I was dating this guy for about two years in total, sort of an on and off relationship thing, but there was never anyone else in the picture. We were officially dating for a year and 3 months. It was not perfect but he was a guy I could trust be myself with and have a great time going out. We had so many amazing memories together, and spent almost every day together. We even had cute couple names for each other, I know weird but that is a different story. Towards the end (about 3 months ago now, everything is so hazy) things started to go down hill. We were not titled boyfriend and girlfriend but we acted like it in every way.
It all started with my horrible drunk night with the girls (I don't drink often either). I had way too much to drink (way too much, I think any more and I would have had to go to the hospital) and hooked up with this guy who I had been just friends with. Not once did I ever have feelings towards him to want to hook up. When we were making out and stuff (no sex) I sort of snapped back into reality and told this guy I wanted to stop. The guy went home and I cried to my best friend because I felt horrible about what I just did. The day after I cried and when I finally told my (sort of) boyfriend I cried then too. He was just silent about it. He didn't have much to say until about 3 weeks later. He told me that I cruched him and that ever since then he couldn't touch me the same even though when we would sleep together he seemed to get passed it. I thought he had forgiven me because we were sleeping together again.
Later on I find out all this stuff about how he had two girls that wanted to sleep with him, but he didn't because he was being true to me. I think he said that because he wanted to make me feel guilty, and I did. To this day I feel guilty and when I think about it I feel disgusted in myself because I acted WAY out of my character.
I guess he sort of accepted the fact that I screwed up but I don't think he forgave me. A few weeks later he started hanging around with one of the two girls who wanted to sleep with him. She would show up at our gym (he even picked her up first so she had the front seat. His guy friends used to move seats to let me sit beside him when we car pooled somewhere) She even tried to sleep with him again after he turned her down the first time, and he did turn her down the second time. I figured since I was his first girlfriend (he was not my first boyfriend) that he enjoyed the attention he got from this other girl. He told me that he wouldn't be with her, only me, then the next thing I know he's telling me he doesn't want me to go to a bunch of parties with him. I find out he went to this girls house for a party, and he didn't tell me about it, I had to see the pictures on the internet through his friends. There were arguments after arguments, and I became the most angery, controlling person and I'm not normally either of those. Again I was acting out of character. It was like I was losing him so I was losing a part of myself so I started to act this way.
After I think things are pretty bad about a week or 2 later, he starts hanging around with this other girl, who I completely trusted him with, a lot more. They would hang out alone and I would never get that uneasy feeling in my stomach. They had been friends with since they were little kids. He tells two days later after one of her parties that he kissed her and didn't regret it, but still really wanted to be friends because I'm like family to him and I know him better then most of his closest friends. Of course all the thoughts of how he told me he loved me, and all those time where he said we had a " special connection" came to mind.
I was a train wreak for a while. I feel like this is all my fault. I have not spoken to him for a couple of weeks now, and I know everyday it is getting easier and easier to not want to get in contact with him, but I become more curious as to what he's up to. His dad comes into my work all the time and we talk, not about him, just other stuff. I was really close to his family and got to know his dad really well. His one dog was like my dog too because his family bought him when I was around. They raised him when I was around, and the dog knew me as one of the family members (im an animal lover). I lost so much and it hurts a lot. Things did not end well, not on a good note at all. It was like he became a new person all of a sudden, almost like a did a 180 and decided to drop me and all the amazing memories all of a sudden just for his old time friend. He told me that he didn't and couldn't like her any more then a friend a while back, but he does now.
I need help letting go and forgiving myself because I feel like it is my fault for his change. I still love him, and I would love to know whether he regretting by now. I wonder everyday if he's started to regret letting me go and choosing his long-time best (girl)friend. I wish I could know. All my connections to him a gone, and I know it will take me a while too get over him, but everyday I think we could have been together a lot longer but it's all my fault because of my screw up. I need all the advice I can possibly get on every aspect of this!

First of all Cali, PLEASE put paragraphs. Normally, I would have passed your post by, because it is so hard to read, but something told me I should read yours.

I don't know how old you are, but you sound quite young. It really wasn't anything YOU did in particular, in my opinion, to drive him away. It is a part of growing up. He may have been hurt by what you "almost" did, but trust me, he would've done this anyway. I'm not saying this to make him sound like a bad guy, he is just a normal guy.

If you want to know what is going on, and what he thinks, you need to ask him. No games, no pressure, no expectations, no manipulation,. just honest communication, in a quiet place. Not at a party, not where his or your friends are around, not in the middle of the mall..!

Tell him that you screwed up bad, and that you miss his friendship. Tell him that you will move on if that is what he wants, but you don't want to lose him as a friend.

In the meantime, don't sit around and cry over him. If there is anything that makes a guy want a girl really bad, is being happy and confident! They really don't want the trashy girls, they really want the ones that don't take any bull!. and won't stick around for it either!

Forgive yourself! Everyone has errors in judgement! Next time you decide to drink too much (I hope not too often) have a girlfriend with you that has a signal you've agreed on, to tell you... enuf girl! ;)

You both broke the trust you had in each other, while his may have been a revenge hook up, blaming alcohol for you hooking up with someone is not an excuse at all. It's time to realize the relationship is gone and time to move on. You sound young enough so in time you will find someone better suited for you.

