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euphonisms
Jul 8, 2008, 08:24 PM
So here is the scenario... I am 21 and my fiancée is 23 and we are going through a really really rough patch and I am afraid that I have lost my desire for her. When we first met, there were sparks everywhere and she was the perfect woman for me but now things are changing. I am seeing that she is a lot less emotional than I am(she is a perfect melancholy with a hint of choleric, and I am about as sanguine as they come) and it is driving me crazy. I can't get her to share her emotions with me, nor can I get her to trust me enough to talk about anything under the sun. I can't stand not talking to her every day or seeing her as much as possible but she is perfectly fine with not seeing or hearing from me for several days at a time. Another problem that is causing quite a bit of stress is sexuality. We used to be sexually active with one another(but not intercourse itself) but then all of the sudden it stopped and she "wants to get to know me better" and "develop a healthy relationship" AFTER the acts have happened for most of our relationship. It is concerning me because in one breath she will tell me how she would "like this" or "knows i'm good at that" and then say "I want to wait until we are married for anything more" and "I want to get to know you better"... I am not asking for any castigating remarks but I need to know if my concerns are validated. She is not a virgin, and neither am I and I am just confused because she has gotten mad lately at me trying to be intimate with her and I just really feel far away from her now.

frangipanis
Jul 8, 2008, 09:17 PM
You don't sound happy at all, so at the very least, you'll need to postpone getting married until you've worked through this.

That's interesting. I did the personality test and I'm sanguine/choleric. Would have thought differently.

I wouldn't be overly reliant on a personality test as a basis for judging the compatibility of your relationship at the moment (or at any time, really)... just me.

N0help4u
Jul 8, 2008, 10:45 PM
Yeah you can't rely totally on the test to determine your compatibility. I think Yahoo personals and some other sites have relationship tests and if you do a numerology birth/name chart that tells you pretty accurately if you are right for each other.
She sounds like she really isn't all that interested in a relationship. Personally I think I would just not call or try spending time with her until she makes the next move.

euphonisms
Jul 9, 2008, 04:19 AM
I know what you mean... I've been trying to just kick back and relax but if I do that, it is rough on me. The major problem is that she basically said she is leaving me if I don't stop trying to be remotely intimate with her... We have done everything but intercourse(I promised her that I won't try until we are married) but then all of the sudden "SCCCHHHRRREEEEEECCCCCHHHHHHH" everything comes to a halt and kissing is barely acceptable. I am having a hard time adjusting to that because touch is the primary way that I give and receive love, and not just in a sexual way. I fee like she is asking me to change the very man that I am. I may seem like I am complaining a lot but I do still love her to the bottom of my heart, I just can't seem to find the tools that I need to help give my future wife what she wants from me and to get what I want too(which is closeness).

I should point out that I have been making a lot of changes for our relationship lately... The biggest being that I have gotten on medicine to help control my ADHD so that she doesn't feel so overwhelmed by my intensity.

lmangileri
Jul 9, 2008, 05:00 AM
I would go to this website. The Five Love Languages (http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/) A coworker gave me this book a while back because I was telling her about similar problems I have had with my fiancé at the time. I read almost the whole book and asked him to do the same. It basically teaches you the different ways people show love and how different people will be more responsive to one way than another. I asked my fiancé to read it too and I think it helped quite a bit. We're now married and I couldn't be happier. I hope this helps!