It has been about a month after my girlfriend of one year & four months dumped me. She told me she has no feelings for me anymore and I felt like sh*t. But I picked myself up and continued my first year of college; unfortunately, I did not pass basic English so I will be attending a community college.

The issue is about my relationship lifestyle. For some reason, I do not know what I want from a relationship. My guy-buddies/friends are encouraging me to start finding girls and having casual sex. But, my mind tells me that I should find girls and have a relationship and then have sex.

I really don't know what I should do..

Q: Should I go for casual sex or relationship & sex?

Go for a relationship. You'll find more respectable girls. Girls that are just into casual sex, well, no one really wants them and they tend to have a ton of issues. Find a nice girl, get to know her and don't listen to your friends.

Some people enjoy sex, just for sex.

I am not one of them.

Yes, I've had my share of sex without an emotional connection, and it was never really very satisfying, not to mention, at times, dangerous.

There is nothing that compares with being intimate and erotic with someone who you are very emotionally connected with.

I say relationship, then sex, especially given the context of your post, and what your mind is telling you.

Go for a relationship. You'll find more respectable girls. Girls that are just into casual sex, well, no one really wants them and they tend to have a ton of issues. Find a nice girl, get to know her and don't listen to your friends.

True...
I did ask a friend of mine (girl) if she'd date a man-whore or a guy who is either a virgin or non-virgin... she said she'd date the guy who is either virgin or non-virgin..


Oh yes~ girls opinions work too!

If you're looking long time, then don't be a man-whore. I have had so many man-whore friends that its ridiculous. I never slept with them, but we were really good friends so they let me in on all kinds of secrets. The girls that slept with them they had no respect for, didn't really care about and just used, but the girls that played hard to get with them, those were the girls that made them melt. Those were the girls that they fell all over and wanted to be with.

If you're looking long time, then don't be a man-whore. I have had so many man-whore friends that its ridiculous. I never slept with them, but we were really good friends so they let me in on all kinds of secrets. The girls that slept with them they had no respect for, didn't really care about and just used, but the girls that played hard to get with them, those were the girls that made them melt. Those were the girls that they fell all over and wanted to be with.

Maybe I guess it was the environment I grew up since I attended an all-guys military high school. Majority of the guys pretty much influenced me =/

During my senior year, I had a room-mate who was a man-whore. He told me about different girls and how sex was awesome...

Yeah I'm sure it was awesome, but did any of those girls stick around?

Its up to you, do you want a plethura of girls and one night stands, or do you want something meaningful that won't make you look back and regret things? The thing with having all the girls, you have a higher risk of STDs, pregnancies and psycho girls...

Yeah I'm sure it was awesome, but did any of those girls stick around?

Its up to you, do you want a plethura of girls and one night stands, or do you want something meaningful that won't make you look back and regret things? The thing with having all the girls, you have a higher risk of STDs, pregnancies and psycho girls...

That is another factor I am considering..

Psycho girls xD? Hahaha!

You have them one night, they think you're committed, start calling you 24/7, stalking you... I've seen it happen.

You have them one night, they think you're committed, start calling you 24/7, stalking you...I've seen it happen.

That is harsh :O...

What if it's like 'Knocked Up' except there's no pregnancy involved xD?

Well if its like "knocked up" but there is no pregnancy involved, then its not really like knocked up, now is it?

Yeah, you can find the girls that just want casual sex, but what happens if one of you gets emotionally attached and then the other isn't? Or what if pregnancy does happen?

I'm just saying, in the long run if you find a nice girl, you may be happier. Have you ever been a man-whore, or have you been in relationships?

Well if its like "knocked up" but there is no pregnancy involved, then its not really like knocked up, now is it?

Yeah, you can find the girls that just want casual sex, but what happens if one of you gets emotionally attached and then the other isn't? Or what if pregnancy does happen?!

I'm just saying, in the long run if you find a nice girl, you may be happier. Have you ever been a man-whore, or have you been in relationships?

I have only been in one relationship out of my 19 years of living.

