I found naked pics of my bf's ex in his drawer. I knew she was sending him letters and regular pics before because she said she wanted him back... but he NEVER showed me these pics. I was so pissed I just left and I really just want to end it with him. Should I? If he's keeping secrets why would I want to keep him around. BTW, we've been dating for a year.:confused:

Are these pics sent since you two have been together? Why is he still accepting her letters? This is a great reason to not trust him.

As a guy I say get out of it and fast...
Today in his drawer tomorrow in his bed [or maybe its already happening]
Sorry but its really unhealthy
You deserve better

Oh give me a break! Men are visually aroused, it turns her on to show him what he is mission out on, and it turns him on to see the flesh. I bet the night he got those pics you two had great sex, you might of even thought to yourself, "What got into him"? If he has no desire to be with her, he is still your man, and leaving because he has male tendencies is not a great idea.

Leaving because he lied about whether he is messing with her is a totally different subject.

Oh give me a break! Men are visually aroused, it turns her on to show him what he is missing out on, and it turns him on to see the flesh. I bet the night he got those pics you two had great sex, you might have even thought to yourself, "What got into him"? If he has no desire to be with her, he is still your man, and leaving because he has male tendencies is not a great idea.

Leaving because he lied about whether he is messing with her is a totally different subject.

So if your significant other was receiving and KEEPING naked pictures of their ex, you wouldn't be bothered? You wouldn't mind that he is still accepting her letters? He's telling her its acceptable. He's being dishonest and sneaky. These are all qualities you want in a significant other?

As long as he is thinking of Codelle when they had the sex if they did, that's fine
But was he?

And even then its not right again Im a guy what would I know

He shoud have been throwing her letters out, or merely sending them back unopened. IF he was getting them, he needed to have told you what she was doing. I would say too many issues, get out

I agree with Chuck, h should have never opened the letters, put return to sender on the envelopes and dropped it in the mailbox. And he should have told his girlfriend about it. He's being dishonest, why put yourself through a dishonest relationship that will just hurt you in the end?

MAybe its me, but it wasn't clear that the pictures were sent within the last year. Is it possible that they were sent to him while they were going out and he has just yet to get rid of them? Granted, they probably should be boxed away, but that's much better than receiving naked pictures while the two of you are dating.

Sounds as if your b/f isn't handling his business very well with the ex. When were the pictures sent? If there old, they should be put away, if they are recent he should have told her to back off, and refused any contact from someone who is romantically interested. Leave those pictures where he can find them, so he knows you saw them, and make yourself unavailable.

I agree with Tal, if they are old they should be gone. New, you should be gone.

Personally, when me and my ex split, EVERYTHING got deleted. Pictures, e-mails, messages, saved texts, basically anything from her.

They are your past, if you live in the past you can't enjoy the present

I agree,in that,why put up with dishonesty?? (there's NO need for it! )

Also,leave the past,in the past!!

If there was nothing morally wrong about keeping them then why hide them?? Because he's a looser! Get out and find someone who will give u there UNDIVIDED attention! Xx

I'm going to have to disagree with the people that said he should have PUT THEM AWAY, He should have THROWN THEM AWAY if they are from before. I know I wouldn't want naked pictures of someone that my boyfriend used to sleep with in my house.

I'm going to have to disagree with the people that said he should have PUT THEM AWAY, He should have THROWN THEM AWAY if they are from before. I know I wouldn't want naked pictures of someone that my boyfriend used to sleep with in my house.

Once again, I completely agree. Nothing more to add to that.

Personally I wouldn't allow my boyfriend to have old or new naked pics of his ex, that is a big fat NO! He shouldn't even be talking to her or having any kind of contact with her. You need to find out what's going on, and if he wants to get back with her ditch him, and if he wants to stay with you then he needs to end contact with her and toss those pics.

