Hey, uhh... Where to start..


I will give you guys a brief history. She was madly crushing on one of my closest friends for close to a year. Maybe a little more. But she was completely devastated, because his feelings weren't parrelel to hers. He openly admitted to her that he had strong feelings for her closest friend (They are both happily dating)I was there to pick up the pieces. I assured her that she wasn't the inferior one, but he was perhaps blind. My feelings for her at this stage were unknown. Even to me.

So a month went by she was still showing undevote attention to him. It was clear to all of us even her closest friends. That she still had strong feelings for him. I decided not to intervene, because it really had nothing to do with me even though they were 2 of my closest friends. So I basically, decided to sit on the fence. She was getting really torn up, and had taken a week of school. She said it was food poisioning, we all knew it wasn't food poisoning. This however seemed to get his attention, they were spending loads of time with each other. Even more so then they already were. Although she never admitted it. Everyone knew she wasn't over him.

Anyway I'll get to the point, this isn't really relevant. We started dating in December.
The relationship started of great, communication was exceptional. There wouldn't be a day where we wouldn't have a 20 minute conversation. Unfornately, it was me who had to do all the communicating. I either had to call her, text her or chase her up (if it was a school day.)

So basically, she would never make any effort to see me. Or contact me. Slightly irriating.
All right this is where it starts to get... Hectic?

Hope you can keep up =P.

It was awkward for me, to even spend time with her. She would always be with closest friend ( Getting sick of calling him that, he shall now be called "Him") And when I was there, I would practically get ignored. Everything she would say, would be directed at him.
Of course, this is going to raise slight superstitions. And would be getting on anyone's nerves.

So I confronted her about it, and asked her why she was practically ignoring me when he was there. Of course she didn't take to it lightly, and automatically jumped down my throat accusing me off not trusting her or not believing in what kind of person she is. That just distanced us further.

I consulted her friend, who is dating "Him" at this point in time. And I asked her why she was spending more time with "Him" then she was with me. She simply just said, talk to her about it.

Well to conclude the conversation, I'm her first boyfriend, so she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know how to act. At first I thought, OK fair enough. But then I started questioning it. If she really felt as strongly as she said she did, shouldn't it come naturally? I didn't take any further action, to prevent us from growing further apart.

Well, us growing further apart was an inevitability. I was starting to become bitter, was started to question her loyalty to me. I did trust her, and I still do. It's just... hard, putting everything into a relationship and your partner putting in close to nothing.

A rift started to form between us, we stopped being as open as we were. I became very insecure.

Every little thing was getting to me, her simply saying "Hi" to him first was severely effecting me. And considering whenever I would get to school, he would be there with her. That was happening quite frequently.

This kept happening. Me feeling insecure. Her, not seeming to care about me or our relationship. (Sorry trying to wrap this up as quickly as possible lol) Whenever something went wrong she would completely blame me for it. She never took any responsibility for anything. Well, I asked her if we could start our relationship of fresh. She didn't think it was a good idea. She said " i was running away from my problems" When I was merely trying to close the rift that had formed in between us. She immediately attacked me.

Stated how I was stubborn, ego maniacal and basically just completely and utterly destroyed me. I was a wreck, I was in tears. I had to take full responsibility for everything bad that had happened in our relationship. Even though I knew most of it wasn't my fault. But I took the blame for them, because I love her and was willing to do anything to keep our relationship alive.

The relationship was the best it had been. I was incredibly happy. But with exams shortly approaching she went into hibernation. Whenever I called her she was always "Busy" whenever I approached her in person she was always "Busy". I thought, it's exams don't overreact. " You know what she's like". I thought nothing of it.

Until, she said that there was something she wanted to tell me. I asked her to tell me.. At first she refused and said it could wait until the end of the exams. I relented, and eventually got her to tell me. If I had the gift of heinsight. I wouldn't of gotten her to tell me.

Her feelings for me had changed, she was no longer in love with me. I took it well at first.. But then broke down in her arms. It was quite a traumatic expierience. It possibly effected my exams, due to the amount of time I put into her. Writing her notes, trying to figure what it was I had done wrong, trying to find what was lost. To no prevail.

It would have been about a week after the exam. When I could actually speak to her and she wouldn't just say she was "busy". So we had a chat, she believed that the love she had could be easily found. And if we were willing to try we could make it work. I agreed.

The next day, I spoke to her on MSN. The conversation got of to a good start. Until, she... Well basically.. She started listing all my character flaws, and saying what could be improved.. She was trying to change me into something I wasn't.

Yet again, I reluctantly agreed. I'll do anything for love.

Another week, where I was incredibly happy. Until, she had requested "Space" at first I started to question why she needed space, but then concured and eventually gave in to her demands.

It must have been the longest week of my life. I called her on one occasion, I knew it was a mistake even before I did so. But I really wanted to hear her voice. Yeah, well she didn't appreciate it. I wasn't respecting her wishes.

Can't entirely remember what followed. But we started talking again.. We were distant. I knew something was wrong before she even said it. She was having family issues. And she couldn't think straight she was unsure of what she wanted. She requested even more space, this time I immediately gave in. And thought it would have been best for us.

"Space" only lasted a few days. Our 6 month anniversary had came. And she gave me a note. Stating how she would really like to love me. And asking if I would make it easier for her.. . Of course I will.

