I'm starting to consider killing myself based on the outcome of an event (non trivial) that should occur by the end of the week. I've never so calmly and rationally thought about it like this before. That is what is worrying me now, I'm scared I will try to go through with it. I'm thinking it is the only way I can show people how I am feeling. I don't want to talk about what's going on with me. Let's just say things are getting to me and I am finding it difficult to cope.

Anti depressants? My reaction is always no way I don't want them. I don't want my thoughts and feelings to be controlled with drugs. Maybe I can be persuaded that they are a good idea? The other problem is I'm sure they are a temporary fix, and when I come off them I will be back where I started. Counseling I have tried and it's been fairly useless, I don't want to pursue that at the moment.

I want to know if there is anything else I haven't considered? Because at the moment I am feeling like I am running out of options and the best thing to do is to die :(

I would recommend that the best thing to would be to find an out let in which you can release the emotions and feelings that make you feel this way, something that you can fully get into that will help releave the stress.

Dma, you need to get into contact with a hospital or counseling center, they can evaluate you and get you started on some medicine, which just might help you.
SuicideHotlines.com - When You Feel You Can't Go On -- Let Someone Know Your Pain. (http://www.suicidehotlines.com/)

Wait it out , things will change I promis you. I've been there , I know. If you were to end it now you will never know what wonderful things are waiting for you in your future.

Medication will give you temporary relief while you gradually work on solving your problems. The time to use anti-depressants is when you are overwhelmed by emotional pain. It does not necessarily lead to a life-time of dependency. Had you been suffering a physical illness that needed urgent attention such as a broken ankle, you wouldn't hesitate to get the help that was needed.

The fear of the stigma of mental illness prevents people seeking and receiving help in the early stages of depression. I'm sorry you're hesitating to get the help you really want and need as I'm sure there are people in your life (present and future) who won't want to live without you.

Believe it or not people care about you, even us complete strangers. Please get some help, it's free and you will get through it. The short way out is never the right answer. I am sure you are better than that.

Pills work to bring your chemical levels back into balance, and once you're there, you can be weened off them and remain in that balance, so you're not back at square one (that's what I've heard from doctors, but I decided against them too. However, I wasn't suicidal.) If you think about it, you're at your lowest now. If you end it now, it can never get better. Do you really want to disable your capacity to hope so readily? I know it's tough right now, but you CAN get through it. All you have to do is not kill yourself. That simple. Hope I helped, and I hope you get some help. I think you could benefit.

I'm starting to consider killing myself based on the outcome of an event (non trivial) that should occur by the end of the week. I've never so calmly and rationally thought about it like this before. That is what is worrying me now, I'm scared I will try to go through with it. I'm thinking it is the only way I can show people how I am feeling. I don't want to talk about what's going on with me. Let's just say things are getting to me and I am finding it difficult to cope.

Anti depressants? My reaction is always no way I don't want them. I don't want my thoughts and feelings to be controlled with drugs. Maybe I can be persuaded that they are a good idea? The other problem is I'm sure they are a temporary fix, and when I come off them I will be back where I started. Counseling I have tried and it's been fairly useless, I don't want to pursue that at the moment.

I want to know if there is anything else I haven't considered? Because at the moment I am feeling like I am running out of options and the best thing to do is to die :(

First no one result is worth killing yourself, lose a job, lose a spouse or partner, they are all replacable, lose a place to live, there is always another one. Nothing is that bad, ever. So you need to talk to someone, don't know your age, but you need to talk this over with someone. And no medication does not control you, in fact it is the opposite, when seriously depressed, the chemicals in your body is controlling you from actually thinking clear ( no person thinking clearly would even consider killing thierself( the drugs help clear your mind and help you actually think properly, using your own mind.

Ok, you don't want help, most people who are sick and depressed don't want the help and often family members have to force them to get the help or at some point the system does. So you don't want help, too bad you need it. So go talk to someone.

And again, you can be homeless with no money on the street, guess what, so what? Things are bad things could get worst still but things will normally get better latter.

I've read some of your posts, you have allot to offer other people. I don't know what's going on in your life, but I do know depression, I do know how you feel.

You've taken the first step, you're reaching out, asking for help, and that's why we're here. You need to talk to your doctor, pills do help, and they will get you through this rough time, let you have time to deal with your problems.

Suicide is the end, that's it, it's not a solution, it's not the way to go. People love you, people care about you, this wouldn't only destroy you, but everyone around you, it's not the answer. Please, get professional help, you aren't alone in this, but only you can get the help you need.

I wish you all the best, you are strong enough to survive, you will get through, I believe in you, now you have to believe in yourself.

Within a 24 hour period I had a fire in my apartment losing everything I owned; my boyfriend left me; I almost lost my life in the fire and have permanent smoke inhalation damage to my lungs; I went to my job only to be laid off. I had literally nothing but I didn't do myself in.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Just stop and think for a minute what my 24 hour nightmare must have been like to go through. Somehow I made it through that horrible day. You can make it through the week, trust me. Whatever the problem pressing upon you right now, it too shall pass.

It too shall pass.
__________________
Twinkie gave you this wonderful phrase to say... even if you have to say it all day long to make it through that day.

I'm starting to consider killing myself based on the outcome of an event (non trivial) that should occur by the end of the week. I've never so calmly and rationally thought about it like this before. That is what is worrying me now, I'm scared I will try to go through with it. I'm thinking it is the only way I can show people how I am feeling. I don't want to talk about what's going on with me. Let's just say things are getting to me and I am finding it difficult to cope.

Anti depressants? My reaction is always no way I don't want them. I don't want my thoughts and feelings to be controlled with drugs. Maybe I can be persuaded that they are a good idea? The other problem is I'm sure they are a temporary fix, and when I come off them I will be back where I started. Counseling I have tried and it's been fairly useless, I don't want to pursue that at the moment.

I want to know if there is anything else I haven't considered? Because at the moment I am feeling like I am running out of options and the best thing to do is to die :(

Dear DMA, there certainly is something else you have not considered. Going to GOD in prayer and discussing this matter calm and collectively with Him. Since it is He who made you in the first place and gave you your own personal hour-glass counting how many years you have until He calls you home, it behooves you to go to Him as any son or daughter would go to their father and speak out what it is that has brought you to this point in your life and ask Him to tell you if taking your life before He is ready for you to come Home is what He would recommend you do.

I am very glad that you have considered discussing this matter with us as I, for one, Do CARE about your feelings and have decided to spend this time with you to let you know that a total stranger can care about you, one who has never seen you before or knows of your background, because we are all ONE in the family of God and YOU, DMA are included! When even one person considers ending their life, it is like the threat, for the rest of us, of removing that cornerstone of humanity, one of the most important pieces that holds the rest together. For if you were to do what you speak of, who would follow next? There are many impressionable people out there who come to these forums to read what others post and might want to take your idea as well. It would be a great achievement for you to reconsider your life on this planet and what lessons, designed to make you an even greater person, you came here to learn and how, despite the odds you feel may be presently against you, you can FIGHT to achieve those goals! That is what makes CHAMPIONS! You could not be a quitter because there is still that spark of HOPE in your soul and spirit that has led you to reach out to us. That is why it is so important that you go to God in prayer and speak to Him. You do not even need to be a Christian to do that. Just know that God created you too if you are not! Of that there can be no doubt. And His Caring for you is most Special because you are UNIQUE and SPECIAL with abilities that simply no one else in this world has, because they are not YOU, it has to be something that God gave to you for which you can feel very very proud and blessed to have!

I do not want for you to waste your time thinking about how you can cancel that precious gift. Whatever you are going through to cause you to reach this point in your life cannot be as insurmountable as the cup that was laid before Jesus Christ who came to be Our Lord and Savior. He gave of Himself so that we all could have Eternal Life by simply ACCEPTING Him into our life and Giving of ourselves to His cause. And you know what? Part of that giving is that you Remain Alive because He is ready to HELP you right now! Know that He would never give you more than you can possibly bear. The reason you feel the way you do is because there is division in your thoughts caused by Christ's adversary, satan. He does not want for you to finish your mission in life and thus, wants you to end it soon so that he can laugh and feel victorious. Do Not Let Him! For he is a liar and wants to cheat you out of your precious life, dear friend. And as one who truly cares, I would rather spend this time with you now and cancel all of my other plans I had for this evening in order to bring this special message to you. It is a message of LOVE. Why? Because as part of our human brotherhood, I want for you to know that You Are LOVED! I say this in all sincerity from deep within my heart. Those respondents on this thread who have taken the time to speak to you also, care very deeply or they would not have responded. Therefore, you are not alone.

When you go to God in prayer, it does not take a miracle to speak to Him. For He is there for you and has always been. You need just go to a place where you will not be disturbed and fold your hands as you feel comfortable and start speaking to Him. Even though all you may physically hear is silence, do not be dismayed. For be assured that He has heard your every word! Then, in due time, you should listen to what He, as your Heavenly Father, would say. He needs you here and now. With all the Love He can ever give to one of His children, He reaches out to you now. Please meet Him half way and touch His hand as He reaches out for yours. This moment should be the most special one in your entire life. You will forever remember when you do this and know that He will guide you in ways you never thought possible to get your life back together again with Peace and Tranquility as it should be. If the problem or difficulty you now face was given to you out of LOVE, you would not be considering what you have spoken about. You are a being of Love, conceived in LOVE therefore, you must align yourself with the LOVE that not only we give to you but that God your Heavenly Father gives to you. You have free will, however, to consider this or not. But if you choose the latter, you will never know the mountains of grace you would have gained from listening to the ONE in the entire universe of universes who already has a Great Plan for you and your continuing life and is just waiting to see if you wish to accept it!

Please look at the beautiful rose to the left of my message and the Light that shines down from above and know that you are that rose and the Light is coming from Heaven shining upon you as an invitation to remain firm with your life and that just as that rose is beautiful, God sees you as being the beautiful person that you truly are!