OK just to get all the facts out. My boyfriend is from jamaica and so is she(she still lives there). We met a month after he got here and have been datin ever since. He was talking to her behind my back and I found out so I told him to stop and he agreed, but a little while later I found out he was still talking to her so we broke up but got back together. Then after that she kept sending letters and pics he showed me them, they were actually a joke for us but he never showed me the naked pics. So yes, they're old but I never even knew about them. UPDATE: I broke up wit him last night because of the whole sit. But he came to my window and literally would not stop throwing pebbles at my window until I agreed to talk to him. I have no idea what to do.

What did you tell him and what did he say to you? Did you tell him that you will not accept his ex's writing to him or even sending any kinds of pics? Does he understand how you feel? I think you should really talk with him and then see how you feel.

ok just to get all the facts out. my bf is from jamaica n so is she(she still lives there). we met a month after he got here n have been datin ever since. he was talkin to her behind my back n i found out so i told him to stop n he agreed, but a little while later i found out he was still talkin to her so we broke up but got back together. then after that she kept sending letters n pics he showed me them, they were actually a joke for us but he never showed me the naked pics. so yes, they're old but i never even knew about them. UPDATE: I broke up wit him last nite because of the whole sit. but he came to my window n literally would not stop throwin pebbles at my window until i agreed to talk to him. I have no idea wat to do.

Dump him, don't ever talk to him again. This is a recipe for heartbreak.

Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma
I'm going to have to disagree with the people that said he should have PUT THEM AWAY, He should have THROWN THEM AWAY if they are from before. I know I wouldn't want naked pictures of someone that my boyfriend used to sleep with in my house.

Just to play devils advicate, but unless we are married, no way do I get rid of any old momentos. Are you crazy???? How would I feel if I got rid of old keepsakes and then you dumped me?

I've never been married, but I have been in three long term relationships where I thought marriage was inevitable, and that was the same to me. If they were keeping naked pictures of exes they were being dishonest and secretive. I don't find those admirable traits in a significant other, and would assume ulterior motives in keeping these "momentos" or "keepsakes". What is the desire to remember what an ex looks like naked? Who cares? You are with the one you are with for a reason, and not with the ex for a reason. Why would you want those things?

Because they are mine.

And just because you aren't married to the person that you are involved with, you think they would be okay with you having those things?

If they were keeping naked pictures of exes they were being dishonest and secretive.
Not necessarily. Marry me and not just think you will, and you have a say what's in my drawer. What your asking is only for my wife to say anything about, not some date of a few months, ( a year, Naw, not even)

I'm talking about long-term serious relationships. If you see a future with someone why would it matter whether you are married or not, you should take this person's feelings into consideration.

And just because you aren't married to the person that you are involved with, you think they would be okay with you having those things?
Its perfectly okay, and its okay to have your mementos too! Till I marry you, it wouldn't be my business, what you have in your underwear drawer, because I wouldn't be looking through them.

I think that at this point we should just agree to disagree...

I think that a long-term serious relationship and being married can be virtually the same thing just without the paper. I agree that a relationship of a few months shouldn't necessarily affect these things. But me, for instance, I've been in a relationship for almost two years now, and we live together and plan to get engaged in a few months. If my boyfriend had pictures of his ex naked all hell would break loose. Vice Versa.

I'm talking about long-term serious relationships. If you see a future with someone why would it matter whether you are married or not, you should take this person's feelings into consideration.

Agreed. If you've still got one foot somewhere else, and if you are inconsiderate of their feelings, they should take and invest their time elsewhere.

Till I marry you, it wouldn't be my business, what you have in your underwear drawer, because I wouldn't be looking thru them.

Mmhmm.. Suuure, Tal... :)

My partner of ten years has a vibrator in her top drawer that she doesn't know I know about.

Now... should I presume she's thinking of me when she gets off with it when I am no less than 20 feet away?

Likewise... she has two books of erotica. Am I to assume she thinks of me when she reads it?

Yes... the gf's of the past are a touchy subject.

So he had pics of an ex that were explicit.

Mkay... well... he's an idiot for not getting rid of them or for not hiding them better.