I think Starbuck is right as you have both enjoyed something special, but as life does to us all, we change as we grow, and so do the things we hold so close. Young people make mistakes, that's how we learn, and grow, and your no different, and neither is he.

Forgive yourself for what, being young? You have already apologized to him and he was hurt, but accepted, so no reason to continue beating yourself up, and move ahead is the thing to do with all the memories.

Accept the changes in life and know you must love yourself enough to be happy with who you are without him in your life and let yourself heal, and move beyond this chapter of your life as I can guarantee, even more awaits you on your journey through life, and you better be ready to deal with it, and keeping growing through it. Read the stickies for this forum, they will help you understand that we all have to deal with the same things your going through. There are links in my signature, so please read them, and know you are not alone.

My Ex and I have been apart for four months now and he is still with the girl he left me for. I recently came back home from school for thanksgivng and went out to a bar with my friends. My ex showed up without his girlfriend. He was sending me texts saying it was nice seeing me and hello. So my friend who was drunk went over to his table and was talking to him and telling him he was an A**hole for leaving me. She came back and told me he wasn't going to talk to me because I wasn't talking to him? (even though he told me he wasn't going to talk to me for 2 months till stuff blows over). My first instinct was not to answer the texts. My thoughts were if he were a real man he would come over and talk to me like one, but my friend convinced me to tell him to come over and talk to us.

He went to the washroom with his best friend several times before he came over. Im assuming that they were preparing what he was going to say. When he came over he specifically wanted to talk to me in private. We walked over into a section of the building that was closed and we sat down.

Now this part still is confusing to me, and ill make my point right away that I am for sure NOT thinking about getting back together with him, but I though I would see what he had to say.

In a nutshell, he was telling me that he had been thinking about me since the breakup, and a lot. He told me he though he was going to see me at a concert (my favourite band was playing, but I wasn't there) and was planning on what he was going to say to me, but he said he didn't want to see me. He said he had been thinking about the past 2 years of us being together so much and that he he missed it. Im assuming he wasn't extremely drunk because he wasn't studdering, breathing heavely, or showing his regular signs of drunkenness (been drinking with him several times, I know what he's like when he is over the top). I didn't say much to him because knowing to myself I could hurt myself, I didn't want to tell him how I still really felt about him, but to be fair to myself I didn't say anything. Again, he was repeating the same stuff, how he misses me, how he thinks about me all the time... etc. I simply asked him why he was telling me all this stuff when he had a girlfriend. I said he didn't know, but he said he was really happy with her but really missed me. Later on that night his friends came up to him and told him they were leaving. He said he wanted to talk more, and told him he was going to walk home (which was quite a long walk). I told him I had to go to the washroom. When I came out he was gone, so I went to talk to my drunken friend outside, and as I was watching his friend came back in to look for me. I didn't show though.

I got 5 texts that night, all stating he was "sorry for everything" and "he was walking home alone" and was "sorry" again, said he was "sorry and would talk to me later"... etc (you get the idea)

The next night he was saying sorry for his acts at the bar, and somewhat denying the fact that he said he missed me and stuff.

The big questions that I need feed back on I guess would have to be, does he really miss me? Or is he just saying that because he was a little tipsy? OR like my mom commented... is he trying to see if I am still there for him in every way just in case something happens with his current girlfriend?

PS sorry for spelling and grammar, writing this in a hurry!

I think you need to stick to your guns and ignore him. Seems to me like he left you for the "grass is greener" syndrom. It is your choice, but don't let him use you as you deserve much better! Just my opinion.

You know if he is broke up with his new girlfriend for a couple months and is still missing you and sorry, he may really be. It is possible for guys to realise they made a serious mistake and be sorry.

I think your mom is dead on. He probably does miss you, especially if he's the type to want what he can't have (which I'm assuming his current girlfriend is a result of) but essentially, I think he's just testing to see whether you'd still be available if things didn't work out between him and the girlfriend. I'm glad you didn't give him the satisfaction of boosting his ego by admitting to missing him. I'm happy for you that you got to keep your dignity and the fact that he's now denying saying he misses you shows that he feels like a bit of a fool. But if he was sincere and had honest intentions, he wouldn't have denied saying what he said even if he was a little embarrassed the next day.

He said to me the next night on the computer that "he said what he said and doesn't take it back", but when I asked him why he was telling me certain things he's was saying he didn't say that

Im so confused!
Like did he actually mean what he said to me that night at the bar, or was he just acting without thinking because he saw me in public and he just so happen to be under the influence?

I have to agree with your mom on this one, I think he was just checking to see if you could be the rebound if things go wrong with this girl he is currently with. And if that just so happens to be the case, he is definitely a jack a$$! Be strong and move on, you don't need someone like that in your life.

No matter what his intentions are, one thing is for sure, he is doing this to mess with your head, whether it's how he truly feels and wants to 'test the waters', whether he's unsure about his recent life choices, whether he wants to have a fall back plan, no matter what it is, the bottom line is that he is messing with your head so that you will wonder about his intentions, about what he tells you, about him... and it's working! If you're truly minded about getting over him completely, don't give him the satisfaction of being successful at making you think about him. That's ultimately what he wants, and that's what he's getting. Don't agonize, overanalyse, or pay him or his words more attention that he deserves.