Thank you most kindly for allowing me to be a part of your family this evening and hopefully for a very long time, DMA, as without you on this planet, life and the totality of precious life, would be minus one Very Important Person -- YOU, my dear friend. Be at Peace with God with the Lord at your side and His Holy Spirit and May He Bless and Protect You Always From All Bodily Harm!

Within a 24 hour period I had a fire in my apartment losing everything I owned; my boyfriend left me; I almost lost my life in the fire and have permanent smoke inhalation damage to my lungs; I went to my job only to be laid off. I had literally nothing but I didn't do myself in.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Just stop and think for a minute what my 24 hour nightmare must have been like to go through. Somehow I made it through that horrible day. You can make it through the week, trust me. Whatever the problem pressing upon you right now, it too shall pass.


Must say great courage twinkiedooter.. keep it up and take care always.

Your emotions are all choked up and held back by a thick veneer of analytic respectability... you have to find a safe place where you can tear down the wall that has all your emotions held back, emotions all jumbled up and in confusion, get those emotions out so they can see the light of day. :)

Don't give up on life over stuff that "happens" to you such as divorce, losing a job, moving, or any other event that many face. Happiness does not depend on the superficial events that happen to us any more than a placid uneventful life can bring happiness. A love for living comes from within... get those mixed-up emotions out so they can be examined and discarded. :)

Best wishes going forward,

I have felt like you. Things have happened to me that seemed so unfair and so bad that it was impossible for me to imagine life ever getting better. It did. I am getting up in years, and I can tell you from experience- all things pass, problems that seem insurmountable eventually are resolved one way or another and acceptance does eventually bring relief. You will get through it- whatever it is, and eventually, you will feel better. Do you feel impossibly overwhelmed? Dreading something is always worse than its actuality. As for anti-depresssants, they won't "drug" you or cloud your thinking, but, they won't work quickly either. It will take a month or so for you to feel any effect, and it is not a magic pill. If you are clinically depressed- these may eventually help you. If it is just that you are overwhelmed, angry, hurt, feeling that the world has turned its back on you, dreading some terrible future event then I think that you need to talk to someone who is willing just to listen. It will help to say it out loud to someone who can be trusted and not someone involved in the situation. Lastly- Who cares if other people know how you feel! I know that we all do care, but listen- NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW HOW ANYONE ELSE REALLY FEELS. And some people don't or can't even try. Killing yourself will not accomplish that. There are people who will listen if you don't have anyone. I will find the #'s and post as soon as I can.

Sorry to hear that:( ; don't sell yourself short. Antidepressants or other medications to help stress and suicidal thoughts, are originally given in low dosages while you deal with therapy. Please get some professional help. Give yourself another chance. No one knows what you are going through and it doesn't matter if they have experienced it too. Your reaction or coping is not similar to theirs.

Look in the phone book and call the crisis center. Be honest with yourself. We have all done things we have regretted.

Do take care of yourself and trust in the higher power.

Good Luck

Oh dear! I'm not doing very well am I? Thanks for all the replies.

Isn't it possible that there is a limit to how much a person can take before it becomes too much to deal with? Yes things can always get better one day. But if it gets worse for too long then the strain can not be tolerated any longer. I will probably find out the outcome of the event I mentioned next week now. Still, if the outcome isn't good I could be in trouble. It could go either way I really don't know what the outcome will be right now.



Your emotions are all choked up and held back by a thick veneer of analytic respectability....you have to find a safe place where you can tear down the wall that has all your emotions held back, emotions all jumbled up and in confusion, get those emotions out so they can see the light of day. :)
Good insight but how do I do that?

Would you care to share the event for which the outcome would be so detrimental to you? It might help if we could give you alternative solutions to the problem that might seem to you like the end of the world. If you would like to share, I'm sure we would be more able to give you the best insight, though I understand if you'd rather not.

Even though you don't want to talk to someone you have to if you don't want to have those thoughts ever again.

I am not sure what kind of event you are anticipating... a drastic blow to your income and standard of living? Loss of a spouse? Going to prison? It matters what's going on in your life, and what has gone wrong in the recent past that has your emotions at the breaking point.

One thing for sure, a person has to have a varied life so that when one or two aspects go south, there are other parts of a person's life that bring enjoyment and happiness. If as you say, a lot has gone wrong, that is what brings a person to the breaking point.

Now, if this crisis passes, you can take a sigh of relief, and then, analyze your life and take steps to add positive things to your life to add balance... like a couple of new friends, exercise(I'm big on exercise, a cureall, of sorts)like being on a bowling league, getting a new job... whatever it takes, one step at a time, to bring happy activities to your life.

I'm hoping you settle down until the news comes... I remember reading some of your posts here on amhd, and wouldn't want to see you do something drastic... I'll share this with you, about two months ago, I almost ended it all on an impulse when I was in a very deep depression late at night. I was almost in a frenzy of despair. I made it to morning, and soon the feeling left me when I got in touch with a good friend and settled down. Then, I did my usual daily regimen of looking how to be happy or enjoy the day. :)

We all can learn from what we go through and find enjoyment. We have to remember that during the bleakest times.

I hope you will get back to us when the crisis is over and tell us good news. :)

Until then,

Have you tried natural remedies at all? I have a few issues and I have never tried medication for them.Instead I use an holistic approach.Sometimes that's all it takes.. change of nutritional needs,mental/emotional/spiritual balance.It CAN make a world of difference.

I have not tired natural remedies. I can't really see how they work to be honest. Depends on the problem and the person I guess.

Ok I didn't want to tell you the event because I know what you will say. And you are right, you have said it already. It's about losing a job. It's not a dream job and it's not a well paid job. It's about how I am expecting to feel about the whole situation and the reasons if I do loose it. Don't say it's nothing... "you can get another job". Think of the straw that broke the camel's back.

As I am right now I am not that depressed. That is what I meant when I said "I've never so calmly and rationally thought about it". How I will feel in a few days depends on the outcome of the situation.

I know that gut wrenching feeling to do with 'knowing' your life will fall apart based on a decision at work.

What's actually happening? Can you be a bit more specific?

Hi again, DMA,

Losing a job is a shocking and frightening experience for many... when I worked at the bank, I talked to a lot of people who lost their jobs and were rolling over their 401k or esop, or whatever.

Then, one day, I got called in, and I was out... and left ten minutes later. My job was my whole life and my whole identity. I was totally shook to the core. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other until I gained some financial security of sorts. I have to say that I was working as a totally disabled person, so I qualified for Social Security in two months.

Life may change, but there are always positive things going on in life.

Did you lose your job?

I have not tired natural remedies. I can't really see how they work to be honest. Depends on the problem and the person I guess.

Ok I didn't want to tell you the event because I know what you will say. And you are right, you have said it already. It's about loosing a job. It's not a dream job and it's not a well paid job. It's about how I am expecting to feel about the whole situation and the reasons why if I do loose it. Don't say it's nothing... "you can get another job". Think of the straw that broke the camel's back.

As I am right now I am not that depressed. That is what I meant when I said "I've never so calmly and rationally thought about it". How I will feel in a few days depends on the outcome of the situation.

Natural remedies for such as depression can help ease the symptoms.No, it will not make the issue go away but it can help lessen the severity of it.

Did you lose your job?

I am almost certain I will find out tomorrow (friday). I have been told the personnel manager will be speaking to me.

I have been OK but now I know its tomorrow I am not feeling so good. Took me about a year to get this job. I really wanted it. I have done my job well and they are so busy there. So why will they want to fire me? Well, I lied on my application form. It was not to decieve them to get a job I am not qualified for or not able to do. I really wanted this job, I just wanted to be given the chance. I don't know what I am going to do if I loose it. Just struggle on? Keep trying? It's been long enough now.. too long. Will I try and kill myself? I really don't know. I never would have thought I would cut myself but I did in the end.

DMA, losing a job isn't the end of the world, there's always another job around the corner. Everything happens for a reason, and don't be so certain that you are going to be fired, don't burn your bridges yet.

Tomorrow go in with a level head, explain yourself clearly, do not hide behind the lie, but admit why you did it and that you regret it. Tell them how much you love this job and that you do not want to lose it. They are human beings, give them a chance.

If you do lose your job, then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and find another.

Have you gone to your doctor and told him/her about your depression? I think med's would really help you right now, and some therapy.

Just remember all the things you do have to live for, dig deep, I know they are there, focus on those, not the negative. You will get through this, it won't be easy, but the most important things usually aren't.

If you ever want to talk PM me, I'm here, along with so many others on this site. We care about you and what happens, so talk to us. Okay?

Going off what Alt said, what about your wife or kids if you have them? Don't have them? Well give yourself a chance to get them. I know everyone says "it's just a job, get another" and that's exactly what you don't want to hear, but they are saying it for a reason. It's not that it doesn't suck to lose a great job that you love, it goes more along with the saying "when one door closes, a window opens." Ya, I bet if you lose this job it will suck juevos. But I bet if you don't give things a chance to improve after that, you will miss out on the happiness you can have after. Good luck.

I've taken anti depressants for over 12 years. I have weened off them and stayed off for as long as 1 year and my depression always returns. I believe that I have clinical depression and I will take medication for the rest of my life, rather than ever having to feel that hopeless, painful, dreadful feeling of wanting to die again. When I don't take my meds, I'm angry and cry constantly. I cannot concentrate and nobody wants to be around me. When I take my meds regularly, I'm productive, functional and react normally to situations whether they are good or bad. I cry when it's appropriate and get great enjoyment from just being alive. I have never felt numbed by the medication, only in control of myself and my life. There are hundreds of different anti-depressants to try and surely one of them could help you get a better perspective on life. At least go talk to a Social Worker or a doctor or someone who can steer you in the right direction. Don't give up. Life is so full of miracles.

I got fired today. I explained why I did it; because I really wanted the job, not to try and deceive them. They left to decide and came back with the bad news.

