see her once in June because of a lot of family commitments on my side (my parents recently divorced and Im trying to help both of them through it). But even after 3 weeks, everything still seemed amazing, in fact it seemed better because we hadn't seen each other for so long and were so completely addicted to each other.
But a week ago, my girlfriend said she was feeling like she was missing something from us for the last 6 months, and had only realised literally that day that she thought she wasn't in love with me anymore. I had not known any of this - we seemed perfect and she never told me how she was feeling, because she was afraid to hurt me. She tried to break up with me, but found it too hard (as did I, I couldn't let her go). She had to go home that weekend again for work, and I felt petrified as to what just happened, I felt like a rabbit caught in the headlights and didn't react.
Then last Tuesday, she came to visit me - I was so scared as to what was going to happen. We broke up. She said she was crying all weekend over us, and really felt that we had to break up because she was missing something. She still wanted to be the best of friends and wanted me to still be close to her because I was the best part of her life, but felt she would not be feeling empty if we broke up, as she felt she had more to give.
Since then we have talked every night on the phone, and text all day long. She says she still loves me. I still love her. She also says she is worried that she was too rash in her decision to break up, and has started agreeing with me that the reason she was feeling like that was because we weren't able to be ourselves with the pressure of her thesis, study, exams and time apart (and my job) shadowing us for the last 6 months.
She says the time apart since the end of college helped her to realise something was missing, but she also agrees with me now that what she felt during that time was might have been her missing being with me. She doesn't think we will get back together because she doesn't believe someone truly in love would ever hurt another person by breaking their heart like this, but I know when people are confused they can do anything and even though it seems to make sense, down the line it doesn't.
I am worried that if we stay apart too long she will start to justify this to herself more so than she is doing and really believe that we can't be together, and one day she will realise it was a mistake and its too late.
I have asked her if we can get back together and try and work our what she was feeling together, as we never got the chance to do that. She tried to work it out herself, and undoubtedly that affected how she felt as it was putting a lot of stress and pain on her. I didn't realise then, but I know now that was the case. If I had known I would have done everything to talk to her, open up with her and try to rekindle whatever it was that we had lost.
I know that once someone falls in love with somebody, they can do it over and over and over, and each time it feels even more amazing. I know she was in love me, she openly admits to it and said it was the most amazing feeling she ever had - but she doesn't believe she can feel that with me anymore. All I can see is that with everything that went on in the last 6 monthsof our relationship, it would have been tough for there not to have been some changes there to how we normally were - and obviously these changes made her forget she was in love with me.
If we could be together, without the stress of what happened over the last 6 months, without worryng when we are going to see each other again because of the distance between us, I know we can both be in love with each other again.
I need to know what to do. I am afraid if I leave her to it she will forget what being in love as a couple feels like. I also know this space can help her realise that what she really wants is to be with me - since the only thing that makes her unhappy (and she only feels unhappy sometimes) is feeling like she is missing something, I know there is every chance she can miss me more and realise it was a mistake to break up.
I also really feel like chasing this, and not letting go at all. We promsied to each other we would never let go, and until last week we were still saying 'forver'. I would not feel right if I did not fight for the girl I truly love with all my heart, but I know that this could also push her further away by upsetting her.
I know one of the answers to this will that if I truly love her then let he do what she wants to make her happy. But I don't think she knows what she wants, she says herself she is deeply confused by everything at the moment, she knows being with me makes her happy, and she loves being with me. But she hates that she can feel like something is missing. She says she can be too critical, and that she can often get scared of a good thing and always wants something better - personally I don't see that in her, I don't want her to settle for me but I don't want her falsely thinking that she wants something better.
Can someone please tell me what to do, and please also leave advice on what my ex-girlfriend should do, as I have no doubt this is something we should share. I may tell her about this, I may not - I don't want her to be offended by me posting this but I do want to try and help her through this, but I would much prefer to do this as her boyfriend.
Thank you all for your help.
My girlfriend broke up with me only 2 days ago. We had been going out for almost 2 years, and we were very much in love. We were amazingly happy together and never had arguments.
We got together at the start of my final year in college, and quickly fell head over heels for each other. After only 5 months, we had decided we wanted to spend our summer together in another country. I know in most parts of the world, moving in so soon after the start of a relationship is normal, but in Ireland, this never happens - all the same we felt right about, and excited. We had the most amazing summer together, and knew we were destined to be with each other. We talked about everything we had right now, and everything we had to look forward to - such as moving in together permanaently, having children, growing old together. It was like a fairytale. Im 23 and shouldn't believe in fairytales, but after that summer and getting to know her, I do.