I've only been in 2.

I dated a lot, and I know from my experience with a few of my friends that once you give it up to a guy (as in someone you're not in a committed relationship with) then they are gone.

I have a friend that has only been in 1 relationship, however she sleeps around, and guess who never calls her again? The guy.

Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free? Do you really want to be with another girl every night? You will start to lose respect for each of the girls you do this to.

What do YOU really want to do? Not thinking of what your friends TELL YOU to do, what do YOU want to do?

hmm

true :O

I'm off to my daily exercise of running... I just need some time to myself to think

I'll be back to receive more advise

At some point you will figure yourself out, and be comfortable with you, and love yourself enough to do what's best for you, and not the rest of mankind. Do what makes you happy, not necessarily popular, because after all, when you meet your maker, It will be just you trying to explain yourself.

Just my opinion, do what makes you happy.

At some point you will figure yourself out, and be comfortable with you, and love yourself enough to do whats best for you, and not the rest of mankind. Do what makes you happy, not neccesarily popular, because after all, when you meet your maker, It will be just you trying to explain yourself.

Just my opinion, do what makes you happy.


thanks..

I just don't know what will make me happy =/

Get out there, and find out.

Get out there, and find out.

Well, I thought about casual sex and it's true that the few minutes of my life will be very pleasurable..

But, I also thought about relationship and sex...

it's difficult since there's going to be attachment going on~

any more advise :D!

Alright.. I was talking to a friend who lives in England, male as well, and I asked if I should go casual or relationship..

He said casual... his reason was "the pleasure" ....

lol

Don't do anything you will regret, or be ashamed of. A few minutes of pleasure is never worth the price you pay when there are attachments. Unless you're a cold hearted playa!

We all go through that journey of finding out about ourselves, and you will be no different. For now pleasure will do you no good, as you are still processing your last life lesson, and that's coping with your own feelings, in a realistic positive way. Walkaway from it without learning, you will go through it again, until you get it, no matter the pleasure you find.

Don't do anything you will regret, or be ashamed of. A few minutes of pleasure is never worth the price you pay when there are attachments. Unless your a cold hearted playa!

We all go thru that journey of finding out about ourselves, and you will be no different. For now pleasure will do you no good, as you are still processing your last life lesson, and thats coping with your own feelings, in a realistic positive way. Walkaway from it without learning, you will go thru it again, until you get it, no matter the pleasure you find.

Thanks :D

@girls: what type of guy would you want to date xD?

@girls: what type of guy would you want to date xD?

Its up to you to convince them you're the type they want.

Personally, I like a guy with confidence that isn't scared of a relationship. Someone that knows exactly what they want and will do anything to get it. The guys that just want sex, they can all disappear for all I care. They're nothing but douche bags and they only want one thing.

Hahaha~

It has been about a month after my girlfriend of one year & four months dumped me. She told me she has no feelings for me anymore and I felt like sh*t. But I picked myself up and continued my first year of college; unfortunately, I did not pass basic English so I will be attending a community college.

The issue is about my relationship lifestyle. For some reason, I do not know what I want from a relationship. My guy-buddies/friends are encouraging me to start finding girls and having casual sex. But, my mind tells me that I should find girls and have a relationship and then have sex.

I really don't know what I should do..

Q: Should I go for casual sex or relationship & sex?

This may come across as a bit offensive and not politically correct, but you need to know the honest truth, that your friends either don't know, or don't see long term enough to tell you.

If you go around having casual sex, and IF you get some random girl pregnant, (not to mention catch or spread a disease from or to a random girl). You will drastically alter (Read: Limit) your future, and have to compromise in areas that you would not otherwise have had to, had you kept your body and your lifestyle guarded and free from encumberments that could have been avoided, had you had the self control to do so. It happens all the time. It's not luck, it's choices.

This may come across as a bit offensive and not politically correct, but you need to know the honest truth, that your friends either don't know, or don't see long term enough to tell you.

