Hi. I really don't know how to ask this, so this is going to be long.
Basically, I've been in a relationship with the man I love for the past 7 months. Ever since the very beginning, I had doubts getting into a relationship because I liked being free and single yet I also craved a man's touch (I was never in a relationship before). I'm 20 years old (always shy and conservative) and he's 21.
Although I love my boyfriend a lot, I sometimes still have these thoughts. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm really in love.
He is my first boyfriend, my first kiss. He has had past relationships but they have always ended badly and he is very insecure. In the very beginning, I wanted to end our relationship because I wasn't willing to commit myself, but then I stayed because I did not want to hurt his feelings. Even now, sometimes when we get into deep fights I still stay because I don't want him to hurt because it hurts me too. When our arguments get intense, I'm scared to leave him because I'm afraid that if I do, then he'll do something serious and hurt himself very badly. If we ever get into any fights, we make up immediately after. If we fight over the phone and one of us hangs up, we call each other up and just make up. We don't live together but we see each other everyday.
Other than the times we argue, it seems like the perfect relationship. He loves me dearly. I can see it in his eyes, the way he looks at me and holds me. He doesn't ever want to let me go. I know he loves me and I'm happy but sometimes I just feel as if something is missing. I don't have many friends anymore because I realized recently that they don't care about me and I stopped putting effort and now I find it hard to make new friends. If I do hang out with my friends, he gets upset sometimes because I don't have time to talk to him during those (rare) times. (Edit: He used to get upset, but after I discussed it with him a month or two ago, he doesn't anymore and gives me space).
So basically, I'm sorry this post is so long. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Sometimes I'm the happiest girl in the world, especially when I'm with him. But if I'm away then I get very depressed.
Confused...
Help anyone?

YOU SAID......
"he is very insecure."
"I still stay because I don't want him to hurt"
"I don't have many friends anymore because I realized recently that they don't care about me and I stopped putting effort and now I find it hard to make new friends."
"If I do hang out with my friends, he gets upset sometimes because I don't have time to talk to him during those (rare) times."

I do smell emotionally abusive relationship here and decrease of self worth in a long run!

Thank you for the quick post... and I was afraid you were going to say that but I don't really think so...

About the issue regarding my friends, I spoke to him about it a month ago and he said he was sorry. My friends were originally very insupportive of my relationship with him and did many things to get us to break up. So that's why he acted like that. But after we discussed this, he's a lot more welcoming of my new friends.

I really don't understand what's up with me... After we had solved that issue, I just started thinking about this more and more. Before I thought that was why I was feeling so depressed, but even now with him being supportive and welcoming, I continue to feel as if something is gone from my life.

why ur friends doesnt like him?

We recently went to a new college (my closest friends and I) and when I first introduced him, they thought he was a little weird. He doesn't dress like the people around my area. He talks formal and dresses formally. My friends just thought he had no personality because of that.

Ok. Do you think you're bored because you're always together and would be able to do other things without him?

Hmm... that might be a possibility. We are always on the phone 24/7 or we always are just simply together. Other people don't like us together (his friends think I'm too immature and my friends think he's too mature) so we just just stick together.

This is your first relationship. How old are you? You know one thing I learned from my recent fight with a Bf who's 29 yrs older than I am, and reading here in AS ME, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEPARATE LIFE OUTSIDE THE RELATIONSHIP. TOO MUCH AVAILABILITY BORES AND 24/7 IN CONTACT ROTTENS SOCIAL LIFE

I just recently turned 20
And yea... I thought of that a lot... but I don't know how to make friends anymore. He's in all my classes and I don't think anyone wants to get to know me when he's just sitting there next to me.

edit: suddenly, I feel like an awkward 13 year old looking at my posts =/

Yeah I forgot U mentioned it. Honey, your still young (me too!) and the relationship is still new. Enjoy the youth for now. Next school year, try having separate class from his or enrol yourself in some cooking class, you know. Doesn't he have sports buddies? We all hope here that that relationship won't hinder you from success.

hahaha... I suppose I'll try to start over in the school year. Maybe I'm just thinking like this because its summer and I never had a summer without some girl friends

thank you for your advice =)

Did you solve your problem? Or still hanging on to it? Reply and I might be able to help.

I was very dependent on my ex girlfriend and it was the worst thing I could have done. U have to be your own person always. Also if your afraid to leave him cause of what he would do that's terrible. Its also kind of unhealty. That's something that should be discussed right away. Otherwise my advise os to enjoy the time u spend together and TALK cause talking is amazing =] GOOD LUCK

He is my first boyfriend, my first kiss.

Decisions, decisions! They make it tough don't they. You do well to figure yourself out and what you want and a plan to get it. That means changes, that help you grow, and decide what is best for you. Sometimes those changes hurt, and maybe we must do what we don't want to.

I think you have more on your mind than just a relationship, and want a chance to explore, and find out where you fit in.

I think that's what you want. I think that's what you should go for!

also if your afraid to leave him cause of what he would do that's terrible. Its also kind of unhealty.

I know it probably sounds unhealthy when I said I don't want to leave him because he might do something. But the fact is, I love him a lot and I'm afraid I might do something too if I lose him. We did speak about this and he told me I'm not bound to him so I can do whatever I want which isn't all that reassuring but at least it means he understands me.


I think you have more on your mind than just a relationship, and want a chance to explore, and find out where you fit in.

Yea... just recently I lost some very long and what I used to believe strong friendships. I think I'm blaming my boyfriend for it in my mind even though its somewhat unrelated. I'm just going to wait until next semester to see if I can bring myself back on track. For now I'm enjoying my relationship with him while catching up with some very old friends so I'm a lot happier. Plus I'm going on vacation with my family (which means without him) so I think just some alone time for a bit would make things better.

Thanks a lot everyone =)

Don't listen to people's advice saying that you shouldn't allow your boyfriend to ruin your social life. If you guys want hang out all the time, then there's nothing wrong with it. BUT if he is always jealous and insecure with himself, then maybe you need to think about why he is always with you. Maybe its not for you, but because he wants to satisfy his own insecurities. To have such major arguments and issues so early in a relationship is not a good sign. I didn't have any serious arguments with my boyfriend until after 2 years of dating, and still they are not insecurity issues. Your relationship sounds like a rocky one that is bound for doom and not going to last for sure. You should have a note to self: "dont date jealous guys with insecurity issues". It NEVER goes anywhere but trouble. Don't fool yourself into thinking that heavy "serious" arguments are a healthy part of a relationship, especially ones as early on as these. Imagine how much worse it will get in a year or 2 years? In your case, you're not having the right kind of arguments. You should break up, get to understand yourself a little bit better because it doesn't sound like you are ready to be in a serious relationship, and then meet someone who is not going to call you 24/7 and get jealous or insecure about some silly friends.