Hey everyone - this will probably be lengthy so please stick with me.
I was in a relationship with a girl for about 4 1/2 years. She was the love of my life, my best friend, and who I wanted to end up with. We had dated for two years through college and I had the best times of my life when I was with her. She and I had started to talk about a future together. She graduated college one quarter ahead of me so we had to plan on doing the distance thing for a while. I was working and taking on a full load of classes while she was getting adjusted to the working world. I couldn't make it down to see her as often as I would have liked (I needed to finish up with my academic commitments and with my sports team) so that started to hurt our relationship. I wasn't around as often as I had been and she kept telling me she didn't feel loved by me and that her Christmas present and her birthday present seemed to be the result of a quick stop to the mall with no love or thought (not the case). This went on for a few months. When I finally did get the chance to move down there, I was going to move in with my little brother, who was going to college in the area she lived. One day I was moving some stuff into her place and I found another guy there. She was at work. She swore he was just a friend, but damage was done and we fell faster and faster. I became more distant over the next year and so did she. After almost a year, we both started to realize what we were missing out on (each other) and decided to try and make it right (like it had been for so long). We had a couple of great months, but something felt off. After my brother graduated from college, I moved in with her. As soon as I did, a switch went off with her. She became distant, aloof, and cold. I found out through friends that she had lied to me several times about where she had been and such. She had also met someone at her gym and was hanging out with him (lives in a trailer and dropped out of school, basically the opposite of me). Again, she swore they were just friends. A few months went by, and she ended up breaking up with me. After she broke up with me, she kept calling me, texting me, telling me I'm the love of her life and about how much she loved me, even alluded to our future together. She kept saying the break-up was just time she needed to herself, to "find" herself, so it was more of a break. She kept dangling a life line in front of me for 7 months (bringing me close and then avoiding me). I foolishly kept doing great things for her, but they were never reciprocated. One day she would treat me like her boyfriend/lover again (we still had sex every so often, kissed, etc.) and the next she'd be cold as hell. A while ago, she was over at my place and she left her e-mail open on my computer. After she left, I got back onto my computer and went to find an e-mail in my archives. Thinking it was my Yahoo account (which was another tab that was open) I scrolled without looking at what was on the screen. What I saw I'll never forget. It turns out that the last year and a half of our relationship, she had been cheating on me (with the guy I had seen in her apartment that day – a fat- low life). I looked through several of the e-mails and found out that the two of them had even been engaged! It also turns out that she had started seeing the new guy (the one from her gym, trailer boy) romantically while we were still together and that she had been lying to me after we had broken up (about where she had gone, what she had done, etc.) Before this, she had gone so far as to tell me that she hadn't had sex with anyone but me... well, she'd been screwing two guys behind my back. I wrote her a scathing e-mail telling her I knew. She replied telling me about how confused she was, how guilt ridden she was, how she never loved the first guy and that it was a fake relationship and detailed everything. Some time passed then one night she drunk dialed me, telling me she loved me and missed me. I called her a week later, we met up and she broke down, saying she didn't know what was wrong with her and how much she hated herself and how weak she was... it went on for a while. A few more weeks passed and then I learned through a friend that she had gone to the hospital. I called to make sure she was OK. We met up again, she broke down again, and she told me she wanted a fresh start (and that deep down, it was me that she wanted to be with). I told her I didn't trust her at all but that we'd see how things would go (I did tell her that I forgave her, maybe too quickly). We went on a few dates, we had fun and none of the negative stuff came out. Then a few days ago, a friend told me he had seen her out with her friend from the gym (trailer-boy). I called her but never got a reply. Last night, she wrote me an e-mail telling me she can't forgive herself, she doesn't love herself, she wants to be with me but there's too much damage done on her part, she loves me and that I mean the world to her, that it hurts to think we won't go through life together, and that she needs to let me go (she used the line "when you love someone, you have to let them go" line on me) :rolleyes: . I replied by telling her I figured that was coming, that I thought she had moved on a long time ago and now it was my turn to move on and let her go, that to me she simply loved and is in love with someone else, that I hoped one day she could find happiness and love herself, and that I would always love her and cherish what we had. Whew! Now my question, how does someone move on from something like this? I lost the love of my life, my best friend, and all of the dreams that I had held in my heart for the two of us. I'm pretty sure we'll never see each other again, and I couldn't stand to be her friend and see her in another relationship. Let me know what you think.

