OK! Before I get a barrage of responses about telling me to GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN stuff. I need to tell you that I am looking for different views. And that I am the kind of person that can deal with this sort of thing, I just need some other views. Thank you.

OK! So me and my Ex were together for almost 6 years, we were the typical perfect couple loving, passionate, had a great time etc etc. about 2 years ago we moved in together and about a year into the move in we started to notice we got lazy to do anything, we just sat around. IT was like our relationship went stagnant. We love each other to death!

Ok so about 3 months ago we moved back in with our parents to go to college and to save money. We have a mutual friend we talked to online. He is the typical christian. Very nice and such. I know deep down that there may be something going on and I address it and she says no there isn't. I say OK and that I feel that there are some things wrong, she agrees and we talk about how we feel its not going anywhere, due to no drive. We are lazy! So she wants to visit AZ which is where the mutual friend lives (and his family, who I love like a second family) I know something went on, because of the way she acts when she gets back.

I ask her and she breaks down saying that she was so scared to tell me and the breakup ensues. It was not a angry shout match it was a calm and somber moment. I talk about how can she feel she can't tell me anything, I have never given her a reason to fear me. Yada yada...


Ok so currently we know we love each other and we both come to the conclusion that we need to do our own life thing due to how long and how young we met. We have not really had life experience. I know in my heart She is the one. And I told her if she finds someone.. that is OK, that she just needs to tell me so I can move on, So its like the guy she is with she knows he isn't the one. She is just liking the feeling of something new.

We had many convos about how we can see us getting back together later, and I'm OK with being by myself to better "Me" and that I will be there for her, because she always has been my best friend. Now I know what your going to say about being friends with your ex! But I hope that you can see we are not your typical couple (or ex couple). I truly believe in getting more life experience. But I would love to hear any comments on this situation.

It's kind of hard to leave you our opinions when you tell us what we can say or not.. but I'm just going to ignore all that and just give you my advice. You can take it or leave it

Ok so I think you're doing the right thing by backing off a little and not seeming needy.. She needs to see if you truly are right for her by experiencing life outside the relationship. Yes, I know it hurts, but that seems like it's the right thing for you to do.. if you want to potentially salvage the relationship.

Now, while she's out finding out what is right for her, I really don't suggest you wait around for her and put your life on hold.. it's not fair to you.. unfortunately 6 years is a big chunk of your life gone.. why wait around even longer for someone who may not want you? Just get out there have fun, date different women..

Try to figure out why you were so lazy in the relationship.. you guys don't seem to challenge each other, which is not a good thing.. develop your interests and passions with out her. And maybe, just maybe you guys will get back together in the future and you'll be ready this time.. but don't wait around for it to happen.. cut your losses now so YOU can heal properly.. and if it happens with you guys then so be it.. then you will know for sure that it's meant to be

Yeah I am sorry to seem like I did not want to hear advice, I do want to hear it. I just don't want people to be shouting at me to get out while I can. (Which I do know I need to do my own life thing). I appreciate the advice! =-D

So you and your ex are still friends/close, she's seeing someone else and you told her you were OK with that because you both think you'll be together in the future... this break is just for personal growth??

I don't understand what advice your seeking...
I don't understand why people say "I see us together in the future" but then they take a "break"... the biggest problem I see in this is that she's already involved with someone else, Are you the only one searching for personal growth? Seems like she's focused on something else...
I don't think you should jump into another relationship quickly but it doesn't seem too wise to completely save yourself for someone who isn't doing the same for you.

Its not as though me and her on different pages. We both felt the relatinship went stale. We started going out when we were really young and didn't have the chance to date others and just to experience life. We only knew what we were, and our experiences together. So its good to go and do new things and learn more about oneself before you can truly dedicate your whole life to 1 person. What I am seeking through this post is thoughts and stories so that I can reflect on them and possibly make a final decision.

Well good luck with this plan but in my humble opinion it just seems like the two of you are afraid to let go when you probably should...

I say you probably should "let go" because you were together 6 years and when you two hit a dry spell you gave up on each other... in your words you both had gotten "lazy"... this hardly isn't a reason to break it off with the love of your life, is it?

I also think you two aren't letting go completely (by making plans or having conversations about reuniting) because you both have 6 years invested in each other and you ended on good terms so it seems plausible but it's probably not very realistic and certainly limiting in moving forward.

Thank you for your advice. I totally understand what you are saying. =-D

Love or not, stale will settle into any relationship. Period, it just does. That's the effect of routine.

While dating, the reaction to staleness is to break up and go try other things. That makes sense and I would probably counsel it.

But when you finally settle down and get married, the SAME thing is going to happen again. The only difference is that if you both don't share a view of "permanence in marriage", it won't survive it. If you DO both share a view of permanence in marriage, the marriage will survive and you'll both simply suffer is silence... not much of a success either.

To make a win out of this, you BOTH have to stick to the marriage AND be willing to do the work necessary to keep things from being ALL routine. Routine is great in marriage because there is a LOT that needs to get done week to week. But learn NOW that stagnation is coming and only you can plan for and implement your life safely around those stagnations.

This is not a one-time issue, that's all I'm saying.

Close as you both may be, it may be wise to cut contact, and not put any kind of pressure on each other, so you both can grow as individuals. This also lets the emotional dust settle, and can give you a more realistic view of what you both want as individuals, and what your both are about separate from each other.

I don't think you were lazy, I think you had reached the end of the motivation, and didn't want to leave your comfort zone. She obviously was ready for a change so let her explore herself, and you should do the same.

Give this time in your life as much as you can, with no strings from the past, for your own sake.

"Ok so currently we know we love eachother and we both come to the conclusion that we need to do our own life thing due to how long and how young we met. we have not really had life experience. I know in my heart She is the one. and I told her if she finds someone..that is ok, that she just needs to tell me so i can move on, So its like the guy she is with she knows he isnt the one. she is just liking the feeling of something new."

.. This particular paragraph seems to define your relationship with her... she's moved on to the next 'new' thing and is enjoying herself while you are standing in the shadows unattached, but willing to wait for her to let you know it's time to move on--or maybe that you have another shot in hell...
She seems to be having her cake and eating it too, don't you think? I think it's very wise of you to step back from the relationship and realize that a lot of life passed you by when you were with her, and now it's time to live a little, all by yourself..
But, I think you will find in time--time spent away from her--that waiting around for a girl to commit to a new guy and let you off the hook while she's probably thoroughly enjoying not only having the 'new' guy but having a 'fallback' guy who's in love with her is probably not the avenue you'd like to go down again...
I won't say "Get out while you can" since you specifically asked not to be told that; but let me just say.. now that you are OUT.. stay there.. =)

I think that both of you do need time away froom each other. I was in your situation when I got with my first love of 8 years. Our love seemed to get boring. We took some time and even though we both wish it were different, we fell out of love. Take some time for yourself.