My oldest brother is 34 and I'm 14. My other siblings are in their late 20s and early/mid thirties. My parents have always had problems with my mom's kid, my oldest brother and my oldest sister. My grandmother always indulged them because she felt bad that they had divorced parents. My mom had to play the "bad cop" in these situations while my grandma gave then whatever they wanted.

At a very young age, my brother became addicted to drugs and alcohol. My mom had loads of problems with him and she then she met my dad. He helped as much as he could, but my brother couldn't manage to straighten out. He couldn't handle any stress or responsibility. When I was born, I was his little princess. He did whatever he could for me, except straighten out. He never put me in any harm (except for once, unintentionally). Throughout my childhood, he was in and out of my life. Sometimes he was in prison, other times he was out of contact with my family because they were mad at him because of his lifestyle. When I was five, he got married and had a daughter, divorcing shortly after. He seemed to get in more and more trouble then. He was okay for a short while and went to prison after that. I didn't see my niece again until she was about three and it was confusing for both of us. The next few years, he was in and out of prison and I saw her for brief periods. He started getting vistation once out of prison. She started coming to our house when he wouldn't answer the door for her. In the end, he came to our house and demanded to see his daughter, but legally, he could only see her if she wanted to see him. I went out with my niece and he started yelling at her to get ready and that she was coming with him. She started to cry and I told him to knock it off, she didn't want to go with him. He started shouting at me too, claiming that we had "brainwashed his daughter." She didn't leave with him, needless to say. A year later, he went through a straight period before he was sent to jail again. I don't know why my parents keep taking him back and talking to him, but he started coming around again. We recently found out that he was stealing from us and my parents flip-flop on whether he should be here or not. He doesn't live with us.

Right now, he has no job. He's been doing odd-jobs for my dad and pays his rent with that. He pretty much expects me to find him a job, which is ridiculous. My mom uses me as an example all the time, showing him that I'm an Honors Student with my own job and I'm only 14. I don't really want her to do that because I want to be as far from this situation as possible. My parents know this, but I still keep getting brought up. Sometimes, I want my brother to be here and other times I want him to be across the world. He can be really great when he's out of trouble, but that isn't very often. What can I do to help him? No one can seem to get through to him and he doesn't want any sort of rehab or anything. I'm torn between wanting to help him and wanting to get out of all of this. My parents can't seem to decide either. I seem to get tossed back into everything. Is there any advice you can give me? What would you do? I'm hitting the point where everything with him seems a bit hopeless. This whole thing seems so messed up and I don't know how I should feel about all of this. What should I do?

Sorry this is so long, I just didn't know what you would need to know. Thanks in advance.

I have had friends that are like your brother... and if he is still addicted to drugs then the money your dad is giving him is going towards drugs(rent too I guess) but if your dad only gives him enough money to pay rent then he won't have extra for drugs or alcohol. He might get money for that other ways but at least your family is not supporting his habit. And as for you helping him... sit down, and explain to him that you love him, but all the trouble he is causing is hurting you and the rest of the family. Give him options.. if wants to get into trouble he can leave, but if he wants to straighten up let him know you and your family is behind him. And since he has a daughter, she shouldn't be exposed to drugs, and drinking! And who wants a dad who is in jail and comes around when he wants? I know I wouldn't! So tell him that if he wants to see his daughter he is going to have to come around more, sober, and happy. She will edventually want to see him. If he still doesn't care you guys could cut him off completly(no money, no talking, no anything) and he would relizes he needs you and your family. I really hope I helped some!

There's nothing you can do for him, he's the only one who can change.

Whether to allow him into your life is your decision, and a difficult one to make, especially at 14. He's proven time and time again that he can't straighten himself out, every time he does your parents take him back only to have it happen again.

He needs help, professional help. You could talk to your parents about doing an intervention, speak to a specialist about this, give your brother the option of getting the help he needs. If he decides that he doesn't want that help, then you and your family have to be ready to cut all ties with him.

Your brother is causing allot of stress and hardship on your family, that isn't your fault, or your parents, and especially no his daughters. Just be strong, you're a bright girl, you'll figure it out.

Good luck. :)

Yeah, my dad doesn't give him money until his rent is due, then he takes the exact amount to his landlord.

Thanks for the answers, guys!

He is their son, in the end they will often help him for no other reason. And it is hard very hard to do the tough love and they think somehow they are helping by paying his bills since they can not think of him sleeping on the street or being back in jail. Most likely they blame theirself secretly for things that happen.

But for ou, you don't do anything, that you don't want to.