Distantlove
Jul 1, 2008, 09:14 AM
(For those who are familiar with my story) We don't speak much at all now. Perhaps a goodnight text and that's it. He messaged me the other day on Facebook and it was a long conversation, but of course its not going to be much because we said we're not going to talk as much as we did because we need our space. He said we are going to get back together in a couple of weeks, but I don't think we should. It hurts to admit it.
I'v just got all his stuff, memories of us, photos, tickets, letters and put them in a shoe box. I read through the letters he sent me half a year ago saying how much he loves me and how he'll never stop loving me and I couldn't stop crying. I feel like I'v lost a chunk of my heart. He text me last night how he misses me, how he loves me and how he's been thinking about me and how 'beautiful and caring' I am, and I told him I love him too. We don't text at all during the day, just a goodnight text. When we broke up he cried and told me how he doesn't want to lose me because he only wants to love me and nobody else. But then sometimes I think maybe he was just saying that because he was upset, he seems to be getting on fine without me at the moment. Then again, it seems that I am getting on fine as well.
I just don't want to love him anymore, I don't want to miss him anymore, it just hurts too much. I just want to know how long this will take. We are meant to be meeting in a couple of weeks, but I have doubts that it will happen, and even if he did ask, I know deep down I would think it's a bad idea, yet I'm not strong enough to say no and I would agree to see him. I honestly feel really lonely. I seem to be blaming myself that he has changed because he told me I never used to give anything back to him (not much) and so he stopped making as much effort recently. I blame myself for this when I know I shouldn't. I miss the guy I fell in love with.
Why is it that when you lose them, you start to think of the good things that you had? And how close you were? :( And everything that would make you miss them more and make you cry.
How can I stopped myself from missing him? How can I put myself off him? I just feel so empty and upset right now:(
I'v just got all his stuff, memories of us, photos, tickets, letters and put them in a shoe box. I read through the letters he sent me half a year ago saying how much he loves me and how he'll never stop loving me and I couldn't stop crying. I feel like I'v lost a chunk of my heart. He text me last night how he misses me, how he loves me and how he's been thinking about me and how 'beautiful and caring' I am, and I told him I love him too. We don't text at all during the day, just a goodnight text. When we broke up he cried and told me how he doesn't want to lose me because he only wants to love me and nobody else. But then sometimes I think maybe he was just saying that because he was upset, he seems to be getting on fine without me at the moment. Then again, it seems that I am getting on fine as well.
I just don't want to love him anymore, I don't want to miss him anymore, it just hurts too much. I just want to know how long this will take. We are meant to be meeting in a couple of weeks, but I have doubts that it will happen, and even if he did ask, I know deep down I would think it's a bad idea, yet I'm not strong enough to say no and I would agree to see him. I honestly feel really lonely. I seem to be blaming myself that he has changed because he told me I never used to give anything back to him (not much) and so he stopped making as much effort recently. I blame myself for this when I know I shouldn't. I miss the guy I fell in love with.
Why is it that when you lose them, you start to think of the good things that you had? And how close you were? :( And everything that would make you miss them more and make you cry.
How can I stopped myself from missing him? How can I put myself off him? I just feel so empty and upset right now:(