I hope ' NoHelp4U' will answer this, he is intelligent and gives good answers.

I need advise. I have the scripture and the Holy Spirit who IS my guide but I find that forums also assist in my spiritual development.

I am having a problem with growing spiritually. Over the past few years the Lord has been dealing with me in the area of attitude, behaviour and Christ Likeness to the extent that He told me to "look deep in side yourself and I will reveal my righteousness".

He also told me about His Divine Nature and that I would never understand Christianity without reasearching the children of Isreal.

Now, I did not know where to begin in these areas so I just left them not understanding how to even start, or give God the chance, but I am having a dilema.

I know that by now His expectations of me according to the knowledge of Him is to be matured by now (as He tells me) but I am still battling a little.

The word comes in situations to defeat them i.e. "your showing partiality" "do not fear" "mature" "your showing "indifference". I repent and apply the word when I hear the leading of the spirit but I still feel the same ways when I see certain people or experience certain things and its straining to feel this way over and over again.

I feel that God is tired of me or my feelings are that my relationship with the Father are strained.

I have the word and apply it so why is it so difficult to feel the changes? I apply faith because I know the word is the word and Final but I get tired of the guilt and carnal feelings and fearing because of them and praying the same prayers over and over again.

Thank you but
I am still 'battling' 35 years later. As long as you believe and have breath you are going to go through things. But I came to realize that David had his sins, God blessed Rahab, Peter and Thomas doubted and denied Jesus. The secret is not giving up and always knowing God IS.
Read Romans 6 and really apply it to where you are. As long as God is revealing stuff to you keep learning and growing from it. Even when we are in God's permissive will rather than his perfect will there are things to learn and grow from. We have to go through the valleys too.

As far as showing partiality, indifference and so forth it doesn't mean you have to treat people different necessarily but that you should reflect more on why you treat a certain person the way you do. Some people are just toxic relationships and better not being around. Sometimes it is just that you need to work on your attitude toward them but not that you are doing anything wrong toward them. Sometimes it can even be you are discerning their spirit and getting bad vibes from them.

Also beating yourself up is no good. I remember in the 70's Christians would say 'so and so backslid' then months later 'so and so is back with the Lord' I use to picture God with a big pencil and eraser erasing, rewriting and erasing and rewriting and thinking that can't be the way it works.