If you go around having casual sex, and IF you get some random girl pregnant, (not to mention catch or spread a disease from or to a random girl). You will drastically alter (Read: Limit) your future, and have to compromise in areas that you would not otherwise have had to, had you kept your body and your lifestyle guarded and free from encumberments that could have been avoided, had you had the self control to do so. It happens all the time. It's not luck, it's choices.

I will think about that =]

@girls: what type of guy would you want to date xD?

Personally I prefer introverts. The so-called 'Strong, Silent Type'. Few and far between though. Guys always think the need to have a 'Catch', or a 'Gimmick'. Hard to explain I guess.

Confidence, in and of itself, is an overrated quality, at least to me. I think if they question themselves a little, or if they've been through enough experiences to know that life doesn't always give you what you want, maybe that's a good quality to have.

Personally I prefer introverts. The so-called 'Strong, Silent Type'. Few and far between though. Guys always think the need to have a 'Catch', or a 'Gimmick'. Hard to explain I guess.

Confidence, in and of itself, is an overrated quality, at least to me. I think if they question themselves a little, or if they've been through enough experiences to know that life doesn't always give you what you want, maybe that's a good quality to have.

Oh :O

You know they say there is somebody for everyone.

You know they say there is somebody for everyone.

Yeah, I know, I think I may be the only woman who feels this way (?).

I hear women, (and men) both saying all the time, that they really value the characteristic, 'confidence', in a mate.

But what does the fact that they're confident tell you, really?

-Could mean they're healthy and well adjusted?

-Could mean they're self-centered, arrogant, or don't care about others' feelings?

-Could mean they've been pampered in life, and always gotten what they wanted?

Who knows? Any of these things could lead to an affect of 'confidence'.

Yeah, I know, I think I may be the only woman who feels this way (?).

I hear women, (and men) both saying all the time, that they really value the charictaristic, 'confidence', in a mate.

But what does the fact that they're confident tell you, really?

Could mean they're healthy and well adjusted?

Could mean they're self-centered, arrogant, or don't care about others' feelings?

Could mean they've been pampered in life, and always gotten what they wanted?

Who knows? Any of these things could lead to an affect of 'confidence'.

Is it true girls dig guys with 6-pack and muscularity..??

Is it true girls dig guys with 6-pack and muscularity..??

Some girls do go for guys who have big muscles. Again I'm different in this and definitely can't speak for all women.

I've always been most attracted to guys who are lean. I like them to have a little bit of muscle tone, but not bulky. Something along the lines of that bike rider, Lance Armstrong, his body type looks best to me. Even a little less muscular, and a little less 'superhuman' than him is fine. I pretty much don't usually find myself attracted to guys who are thicker, whether it's because of fat or muscle. I guess that's just me.

I know for a fact that a lot of my friends do like guys with a thicker build than my preference, which is fine with me, because that leaves more for me!:)

Some girls do go for guys who have big muscles. Again I'm different in this and definitely can't speak for all women.

I've always been most attracted to guys who are lean. I like them to have a little bit of muscle tone, but not bulky. Something along the lines of that bike rider, Lance Armstrong, his body type looks best to me. Even a little less muscular, and a little less 'superhuman' than him is fine. I pretty much don't usually find myself attracted to guys who are thicker, whether it's because of fat or muscle. I guess that's just me.

I know for a fact that a lot of my friends do like guys with a thicker build than my preference, which is fine with me, because that leaves more for me!:)

Hmm...

My view is that most people who have casual sex aren't looking for anything. The few one night stands that I've had were with guys who I would never want to date or with whom I would never even consider having any type of relationship. It was just for a bit of fun. I'm sure they're nice guys though.

I've also discovered that I only enjoy sex when it's with a person that I have feelings for. Is it like that for you? I think it just depends on what you want and what you're looking for at this time in life. If you're paranoid about STIs, pregnancies, or, as someone articulated, "psycho girlfriends" (although there are a fair share of psycho boyfriends out there as well), there is the lonely road of abstinence. :D

However, I don't think casual sex or sex early on automatically screams NO COMMITMENT. Once again, it really depends on the person. For instance, with one ex, I abstained from sex until we were in a relationship. On the other hand, I didn't wait for another ex, and we ended up getting into one anyway. He didn't lose any respect for me and I didn't lose any respect for him. In fact, he was attentive both before and after.