I did my job well and got on OK with everyone. Turned up for work even when I was not feeling well. Stayed on to finish work even though they were not paying overtime. Overall I think I was a good employee. It was a risk to lie on the application form. It was possible I could have got the job without lying, but I don't believe I would have got it. This is the first time I've done this and I did it because I wasn't getting anywhere. After being out of work and really depressed for a very long time, I thought this was going to be my break.

No I don't have a wife or kids. And this job was a basic, minimum wage job in a supermarket. So let's say I can't do that. Get another job? What else is there? I should aim lower than the bottom rung? I did well at school and quite well at college, I'm not stupid.

What do I have to live for? It's made clear to me that I am not wanted. Everyone is better off or would prefer it if I wasn't around. I have had enough of feeling like this.

I don't know about other people in your life, but even not knowing you except through this post, I would feel absolutely horrible if you weren't to come back. Every life is worth something, and now I'm connected to yours, even though it's only through a keyboard and screen. Your perception that you're not wanted is wrong. You just can't see anything straight through the tears and heartache over losing something you wanted so much.

You obviously have a good work ethic. Maybe your answer is not to aim for a lower level, but aim in a different direction at the same level, if that makes sense. If I may ask, what did you major in in college?

There are people out there, employers, women, searching for people with your work ethic, who can be really committed. Don't sell yourself short. Yourself esteem is low right now. That means you view yourself WAY more critically than everyone else does. You see every single one of your flaws, even the most insignificant, and perhaps some that aren't even real, while everyone else sees the good parts of you that you overlook. At least give it time. Don't make any decisions right away.

Your perception that you're not wanted is wrong. You just can't see anything straight through the tears and heartache over losing something you wanted so much....You obviously have a good work ethic. Maybe your answer is not to aim for a lower level, but aim in a different direction at the same level, if that makes sense. If I may ask, what did you major in in college?

Yes, please don't make any decisions at the moment, and promise us you won't do anything to hurt yourself.

Four years ago I was given the choice to accept an early retirement after 24 years of service or be fired. I took the retirement. Afterward, my income was cut in half, my car was repossessed, I filed bankruptcy and then re-established a whole new nightmare of debt. I'm fighting with my mortgage company to avoid foreclosure and I'm so far in the hole, I might never get out. BUT, I keep taking my meds and I get up everyday and try to make the best of it and never go to sleep without counting my blessings. Many of us are at the bottom of the barrell these days and it gets extremely overwhelming at times, but remember that nothing in life stays the same. Everything is constantly changing. Starting over again and again may seem tiring, but it's one of the cycles of life, like night and day or Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. It's all cycles. Hang in there. I'm praying for you.

If you kill yourself your just another cliché. Make something of yourself! Don't let some event control your existence. Think of what your killing yourself would do to family and friends. If you ever need someone to talk to, we all will be here.

DMA I am really sorry to hear about you losing your job. Desperate times do seek desperate measures. If you are indeed going to kill yourself could you hold off for a few more months... please:( ? You see, I can't take losing another friend so soon. I know I seem selfish but since you came into our lives you are a part of us, please promise to hold off a bit.
You did what you thought was the right thing to do... the lying part. Don't know what you lied about but right now that is not important. It is quite obvious you have some really good work ethics; you are what society needs more of. Every job is important; fortunately and unfortunately some people have choices as to the kind of job they want to do. Your so called" basic" job is not so basic you did the work, so you know how much had to go into it to fulfill that circle to keep the supermarket running. Whether it is the cashier, bagger, bathroom cleaner etc they are all important. I see that no matter what task you are given you do it to the best of your ability.
You certainly don't want to hear any cliché but "everything does happen for a reason" and in the end you might thank God for unanswered prayers. There is a plan for you. You said you have some college so I am going to assume you know some stuff about computers. You might be able to sell some stuff on the computer or learn how to open your own business….starting very small of course and possible not getting paid a lot at the beginning. I know it seems far fetched but this might be your time to do the impossible... realize the dream you deemed impossible. Isn't there something you have noticed at the supermarket that needs improving? You might be the one to devise a plan to improve and fix it for all supermarkets or businesses.
DMA we all love you and look forward to hearing from you and no, we do not know exactly how you feel even if we had the same demise, we all react differently.
I just want to keep on writing so you can understand how we all feel about you and your situation. Please don't shut us out keep us informed. Oh yeah, picture yourself with those little ones running around. The little daddy's girl you adore. You have been loyal and good to every one... do me a favor and try to treat yourself the way you have and still treat others. We all have scars, scratches and bumps from the road of life; it is not always easy getting up, sometimes you have to crawl for a while or use crutches before you can walk on your own again. You will overcome this NYC sized pot hole.
Good luck to you and I will be saying a prayer for you.
Remember you are not a bad person and we are all looking forward to hearing from you.

I am from england, so when I say college I think that means high school in american english. I did maths and physics A-levels. They are one down from degree level.

With regards to getting another job even in a supermarket is going to be very difficult. Academic qualifications are worthless compared to experience (except specific jobs like a doctor, etc. that have to be qualified too). I am rather disappointed since I've always been told it's really important to do well in school to get a decent job. But just getting ANY job is very difficult without experience. So you see to just go out and get another job is not always possible. What's really needed is a family member to put in a good word to get you that 1st job at least. That is how it is here, I wonder is it different in the USA? I know it was very different for my parents, they could just go out and get a job right after they finished school at age 16. No experience needed.

Starting a business is a nice idea, but I would really not be good at that. This isn't me selling myself short, I am being realistic.

I have really good work ethics? In that case then, this supermarket is going to loose out by not having me there.

Wow, you took GCE "A" level Maths and Physics?:D I am totally impressed;) . I am almost scared to ask how many "O" levels did you received. Congratulations how on earth did you do it and what grades? I am so proud of you. Now I understand and thanks for you honesty. I think if we all put our heads together we can come up with a possible solution to your job dilemma. Now what are your hobbies and do you do volunteer work. Can you do that for experience? I know I am losing focus but how many subjects did you take at school. Is there a possibility you can become a tutor... you do have so much to offer. Is it easy to convey what you know to others? You did excellent in two hard subjects and if you can break that knowledge down to a struggling Secondary school student... in ways that no one else can that would be great. Maybe you can give lessons privately or publicly for exposure and to open another maybe chance for you. This is going to take some time for us to figure out what you might be capable of doing?

Is this vaguely helpful? Future possibilities maybe?
maths jobs (http://www.ecmselection.co.uk/maths_modelling/)

Well here, any "good job" you will likely need some kind of experience, but for jobs at McDonalds, I don't think you have to even graduate from high school (unless you want to work in a management job maybe). Maybe you can get a job at a restaurant or something? Maybe a mom-and-pop kind of set up? Best of luck.

DMA ,frangipanis has a really good idea, do check that site out. Anyone else out there with other ideas please post them. You are right about experience.. no job without experience and can't get experience without working.

Do check the internet and check the possibilities. There is something out there for you. For all you professionals on this site please post your ideas and comments. I know we only know what is posted by the writers on this site and we don't know them from Adam but everyone deserves a fighting chance. There is someone out there who can assist DMA in ways the rest of us can't so please do the write thing and assist our buddy, deal with this battle.

To everyone else out there thanks for coming to the aid of our friend DMA.

One other thing DMA start writing a journal. It will put things in perspective and give you something to look back on when you get into another struggle... and believe me there will be more you will be able to see and deal with them in a different way.

Hey thanks for your input everyone.

Yeah I've noticed people seem quite impressed if I say I have maths and physics A-Levels. Unfortunately, I think A-Levels are pretty much useless unless you use them to get into university. I can't even sleep properly (even with over the counter sleeping pills), university is just way too difficult for that reason alone.

So I'm a bit screwed up; I'm trying to sort myself out. This supermarket job was part of that. I'm doing OK at the moment and better than I thought I would be. You guys are helping me, I could be quite different right now. And this forum is like a journal, and a bit like counseling (only better). But if I try and get another job and fail, I can start taking it personally and could get depressed. Start thinking about the past like losing this job and why and things could really get to me.

It's OK to feel the way you feel. It usually sucks when you are moving toward something only to be rerouted to take a detour, or are moving away from something only to be held back. It is good that you are looking for answers and options right now instead of wallowing in self pity. I am truly happy to hear that things aren't as bad as you thought they would be, and that you are still with us. You can "journal" here as much as you like, and we will all listen.

Just to put things in perspective, my mother-in-law lost her job a few months ago and has gone to about 5 interviews with one call back and no offers, but she hasn't given up yet. Just because you don't get the next job you go after, don't let it mean that you aren't good enough or aren't worth much. Sometimes is less about being the right person and more about finding the right job. Life goes on even through the "end of the worlds" that people experience every day. I hope that life will lead you to a newer, better opportunity that you didn't even know existed, and I hope you recognize it when it happens and note how if you ended your world over this situation now, you wouldn't have a chance to participate in that opportunity. It may take weeks or it may take years, but I'm pretty certain it will happen eventually. Best of luck to you.

DMA I am happy to know that you are feeling better:D . As for the way you feel. You have some "perfectionist" tendencies. Most of us can handle what life throws at us but sometimes things happen and we can't cope the way we think we should, so we go into a depression. Remember that some of us here are merely giving our opinions and even the professionals at this forum are not fit to give you exact answers as many symptoms mimic each other. What I am trying to say don't self diagnose:( . I think you are doing fine and to have people to talk to can do a lot more than one can imagine:) .

I am one of the strongest ones in my family, always there for everyone, giving advice and lifting everyone's spirits and one day I lost one of my friends and there it was depression. Soon I had to do the most embarrassing thing... see a counselor. It was not all bad and it helped a lot; it helped me to see things in a different light. You know just like we are doing for you. I do think at some point you may need to see a professional and probably get some medication for a period until you can cope better with what is being thrown at you. Just something for you to consider.

