Hi all,

Im 22 and I have been with my boyfriend who is 24 for 5 and a half years, and for the last 3 years I have been asking him every now and again what he wants from life and where he can see us going, It hasn't worried me in the past that he doesn't know what he wants, and doesn't really have any interest in discussing it and each time I've its always ended in me saying, OK well will you think about it? I'd like to know where you see us going..

But recently I've become so frustrated that he just doesn't give it a moments thought, I mean I've got all the usual plans like marriage and kids and I've spent the last 6 years working very hard in my job, and now I am pleased to say I'm reaping the benefits of it in satifaction and financially, but he is still in the same job low paid that he hates, no aspirations for promotion or self satisfaction at all, I guess that I'm just worried that I'm wasting my time with this guy (dont get me wrong I love him to peices) and that I'm going to end up 35, still working really hard, unmarried, no kids, and he's still just lazing around shouting at his games console!

I'm sure lots of men and women out there can relate.. anyone been in a similar situation or have any advice?

My advice is to just pull away a little. Don't push the issue, don't give him an ultimatum. If you really feel the need to, just break things off. If he doesn't want to commit or even talk about it, then why should YOU work hard so that he doesn't have to?

**edit** By breaking things off he might realize what he's lost, you never know. He should be at least able talk things over with you since its been so long.

My ex didn't feel he had to work or anything. He got rid of his car, only stayed at a job for a week or two and wanted me to buy him EVERYTHING and he wanted to use my car and everything. Well I was working at starbucks for close to minimum wage with student loans and a car payment, supporting the both of us (his rent, my rent, his smoking habit... ) using my connections to try to find him a job while he did nothing all day. That's my story of the first and last dead beat with no future. Lol

Thanks Rockstar for your advice,

Its kind of just got to the stage where I just don't want to mension the future because it starts an argument, it just feels easier to potter along than to shake it up, but I guess that's just the ways things get when you've been together so long, I know its time now for serious answers, but do you think it ever happens that way? when you break it off and he realises what he's lost? I guess I'm just a little scared, I mean Ive been with my boyfriend since I was 17/18, but then again I guess fear isn't a good enough reason to stay with someone

I think it does. I broke up with my ex (he was cheating, that's a different story for a different day) and he came back and was all "I'm so sorry, I'll change, I'll get a job" blah blah blah, it never happened, but I guess it was the thought that counts.

Maybe he's just stuck in a rut too. You guys have been together a long time and sometimes that happens on both ends, but there should be SOME communication on where you guys are headed. Its not fair to you to leave you in the dark.

I'm sorry to hear that,

Yeh I agree I think he's stuck in a rut, but how do you get an elephant out of a drain?
Im starting to think that he's just not a person who tries at anything, or ever will, I guess if we go on a break ill find out if he thinks I'm worth fighting for. Scary stuff but I guess you have to go two steps back to take three steps forward

Yes, yes you do.

I've had to take breaks from lots of people, friends, my dad. Sometimes you just have to in order to save your sanity.

I think he's stuck in a rut, but how do you get an elephant out of a drain?

Tear up the drain!

He is unwilling to communicate on that level that allows you to work together, or he doesn't want to change for the better, because of inability, or fear. Either way requires direct action from you, in your own interest.

Go for what you want. He doesn't have to talk, just listen.

Gee the 'party' is over here and I missed out being all alone over here...


https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/am-wasting-time-dead-end-relationship-236028.html

Sorry Nohelp... :(

Check out this link Get Him to Commit - Cosmopolitan.com (http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/dating/him-commit?click=main_sr)

Thanks guys, tried to have another talk to him today, well I talked at him, tried to get some answers and in the end he just walked out of the room, he's asleep now and so I've warned my parents that I'm going to spend a few days or so with them. Its just so frustrating that we've been together this long and he just has no fight in him to keep me! It hurts tbh

You shouldn't have to be in a relationship with someone that's making you unhappy or hurting you.

Maybe you should tell him you think a break is in order. He's obviously not getting it and he's not mature enough to have a grown up conversation about grown up things.