:confused: Hi all,
This is what my Partner said:


"With all due respect Sue will never listen to another, she knows her own mind to the exclusion of all others, shame really as her heart is in the right place, and it’s just the way she copes with stuff.
It may be a cultural difference!!!!!!!!!!
And in part I have always indulged her, so I have to take responsibility.

Unfortunately for me it may be menopausal, however I am hell bent on catching up on what I feel has been missing in my own life, and much to my shame I have given up on being the dutiful what ever is expected and gone totally off the rails, in the nicest possible way. i.e. I am not out to hurt anyone, just want to catch up on stuff I feel I have dipped out on whilst being a responsible partner, parent.

The kids are all (educated) adults now and as far as sue is concerned she is not suffering any great loss, other than she is no longer in receipt of my undivided attention.

Yes she is missing that what she took for granted, after extensive talks over the years, she simply does not get what I am feeling when she left me to cry myself to sleep and the way her personal neglect made me feel.
So I threw in the towel, I simply gave up, walked away before I did something really stupid, like implode.
I realise this may confuse her, but I will always be there for her, not as a partner, but as a dear friend.
I can’t see her ever changing, god knows I have tried to express my feeling to her and I love her sooooooo much, but it’s killing me, no matter what I do or say, makes no difference, she simply does not see the hurt in my heart.
And god knows I have done everything in my power to make the woman happy.
Cal x"




And this was my reply to her

With all due respect I do listen and take on booard what people say, YES I have my own mind, and at the moment I am just trying to cope in the best possible way.
Nothing to do with cultural differences!!
Yes Cal has always 'indulged me' and so have I, looked out for one another, made sure the other is happy and content, we may have not always succeeded and failed on certain parts, but is that not what a relationship is about??

Yes it may be menopausal, midlife crisis, and do understand that you are hell bent on catching up what you feel has been missing in your life. You always have done your own things, NEVER have been stopped to do anything you wanted, you were always encouraged and I always "indulged you too" as you call it.
When in a loving Partnership is this not what you do? Because you Love the other person and try to make them happy with everything you got?

Yes I have done things that have hurt you, and no I am not proud of that fact. Yes I DO UNDERSTAND, because I do know how you feel, because that's exactly how I am feeling right now.
After 18 years, being loved,cared for, we both have taken each other for granted. And yes I miss you, your touch, the way you used to kiss me, or stroke my hair as you walked passed me, and everything.
I don't want your undivided attention, just a small proportion. I am so sad and sick I give anything just having you a tiny little bit, than not at all.

You say you don't want to hurt me and you love me soooooooooo much then why can't you show me?? Lets take the hurt away from our hearts and ease the pain because its killing both of us, lets love each other again.
Why can't you be with me and still do all the thing you feel are missing from your life?
You are my soul mate, my lover, partner, and my bestes friend as long as I can remember. And YES GOD knows you have done everything in your power to make me happy.

Love Sue xxxxxx
Can someone please make sense??

Do either of you work??

Could this be empty nest syndrome, as our kids get older, and leave, we lose the things kept us on our toes, and we feel unwanted, and unneeded, and many struggle with getting their own identity back, after years of giving, loving, and nurturing our kids.

You both should first see a doctor, and then proceed in getting something to do, besides worry after each other. Don't get me wrong, as we all have to make adjustments as we get older, and the situation changes, but step back and see a bigger picture, and adjust to it.

Hi Talaniman

Well yes we both work, I work full time and my Partner is in between jobs at the monent.
You right it is most probably empty nest syndrome, but that does not alter the fact that she just won't go and seek help.

Do you think it will get better and that she comes back or have I lost her as my Partner forever?

I am crying my eyes out as I write I am so unhappy and feel like my heart is breaking in million pieces.

Love
Poppy

You can't force her to do anything, but you can help yourself, and that's what you do, less emphasis on what she is doing, and more on what your doing. No one can say what the outcome will be, but give her space to deal with it. Deal with yourself, and don't dwell on what ifs, at this time.