Now as for your certificates. It is the same way wherever you go. The more degrees you have the less important they seem to become as these competitive years go by. As for being impressed with your certificates... well people with "A” levels usually acquire "O"levels first. Then no matter what part of the world you are from besides Chemistry, Math and Physics are difficult subjects to pass. As for people with certificates; I am from a country where "O" levels will get you a job in a department store or a clothing factory and believe me I am talking cashier or clothing maker. It is also a ticket to get into the Community College or the Polytechnic. Yes, and to get into the University you better have "A" levels. You see we have one Community College and one University and I was not smart enough to get into either. You are such a knowledgeable person but it is quite obvious that it all comes easy to you, that you don't realize it. Nevertheless I think it is so cool.

DMA I know I have strayed away from the main topic but I just wanted you to know how truly special and intelligent you are and I know you have a lot to offer.
By the way DMA do you have any idea how hard you are on yourself:( ? Take care and be good to you for you;) . I will talk to you later.

Hello DMA! I'm so glad you came to this forum to ask for advice, and I'm so happy that you've been able to see how many people are here to rally around and support you.

I read everything you wrote, and it's clear that you're a bright, sensitive and thoughtful person. I have this sense about you... that if a friend of yours had written your post, you would be someone who could give them lots of compassion and some really good advice. What do you think you would tell them? I'm guessing that you would want them to feel like there is always so much hope worth having, no matter what the situation, and that they should do whatever it takes to get better. Well, that's what we're telling you! :)

Whenever someone considers suicide, for whatever reason, it's time to talk with a professional who can help you to handle whatever is going on. This is nothing that you need to feel afraid of. In fact, it's a luxury! Think of it this way: you don't have to carry the weight of your feelings by yourself! You get to have someone to whom you can vent all of your frustrations and tell all of your dreams. Even better, this is someone who will be completely on your side, absolutely looking out for your best interests, who doesn't judge you, who takes you seriously, who can give you advice you can trust... all the things anyone needs when times are tougher than usual. You get to have a coach, you get to have a friend, you get to have someone you can cry in front of if you have to.

I know you said that you've tried counseling before and you aren't throwing a party about the idea of going back, but please don't dismiss the idea just because you weren't 110% satisfied the first time. One thing to consider is that there are a lot of doctors out there, and some are better than others for each person or each situation. If you don't want to go back to the same doctor, at the very least consider going to another one. There are so many great therapists out there, and it would be a shame to miss the chance to speak to one when you need it most just because the first one wasn't your favorite of all time. :)

Let your doctor take all the weight off your shoulders. Like it has been explained by numerous posters, if medication is recommended, you should know that the whole point of it is to take the physiological imbalance out of the picture so that the real YOU can start feeling normally. Sometimes life's stresses can actually cause a chemical change in the brain. Medication serves to level the playing field, and to give you the chance to accomplish anything that would be a much bigger challenge without it. Like you, there are many people who are not tickled by the idea of taking anti-depressants, but as soon as they find out what it really does, they realize there's no reason to be scared of them! They're there to help you! Any good doctor will make sure that the medication prescribed is right for the individual, and that it's given in the right doses.

Millions and millions of people go through depression at some point in their lives, and a good percentage of them, through therapy or a combination of therapy and medication, manage to leave depression behind forever.

The best thing you can do is to take care of yourself when you need it most. There is no reason for you to have to feel the way you do when there are so many incredible options out there to help you get back on your feet.

I'm really happy to see you having such positive discussions here on the board, and I'm so happy to see you sharing your story here. I wish you a million lovely things!

Hi DMA we haven't heard you in a while. How is everything going?

Hi DMA we haven't heard you in a while. How is everything going?
Too soon to say for sure. I would say I am 'ok' at the moment. I'm supposed to be looking for a new job but I've been putting it off this past week. Not wanting to deal with it. Typical of me. I know why though. Because I know other people can get a job. Everyone can, can't they? So why not me? Well if I don't apply for jobs, I don't have to face that question. That's why I put it off.

linnealand, from my experience, one the first things the counselor said to me was that they never give advice. Also from the last thing I heard, I am still receiving counseling and I will be contacted with the next appointment. But it's been so long now it's clear they are not going to contact me because maybe I don't deserve help or at least other people deserve it more than me.

Hi DMA, it is amazing; you seem like such a good person, I bet willing to help others yet hard on yourself:) . I see you are in the "feel sorry for me" mood:(... that is OK but you are only allowed to let it last for a short time; that is BigS' orders.
It’s hard but you have to get back on that horse and start riding again. Jobs are extremely hard to get; one is over qualified, lack qualification or people are just not hiring at the moment; there are many, many more reasons. DMA you deserve a job as much as others do; stop selling yourself short. More doors will be slammed or closed in your face. Sometimes it seems like the world has an “all out war” against you. Not true. When one door closes another one opens, and another one and another one... the cycle can go on for a while. You might even have to look for a window if there are no more open doors.

You don't want to venture out right now because you know what will happen... and you may be right, but if you don't get out there you might miss the opportunity of a life time.
DMA you are depressed and have an obscured vision of everything going on around you and to you. You have to be good to you for you; you have to take care of you for you. If the counselor doesn't call you then you need to give them a call. For you to make an assumption that you probably don’t need help and others need it more than you do….. well you may have a point somewhere in between there…that should obviously tell you that “Wow” I am not alone they are people out there as troubled as I or worse. As for the counselor thinking you might not be in a crisis. I don’t know what goes on in that room but I know the first time I went to counseling, skeptical me told him some of my feelings I was not totally honest because I wanted to convinced myself that I was not one of those mental patients. I knew I had it together. DMA, I was trying to find a way to justify why no matter what I was not like those other people there to be seen. During my third session I started answering questions and before I knew it I had told the counselor more than I would care too, I was in tears too…didn't even realize it until I was handed a box of tissues. I didn’t feel stupid, just wondered how that happened and why? Well for one thing I was finally honest with myself, I shared what was going on with me and my true feeling with my counselor and in the end I felt better like a load was lifted….. no it didn’t fix the problem... it was like a break through ….a realization.
Counselors don’t fix your problem they give you the tools to help yourself, so you will know what to do when life throws you lemons instead of throwing them out because they are bitter…we learn to make lemon tea or lemonade;).

I am sure you have helped someone on this site with a similar or close problem to yours, you have let them see they are not alone and to go seek help. Your courage and honest is overwhelming. You may have saved a life.

DMA Be honest with yourself when you see your counselor:cool: .

Too soon to say for sure. I would say I am 'ok' at the moment. I'm supposed to be looking for a new job but I've been putting it off this past week. Not wanting to deal with it. Typical of me. I know why though. Because I know other people can get a job. Everyone can, can't they? So why not me? Well if I don't apply for jobs, I don't have to face that question. That's why I put it off.

linnealand, from my experience, one the first things the counselor said to me was that they never give advice. Also from the last thing I heard, I am still receiving counseling and I will be contacted with the next appointment. But it's been so long now it's clear they are not going to contact me because maybe I don't deserve help or at least other people deserve it more than me.

Hello again! I'm so glad you posted. We missed you!

Here's the story. My dad is a very prominent psychologist in the US. Most of my parents' friends are psychiatrists and psychologists, and I grew up around them and all of their children. Everyone I've ever known has been in therapy at one time or another. In fact, my dad always said that it's crazy *not* to go. :)

Since my parents are so aware of the benefits of therapy, we would often go to resolve our problems as a family. All of us also went individually. I've always found it helpful for whatever was going on. When my little sister suffered a serious depression as a teen, I was the one who took care of her, and therapy probably saved her life. A few years ago, a very significant person in my partner's life committed suicide, and I was the one who had to handle contacting her family, clearing out her apartment, and holding her friends as they wept. Depression is no joke, and as soon as the word "suicide" crosses a person's mind, it's time to get help right away.

Actually, your post is accurate - most therapists won't give advice... in the traditional sense. This means that they won't tell you who to go out with, or how to dress, or how you should feel about something that happened to you. But what they do is actually incredibly helpful. Let's say you go in and begin talking about how you're feeling and everything that's been going on in your life. The first thing is that I've found that just saying things out loud works wonders. It relieves so much of the pressure that builds up when you bottle things up inside. And then I've found that many times after I say something out loud to somebody, even if I really thought a certain way, I will find that the most significant ideas I was running my life on weren't right at all! It brings an enormous amount of perspective on everything. You'll find that the therapist might ask you questions that will bring you to answer them yourself! But the ironic thing is that it really does take someone like that to bring it out of you. It's very, very tough to do it alone, and there's no reason to have to go the hard way. Therapy is a very, very, very good thing.

I'm really glad to hear that you're been in some contact with a counselor. BigS is right in everything he said. Don't wait for them to get back to you - sometimes schedules and personal lives can get overwhelming (they are real people just like you and me after all :)) so there's no reason on earth to take it personally. Give them a call and make an appointment. If you tell them it's important, they will do their best to give you an earlier time slot. Also, if you're ever feeling completely overwhelmed, therapists will also accept emergency phone calls. Do call them if there is an emergency.

I know what you mean about putting off the job search, but the truth is that it's also part of the depression. The hard part is that it can make you feel even worse, just like you described. But don't beat yourself up! This is a time when you deserve compassion and kindness for yourself. You need to be taking care of yourself, and being loving and giving are the best ways to take you there.

I'm a math and science fan, too! Have you considered going for something totally different for the time being? I don't know if this is something you'd be into, but I was thinking that taking care of other living creatures might give you a lot of confidence. Perhaps you can see if a local shelter or kennel needs someone to help, even part-time? Also, animals can be very therapeutic.

It would be a great idea to go out and do something that you know you like, even if it feels like it's hard to do right now. Get some fresh air, get some exercise, and come home with a positive attitude, whatever you can do.

Even here on this forum, it's clear that you have a good and sensitive heart. You did well in school. You've been reaching out, and you communicate well with us. I think you should feel proud of yourself for all of these things and more. Post as much as you can. I'll bet that getting some of these feelings out is helping inside. Keep posting, and hold your head high!

I wanted to say thank you to you guys that have helped me. It means a lot I want to say I really appreciate it. I value this forum and it's members more than a real counselor.