It's your choice. If you're going to choose casual sex though, PLEASE practice safe sex!! (I'm really paranoid about STIs and the like... ).

My view is that most people who have casual sex aren't looking for anything. The few one night stands that I've had were with guys who I would never want to date or with whom I would never even consider having any type of relationship. It was just for a bit of fun. I'm sure they're nice guys though.

I've also discovered that I only enjoy sex when it's with a person that I have feelings for. Is it like that for you? I think it just depends on what you want and what you're looking for at this time in life. If you're paranoid about STIs, pregnancies, or, as someone articulated, "psycho girlfriends" (although there are a fair share of psycho boyfriends out there as well), there is the lonely road of abstinence. :D

However, I don't think casual sex or sex early on automatically screams NO COMMITMENT. Once again, it really depends on the person. For instance, with one ex, I abstained from sex until we were in a relationship. On the other hand, I didn't wait for another ex, and we ended up getting into one anyway. He didn't lose any respect for me and I didn't lose any respect for him. In fact, he was attentive both before and after.

It's your choice. If you're going to choose casual sex though, PLEASE practice safe sex!!! (I'm really paranoid about STIs and the like...).

Well, that is the problem.. I don't know if I want casual sex or relationship & sex =/

Well, that is the problem.. I don't know if I want casual sex or relationship & sex =/

Hey I'm not trying to come across like some kind of anti-sex prude, but seriously, what's wrong with good old fashioned masturbation? I mean you'd have zero chance of getting some stranger pregnant, or catching some disease.

Hey I'm not trying to come across like some kind of anti-sex prude, but seriously, what's wrong with good old fashioned masturbation? I mean you'd have zero chance of getting some stranger pregnant, or catching some disease.


I already masturbate before =/

Sex feels different.. lol

I already masturbate before =/

Sex feels different.. lol

Ahahahaha!!

ahahahaha!!!

What?

I found the comment amusing. Lol.

How old are you again, hjpan?

i found the comment amusing. lol.

how old are you again, hjpan?


19...

I'm 19 also and I'm a girl, and I reckon Definitely have sex in a relationship, because not many girls take a man-whore seriously and it can also be off-putting if a girl really likes you and wants a relationship out of you then finds out you've been sleeping around. Its not nice. Its like taking a sl*t seriously, I duno if you do or not lol but yer, that is my opinion :) get in a relationship first then the sex. It just shows you are genuine and mature about it, which is attractive to a decent girl who wants to get to know you properly.

Is it true girls dig guys with 6-pack and muscularity..??

Some girls dig that, some girls don't mind, but I also have friends that prefer guys who are more laid back, the type with a beer belly and a bit more 'ragged' than a 'pretty boy'. I know I definitely wouldn't like a guy who is obsessed with their appearance, it just gets boring. So it depends, because not all girls expect the same qualities within a guy.

im 19 also and im a girl, and i reckon DEFINATELY have sex in a relationship, because not many girls take a man-whore seriously and it can also be off-putting if a girl really likes you and wants a relationship out of you then finds out you've been sleeping around. its not nice. its like taking a sl*t seriously, i duno if you do or not lol but yer, that is my opinion :) get in a relationship first then the sex. it just shows you are genuine and mature about it, which is attractive to a decent girl who wants to get to know you properly.
Thanks for the input :)~



some girls dig that, some girls dont mind, but i also have friends that prefer guys who are more laid back, the type with a beer belly and a bit more 'ragged' than a 'pretty boy'. i know i definately wouldnt like a guy who is obsessed with their appearance, it just gets boring. So it depends, because not all girls expect the same qualities within a guy.

Hmm... because I see a lot of girls dig guys who are either rich or have 6-pack and muscular

Your looking at the world through your tears and if you really see things as they are the fat guys have girls too!