Thanks in advance!

I think you did NOT lose the love of your life. I think you two saved yourselves from eternal misery and each might actually find true love as a result.

I think you have a lot of free time to spend on novellas like that. I think you better find something to focus your mind on, and quickly. You're a little obsessive and that won't be good in the "starting your next chapter" department.

She's not the love of your life - and that's VERY lucky. Someone/something has given you a blessing, because seriously, if you stayed with this girl any longer, the pain would not only prolong, but worsen. I am sorry for your loss, it must be difficult. But the first step to getting over someone is realising that they are not the 'love of your life'. This girl has lied to you, kept things from you for so long, made a commitment (engagement) to another man behind your back, has lied again by telling you she loves you (come on.. you cheat on the person you love? The person you care about, the person you least want to see unhappy.. ), she has lied AGAIN saying "when you love someone, you have to let them go" because she has misused that quote COMPLETELY. She really had no reason to let you go, but she decided to, she slept with 2 other men. That was the decision she made. She didn't HAVE to let you go, she DECIDED to. I know this must be hard for you to read and I can understand entirely how heartache feels, but it does get better. You need to realise that you are better off without this girl. She broke your heart many times and made you go round in circles because she couldn't be honest with you, and remember, she was never honest because YOU found all of this out. Of course, you had the good times, but did those good times ever mean anything if her behaviour has proved contrary? Realise that she is not the love of your life or your best friend, because right now, your best friend is time. With time, you will get better. In the meantime, go out, join clubs, meet friends.. keep busy! As I said, with time you will heal.. why prolong time? Make it go quicker and keep yourself busy. Goodluck.

I think you lost what you thought you had. The person you made her out to be in your head was not the person... not even close to the person she really was. On of the things I've been doing during my recent break up was, when I started thinking about all the "good things" about her, I started writing down all the bad things about her to offset these ideas of fantasy that were going through my head. That's what's happening to you, you have these "fantasies" that she was your best friend, and the love of your life and you keep holding onto it. In reality, she was neither, just a cheating lowlife who toyed with your emotions for her own personal gain.

O_O wow, that was quite a story. I think you two just naturally grew apart, which tends to happen in long term relationships such as yours. As much as nothing really excuses her behavior, she obviously couldn't/can't get a handle on things right now. I actually had a friend like this who was incapable of holding a relationship together because she was falling mentally and emotionally apart. She ended up doing really horrible things, like cheat on her partner (who was also one of my other best friends) and make a mess of her life as well. She really hated herself for it, but at the same time would justify it. At least your ex had the courage to finally recognize that she screwed things up and there's no turning back for either of you. My friend, the cheater, just wouldn't let her partner go until now, and they've been broken up for almost a year now.

I know it must be impossibly hard to think of life without her, but hang in there. To answer your question on "How do I begin to let go of the love of my life," slowly, yet surely. You'll get there. Just concentrate on getting through one day at a time.

Thank you all for your input. I know I probably do come off as obsessive; I probably am to a point because for as much as she didn't love me, I really did (still do) love her. That having been said, it is nice to let it out. Like I said, I know getting over will take a while but you all are right, she doesn't love me (how could she after everything?), and she is not someone I should call my best friend or the love of my life (she doesn't deserve that from me). I guess all that's left for me to do is to move on, put her out of my mind and life, and buy my guardian angel a beer (God knows he gave me clue after clue until I finally had to be slapped in the face with reality), maybe two beers :D . Once again, thank you all - if you have anything else, please feel free to converse because again, it is good to get it all out of my system.

-Cheers!

That is sad. I feel sorry for you.

Sorry, but she isn't the love of your life. In less you like to be treated like dirt, and I doubt that. You deserve so much better. You sound like you have a lot to offer someone. I know its hard but keep busy, and meet new friends, as hard as it is. We have all been down that road. I would kick her to the ground, you are too good for her. How dare she treat you like that, and just dangle you around, and expect you to be there for her. Thank God you found out before you were married to her... Sorry

Now my question, how does someone move on from something like this?
By accepting what reality and life is showing you. She ain't the love you thought she was and now that you know you won't be as trusting or as fast to give all that love to someone without a whole lot of thought.

You will move on, as you'll get sick and tired, of being confused and miserable.