I am too hard on myself. I try and be a good person but if things are not working out and I start blaming myself. It is easy for me to do, and if I start hating myself then things get worse.

I am really feeling better after reading your responses. I am planning on starting job search this next week too. But certain situations, and in particular certain verbally abusive family members, will have the ability to bring me down so am I going to move forward if possible but it's very uncertain what the next few weeks will be like.

Good for you DMA and I want you to consider us your family too. You definitely need to see a counselor; one thing you said and it is very important; seems like the people you should be able to depend on are the ones dragging you down. No matter what happens in our lives it is family that we expect to pick us up and give us encouragement. Your family certainly isn't there for you. They are supposed to love, encourage and forgive without being judgmental.

It is easy for us to listen to the negative when we are down. It is easy for us to be so blind when we are down that we don't notice how others are helping to drag us down. You see DMA you are very sensitive, caring and intelligent person but it seems like you won't be able to get out of this rut if you don't get help.

I am not trying to confuse or depress you now you are up again... I want you to be gradually and constantly moving forward. Be cautious of those who have nothing but negative to say to you; be weary of those who try to discourage you. DMA be careful who you share your dreams with. Remember “misery likes company” and your family might just be your poison. They may see themselves in you and in some ways you can actually live the dream they couldn't so, the abuse is their reaction. DMA those who care about you should be happy you can accomplish that which they couldn't……for whatever reason. This is just a possibility.

Hi DMA, don't mean to be a nag but how did this week go?

I don't know who originally said this, but I have it written down and I read it all the time and it helps me put things back in perspective. I hope it helps you too.

Beginning again... because everything in life is a series of cycles that continue to begin and end like night and day.

Hi DMA, don't mean to be a nag but how did this week go?

Not a nag at all. Busy doing nothing is me this past week. Only applied for one job (didnt get it) and then I've been doing other things. Got used to being unemployed very quickly, I find it quite comfortable and get into a routine to pass the time and the weeks drift by.

I appear to be doing OK on the surface. But lately, I'm never very sure how I'm doing emotionally. I think I am steady, but nothing really bad has happened to test just how steady I am if you know what I mean?

So you applied for a job, good for you. Glad to hear from you and happy to know you are staying busy but what are you busy doing? The problem with depression is if it is not dealt with head on, your feelings and emotions can be distorted …even to you. Waiting until something bad happens is going to serve no purpose if you are not equipped with the tools to deal with it. Why, you wouldn’t go swimming without swim trunks, or playing tennis without a racquet. You couldn’t possibly drive a car without lessons. All I am saying is you should use the right equipment or tools for the job.
Now DMA I am glad you are taking one day at a time and it is very difficult to do the things you know you should be doing; it is almost like your mind is telling you what you need to do and it all makes sense but somehow the will to do it is not there. This is why you need the right tools for the job….that would be therapy, so you can be given an idea and an explanation and subsequently you can follow through. You must take baby steps. Have you ever considered doing volunteer work? I find that quite satisfying. Please think about it.
You must crawl before you can walk. If you stumble and fall, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and go at it again.
You have been given a plethora of advice but what you do with it is all up to you. Please think about it and consider that which suits you best and try to follow through. Remember though you should take care of you for you and you should try to be good to you for you.
Is there any close family or friend you can talk to when you are down?
Have a good day and talk to you later!

Hi DMA my computer has been down. What's going on with you? We all miss you.

Hi, not much has been going on with me. I just realized I haven't applied to anymore jobs. I did apply to college though. I am more than qualified academically to get on this course, so if I don't get it I expect things to feel a lot worse for me. So I'm clinging on to that for hope at the moment. If I don't get it, it will be another one of those "end of the world" moments. I have generally been OK, except one of these past days I researched how to kill myself with carbon monoxide poisoning. So maybe I'm not doing that great.

I didn't get into college. Despite scoring 100% on the entrance exam. My life just keeps getting better and better.

hello again. I just read your post from the 19th. As BigS wrote, a whole lot of people have been giving you the right advice. None of them is telling you to get help because they have something to gain from it. You need to take care of yourself, and you are going to have to force yourself to find a qualified professional. Growing up is not easy. I'm about to take a risk here, but if you don't mind me saying so, I think you could really use a change in perspective. What would you think if your friend decided to die because he didn't get to work in the store he wanted to work in? Or if he didn't get into the school he wanted to get into? Or if he didn't get the girl he had a big crush on? Life is about so much more than the branches you find strewn along its path. You need to start seeing these things as reasons to work harder, and not as reasons to give up. There is no such thing as sailing through life without all of the weather nature brings.

thoughts of suicide = depression. Depression requires professional help. You want help - that's why you're here - so why postpone finding someone who can actually do something real to give you a hand with it? There's no point in letting a chemical problem (i.e. lack of serotonin) or your pride run your life. Give up playing games with your mind and call a psychiatrist. You might not have the support systems around you telling you what you need to do to get better, but we're here, and we've been telling you, so now you know, and now you're going to have to make that phone call. The strong parts of your deepest self will take care of you; you just need to make sure you're not stopping them from doing their job. Life gets so much better, I swear it.

My computer has been down again:( . Thanks a bunch linnealand, I hope you are listening DMA. Everyone does care about you but you too have to start caring for yourself:( . We are not going to give up on you but to be perfectly honest it is very exhausting trying your best to assist someone and all you do doesn't help any. I am at my wits end but still hanging on for dear life. I can't tell you the depression I went through when the site kept telling me the topic was closed and I was scared to death wondering what happened:o . I know that a lot of things in my life I have failed in even though I have tried my absolute best but I couldn't bear to think my two cents worth did nothing to help you DMA.
I was thinking... you (DMA) are really good at science subjects:) ; you are applying for various jobs... but not to insult your intelligence... but how good are you at selling yourself and writing a resume; remember in an interview they don’t know you from the others who apply for the job so it is up to you to do an excellent job presenting yourself and with great confidence and enthusiasm. The person who is qualified and confident will certainly get the job before a better qualified person who has nothing to bring to the company. Planning is the key. If you have no one to help you prepare for the actual face to face interview, practice with a tape recorder and mirror. If it is just submitting it through the internet then certainly have someone proofread your work…no matter how good you may be; a second or third set of eyes will spot the things missed the first few times.
DMA when surfing the net try looking up topics that help with the improvement of self esteem and imagine what it life would be like if you forgive yourself, like yourself; appreciate yourself and how to be good to you for you.;)

hello again. i just read your post from the 19th. as BigS wrote, a whole lot of people have been giving you the right advice. none of them is telling you to get help because they have something to gain from it. you need to take care of yourself, and you are going to have to force yourself to find a qualified professional. growing up is not easy. i'm about to take a risk here, but if you don't mind me saying so, i think you could really use a change in perspective. what would you think if your friend decided to die because he didn't get to work in the store he wanted to work in? or if he didn't get into the school he wanted to get into? or if he didn't get the girl he had a big crush on? life is about so much more than the branches you find strewn along its path. you need to start seeing these things as reasons to work harder, and not as reasons to give up. there is no such thing as sailing through life without all of the weather nature brings.

thoughts of suicide = depression. depression requires professional help. you want help - that's why you're here - so why postpone finding someone who can actually do something real to give you a hand with it? there's no point in letting a chemical problem (i.e. lack of serotonin) or your pride run your life. give up playing games with your mind and call a psychiatrist. you might not have the support systems around you telling you what you need to do to get better, but we're here, and we've been telling you, so now you know, and now you're going to have to make that phone call. the strong parts of your deepest self will take care of you; you just need to make sure you're not stopping them from doing their job. life gets so much better, i swear it.As always your posts are great and quite meaningful. If DMA listens to one person I hope it is you. When you speak lots of folks listen and think. I do believe you are helping a lot more than DMA. Thanks.

what would you think if your friend decided to die because he didn't get to work in the store he wanted to work in? or if he didn't get into the school he wanted to get into? or if he didn't get the girl he had a big crush on?

Yeah that would be pretty stupid I guess. But if it was all those things, plus several others then it can make you want to end it all.

I did go to see doctor recently. Now I have fluoxetine (prozac). Takes 4 weeks to work though. And statistically speaking, I'm now at a higher risk of suicide (according to wikipedia). I've never taken anti depressents before so lets see how it goes.

Thanks to everyone involved. Good for you DMA, as you said it takes sometime before the medication kicks in. Do remember antidepressants are not like they were years ago they are not as potent yet more effective. As you know from your research, sometimes antidepressants can make one worse so pay attention to how you feel. You will be able to tell the difference. Like other medications, sometimes what works for you may not work for me so although we may have the same symptoms; it may take a few trials an errors in order to get the medicine at the right dosage that fits your needs. Now DMA I am proud of you for making such a giant step. I know it must have taken a lot out of you. Keep your head up and I will talk to you later. ;)

I was thinking ....you (DMA) are really good at science subjects:) ; you are applying for various jobs...but not to insult your intelligence....but how good are you at selling yourself and writing a resume; remember in an interview they don’t know you from the others who apply for the job so it is up to you to do an excellent job presenting yourself and with great confidence and enthusiasm. The person who is qualified and confident will certainly get the job before a better qualified person who has nothing to bring to the company. Planning is the key. If you have no one to help you prepare for the actual face to face interview, practice with a tape recorder and mirror. If it is just submitting it through the internet then certainly have someone proofread your work…no matter how good you may be; a second or third set of eyes will spot the things missed the first few times.

DMA when surfing the net try looking up topics that help with the improvement of self esteem and imagine what it life would be like if you forgive yourself, like yourself; appreciate yourself and how to be good to you for you.;)

This is excellent advice. Personally, I'm a mess when it comes to writing resumes. Planning is definitely the best way to give yourself the best chances. BigS, you've got sooo much heart, and I think your comments are both touching and wise. Many thanks for your very kind words.


Yeah that would be pretty stupid I guess. But if it was all those things, plus several others then it can make you want to end it all.

