Hi,

I wonder if anyone maybe able to help or offer advice. Have been seeing my girlfriend for 3 years. Everything has been going great she is the woman of my dreams. We regularly go out, go away on romatic weekends, dinner and socialize with friends. But lately the relationship has felt like its stuck in a bit of a rut and a bit flat and not sure my girlfriend is feeling the same way.

Basically she has started saying she feels boring compared to all her friends. All her female friends are single and talk and do things that single girls do. And my girlfriend thinks she is boring as she is in a relationship and feels her friends exclude her from some things because of this. I get on really well with all her friends and we do all go out prob 2/3 times a week together.

She says she wants to start seeing them more by herself as she feels she has been losing touch with them since we have been going out. This makes me feel bad like I am taking her away from them but I have never said she can't see her friends and would never stop her, she is totally free to do what she wants. It also makes me feel like she can't be herself when we are both out with her friends too. Some other friends are guys and most times when I don't go out with her and her friends I hear how one of them tried to chat her up or asked her out. Sometimes her ex is out when I am there and when I am not there. Which makes me feel uncomfortable. There have been times when she has been chatting to her ex and I am made to feel like I don't exsist. We have talked about this saying I think its disrespectul for her friends to chat her up and ask her out when they are supposed to be her friends and they know she has a boyfriend. And we have also spoken about how I'm not that keen having her ex around when we go out for drinks as I don't trust him and don't see why he needs to hang around, but she brushes the comments aside saying the guys and ex are harmless. But I feel if she knows how uncomfortable it makes me feel she would say something to them or ignore her ex when he comes out, as I would do anything she asked of me and would never make her feel uncomfortable

I do 100% trust her but wonder if she liked the feeling of being single and free which is why she feels she has become boring and doesn't stop her male friends or ex from chatting to her in certain ways as she likes that sort of attention?

When we are out alone for dinner or something she is really lovely, but when we are out with her friends she doesn't really talk that much to me. I totally understand her wanting to catch up with her friends and things but think we should all be able to chat together. When she has had a drink too we generally end up chattin and she starts to turn into a argument and I always feel she wants to say more than she does which really worries me!

So basically I am worried that as she finds herself boring, that she thinks our relationship is boring and the only way for her to feel good again is to go out alone with her friends so she can be how she wants to beso that's playing on her mind. And my own personel worry is that she find me and our relationship boring and wants to say more than she can about things, and that each time she goes out with out me her male friends or ex try to chat her up so I guess I have that on my mind too which probably doesn't help! So I think we both have things on our minds that distract us from just enjoying ourselves and having fun?

Any help, advice or guidance would be much appreciated as I love her so much and want things to get back to how they used to be

If you 100% trusted her, you would trust her around her ex and other guys, because if you trust her, you know nothing could possibly happen and she would reject anyone that tries to chat her up. Just think about that.

Okay, so she may feel like being in a relationship is preventing her to do certain things that single people would do, and of course, this would worry you, as what can single people do that others in a relationship can't? Maybe she does like the attention she gets from other guys because she hasn't been single in a long time.

The only thing you can do to let her decide is leave it up to her. If she brings up the fact that she finds a relationship boring again, ask her why she is telling you, what does she expect you to do? If she wants to find out whether the single life is more for her, tell her she can find out. She probably feels like she wants to experience other things, so let her, but without you. It's hard, but sometimes letting them go is how you achieve what you want. Let her go out and explore different things like her single friends would - this could result in her realising that she really does want to stay with you and you only. She will never know unless she tries, and if you don't let her, then it is just going to go around in circles with you worrying, not knowing what she wants. You need to find out if it is you she truly wants, and it is your relationship that she thinks is much better than that.

In the meanwhile, try and get on with other things. I'm not saying you should go around searching for other women, but maybe you will find that you understand where she is coming from. Maybe you'll want to see what else is out there, maybe you don't. If you don't, then do your own things. Don't think about her, go out with your friends, keep yourself busy, but don't go around waiting for her.

If she decides that she does want to stay with you anyway and not find out what single life is like, you are going to have to accept the fact that she needs to go out alone with her friends, and there will be guys around. You can't wrap her up in cotton wool, you are just going to have to trust her. It's not about trusting the other guys, its about trusting your partner.

Above all though, you need to find out WHAT she would like to find out from being single? If she wants to sleep with other guys and see what she wants, then this could be crossing the boundary for you and I would think it is inappropriate.
If she simply just wants to feel free a little and get to know other guys to find out if you are the one that really does it for her, then maybe its for the best in order for her to find out who she is and what she really wants.

I have seen insecurities like yours, ruin otherwise good relationships. Don't let yourself fall into that category. She loves you, and loves being with you, but let her have some time away, to be as she wants to be with her friends and the ones she encounters. Trust her enough to let her handle her own business, and not build a mountain out of a mole hill. Its important not to smother her, and show your trust and respect, after 3 years what are you afraid of?? This is your problem to solve, and you must get over those feelings of fear, and insecurity, and accept she is quite capable of dealing with life on her own.

Demanding she not handle things her way, because you are uncomfortable, jealous, afraid, insecure, or any other reason, is nonsense, and a slap in her face. So don't go there, and don't question her afterward, other than asking if she had a good time. Come on lighten up, and treat her as a trusted equal. Get over the personal issues, that make you a scared little boy, who sees demons trying to take your woman from you.

Trust me on this, as if she wanted to leave, she would, and if she wanted to cheat, she would. Let her enjoy herself, and be happy, and share that joy with you!

It is common for couples to get bored and in a rut.'
Why not try coming up with some exciting romantic ideas
Take her somewhere different, try something different.
Get a local attractions books (most states have them) and plan something with her.