When we got back to Ireland, it was my girlfriend who was starting her final year. For the first 4 months, everything felt great, we were getting even closer to each other and really falling deeper in love. However, after Christmas, my girlfriend really needed to focus on her thesis (which I willingly and lovingly helped her with). Straight after the these there was study, and then exams. The day her exams finished she went to London for a week, and when she came home she moved back to her home with her parents for the summer to try and save up some money. I never realised all along there was a problem, and until last week, I still hadn't.
I felt the summer apart would be tough on us, I only got to see her once in June because of a lot of family commitments on my side (my parents recently divorced and Im trying to help both of them through it). But even after 3 weeks, everything still seemed amazing, in fact it seemed better because we hadn't seen each other for so long and were so completely addicted to each other.
But a week ago, my girlfriend said she was feeling like she was missing something from us for the last 6 months, and had only realised literally that day that she thought she wasn't in love with me anymore. I had not known any of this - we seemed perfect and she never told me how she was feeling, because she was afraid to hurt me. She tried to break up with me, but found it too hard (as did I, I couldn't let her go). She had to go home that weekend again for work, and I felt petrified as to what just happened, I felt like a rabbit caught in the headlights and didn't react.
Then last Tuesday, she came to visit me - I was so scared as to what was going to happen. We broke up. She said she was crying all weekend over us, and really felt that we had to break up because she was missing something. She still wanted to be the best of friends and wanted me to still be close to her because I was the best part of her life, but felt she would not be feeling empty if we broke up, as she felt she had more to give.
Since then we have talked every night on the phone, and text all day long. She says she still loves me. I still love her. She also says she is worried that she was too rash in her decision to break up, and has started agreeing with me that the reason she was feeling like that was because we weren't able to be ourselves with the pressure of her thesis, study, exams and time apart (and my job) shadowing us for the last 6 months.
She says the time apart since the end of college helped her to realise something was missing, but she also agrees with me now that what she felt during that time was might have been her missing being with me. She doesn't think we will get back together because she doesn't believe someone truly in love would ever hurt another person by breaking their heart like this, but I know when people are confused they can do anything and even though it seems to make sense, down the line it doesn't.
I am worried that if we stay apart too long she will start to justify this to herself more so than she is doing and really believe that we can't be together, and one day she will realise it was a mistake and its too late.
I have asked her if we can get back together and try and work our what she was feeling together, as we never got the chance to do that. She tried to work it out herself, and undoubtedly that affected how she felt as it was putting a lot of stress and pain on her. I didn't realise then, but I know now that was the case. If I had known I would have done everything to talk to her, open up with her and try to rekindle whatever it was that we had lost.
I know that once someone falls in love with somebody, they can do it over and over and over, and each time it feels even more amazing. I know she was in love me, she openly admits to it and said it was the most amazing feeling she ever had - but she doesn't believe she can feel that with me anymore. All I can see is that with everything that went on in the last 6 monthsof our relationship, it would have been tough for there not to have been some changes there to how we normally were - and obviously these changes made her forget she was in love with me.
If we could be together, without the stress of what happened over the last 6 months, without worryng when we are going to see each other again because of the distance between us, I know we can both be in love with each other again.
I need to know what to do. I am afraid if I leave her to it she will forget what being in love as a couple feels like. I also know this space can help her realise that what she really wants is to be with me - since the only thing that makes her unhappy (and she only feels unhappy sometimes) is feeling like she is missing something, I know there is every chance she can miss me more and realise it was a mistake to break up.
I also really feel like chasing this, and not letting go at all. We promsied to each other we would never let go, and until last week we were still saying 'forver'. I would not feel right if I did not fight for the girl I truly love with all my heart, but I know that this could also push her further away by upsetting her.
I know one of the answers to this will that if I truly love her then let he do what she wants to make her happy. But I don't think she knows what she wants, she says herself she is deeply confused by everything at the moment, she knows being with me makes her happy, and she loves being with me. But she hates that she can feel like something is missing. She says she can be too critical, and that she can often get scared of a good thing and always wants something better - personally I don't see that in her, I don't want her to settle for me but I don't want her falsely thinking that she wants something better.
Can someone please tell me what to do, and please also leave advice on what my ex-girlfriend should do, as I have no doubt this is something we should share. I may tell her about this, I may not - I don't want her to be offended by me posting this but I do want to try and help her through this, but I would much prefer to do this as her boyfriend.
Thank you all for your help.