I did go to see doctor recently. Now I have fluoxetine (prozac). Takes 4 weeks to work though. And statistically speaking, I'm now at a higher risk of suicide (according to wikipedia). I've never taken anti depressents before so lets see how it goes.

Hello again dma. :) I'm very happy to hear that you saw a doctor and that you're giving the anti-depressants a try. It will take some time for them to work properly, but the only way to get to that point is to take them. Remember that the way anti-depressants work is to free you of the physiological issue so that the real you can work out the rest. They should always be taken in addition to some kind of therapy. This will help the doctor to make sure the amount is right for you, and it will also give you the chance to work things out with someone else on your team. It will take work, but given some time you'll be back and better than ever! I'm really proud of you for taking these steps. It's not easy, but you're absolutely doing the right thing.

Okay, let's take a look at someone else's life for a second. Abraham lincoln is considered to have been one of the most important presidents in american history. Here are some of the setbacks he faced before he got there:

* 1831 - Lost his job
* 1832 - Defeated in run for Illinois State Legislature
* 1833 - Failed in business
* 1834 - Elected to Illinois State Legislature (success)
* 1835 - Sweetheart died
* 1836 - Had nervous breakdown
* 1838 - Defeated in run for Illinois House Speaker
* 1843 - Defeated in run for nomination for U.S. Congress
* 1846 - Elected to Congress (success)
* 1848 - Lost re-nomination
* 1849 - Rejected for land officer position
* 1854 - Defeated in run for U.S. Senate
* 1856 - Defeated in run for nomination for Vice President
* 1858 - Again defeated in run for U.S. Senate
* 1860 - Elected President (success)

That's the kind of determination to have. Right? See if you can get your hands on a copy of the song "PICK YOURSELF UP." here's a piece of it:

"...Nothing's impossible I have found,
For when my chin is on the ground,
I pick myself up,
Dust myself off,
Start all over again.

Don't lose your confidence if you slip,
Be grateful for a pleasant trip,
And pick yourself up,
Dust yourself off,
Start all over again.

Work like a soul inspired,
Till the battle of the day is won.
You may be sick and tired,
But you'll be a man, my son!

Will you remember the famous men,
Who had to fall to rise again?
So take a deep breath,
Pick yourself up,
Dust yourself off,
Start all over again."

And here's "High Hopes"YouTube - Frank Sinatra - High Hopes (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlsitMRQAdA&feature=related)

I don't know about you, but whenever I'm having a hard time music is the best thing to lift me right out of it. Find things that are inspiring, and stay away from the depressing stuff! Some of my very favorite mood lifters are aretha franklin, james brown, bob dylan, johnny cash, frank sinatra... I swear I'm in my 20's, but you can't get me away from the classics! Dma, I wish only lovely things for you. Keep stepping ahead!

Oh, and as my dad has asked me on many occasions, do you know how to eat an elephant? It's one bite at a time.

Interesting taste in music you have. Usually I would listen to angry music if I am feeling angry, sad music if I am feeling sad, etc. Except if I listen to something from when I was younger, it can remind me of happier times. Which doesn't always make me feel better.

6 days in on the prozac. I'm not doing well. I was awake till around 5am last night, just laying there going over different things in my head. Probably spent a couple hours just thinking about all the places in my house I could tie a rope to to hang myself. Is this the meds doing this?

I asked doctor for sleeping pills when I went to ask about anti depressants. He didn't want to give them to me because he said they are addictive.

I love all kinds of music, but dark music can put you in a darker state of mind if you're already down.

Here's a little story to take to heart:

Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”


6 days is still very early into the process. It's going to take time, and you have to be patient with yourself. Lots of people spend the whole night worrying themselves sick about things they don't actually have to think about. You are allowed to let the stressful stuff go. Stressing yourself out in night-long sessions isn't going to help you at all. You need your sleep, too. It's probably related to some anxiety issues that are related to the depression. You are allowed to feel good. You need to force yourself to do positive things and think positively. The sleep issues will definitely get better as you get better.

I am assuming that you've talked with your doctor about the suicidal thoughts you've had? It's very important that you do. It's part of the depression. If you are seriously concerned about the possibility of actually attempting any of these things, you should voluntarily admit yourself to a hospital with 24 hour care. The disease is plays tricks with your mind, and it can make you think in different ways. Your job is to let the deepest, greatest, strongest parts of you make the decisions that will make you better.

Have you ever heard of wayne dyer? He's a psychologist with some very special ways of looking at the world. I know that there are lots of his lectures and audio books that you can find on the internet for free. I would also really recommend deepak chopra, who is a doctor who deals with the mind and the body. They're incredibly insightful. Find them!

Also, you might want to try to find a copy of lucinda bassett's "attacking anxiety and depression," or something else like it. I think you might find it extremely helpful. You need to find ways of being in control of your thoughts instead of letting them try to control you. These are things that will serve you for the rest of your life, including when you're all better.

Whatever you do, don't stay in bed all day. Force yourself to get outside, and do something that pumps a whole ton of fresh air into you. Keep some kind of a schedule during the day and stick to it! You're going to come out of this better than ever, but you have to be strong about it. Go and get some fun stuff, too! Funny movies, funny anything. Laughing and smiling (even when it's forced!) will actually change your chemical balance faster. Do you like monty python?

I'm sending you more songs. "Always Look On the Bright Side of Life!"

YouTube - Always Look On The Bright Side Life Monty Python Music Video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GcO6NH7zcxs&feature=related)

U2 - Beautiful Day
URL Makeover (http://www.goal-setting-college.com/go/beautifulday)

Live Like You Were Dying
YouTube - Live Like You were Dying/Tim Mcgraw (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dVdgzlfgj8&feature=related)

And some James Brown:

YouTube - James Brown - Get Up Offa That Thing (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pq1w0syylZI&feature=related)

YouTube - James Brown - Good Foot (Rare) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DAfBZbz3tI)

URL Makeover (http://www.goal-setting-college.com/go/ifeelgood) - I feel good

Then check out some of these songs:
40 Inspirational & Motivational Songs That'll Keep You Refreshed! at Goal Setting College at Goal Setting College (http://www.goal-setting-college.com/motivation/inspirational-motivational-songs/)

They might not be your favorite genre, but you don't have to tell anyone. :) It's about the words.

I know I was trying to get to sleep but I am so restless. I can be OK in the day, such as listening to happy songs and not feeling too depressed. But at night I have no distractions and only myself for company. I just can't turn my brain off it's working flat out going over things in my head.

A few months ago I was getting worse and worse after going to bed, going over things and being hard on myself. Eventually felt so bad I cut my arm with a knife and after that I felt a lot better and slept better than I had done in a long time! But as I am right now I do try and get some exercise most days. So I am not really low like you need to be to start cutting yourself. At the moment I don't cut I just loose sleep. I've tried thinking positively, I tried letting go of everything to stop thinking, I just stay restless and lay there without sleeping.


I went back to doctor to ask for sleeping meds. He was worried I might overdose on them since I was feeling suicidal. That is probably the real reason why he didn't want to give me them the first time round. I said I wasn't planning to overdose so now I have some temazepam. Should knock me right out I hope. Will be trying one tonight.


I even told a close family member I wanted to kill myself after they asked how I was. It didn't quite get the reaction I was expecting somehow... they went out to the cinema with a friend.

I'm starting to consider killing myself based on the outcome of an event (non trivial) that should occur by the end of the week. I've never so calmly and rationally thought about it like this before. That is what is worrying me now, I'm scared I will try to go through with it. I'm thinking it is the only way I can show people how I am feeling. I don't want to talk about what's going on with me. Let's just say things are getting to me and I am finding it difficult to cope.

Anti depressants? My reaction is always no way I don't want them. I don't want my thoughts and feelings to be controlled with drugs. Maybe I can be persuaded that they are a good idea? The other problem is I'm sure they are a temporary fix, and when I come off them I will be back where I started. Counseling I have tried and it's been fairly useless, I don't want to pursue that at the moment.

I want to know if there is anything else I haven't considered? Because at the moment I am feeling like I am running out of options and the best thing to do is to die :(
Suicide is not the answer.
Since you don't give any details on what the issue is that has you thinking of this it is difficult to make any concise comments.
Do you have a belief system? Religion? Faith?
Is there a clergyman or someone not related to you or the issue that you can go and just talk it out with?
I understand your angst and not feeling like you can go much longer or further with things the way they are... but I always try to remember this... if you are brought to it, God will help you through it...

I know I was trying to get to sleep but I am so restless. I can be ok in the day, such as listening to happy songs and not feeling too depressed. But at night I have no distractions and only myself for company. I just can't turn my brain off it's working flat out going over things in my head.

A few months ago I was getting worse and worse after going to bed, going over things and being hard on myself. Eventually felt so bad I cut my arm with a knife and after that I felt a lot better and slept better than I had done in a long time! But as I am right now I do try and get some exercise most days. So I am not really low like you need to be to start cutting yourself. At the moment I don't cut I just loose sleep. I've tried thinking positively, I tried letting go of everything to stop thinking, I just stay restless and lay there without sleeping.


I went back to doctor to ask for sleeping meds. He was worried I might overdose on them since I was feeling suicidal. That is probably the real reason why he didn't want to give me them the first time round. I said I wasn't planning to overdose so now I have some temazepam. Should knock me right out I hope. Will be trying one tonight.


I even told a close family member I wanted to kill myself after they asked how I was. It didn't quite get the reaction I was expecting somehow... they went out to the cinema with a friend.

I think marie asked some very smart questions! What do you believe in?

On a personal note, I really hope you got the opportunity to check out the doctors I wrote about in my last post. Wayne dyer and deepak chopra have done a tremendous amount for all kinds of people in all kinds of tough situations. I feel happy with my perspective on the world, and I know that they've played a part in that for me.

Sleeping pills can help, but be careful with them. Some kinds can make you groggy during the day, and they can become addictive. I've used them at different points in my life (I'm prone to insomnia), but I get a much better quality of sleep without them. I try using them for a week only, and then go to half a pill for a couple of days. If I'm setting myself up for sleeping earlier and preparing myself in calm ways before I go to bed, I can usually stop taking them altogether at that point. I can identify with what you described, and it sounds anxiety related to me, which is probably very related to the depression.