Your looking at the world thru your tears and if you really see things as they are the fat guys have girls too!

Hahaha~

Hmm... because I see a lot of girls dig guys who are either rich or have 6-pack and muscular[/QUOTE]

Lol really? Where do you live? I guess they would all say something like "ooo ide love a rich guy with a hot body," and yer, that's the IDEALISTIC guy, and yer, guys with 6 packs are nice, but none of my boyfriends have had a six pack weirdly, apart from one but I changed my mind very quickly about him lol strange. When I get to know someone better, I am more intrigued with the type of person they are, than what's under their shirt or in their wallet! Because the way they act towards me is important. Guys can be rich and have six packs, but they can also be bigheaded jerks if they want to be, and that's very offputting. I personally couldn't attempt to try and get to know a jerk..

It just seems that way to you, that girls admire rich, 'tonk' guys. Where I live, there are many very pretty girls dating tubby boys! And very hot guys who are dating, ahem, ugly girls. My boyfriend (or ex, long story), has a pot belly and I love it hehe. He is from a rich background, yet HE himself is not rich. So the fact he lives in a big house and has rich parents doesn't actually make himself minted because he still works for his own money, in fact he's quite broke atm and having to work full time.. but I'm not bothered! In fact one guy ages ago who took a liking towards me (but I wasn't interested in) decided to lie and boast that he was 'minted' and has lots of money to waste.. it still didn't change my mind about him, no matter how much I was made to believe he was very rich.

Are you saying that girls can go for absolutely hideous guys, just because they are rich? Or are you saying that guys should be the full package and be rich AND muscly? Because I haven't come across many! But the few I do know rarely get serious girlfriends.. I'm not sure why but it's a thought I guess.

Hmm... because I see a lot of girls dig guys who are either rich or have 6-pack and muscular

Lol really? Where do you live? I guess they would all say something like "ooo ide love a rich guy with a hot body," and yer, that's the IDEALISTIC guy, and yer, guys with 6 packs are nice, but none of my boyfriends have had a six pack weirdly, apart from one but I changed my mind very quickly about him lol strange. When I get to know someone better, I am more intrigued with the type of person they are, than what's under their shirt or in their wallet! Because the way they act towards me is important. Guys can be rich and have six packs, but they can also be bigheaded jerks if they want to be, and that's very offputting. I personally couldn't attempt to try and get to know a jerk..

It just seems that way to you, that girls admire rich, 'tonk' guys. Where I live, there are many very pretty girls dating tubby boys! And very hot guys who are dating, ahem, ugly girls. My boyfriend (or ex, long story), has a pot belly and I love it hehe. He is from a rich background, yet HE himself is not rich. So the fact he lives in a big house and has rich parents doesn't actually make himself minted because he still works for his own money, in fact he's quite broke atm and having to work full time.. but I'm not bothered! In fact one guy ages ago who took a liking towards me (but I wasn't interested in) decided to lie and boast that he was 'minted' and has lots of money to waste.. it still didn't change my mind about him, no matter how much I was made to believe he was very rich.

Are you saying that girls can go for absolutely hideous guys, just because they are rich? Or are you saying that guys should be the full package and be rich AND muscly? Because I haven't come across many! But the few I do know rarely get serious girlfriends.. I'm not sure why but it's a thought I guess.[/QUOTE]

I live in San Diego, CA... lol~

Example 1: Hugh Hefner and his playboy mention with bunch of girls.. rich, but ugly

Example 2: male models who are toned and muscular & rich

*sigh*

Well, I have not found anyone to have sex with.... although, there are a lot of cute girls at the mall...

At the mall lol classy ;) You'll find someone.

You're like that song "looking for love in all the wrong places" Why would you want to just use a girl? What makes you think that is remotely attractive to possible relationship potential women? And about the whole "muscular guys" comment, it's called a gym. You sign up, stay committed to it and then you start to see results. I've done it, it was the best release after my break up.

