This is what happened to me several months ago which resulted in an end of a 5 year relationship.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/emotional-suffocation-confusion-196772-2.html


To those who recently broke up and came from a long term relationship, and may feel lost, desperate, as if life has no more meaning.. well... that's VERY NORMAL, and it's OKAY to feel that way! It's well understood you would feel that way, especially if you were the breakee. Like everyone says, it gets better with time... BUT it also depends on what you do that makes it better.

If you sit there daily, thinking about the person and desiring to get back with them continuously, or devicing a plan to woo them again or make them jealous, or day dream about the person and your past, it can be 5 years or so and you won't get better, but actually worse off if you continue this path. It's not just time that heals you, its also in you and what you do that either catalyze, or stunt your healing process.

I was there, I did all those things... I moped around and felt sorry for myself... I felt much worse and it didn't solve anything. In the end, the best thing to do is to pour your feelings into something productive and at least less harmful. It really does help.

An example I did is that whenever I missed my ex, and good memories begins to flood in, I counter it out with what she did to me recently. She broke up with me, left me for another guy, and treated me like crap during that process. This in term made me begin to realize, if she was such an amazing girlfriend, why would I be feeling this way now.
Furthermore, other than thinking, do something to let that emotions out... Do something you had no time of doing... anything.. Find an output. I found several which I thought doesn't help but did. I play the guitar but never really got good at it until now. I would constantly play and at the same time, I would sing too. I can't sing but I just do it anyway because it really helps. It's emo but who the hell cares right lol?

As for being angry... all I did was take it out at the gym. Not only did I release my frustration out, I tired myself out for a good night's rest, and really improved my image. ^_~

You can't sit around and wait, you have to do something about it as well...

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Anyway, I believed I progressed really well, but now I came to a point that I need another advice from you guys!

You see, I reduced contact with my ex to basically none. However as of late at least once a week she would text me, IM me (shes not in my buddy list anymore), and not often called me a few times.

Sometimes, I ended up IMing with her but not a lot. I guess I wanted to test where I am at. Anyway she wants to be friends but I believe that that crap is BS.

Anyway in the end, I had to attend a wedding a week ago and saw her. Sadly I had to see her twice in a week, and she brought her new BF along.

I wanted to be civil and I said hi and shook both their hands especially since they were also amidst our circle of friends. I was confident to say the least but all through the night I didn't talk to her directly and responded when she did so.

In the end of the night she IMs me saying somewhere along the lines of I'm at odds with her still because of what she did and she got slightly annoyed. I mean I don't want to talk to her because I don't really want to be her friend because she disgust me as a human being on the way she treated me.

Here is a huge mistake I made recently. She invited me and my friends to go our and eat and see a movie. I went... huge mistake but well learned. She was with her BF again. As we all hanged out, she made out with him and went full jive with the display of affection. It's only been 4 months since she broke up with me and I was a little phased. Who wouldn't..

I didn't really talk to her and we really never chatted. However it did seem obvious that I didn't strike any conversation with her.

The question is that: I'm doing this wrong eh? am I empowering her by avoiding talking to her? She even told me when she was pissed after the wedding night that the reason why I'm acting the way I did was because I was still at odds with her. Basically I broke her encryption and shes thinking I still have feelings for her. Vain as it may sound.

What do you guys think I should do now, I came a long way but she's breaking my frame a little. Perhaps I should just cut her off completely... What she pulled last night, with the making out etc, shows me seevral things... I don't know any comments from you guys will help! Thanks for reading

I think she is looking to get a rise from you. I think she wants you not to be over her. Somepeople like the feeling of power over an ex. They usually think the world revoles around them. I say you do not have to talk to her. I would have no contact. If you see her at a function a polite hello and that's it.

I went through my break up almost two years ago. (12 years together) we had minimal contact first half year due to finances but no contact at all for over a year.

I think getting on with your life is the best thing focus on moving ahead not looking back.

Edit - Sorry if I sound confuse because I still am. I don't know how to phrase this question properly that's why lol.

I think she is looking to get a rise from you. I think she wants you not to be over her. Somepeople like the feeling of power over an ex. They usually think the world revoles around them. I say you do not have to talk to her. I would have no contact. If you see her at a function a polite hello and thats it.

I went through my break up almost two years ago. (12 years together) we had minimal contact first half year due to finances but no contact at all for over a year.

I think getting on with your life is the best thing focus on moving ahead not looking back.

Yea you're right, that's what Ive been getting also. You hit the target on that one. During the weddingI was in the top of my game and she felt out of place. This hang out she pulled felt sort of planned rather than coincidential. I'm tired of looking bad and I really haven't anymore and I'm actually moving on and having fun. I was just thinking whether she's gettign an ego boost from the way Im acting. I just dislike that. Yea definitely I just need to cut her off completely.. best thing to do. It shouldn't matter what she thinks... its my opinion that counts in the end. Thanks

am I empowering her by avoiding talking to her?
No your not empowering her by not having any contact whatsoever, your giving yourself a chance to heal from your loss.

Thanks guys =)

She's showing the classic signs of showing off! She's flaunting her new found affection in spite of you. It doesn't take a psychologist to determine that what she is doing is bound to cause awkwardness. She's ignoring common sense to get at you. Somewhere deep in her psyche the thought of you wringing is slightly comforting. Who knows why. Don't feel bad because of how she is making you feel, it is what it is. She even recognizes there is some discomfort when she says you are at odds, but chooses her feelings over yours. What a giving person! Cut her off completely. I went through and occasionally am subjected too much of the same thing your speaking of. Got to be strong, believe me I have it much worse!

I agree with Tal, you are empowering yourself by giving your heart a chance to heal. Enjoy it to the fullest

From a female perspective - I think she is just trying to get a rise out of you. She is the one who broke up with you and in the back of her mind (in my opinion) she is hating the fact that you are moving on. Yes, she doesn't want to be with you anymore, but she still wants you to want her - a normal woman thing. If I was you, I wouldn't talk to her anymore. If she continues to call/text/IM you, then maybe lay it all out there for her. Tell her you are glad she is moving on, but you are moving on as well and it would be better for the both of you if you went your separate ways and no longer communicated. If you see her out somewhere, wave a quick hello to her and let that be the end of it. Then continue to move on with your life - like you seem to be doing already.

You seem to be doing well during this tough process, and I wish you the best!