About your close family member, most people don't know how to handle that kind of information. As hard as it might be to understand, it doesn't make them bad people either. And as hard as it might sound, even though you might not be feeling like you're at your best, you're going to have to be the strong one in this. You have to be the hero of your own life.

Nature gives every single one of us the strength to come out of anything. Believe in that. It takes a lot of work, but you will get there. Force yourself to do the right things. You'll get better, and you won't believe that you were ever so hard on yourself.

Someone in my life committed suicide 4 years ago, and although I wasn't the person closest to her in life, I was the one who had to notify her family and friends. I cleaned out her apartment. I took care of just about everything afterward. She was an incredible human being, and I will never be able to express just what a mistake she made, and how awful it was. I won't go into details, but I do know that she changed her mind after it was too late. She kept talking about suicide, and although her doctor was aware of this, she wasn't put in 24 hour care. Even we notified her doctors. YOU have to know where your limits are, and if you are seriously considering suicide, check yourself into a hospital.

I can promise you that suicide does not teach anyone a lesson. Your life is a GIFT, no matter how tough some of it seems, and YOU have to make it become the life you want.

It's not about a girl or a job or a house or a bank statement. Life is a joy; you just have to know how to see it that way. When things are tough, you have to find your way out of it with hard work and a positive attitude. They say that success is 90% attitude. Happiness is at least that. We're wishing the best for you. Good luck.

I consider myself a rational person believe it or not. Based on all the available evidence it is very unlikely that there is a god, so I don't follow any particular religion. I can see some of the benefits and how religion can give people hope, but I just don't believe.

I was planing to have a look in my library for wayne dyer and deepak chopra. But it isn't a very big library so I'm not expecting to find much. Still there might be some good books there by other authors.

So far I'm disappointed with the sleeping pills. Even after taking 2 of them I was laying in bed for hours feeling very awake! But yes it seems like they don't help get good quality sleep at all. I will ask about getting something much stronger next time I go to see my doctor. Looking back I've had trouble sleeping for years. I think I've been depressed since school without realizing it. Gradually getting worse but taking a nose dive this last year or so.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I can totally understand and agree with you, linnealand. Even if you did go into details about your friend I'm sure I would agree with you about how awful and such a mistake for her to commit suicide. I think feelings are not always rational and I don't seem to be able to deal with them sometimes. My trigger can be an event or maybe feeling very lonely... I start to feel worse quickly and then I start hating myself... if it gets to that stage I can really start to verbally abuse myself (in my own head), which includes repeating things other people have said to me... then it can get dangerous if I start to try and rationally think about it. When that happens I give myself reasons and evidence explaining why I'm worth less than nothing and reasons absolutely everyone will be better off after I commit suicide. By then I'm not thinking about 24hr care because I'm hating myself. But I'm taking anti depressants so I haven't given up yet. But I still think there is only so much a person can take before they welcome death. Lets say I manage to hang on in there but unless things start to get better eventually, then... well it may be possible I will attempt suicide. But I'm not expecting that any time soon.

Some other authors to look for are Marianne Williams... specifically "A Return to Love" and "Everyday Grace"...

I have my moments... thought any time my thoughts head to ending it all I immediately scold myself... it's simply not an option... I was the 'adult' the kids went to when one of my daughter's high school friends committed suicide... and I don't mean to be harsh here... but it's a very selfish act... you may not think or even believe it's true... but the people you leave behind will be crushed... and you will be the cause of their grief...

I always remind myself of the possibility of reincarnation... and figure... well... if I were to do that... "they" would just make me come back and face the same type of trials again in order to learn the lesson I'm supposed to be learning... and next time it might be even harder...

Why do I know how you are feeling?

My daughter... 29 in October... won't speak to me... for the past 4 years... and has told me she never will and I won't ever be a part of her life or that of my two beautiful grandchildren... one of which I saw get born... the other I've never met... and I honestly can say... that I am still in the dark as to why or how everything could be good one week (she would call me 3-5 times a week to help with the first grandbaby... tell me what a wonderful mother I was... that she wanted me in the delivery room with her for the second baby... etc... (when this happened... she and I had had MAYBE 2 times where we actually raised our voices to one another)... she called me her best friend... then two weeks later (after visiting/evacuating from a hurricane to her father's home... I was told what a horrible mother I had been and she wouldn't 'subject' her children to me... as I said... it's now been 4 years... and though I can get through most days... there are those that I just weep... and feel helpless and hopeless... but I know... and sometimes I have to dig deep to remember it... (when I'm in one of those terrible funks)... that nothing is hopeless... and that everything works out as it should...

"Everyday Grace"... by Marianne Williamson... find it... I listen to it sometimes twice a day... and at the very least... once or twice a week... it helps me through those deep and vicious dark places...

I hope this helps... I am praying for you...
Marie

I don't really understand why your daughter would do that, it doesn't make any sense to me.




I have my moments...thought any time my thoughts head to ending it all I immediately scold myself...it's simply not an option...I was the 'adult' the kids went to when one of my daughter's high school friends committed suicide...and I don't mean to be harsh here...but it's a very selfish act...you may not think or even believe it's true...but the people you leave behind will be crushed...and you will be the cause of their grief...
I've thought about that before. When I'm at my lowest I am thinking I won't really be missed. Sure, there may be a couple of people that might get upset but they will get over it. When I'm at my lowest I believe they would be better off after I'm gone; again with reasons explaining why. But then I've been told outright by parent why I'm worse compared to everyone else, and they want me gone. What's wrong with me? I try not to be a bad person... who have I hurt? No one I can think of. I'm just a bad person whatever I do I should just be put down. I just don't deserve to live anymore. People shouldn't even have to look at me I'm so degusting.

I know exactly how you feel. I have tried to commit suicide, it was a horrible experience, ended up in the hospital with doctors trying to shove tubes down my throat. 5150'd psych ward, the whole bit. I look back on that now and it scares me. What if I had succeeded? I wouldn't have gotten sober, never would have been able to hold my babies in my arms, never would have gotten married to my husband, what I'm trying to say is that I would've missed out on a wonderful thing- life. Get some help- in the mean time we care about you. Talk to us we're here for you :)

But then I've been told outright by parent why I'm worse compared to everyone else, and they want me gone.

Okay, that explains a lot. How old are you? When we're young, we look up to our parents no matter what they do or what they say. Many times, our feelings can reflect the things we hear. This is especially the case when it comes to how we see ourselves. It's a hard puzzle to solve. On the one hand, you can internalize the negative things that have been said. If you actually start to believe those things, it can feel like those words are almost powerful enough to crush you.

On the other hand, you have to remember that the only person who can decide who you are is YOU. Many people come from situations that aren't ideal. We don't get to pick our families or where we come from, and sometimes, especially because until we're well into adulthood and independent lives our families create our image of the world, it can be a rough road. But you can't ever, ever, ever let yourself be consumed by those derogatory remarks.

The more you get back on your feet, the more opportunities you'll create for yourself, and the more you'll become independent. You need to believe in yourself from the beginning. You said that you don't believe in God. I think that people who do find something to believe in have an easier time with faith in the world. But what's most important for your situation, no matter what, is that you believe in YOU. You have to believe in all the goodness there is in this world, and you have to go after it. It's out there every single minute of every single day, and it's waiting for you to see it.

There's a children's story/CD/movie called "The Point" by Harry Nilsson. The rock man asks the main character, named oblio, "did ya ever see paris?" oblio says no. the rock man asks, "did ya ever see new delhi?" oblio says no. the rock man answers, "well, that's just it. ya see whatcha wanna see, and ya hear what ya wanna hear. ya dig?" so if you're letting the bad things in, they'll try to live inside you. But if you shut them out, and if you let the good things shine in, your life will become a whole lot brighter. There's no reason to think about giving up, EVER.

Hi DMA, seems like you are having your moments and it is good to see everyone is doing their part to help you stay on your feet. Remember you have to try really hard to filter out the negative. It is not easy... in fact it is very hard to do. I will be signing off for a while because I too am now dealing with some emotional stuff:( . I have to find a way to help myself and be in good health before I can think of assisting someone else:( .
DMA, you hang in there and remember "Success is the greatest revenge" Have a good week! :D

Hi DMA, seems like you are having your moments and it is good to see everyone is doing their part to help you stay on your feet. Remember you have to try really hard to filter out the negative. It is not easy...in fact it is very hard to do. I will be signing off for a while because I too am now dealing with some emotional stuff:( . I have to find a way to help myself and be in good health before I can think of assisting someone else:( .
DMA, you hang in there and remember "Success is the greatest revenge" Have a good week! :D

"Remember you have to try really hard to filter out the negative." This is great advice. ALL of us have to do this everyday to keep healthy. "Success is the greatest revenge." It's TRUE!

BigS, I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time, too. You've been so wonderful, and I really hope things turn around quickly for you. Your great attitude will do a lot to help you. I wish you well!

I am 21. It is true I believe things that have been said to me. It's very difficult to remember that many specific experiences, I guess I have just tried to forget about them. But they have shaped myself image I'm sure.

Is it ever too late? Is it possible to have a life that cannot be salvaged and should be written off?

I need to believe in myself. I clearly do not. Where does that leave me? Just hating myself. You are all too kind to me. If I am a bad person, you should be not trying to help me and you should be telling me to kill myself. If I am not a bad person, why do I find myself in such a bad way? If I am treated badly and other people are not, then clearly there is something wrong with me.

There is such a thing as becoming a serial victim. Sometimes people actually draw these things into their lives and they never realize that's what's happening.

You need to be compassionate to yourself, but that doesn't mean throwing pity parties.

