My wife and I have been married now for 9 years and together for 10. We have a daughter that has recently turned 8 years old. My wife and I seem to have a fairly close relationship and married really young. The first 6 years of our marriage was very hard, but we love each other greatly and do as much together as possible. I do work, but I'm always happy about coming home to see my wife and kid. Nothing makes me happier!!

Up until about 1 year ago, my wife was always interested in having sex. So much that I could barely keep up with her and there were nights that I was so tired from work that I refused her. Back then, we both even liked oral sex and doing crazy things, but most of the oral and crazy things stopped with in a couple years of getting married and she today ( 10 years later) is really uninterested in oral sex at all. Of course we still have sex, but only every 2 weeks if she had it her way. I may not want it every night like she use to but, I feel the need at least 2-3 times a week. She is also to a point where she doesn't care if she orgasms or not and wants me to hurry and do my thing. I don't feel that way. When we have sex, I can't have fun or enjoy it, if she isn't. This past month has drawn a lot of stress for me, not just sex, but my work and a few other factors. And with all this stress, no sex, and no emotional attention from my wife is killing me. I have talked to her about my thoughts and feelings many times over. I've told her that my love for her has grown and I even recently told her ( and meant it), that I still want to grow old together. And she seems to be in very much agreement with me. She talks highly about me to her friends and family to this day. But no matter what, she seems to keep her emotions bottled during hard times. I very much show my emotions and hide nothing from her during the hard times. I'm human... I cry, I bleed, I sweat, and I do all I physically can for my family to make a better life. And I've told my wife that I need her shoulder as much as she needs mine. But sometimes I just don't feel that I have that shoulder to cry on. I just hope that she isn't losing interest in me!! I feel she went from one extreme to the other. You get use to a routine and everything just changes for no apparent reason.
I love my wife and love to make love to her. But I'm feeling neglected and I told her that I'm tired of asking for it, and that I won't ask or beg for it anymore!! She never responded to what that. So I'm not sure what I do now!! I'm not really interested in cheating on her, but if something doesn't change, I may start to feel like I need to find someone that is more attentive to my feelings and emotions and sex!! I don't want it to go that way, and I'm begging for some help and answers. Anyone??

I think what's happening here is that your wife is exhausted with the responsibility of being the emotional center of her family... being the emotional support of a husband and a child is very taxing. It is worse if the wife doesn't have a life "of her own"--her own friends, her own activities such as a sport and a hobby, a place to get mental stimulation such as a night school course in a subject she likes. When a woman is emotionally drained, sex becomes just another job...

I think you two have a marriage basically as good as it gets in many respects, but this kind of problem will wreck a marriage and wreck two people's happiness.

This problem can be solved, and I think a couple's counsellor is the place to start in order for both of you to get your emotions out in front of an unbiased third party. I think it will be fairly straightforward then for both of you to start building more positive aspects of your marriage and each of your individual lives.

Very best wishes going forward,

Due to my schedule this weekend, I don't have time to post a lengthy discussion here right now... and I agree with much of what choux has said. I will be back here in the next two days to talk about this.

If anything, this post will bump your thread up for others to see, and hopefully you will come back over the next week to see what others have to offer.

I will be back here in the next few days.

Do you and your wife have "dates"? Do you do things together, no kid, just for the two of you?

Sometimes it's hard to feel like your partner wants more than just sex and a maid and a nanny---and it's REALLY hard to shift gears from being mommy and housekeeper to being sexually attractive wife.

And if you're tired, and the sexual play doesn't start until you're IN the bedroom, well... you're not mentally going ot get there. Period.

Also... if your idea of foreplay is to jump right to her naughty bits (vagina, breasts, whatever) you're not going to get very far. The biggest erogenous zone for a woman is her BRAIN. Stimulate THAT with sexuality! Touch her NON-sexually. Stroke her hair, pet her skin, give her sweet little kisses.

I'm betting that the biggest problem is switching from mommy mode to sexy mode too abruptly, and that just doesn't work.