My adult son was experiencing financial problems and had to move home in order to get his life straight. Well, he is the worst house guest a person could ask for. He treats my husband like he is a ghost and harldy speaks to either of us. I have made a terrible mistake letting him move in with us. We have been married for 8 wonderful years and lived alone except for the occasional visit from my step daughter,17yrs old, who lives with her mother. My son acts like it sickens him just to speak to me. He drives our truck to work because he lost his car for non-payment.(no surprise there) as since he has been here(2mo.) he has not offered once to help financially, when I finally had to ask for a little help in groceries to feed him(6'4", 340lbs) it was world war 111. I finally got $60.00 from him.

The money is not so much a factor, it is the disrespect for my husband and myself I can't understand. We bailed him out from a very bad situation and helped him get a job, provide all his food,electricity,water , transportation and even do his laundry. I paid his gas bill until he started receiving a check. The problem with him is his only interest is playing games on the internet until after daylight every night. This is causing a big problem, instead of focusing on what is important, saving money to move out, get a car, take care of himself, he only cares about freeloading on us and doing what he wants to do. He cares nothing for me or my husband and before he moved here, he never called unless he needed money, never called on Mother's Day, Christmas or even sent cards. His older brother is very manipulative and lives with my mother (he is 31 yrs.old). My mother helped me when I was a single mother raising my sons. That was a big mistake and never allow the grandmother to interfere with the rearing of your children if that grandmother is not the type of grandmother to stand up for the parents instead of always taking the childrens point of view(even when they are wrong).

Since my son moved in my mother and I hardly speak, she thinks my sons are doing great,ha! They are floundering in financial debt, they live off other people instead of taking responsibility for themselves and because my husband and I do not condone their behavior, we are considered wrong. My mother is playing behind the scenes right now helping these grown men to believe I'm a terrible mother for not giving them my life savings, leaving my husband in order to take care of my "kids" when they need me. These men can and should take care of themselves and that is what I have been trying to tell her but she will not even help me with this. One word from her in my favor would go a long way in helping heal the relationship with my sons but she wants everyone to believe I'm such a bad person she is not willing to confess what she has done to undermine me at every turn and make me the bad guy, both my sons hate me and I can never see that it will change and it is killing me.

I now have heart problems, depression, acute hypertension, panic disorder and a whole list of other health problems and all are related to my life with my mother and my sons. I just want my son to move out and leave me alone if he hates me as much as he acts. It hurts to think that the day he moves I will never see or hear from him again, I know that I will not because I can just tell by the way that he is acting. He is constantly calling his older brother and telling him and my mother how "mean" we are to him. He has more than most "homeless" sons have, telephone, satellite tv, internet and a vehicle at his disposal anytime, his laundry done, meals cooked and money when he needs it. According to mom and the "kids" I'm not doing enough, I'm not nice enough, I haven't kissed his-------enough I suppose. He is a nightmare and driving me crazy, between them they are doing everything to push my buttons so they again can say they are right and I am wrong or whatever it is that they are trying to prove, I am totally confused, I thought when you helped someone they appreciated it and went out of their way to show they were thankful for a place to live, food to eat etc.

Sounds like he is used to being "pampered" and taken care of.

Hey, if I could find someone who would let me have all those benefits, without me even having to be nice to them about it...

NO, I wouldn't take advantage of you like that, but your son has no problem with it.

It's time for hard love, cut him off, send him on his way, and stop bailing him out of his poor decisions in life.

This is the only way he will ever learn to grow up.

Don't worry, I doubt he will disappear forever, in fact, someday, if he gets his crap straight, he will come back to thank you, and to tell you he wished you had done so earlier.

The decisions we make in life, often have permanent consequences, as long as someone is there to bail him out, he has no reason to make better decisions.

Pack away the games where they can not find them. Tell him from here on out it is my way or the highway.
Write an eviction notice for September 6 and tell him he better have saved his checks and found a place and be out by THAT date.
You are only enabling his co-dependency and it will only get worse. He will never grow up if you keep feeding into his ways.
You should never have to put up with that level of disrespect in your own home by adult children. If your mother is so concerned let her take him in and see for herself.

SADMOMINC disagrees: the games are on the internet not domething I can put away, I run a tax business and cab't turn off internet dervice

You can't put a password on your computer and not have any other accounts on it other than administrator or put passwords on all accounts? I am sure there has to be a way to block access.
If it is your home business then why don't you have the computer in a room you can call an office. As a tax business you are aware that there is a tax write off for an office in your home and then you could put a lock on the door or is your home too small?

SADMOMINC disagrees: the games are on the internet not domething I can put away, I run a tax business and cab't turn off internet dervice

You can't put a password on your computer and not have any other accounts on it other than administrator or put passwords on all accounts? I am sure there has to be a way to block access.
If it is your home business then why don't you have the computer in a room you can call an office. As a tax business you are aware that there is a tax write off for an office in your home and then you could put a lock on the door or is your home too small? i have my own office and my own computer and no one has access to it, my house is large enough to lock a door, my son is 26 and owns his own computer and it is password protected, i am an intelligent person and resent you acting as though i am so stupid as not to think of the obvious solutions to the problem i posted, if you can only offer sarcasm please do not help

I I AM AN INTELLIGENT PERSON AND RESENT YOU ACTING AS THOUGH I AM SO STUPID AS NOT TO THINK OF THE OBVIOUS SOLUTIONS TO THE PROBLEM I POSTED,

I suggest you step back and calm down. You came here asking for help. We have to provide that help based on scanty information and without truly knowing the people involved. Therefore we have to sometimes guess about those things in providing our answers.

Sarcasm is very hard to discern in written communication. I saw no attempts at sarcasm in the answers you received. The fact is you asked for help and VOLUNTEERS offered that help. If you are going to jump to take offense, then maybe this medium is not the best place for you to get help.

I HAVE MY OWN OFFICE AND MY OWN COMPUTER AND NO ONE HAS ACCESS TO IT, MY HOUSE IS LARGE ENOUGH TO LOCK A DOOR, MY SON IS 26 AND OWNS HIS OWN COMPUTER AND IT IS PASSWORD PROTECTED, I AM AN INTELLIGENT PERSON AND RESENT YOU ACTING AS THOUGH I AM SO STUPID AS NOT TO THINK OF THE OBVIOUS SOLUTIONS TO THE PROBLEM I POSTED, IF YOU CAN ONLY OFFER SARCASM PLEASE DO NOT HELP


I have to agree... you are becoming defensive from someone's suggestion of ways to help the situation with what information you provided.

I think you know the obvious solution, but you are perhaps seeking confirmation that it is the right choice. Give him a time limit to get his act together... since he is working, keep it relatively short. Tell him you love him and have tried to be helpful, but due to his lack of consideration for the family you will have to ask him to be out by a specific date.

Letting an adult child move back home as a temporary help is fine... most parents would do so without issue, but the problem may have been, and I don't know if you did this or not, that an agreement was not made beforehand as to what his responsibilities would be. If you feel it is an option, give him a choice... you all sit down and make that list to live by from now on... and he still has a date to move out by, or if he doesn't want to abide by the rules of your household, he moves out sooner. Sure, he will likely be angry, and so will probably some other family members, but in the long run you are not helping him by letting things continue as they are and odds are everyone will see that in time.