If this is all that it takes to tear apart the relationship, it wasn't that strong to begin with.

My pictures and notes from my ex's are solidly, securely kept away. I have taken sensual pics of my ex's as I have of my bethrothed.

If you want to damn me for my history and my life, OK.

The boyfriend in this case is an idiot for keeping these things all but in the open. He's a moron.

But honestly, if this is all there is to put against him... can we call him a moron who might be a decent guy and let him off the hook a little??

If I threw out every scrap of every relationship id been in before my wife, id have no history.

Sure... explicit pics are a different level... but really... do you believe your lover has erased all memories of all men that came before you and after you?

Erotic books and vibrators are different. You never had a relationship with them. There's not a past. I don't mind my boyfriend looking at porn, unless it was of his ex... it's just a different story.

Plus she's fat and ugly... she probably would have broken the camera anyway :P

my partner of ten years has a vibrator in her top drawer that she doesnt know i know about.

now... should i presume shes thinking of me when she gets off with it when i am no less than 20 feet away?

likewise... she has two books of erotica. am i to assume she thinks of me when she reads it?

yes... the gf's of the past are a touchy subject.

so he had pics of an ex that were explicit.

mkay... well... hes an idiot for not getting rid of them or for not hiding them better.

if this is all that it takes to tear apart the relationship, it wasnt that strong to begin with.



But... You're comparing apples to... carburetors! A vibrator or a book your S/O uses to get herself off is an inanimate object. It's not a naked photograph of her ex. It's not the same.

I think me and Sokay are on the same page here...

Before I jump into this jungle here... I'd like to say that I'm a 22 year old guy. With that said, I agree with kp in that I haven't thrown everything that my exes have given me. I've kept notes, cards, pictures (not explicit ones) in a box and have kept it somewhere in the closet. This doesn't mean I go in there and look at them and think about them, but it's more memorabilia than anything.

I also currently have some pictures on my computer from my exes (welcome to the digi-world) that are explicit. Do I look at these? No. However, I haven't deleted them... again, as sick as it sounds, it's more memorabilia than anything.

I'm more worried that your boyfriend didn't keep it locked up somewhere (not to hide, but to just stash away) and that he had it out in the open, than if he had just kept it. I'm a packrat, I keep EVERYTHING. I still have movie stubs from when I was in the 3rd grade.

So, with that said, now that you've found it, I suggest you two sit down and talk. If he denies looking at these, then ask him to get rid of it. If he admits looking at them from time to time, then there's a real issue.

Whether KP is comparing apples to carburators is not the real point. The point he made was, what is my significant other thinking about when she uses or looks at these items?

People go through life following rules of "safe" conduct. "You might get hurt!" Life is about pain, and risk-taking, and decision making. The boyfriend loves the OP. He may change his habits to what works for her. That is for them to discuss, not for us to be afraid of.

Chihuahua: "I think me and Sokay are on the same page here..."

Very much so. It's offensive. He should have tossed those.

Especially he shouldn't be accepting any contact with the ex at all if he's involved in a serious relationship with someone new, and he definitely shouldn't be accepting, nor keeping naked photos of her. There shouldn't be any need to hang on to pictures of that nature, especially given the OP's claim that the ex is trying to get him back! It is offensive to her, and rightly so.

Bottom line, no matter which way you slice this, my advice to the OP is: Walk away, and don't look back. He's not worth your time or energy.

Whether or not KP is comparing apples to carburators is not the real point. The point he made was, what is my significant other thinking about when she uses or looks at these items?

Well actually, that is the point. He was making comparisons with situations and *types* of objects, that were not the same, and did not have the same connotations. So yes, the fact that he was comparing apples to carburetors is exactly the point.

I agree... these things are disrespectful.

I think this may be one of those defining moments in a rather young relationship. I think after she calms down, they will talk it out. She was just caught up in the emotion of the moment.

Just to play devils advicate, but unless we are married, no way do I get rid of any old momentos. Are you crazy???? How would I feel if I got rid of old keepsakes and then you dumped me?

