I'm a married woman,My problem is I still have feelings for my ex husband.
I've been married five years because I do not want to be alone.
I've thought about the ex almost everyday since our divorce.We got married young me 17 him 19 no kids though we were married seven years. We both cheated to be honest but I assume that would happen we were each others first everything. He kept contact for about two years and then I didn't hear from him. He;s remarried and so am I but I feel these feelings so strong and it scares me I don't want to hurt my current husband. We are 31 and 32 now . Should I tell ex how I feel ? Tell hubby #2 or let it go? I need some major advice... Thank you in advance for any help

I commend you for looking for help with this concern. I do not recommend that you tell either your ex-husband or current husband about your feelings for your ex-husband. I suggest that you get professional, or at least skilled, counsel to deal with those feelings.

The difficulty you are having in focusing upon your present marriage and trying to help it become all it can be needs some exploration, I think. Your "youthful marriage" does not appear to have been established upon a firm foundation.

At the time your earlier marriage ended, perhaps you should have sought help for healing in that relationship. But that is history. Both you and your current husband need you to be the wife he has chosen you to be and that you have chosen to be.

Feelings are poor indicators, often, of the direction our lives need to take. We need to determine life direction from much more reliable basis.

However, feelings are important in relationships we choose to have. You can cultivate feelings for your current husband. Please don't get the caboose in front of the engine. The engine is your will, the decision-making part of you, the administrative office of the soul, as I like to think of it. The caboose is your feelings. They will come along behind the engine--which is where they belong!

Be married in the marriage you are in! And give thanks that your situation is not complicated by custody, child support, and visitation issues.

Honestly you craving for something that you can not have. Ex is an Ex for a reason. You both cheated on each other. That is a killar in a relationship. I assume there was a lot more to your original divorce. You need to leave your Ex husband alone. Why disrupt his marriage just so you can feel better for contacting him. Getting married again just so you are not alone, I take it you know that is not a good enough reason to get married with someone. You need counseling and you need to learn how to get past these fantasies you have about your ex husband. If you assummed that you both would have cheated why get married in the first place?

1) DO NOT TELL YOUR EX HOW YOU FEEL.
2) LET IT GO.
3) SEEK COUNSELING.
4) YOU NEED TO ASK YOURSELF WHAT ARE THE REASONS FOR THIS CURRENT MARRIAGE AND NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHERE YOUR FEELINGS ARE AND WHETHER THIS MARRIAGE CAN CONTINUE OR NOT.

I've been married five years because i do not want to be alone.
I've thought about the ex almost everyday since our divorce.We got married young me 17 him 19 no kids though we were married seven years.


Hello,"Ann77"

I have to say,there's a LOT of history between your ex husband and yourself [7 years]
You'll say that must count for something,BUT it depends on the situation.:eek:

In this case,it's the love,that you feel you have,for your ex.

I believe,instead of getting back with your ex,you should be thinking,seriously,about
What is wrong with the marriage you are in now.

You mention,in your post that you're married because you don't want to be alone.
If you go back with your ex,that's exactly what will happen,eventually!

You'll be alone

He was your first husband so you are going to romanticize the good memories while the bad ones fade away. Since you are both married there really is nothing you can do about it.
You need to find interests apart from your husband so you are not co-dependent on relying on his making you happy.

Thank you all for your advice.
I did some soul searching and came to realize I love my current husband.
The thing is my current husband can be cold at times ,Not emotionally there.
He's in the military so long deployments really get me down.
We have had a child my current husband and I had a daughter Nina, whom passed away at 22 months of age. Our problem so to speak, I think stems from Him not being there to console and just support me during this rough time in our lives. He was around but refused to speak on the subject or even acknowledge we had a problem. I fell into a deep depression that I am just now coming out of .
Our child passed away about a year ago. I spoke with my husband on how I was feeling about everything,did not address the ex factor.
We have very little communication at this point ,He has agreed to go to counseling to sort our problems,that's a step in the right direction . He's a good man .
He told me he doe'snt say it nearly as often as he should but that he loves me,That one sentence really made me so happy.
He also confided in me about his military career,How he was terrified he was not going to come home again and how stressful that whole thing is one him .
This really made me realize just how selfish I have been,wallowing in selfpity when there are much bigger things than me to worry about .
My ex looked me up not the other way around.
Upon consideration I told myself would current hubby enjoy knowing the fact that my ex and I were considering rekindling answer NO! So I told ex as much as I enjoy speaking with him I will not violate the vows I took with my current husband. I also told him not to contact me ,because at this time I am still reeling from my loss and need to be alone with my current husband. I am very vulnerable at this stage and do not want to go in the wrong path .
I have entered counseling to sort my own issue with our child passing,husband told me he has been seeking counsel from the chaplain,wich is good I think with a little determination and a lot of love we can make it work.
I am very confident at this point.
I apologize for such a long answer to this but ?I greatly appreciate the words of wisdom from every one of you . It means a lot Thank you So much , Annie

Hello Ann:

So, who said that when you fall in love with somebody, you have to fall out of love with everybody else? I never heard that...

In fact, I'm still in love with every girl I've ever been in love with, and that includes Barbara Childers in the 3rd grade.

It's not that you still love your ex. It's, what are you going to do about it. We are NOT our thoughts. We ARE our actions.

excon

Annie,

I am so proud of you!

You show so much maturity in your last post. Wow! I was actually excited as I began to get into it.

I hope you will continue to speak openly with each other now that you have "broken the ice." You have some powerful issues to work through with each other--deployment, related fears of death, unresolved grief in the loss of a child, depression (there can be relapses), and just the whole communication package.

And, zowee! You took care of business with the other guy. You must be exhausted inside!

Fellow posters, it's time to party with Annie. Don't you just love it when you get feedback about how much you have meant to someone!

It just makes me want everyone to