HJ,

Sweetie, trust me. Not every woman wants or needs a man that is rich, muscular, etc. Some do, some don't. I, being a woman have to say that as long as the man is nice, caring, honest, attractive (Does not have to be drop-dead gorgeous to 'society's standards'), that is fine with me. It is how you treat the woman in your life, in which she will find you to be the most beautiful man in the whole word, money or not, 6-pack or not.

Same holds true with women. Now there are men out there that have to have the most beautiful (visually) woman out there, but she can be a total bi*&^. But then you can be with a woman who (again not society's definition) may not be drop dead gorgeous, but she is warm, funny, compassionate, caring, etc and to you, she is the most beautiful woman on earth.

I hope this helps :)

Well, I have not found anyone to have sex with.... although, there are a lot of cute girls at the mall...


Your to young and inexperienced and hurt and confused to be of any good use to a female.

May I suggest giving yourself time, and doing other things that you enjoy, while building confidence, and embark on widening your friends circle enough to, include meeting, and interacting, with new people, to gain the skill of talking with strangers, so you don't have to troll the malls, and just look at the scene, wishing, and hoping, some cutie will have mercy on you, and GIVE you some attention.

That how you build self-confidence and gain experience, by doing and being proactive in your life.

At the mall lol classy ;) You'll find someone.


Did not find anyone... but saw a lot

You're like that song "looking for love in all the wrong places" Why would you want to just use a girl? What makes you think that is remotely attractive to possible relationship potential women? And about the whole "muscular guys" comment, it's called a gym. You sign up, stay committed to it and then you start to see results. I've done it, it was the best release after my break up.

Thanks =]

HJ,

Sweetie, trust me. Not every woman wants or needs a man that is rich, muscular, etc. Some do, some don't. I, being a woman have to say that as long as the man is nice, caring, honest, attractive (Does not have to be drop-dead gorgeous to 'society's standards'), that is fine with me. It is how you treat the woman in your life, in which she will find you to be the most beautiful man in the whole word, money or not, 6-pack or not.

Same holds true with women. Now there are men out there that have to have the most beautiful (visually) woman out there, but she can be a total bi*&^. But then you can be with a woman who (again not society's definition) may not be drop dead gorgeous, but she is warm, funny, compassionate, caring, etc and to you, she is the most beautiful woman on earth.

I hope this helps :)

Thank you :)~ I feel much better cause my mom keeps nagging me to go get a 6-pack...





Your to young an inexperienced and hurt and confused to be of any good use to a female.

May I suggest giving yourself time, and doing other things that you enjoy, while building confidence, and embark on widening your friends circle enough to, include meeting, and interacting, with new people, to gain the skill of talking with strangers, so you don't have to troll the malls, and just look at the scene, wishing, and hoping, some cutie will have mercy on you, and GIVE you some attention.

That how you build self-confidence and gain experience, by doing and being proactive in your life.

I understand I am really inexperienced and hurt and confused... so I am going to community college and take some classes.. then go to vocational school to earn hands-on training for my medical field. Besides the education, I am also planning to hang out with few friends, smoke some salvia & hookah, and just let myself alone time.

It's hard to maintain myself since I feel like I'm missing out a lot of girls

hjpan --

You are SO FOCUSED on girls and wanting them to like you and finding one RIGHT NOW that you're going to miss out on the fun years... you have the rest of your life to settle down with a girl.

Just have fun, like you said, go to school, kick it with your friends and chances are when you're least expecting it, you'll find an amazing girl.

hjpan --

You are SO FOCUSED on girls and wanting them to like you and finding one RIGHT NOW that you're going to miss out on the fun years...you have the rest of your life to settle down with a girl.

Just have fun, like you said, go to school, kick it with your friends and chances are when you're least expecting it, you'll find an amazing girl.

Yeh =/

that is true~

Its up to you my friend as to how you let this glitch in your life define you. You have a choice to be a wild uncaring dog, or a confident mature male.

Its up to you my friend as to how you let this glitch in your life define you. You have a choice to be a wild uncaring dog, or a confident mature male.

Haha~ I understand...