pixelmation
Jun 19, 2008, 04:05 PM
Hi all! I have a question about discipline for a 10 year old boy that is functioning at a few years younger than his age. He lived with us 2 years ago for one year and just moved back in permanently. I believe he may have reactive attachment disorder but mildly, and he has abandonment issues too. It is so hard to find info on what he is going through due to his situation from before birth.
Here is some background: (BIRTH) His mom got pregnant but didn't want a kid and continued to smoke cigs and do meth and possibly drank (not pos on the drinking). He was born prematurely, at 7 months, then stayed in the hospital for around a month or two before going home with his dad's mom. His dad was incarcerated at the time and did not get out until his son was 6 years old. His mom would see him several times after he was born, up to the last time when he was 9. She would tell him she would call or have him over, etc, etc, but never did - only called once. She has another very unruly son and my step son knows of him... I think there may be a connection with the mom.
How he was raised: My husband's mom raised him, but her husband was not around much as they didn't live together during the whole time, plus she was 56 when she brought the baby home. She is VERY, VERY, VERY passive and gave the child everything he cried for and did not do much disciplining at all. He was very controlling over her, threw fits, had very bad ear infections as a baby, so many antibiotics. He has yeast over growth in his gut (for anyone familiar with the link between that and aided and autism). He would eat mostly sugar all day, including sugar cubes when he wanted.
Dad got out: So, when my husband got out, of course, there was no bond there at all. He had a lot to deal with as he was trying to make it on the outside with an already made family of a total of 6 at that time. We did not move in together at first so when he was staying with his mom and son, every time he tried to work with him, his mom would intervene. We finally took him in for one year until he drove us to letting him move back in with grandma. That was not a good decision, but it was for me at that time. I have FMS and was so not prepared for working with such a child and showing him the love he needed. His grandma was only able to offer him love, as she told me yesterday, not discipline. Plus she did not work with him as he was growing like most parents do with their kids, not much social skills.
Dxs: He has been fully tested and to my knowledge there is no chemical imbalance in his brain. He has been dxed with adhd and I believe odd or cd but you get the idea. The schools have dxed him as mildly retarded yet he is very smart, he just knows how to play dumb and get away with it! After trying to find help for children with abandonment issues, I stumbled across RAD (reactive attachment disorder). He has all but a few of the symptoms, just like verything else. I plan to have him tested for this once I am able.
Now, I am all about the diet and how certain foods effect children, as well as others, of course. I also am a firm believer that God has a plan and purpose for all! I did not have the latter before when trying to work with him as I was dealing with my own issues at the time. I would like some suggestions from parents of kids with all these different behaviors, dxs and such on discipline that has worked for them. I can get him to make eye contact but have to reaffirm the eye contact when speaking with him. I am very calm and try not to "explain" too much but keep it as simple as I can. I do explain some things but not all.
He is a very charmingly sweet kid except when someone makes him made or he doesn't get his way, as I have heard reports of parents having to send him home because he cussed them out and flipped them off, etc, even the ones that he likes!
So, any help in that area would be much appreciated! I refuse to send him to counseling, so please keep that suggestion out - we have already went that route including intense therapy from the BEST program at Sacred Heart Children's Hospital. They pretty much said it has to do with the parenting and I do agree wholeheartedly, but only to some degree. The child was abandoned by his mom whom he so longed to get to know and get her love, but that never did happen... prayerfully, God will use me to take her place so that he can have a normal life.
God Bless - Denise :)
Here is some background: (BIRTH) His mom got pregnant but didn't want a kid and continued to smoke cigs and do meth and possibly drank (not pos on the drinking). He was born prematurely, at 7 months, then stayed in the hospital for around a month or two before going home with his dad's mom. His dad was incarcerated at the time and did not get out until his son was 6 years old. His mom would see him several times after he was born, up to the last time when he was 9. She would tell him she would call or have him over, etc, etc, but never did - only called once. She has another very unruly son and my step son knows of him... I think there may be a connection with the mom.
How he was raised: My husband's mom raised him, but her husband was not around much as they didn't live together during the whole time, plus she was 56 when she brought the baby home. She is VERY, VERY, VERY passive and gave the child everything he cried for and did not do much disciplining at all. He was very controlling over her, threw fits, had very bad ear infections as a baby, so many antibiotics. He has yeast over growth in his gut (for anyone familiar with the link between that and aided and autism). He would eat mostly sugar all day, including sugar cubes when he wanted.
Dad got out: So, when my husband got out, of course, there was no bond there at all. He had a lot to deal with as he was trying to make it on the outside with an already made family of a total of 6 at that time. We did not move in together at first so when he was staying with his mom and son, every time he tried to work with him, his mom would intervene. We finally took him in for one year until he drove us to letting him move back in with grandma. That was not a good decision, but it was for me at that time. I have FMS and was so not prepared for working with such a child and showing him the love he needed. His grandma was only able to offer him love, as she told me yesterday, not discipline. Plus she did not work with him as he was growing like most parents do with their kids, not much social skills.
Dxs: He has been fully tested and to my knowledge there is no chemical imbalance in his brain. He has been dxed with adhd and I believe odd or cd but you get the idea. The schools have dxed him as mildly retarded yet he is very smart, he just knows how to play dumb and get away with it! After trying to find help for children with abandonment issues, I stumbled across RAD (reactive attachment disorder). He has all but a few of the symptoms, just like verything else. I plan to have him tested for this once I am able.
Now, I am all about the diet and how certain foods effect children, as well as others, of course. I also am a firm believer that God has a plan and purpose for all! I did not have the latter before when trying to work with him as I was dealing with my own issues at the time. I would like some suggestions from parents of kids with all these different behaviors, dxs and such on discipline that has worked for them. I can get him to make eye contact but have to reaffirm the eye contact when speaking with him. I am very calm and try not to "explain" too much but keep it as simple as I can. I do explain some things but not all.
He is a very charmingly sweet kid except when someone makes him made or he doesn't get his way, as I have heard reports of parents having to send him home because he cussed them out and flipped them off, etc, even the ones that he likes!
So, any help in that area would be much appreciated! I refuse to send him to counseling, so please keep that suggestion out - we have already went that route including intense therapy from the BEST program at Sacred Heart Children's Hospital. They pretty much said it has to do with the parenting and I do agree wholeheartedly, but only to some degree. The child was abandoned by his mom whom he so longed to get to know and get her love, but that never did happen... prayerfully, God will use me to take her place so that he can have a normal life.
God Bless - Denise :)