Is it ever too late? At 21? No, and I don't think you believe it's too late either. Do you know anything about nelson mandela? He was locked in a tiny cement prison cell in south africa for 27 years. After he got out, he managed to become president of the country, break apartheid, and become a symbol of dignity and peace around the world. You haven't even been on this planet for 27 years. Can you imagine what that must have been like? He certainly didn't give up.

I just saw a documentary on a 27 year old paraplegic who changed his whole life to find more happiness in it. He can only blink his eyes and move one finger a fraction of an inch. HE'S not giving up hope.

And YOU have the whole world in front of you.

What defines a bad person? Do you intentionally hurt other people? Do you lie, cheat, steal, manipulate? If you don't, chances are you're not a bad person. If you do, stop doing it!

I certainly can't make you like yourself. No one other than you can!! You have a lot of wisdom in your hands. You have to CHOOSE to use it. YOU have to change your consciousness. If you don't like something about yourself, then change it. Suicide is not an option. Now start thinking about things you CAN do.

It is never too late... every day is new... with no mistakes in it... and your day to begin again... be gentle with yourself... surround yourself with people who are positive... and support you...

When you were little... what did you want to be when you grew up? Go from there and try to figure out a path for yourself... and take it a day at a time...

what defines a bad person? do you intentionally hurt other people? do you lie, cheat, steal, manipulate? if you don't, chances are you're not a bad person. if you do, stop doing it!

No I don't hurt anyone. I don't lie, cheat or steal. I sure don't manipulate. Although some manipulation I would just call social skills. But I don't have those anyway.


I'm feeling much more positive now. But I cut my arm up today. So many times all down my arm. I've never done that before. I think people are going to see it tomorrow (not family). It will be interesting to see their reaction. I expect 99% of people will not say anything and pretend not to have seen it.

After I cut my arm up, I overdosed on sleeping meds. I got some stronger ones from the doctor too. But it's how I need to get to sleep now it feels good today. Going to take some more in a minute to get to sleep for the night.

I'm also feeling a lot better about killing myself. I was thinking how I can help people and since I don't need to be alive anymore I was thinking my spare organs can be given to people who need them to live. Such as lungs, kidneys, heart, etc. to people who really need them. They should be able to make better use of them than me :)

Hi again DMA, it is amazing the power of negative thoughts. 20 compliments can be overshadowed by 1 negative saying or thought. Please explain to me why you are not allowing your medication for depression to work; and if it is making you feel more suicidal then you should inform your doctor so something different can be prescribed for you. DMA please explain to me why are you taking more than the prescribed amount of medication.

As for donating organs well they will need organs they can use, if you overdose on drugs then you might have damage them and they might not be useful enough for someone else. Oh yes, explain to me why you a child of God is less important than the rest of the world? Why not use all the talents you have now that you are alive to help others.
Volunteering is amazing, you feel good when you help others and realize that you are not the only one with problems. We all have problems and issues, it is how we deal with them that matters most. Does that mean you will never have problems when you get older... certainly not but you will learn how to deal with the speed bumps in the road that life has to offer you?

DMA you need more help than just medication. They are supposed to assist in your treatment and you should be in some group or “one on one” care where you can discuss your problems.
I too am going through some stuff but I wanted to check and see how you are progressing. I hope I am not too confusing. I will check back to see if you have answered any of my questions.

If you ever listen to country you should listen to Brad Paisley; he has a song "If I wrote a letter to me". It talks about growing up.

Please explain to me why you are not allowing your medication for depression to work; and if it is making you feel more suicidal then you should inform your doctor so something different can be prescribed for you. DMA please explain to me why are you taking more than the prescribed amount of medication.

Hi I'm still taking my anti depressents. 20mg prozac per day. 3.5 weeks into the treatment.
I overdosed to get to sleep. I was only supposed to have 1 zimovane before bed. I take 2 so it helps me get to sleep. Took another to the next afternoon after cutting my arm up, and another 3 in the eve to get some sleep that night. I'm so tired I really need some sleep. It's the next day as I write this. I can still feel the drug but it's wearing off. It wasn't a suicide attempt.

Yeah I know If I'm going to kill myself it better not be an overdose because as you say, that can damage the organs. What would be the best way to kill yourself then? Hanging comes to mind but that would be pretty awful I'm going to have to build up the courage for that.

Well I still hate myself I think. Unless other people like me and tell me I'm not a bad person, then I will have some reasons to not hate myself. As for volunteer work, people don't want me around I couldn't do that. If I can get a job then that means someone has put a value on my time there so I can't say I'm completely worthless. But lets face it, right now I'm worth more dead than alive!

It's time to call your doctor immediately.

Tell him everything that's been going on, and ask for information about being admitted to the hospital for supervised professional care right away.

Have you noticed that every single post over the last several weeks has referenced suicide and/or other very dangerous, self-destructive behaviors?

I hope that the positive messages that have been posted here will help you in your recovery. I wish you the best of luck.

I didn't phone I went to see a doctor. Showed them my arm and said how I felt. I said how many tablets I took... "yes that's rather a lot. problem with those tablets is that they can cause you to stop breathing." Oh dear I'm so screwed up look at my arm it's such a mess now. I will get different anti depressents to try over the next couple of weeks. I got a phone number to call in case I feel like I'm about to kill myself. Apart from that nothing has changed much I'll just carry on for now. I really want some drugs like something to get high instead of cutting myself. Any ideas?

Within a 24 hour period I had a fire in my apartment losing everything I owned; my boyfriend left me; I almost lost my life in the fire and have permanent smoke inhalation damage to my lungs; I went to my job only to be laid off. I had literally nothing but I didn't do myself in.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Just stop and think for a minute what my 24 hour nightmare must have been like to go through. Somehow I made it through that horrible day. You can make it through the week, trust me. Whatever the problem pressing upon you right now, it too shall pass.

Just remember that when God closes one door, he opens another one

Hi DMA, I am glad you went to the doctor and told him everything. We here on this post love you, we feel like you are family and we feel really close to you. If something were to happen to you it would break our hearts. I know hearing this might be hard to believe but it is true and we have no reason to lie to you. If we didin't think you were important we wouldn't be here encouraging you to to hang in there. We are also staying around because we know you are trying and we know it is difficult for you. In my next post I will tell you a little about why I have not been available lately. How do you know thatpeople don't want you around... have you ever tried volunteering before? Hang in there dear.

I didn't phone I went to see a doctor. Showed them my arm and said how I felt. I said how many tablets I took... "yes that's rather a lot. problem with those tablets is that they can cause you to stop breathing." Oh dear I'm so screwed up look at my arm it's such a mess now. I will get different anti depressents to try over the next couple of weeks. I got a phone number to call incase I feel like I'm about to kill myself. Apart from that nothing has changed much I'll just carry on for now. I really want some drugs like somthing to get high instead of cutting myself. Any ideas?


I am really, really glad to read this. I'll bet it wasn't easy to do what you did, but you absolutely did the right thing. Regarding the sleeping pills, one rule you should make for yourself is to never take more (or less) than the medication prescribed to you. One sleeping pill is already heavy on the body. When I really have trouble sleeping and a sleeping pill isn't enough to get me dreaming, I know that I have to set my whole evening up for sleep. Years of experience with sleep troubles have taught me that it's the only real solution. Check out these sites and others online on the subject:

Insomnia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insomnia)

Insomnia? 41 Simple Tips to Help You Get to Sleep - Insomnia treatment, cures (http://www.well.com/user/mick/insomnia/)


BigS is absolutely right. We do care about you, and we want you to get better. Keep pushing yourself in the right direction. You'll get there!

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. QUOTE]

Nothing is worth killing yourself over, NOTHING. It might feel like it but there is always a new day another sunrise and life is a beautiful thing. Even when it seems as if it will never get better and life is not a beautiful thing, I promise things will look up. As for right at this moment, call a guidance center because you do NOT have to deal with this by yourself. I care about you and wish you peace and happiness.

Try valerian root pills found at natural food stores. Wow they help me sleep and it is not as taxing on your body, I too am expereincing stress related insomnia.

According to my doctor, serotonin is needed to sleep and my brain has been completley depleted of serotonin. I am tired to the point that I am now being tortured and I amost cannot function because I can get confused, cannot concentrate or remember things.

I can be physically and mentaly tired out from a long day. Come home and lay down in a dark room so relaxed and looking forward to sleep. But I do not sleep and it is torture! I feel I can only get to sleep if I overdose on sleeping pills.

Hi DMA, please stop trying to put yourself through more than you need to; everything takes time. Give your body the time to get used to the medication. There is no need to rush it. You are putting undue pressure on yourself. Please pay attention to Linnealand... only take what is prescribed for you no more no less. There is no quick answer to your issue. Be good to you for you. Please.

DMA
Have you tried writing? Whenever I was unmedicated (Bi-Polar) I would write.
You need an outlet during this period of inner turmoil. I kept a notebook next to my bed and when something popped into my head I would write. If you think how you can put it into verse, then that can also help you get it out and get your mind on the mechanics of poetry. If you aren't a writer paint or draw. It doesn't have to be beautiful, it could just be scribbles! No one will see it but you. And when you feel better you can look back and compare.

Hey DMA, Sounds like YOU ARE NOT GETTING BETTER!! Cutting your arm up, then wanting to see how people are going to react? Are you doing that for attention? I used to be a cutter, I would use razor blades to cut my arms. If I was hurting inside, the physical pain would make me feel better emotionally. I didn't do it to gauge people's reactions, I did it because I was sick. As for the OD do you know that your liver has to process anything that you put in your body? If u od on sleeping pills everynite you will damage your liver, not to mention your kidneys, your brain every body part is affected. So what will your death accomplish? Won't accomplish anything because your organs will be too damaged to donate? Why don't u stop being so selfish and think about how others would feel if you killed yourself? Like your family... suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem... sorry if I was blunt but everyone sugarcoats... not me

I thought I would post something positive for a change. I think I'm starting to feel better. Even if I was still in a mess and cutting my arms up, I don't think there is much more for you guys to say to me that hasn't already been said. So thanks for the help everyone, I'll try and stay healthy for the future.