Well anyway things went pretty smooth. Well smoother. Until later on in the evening. I called her so we could talk. She said how she would really love that fresh start now. I, yet again concured. Then she comes out with this... "If i was to break up with you tonight, would you ask me out tomorrow?".. Yeah, I agreed again.

So Tomorrow had come and gone. I re-asked her out. But she had rejected me. So now I was as confused as ever. Not only had she just broken up with me, but she had done it on our anniversary.. I know she is going through a hard time in her life. With family issues etc. It's clear she doesn't want me around.. But.. I really, really love her.

I have been advised to give her more space. This is something I am more then willing to do. I would really like to have a second chance at this. Although, she had me in tears majority of the time. They were still the happyiest 6 months of my life...

I am sorry for the long read, I just needed to explain the situation in depth.

I don't know what to do. Any suggestions and advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks..

You need to put your feelings for her out of your mind as much as possible.
Easier said than done though. Tell her you are there for her if and when she ever wants to
Get back together.
Until she gets over him and wakes up you are wasting your time trying to get her attention.
You can not make somebody love you. Basically you see that she is trying to get him to be with her and she can't. You are doing the same thing trying to get her to be with you and you can't. Let it go and wait for her to realize things.

What a nightmare you have written about. Doesn't sound like fun at all. Cheer up though, all you have to do is leave her alone and don't talk to her and your whole life will get better, just because you''ll finally see what a nut she is, and who needs that. Sometimes they look good, smell good and taste good, but they ain't good for you. You'll find someone who is, don't worry, and you look back and think about this sad chapter, as a learning experience.

Venus flytrap smells AWESOME to the bugs it devours. Tal is right, you can do so much better the next time around because you've learned so well what crazy looks like with this girl. Don't put up with crazy in your life.

It's confusing, she actually called me yesterday to see how I was. And today, she actually tried getting close to me.. Trying to hold my hand Etc.

But thanks for the replys.

Wow.. What a total IW...

SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU.WAKE UP.GTF Out of THERE...

Unless of course,you enjoy pain.

It's confusing, she actually called me yesterday to see how i was. And today, she actually tryed getting close to me..Trying to hold my hand Etc.

But thanks for the replys.

What did you talk about any changes?

It is confusing because she feels confused. She thinks of the love and emotion she has for you and then she thinks of the problems and then she thinks with her emotions instead of the situations that caused her to not want to be with you. All you are doing is falling for riding on her emotional roller coaster.
My son just came home on leave from Germany. He was supposed to go to his gf's and for some reason didn't. But he asked me why she says she just wants to be friends and then hangs all over him like she wants more than just friends.
If she said she doesn't want to be with you that is what she means the rest is all emotion because she isn't over you.

Hey again, sorry about my late reply.. Was having some troubles with my ISP...

Well, it's been.. Close to a month since we broke up and I haven't spoken to her in about 2 weeks, Due to the school holidays.. I honestly thought I would be over her by now, but I still can't seem to get her out of my head. Almost everything I see, seems to remind me of her.. Somehow.

Well just a little update.

This was about three weeks ago..

I was talking to "Him" about our breakup and he said that she is waiting on me to redeem myself. I know I may have not of been the best boyfriend. But I was always there for her, and there is close to nothing I wouldn't of done for her.

Well, I don't feel I need to redeem myself.. He thinks there is still apart of her that loves me and wants to be with me.. Where I am still doubting if she ever had those feelings for me..

And about two weeks ago another one of my closest friends were speaking to her and he asked her why she was still leading me on.. To an extent..

She said she wasn't meaning to lead me on, and she wasn't interested in me...

Now I may be stubborn and "Ego maniacal" but I'm not stupid, I know when I'm not wanted... So basically I was just asking if you guys have any tips to try get her out of my head?

Yet again thanks, and sorry for the courseness of this reply.

Read the 4 stickies for this forum, and the No Contact Calender, for some suggestions, and insights into your situation. There are links in my signature.

Hey sup buddy? How's it going? Its been a while since that happened. Just going through a similar experience except my girlfriend left me for the other guy and confused who she wants to be with but the day she broke up with me told me she picked him already. Anyway I know how you feel man. Its hard and its tough and things aren't always the way it seems to be. I guess the question really is do you really love her even now? If that true even after so much things that happen I believe you have true love. Its just been today that I realized when you have true love there is nothing to worry about because it will all work out in the end. But I'm still trying to figure out what if true love is one sided than I'm not sure but if you're still thinking of her get rid of everything that reminds you of her any pics, take her off your cell, and everything. Or give all her contact info and memories you have like photos for a friend to keep and tell him not to give it back to you until if things work out with you guys anyway yah I'm new here hope I got this to you sooner. How's things going now anyway?

well, look i don't agree at all that you should just forget about her, or your feelings for her. however, love is give and take and she doesn't seem to be giving you anything. you are giving in to easily and that just tells her that she can run all over you. i have been dating my current boyfriend for almost 11 months, and we wouldn't have made it that far without being ourselves. when you date someone, it should be about what they are right then, not what you can change them into. if you give in and pretend to be something your not, pretty soon thats who you become. stay true to yourself. if she is the right girl she'll come back for that reason. if not you are much better off with someone else. remember its hard to get over someone your in love with, but maybe the only way to continue to love them is to let them go. you will find someone who truly loves you, i promise.:)