Yeah, sure it's one thing to keep certain mementos of your past. But look, these aren't just any mementos. These are naked pictures of an ex who's been contacting him wanting to get back with him.

I have old photos of exes. But not naked ones. I'm talking for instance, some photos from high school prom, etc. That's different. And seriously mine are with a box of all my photos, tucked in some closet somewhere. Not out alone in a drawer where I can get easy access to them, because frankly I have no interest whatsoever in those guys, and they have no interest in me. Ancient history.

I'm not so far off from CM and sokay in reality and in my own actions...

I also think each partner is allowed their own privacy. I don't riffle through my wife's journals from the past or the present. It might be "apples to carburators"... funny line by the way...

BUT I didn't catch she might have sent these after hed started dating the OP first time I read this!

Uhm... I think he's on his own on this one. Not going to defend his position even as devils advocate. How can you?

BUT i didnt catch she might have sent these after hed started dating the OP first time i read this!

Regardless of anyone's opinion, I think that's the deal breaker right there...

Before or after-- he is holding onto the pics.
I wouldn't tolerate it either way.

It all depends on when the pictures were sent. That's what the main issue is, until that question is answered all we have to go on is speculation. I'm like Sneezy, I have certain pictures stored away in a closest in my bathroom... As soon as I get married, all the notes and letters and stuff like that can be discarded, just not the pictures of vacations me and ex's took. Now my current girlfriend told me that her and her ex had made a video together, all I said was that it made me high uncomfortable and out of respect for me she destroyed it. I didn't ask her to because I don't feel as though it's my place to say anything because we aren't married

It all depends on when the pictures were sent. That's what the main issue is, until that question is answered all we have to go on is speculation. I'm like Sneezy, I have certain pictures stored away in a closest in my bathroom...As soon as I get married, all the notes and letters and stuff like that can be discarded, just not the pictures of vacations me and ex's took. Now my current girlfriend told me that her and her ex had made a video together, all I said was that it made me high uncomfortable and out of respect for me she destroyed it. I didn't ask her to because I don't feel as though it's my place to say anything because we aren't married


Hi Rome,

That is great that she destroyed it, and the fact that you didn't ask/make her. This I feel is the beginning of a really nice relationship :) Good for you!!

I have certain pictures stored away in a closest in my bathroom...As soon as I get married, all the notes and letters and stuff like that can be discarded, just not the pictures of vacations me and ex's took.

I agree 100%. I won't get rid of memories that I have just because it makes someone uncomfortable. I suppose explicit things are a different story, but its part of my past and I don't want to forget it.

Hey Starlite,

I believe it is a great beginning too. I owe it all to you guys though, through this site and reading their advice I realized what it takes to have a healthly strong relationship. Being demanding will only lead to a break up, so instead I state how something makes me feel with no expectations about the outcome.

That's how I think the OP should handle this situation, use communication(you need this for a relationship to last) and talk to him about finding the pictures and how they make you feel.

Hey Starlite,

I believe it is a great beginning too. I owe it all to you guys though, through this site and reading their advice I realized what it takes to have a healthly strong relationship. Being demanding will only lead to a break up, so instead I state how something makes me feel with no expectations about the outcome.

That's how I think the OP should handle this situation, use communication(you need this for a relationship to last) and talk to him about finding the pictures and how they make you feel.

Absolutley. Communication is the key!

What affection this guy has for others should have NO BEARING upon the current relationship IF he is not physically (face to face) seeing her or boinking her. If I was a man and a girl (regardless of who) sent me naked pics, I would never throw them away. I would keep them and I would look at them to; but that would not change the way I felt about my current partner .

I suppose explicit things are a different story

But this thread is about explicit things (naked pictures), not clothed pictures from a prom, or a vacation. Or are naked pictures not explicit?

What affection this guy has for others should have NO BEARING upon the current relationship IF he is not physically (face to face) seeing her or boinking her. If I was a man and a girl (regardless of who) sent me naked pics, I would never throw them away. I would keep them and I would look at them to; but that would not change the way I felt about my current partner .

So then you'd be cool with it if a woman who's been trying to hook up with your man sent him naked pictures and he kept them in a drawer to look at, and had affection for her, just as long as he's not 'boinking' her.

That is an interesting perspective.

Just curious, have you actually ever been in that situation? Or is this just speculation?

Thanks everyone for your posts. Im through wit his bs... the way I see it this is just going to gimme a chance to catch up on ALL the I been missing out on. He's an .

Thanks everyone for ur posts. Im through wit his bs...the way i see it this is just gonna gimme a chance to catch up on ALL the i been missin out on. He's an .

Good for you, I'd say you're way better off without that stress in your life. A relationship shouldn't be bringing unnecessary chaos into your life, you sound like a smart lady and you don't need this. You want a guy who's all about you and doesn't have entanglements with other women. After all, you're not bringing that to the table, so why put up with it?

I think it's a little premature to end a relationship without any communication first.

Sure, you can decide what you think you want to do, but jumping to conclusions is never good. I'm not taking his side, he'd have to have one hell of a story, but communication is a crucial step.

I think, sad as it is, that she made the right choice for herself. Now they just have to live with it.

He probably never showed them to you because he thought it would backfire on him and you should not throw away a year of dating because of a picture. It's not like he took the picture himself.

He probably never showed them to you because he thought it would backfire on him and you should not throw away a year of dating because of a picture. It's not like he took the picture himself.

How do you know he didn't take it himself? How do we know it's a recent picture of her? Perhaps it was a naked picture that he DID take himself when they were together, and she was sending it to remind him of that.

So if your significant other was receiving and KEEPING naked pictures of their ex, you wouldn't be bothered?

Here is the deal for me and my partner:
If he (or I) see something we think is sexy or moving etc, we share it. The conversation would go like this:
Him: Hey Leah look what my x just sent me in the mail.
Me: Oh man! Oh la la.
Him: Mmmmmmm
Me:How'd did she get that close up? (giggle)
Him: I am going to put these in the top drawer so the kids don't see their Mom that way.
Me: Good idea.
TRULY that is how the conversation would go.

[/QUOTE]
You wouldn't mind that he is still accepting her letters? He's telling her its acceptable. He's being dishonest and sneaky. These are all qualities you want in a significant other?[/QUOTE]

If he thought she would fly off the handle insecurley over this then yeah I can see him hiding them from her to spare the fight, hurt feelings, and so on. His motives are not sneaky the ex-lady is the only motivated party here. I think the lady who wrote this sholld talk to the ex-lady, sit her down and let her know that she is making the new relationship difficult and ask her to stop. People don't stop behaviors very often unless someone asks them... Like my annoing foot tap... it annoys some people, around them I don't do it.

Thanks everyone for ur posts. Im through wit his bs...the way i see it this is just gonna gimme a chance to catch up on ALL the i been missin out on. He's an .

Are you sure you broke up over the photos though? Or did you just need that ONE GOOD REASON? If you are ever in a relationship that makes you uncomfortable, just get out of the relationship and move on... don't make it about men behaving like men. THey all look at naked pics, they like them. They also fart in church, leave their sox on the sofa and on football days they park in front of the TV... Are you sure you want a man at all?

I found naked pics of my bf's ex in his drawer. I knew she was sending him letters n regular pics before bcuz she said she wanted him back...but he NEVER showed me these pics. I was so pissed i just left and i really just want to end it with him. Should I? If he's keepin secrets why would i want to keep him around. BTW, we've been dating for a year.:confused:
Hey of course not! Its been a year uve been dating... so this means you should be able to understand your guy by now... so come on... instead of sulkin' away... just go out and fight... ask him what the truth is... he left his ex and was with u... so this means he must have liked you more... so why let that bitc* take your guy back??

So face it and try repairin' it!

Good luck dear !