Well I can understand what your saying about going on top, its seems like I'm doing it only for him, to give him a break, as for me there is no point at all, its just simply his penis going in and out of me and that's the best it gets

well i can understand what your saying about going on top, its seems like im doing it only for him, to give him a break, as for me there is no point at all, its just simply his penis going in and out of me and thats the best it gets
I'm not going to say this is "wrong"... as you feel what you feel and there's no one perfect position for all, but I've seen a completely different take...

For ex, man on top, missionary, often is more of the "in-out" movement with little to no pressure at your pubic bone, the mons pubis, or your cl!toris unless he really has good core strength and can lift himself well. Not saying that this cannot make a woman orgasm... obviously some can.

But woman on top with a "rowing" motion instead of "bouncing" can put pressure in all those areas that might not get it otherwise. I've never thought woman on top was about being lazy, tho' I'm sure it can be... for me its just been a very productive position for the women I've dated.

As for the OP... it's a mixed bag. On one hand you need to get out of your own way in the bedroom. Your insecurities are holding you back from enjoying yourself fully. And on the other hand, everybody finds positions they favor and there's nothing wrong with preferring one over another... the only issue you might need to face is the idea of self stimulating while he is inside you... something that you might not be willing to do if you are self conscious, but like woman on top, can be a powerful way to make positions that feel good, but don't push you over the top, more productive.

im not going to say this is "wrong"... as you feel what you feel and theres no one perfect position for all, but ive seen a completely different take...

for ex, man on top, missionary, often is more of the "in-out" movement with little to no pressure at your pubic bone, the mons pubis, or your cl!toris unless he really has good core strength and can lift himself well. not saying that this cannot make a woman orgasm... obviously some can.

but woman on top with a "rowing" motion instead of "bouncing" can put pressure in all those areas that might not get it otherwise. ive never thought woman on top was about being lazy, tho' im sure it can be... for me its just been a very productive position for the women ive dated.

as for the OP... its a mixed bag. on one hand you need to get out of your own way in the bedroom. your insecurities are holding you back from enjoying yourself fully. and on the other hand, everybody finds positions they favor and theres nothing wrong with preferring one over another... the only issue you might need to face is the idea of self stimulating while he is inside you... something that you might not be willing to do if you are self conscious, but like woman on top, can be a powerful way to make positions that feel good,

but dont push you over the top, more productive.

I'm sorry but since when does a man get any contact with your public bone? I know mine doesn't ever no matter what position we have tried and believe me we have tried them all, and it makes no difference what so ever, lets face it I got to 42 before I even knew that I owned something called a , so whatever he had been doing before then was purely for what suited him, and I didn't know any better, which the OP is in a better position than I was, as I never onced expected to feel anything as I had never felt anything.
Sorry but you are going to have to explain what you mean by the rowing motion better as I can't figure out what your meaning by this, as far as I'm concerned the only thing that happens is for him to be going in and out even if I'm on top of him and yes some might call that bouncing

In missionary a man can place pressure on the mons pubis, which is the fatty pad that overlies a part of the pubic bone, just above the clitoral hood... and therefore clitoris if he takes the right angle, but he can also simply thrust in and out, not making pressure in this region. To put pressure here he must bear more weight on his upper body and focus his weight and contact in this region. More work and inconsistent pressure, but doable. With the woman on top, she can tilt her pelvis to get the same pressure and she has more control over the amount of pressure.

"rowing the boat" motion means the woman is on top, sitting high, and she is shifting her pelvis forward (toward his head) and then back (toward his feet)... the shaft stays more inside her, as opposed to her lifting and then down. This rowing motion can also incorporate lateral or circular movement, making his glans stim the g spot as well as the "legs" of the cl!toral complex that follow the labia.


im sorry but since when does a man get any contact with your public bone? i know mine doesnt ever no matter what position we have tried and believe me we have tried them all, and it makes no difference what so ever, lets face it i got to 42 before i even knew that i owned something called a , so whatever he had been doing before then was purely for what suited him, and i didnt know any better, which the OP is in a better position than i was, as i never onced expected to feel anything as i had never felt anything.
sorry but you are going to have to explain what you mean by the rowing motion better as i can't figure out what your meaning by this, as far as im concerned the only thing that happens is for him to be going in and out even if im on top of him and yes some might call that bouncing

in missionary a man can place pressure on the mons pubis, which is the fatty pad that overlies a part of the pubic bone, just above the clitoral hood... and therefore clitoris if he takes the right angle, but he can also simply thrust in and out, not making pressure in this region. to put pressure here he must bear more weight on his upper body and focus his weight and contact in this region. more work and inconsistant pressure, but doable. with the woman on top, she can tilt her pelvis to get the same pressure and she has more control over the amount of pressure.

"rowing the boat" motion means the woman is on top, sitting high, and she is shifting her pelvis forward (toward his head) and then back (toward his feet)... the shaft stays more inside her, as opposed to her lifting up and then down. this rowing motion can also incorporate lateral or circular movement, making his glans stim the g spot as well as the "legs" of the cl!toral complex that follow the labia.

Well I know that he cant/doesnt ever touch me on the mons when he's inside me or not, and certainly never touches my when in there, only his fingers or tongue can do that. In fact there is enough room between us that you could get about 4-6 inches in that gap.

Sorry I just don't understand what your saying that you should do motion wise for being on top, it makes little sense to me. Do you mean to sit on top of him and then stick your tummy in and out? I can't see how you can move your pelvis the way you say at all

Look at this as a chance to focus on what feels best to you... shift and position yourself to get maximum enjoyment. Nobody can find just the right position , angle etc to do it for you but you, but don't get frustrated as that's conterproductive to what you seek. And about him? Trust me he's going to enjoy himself however you go about it.

Yeah sure he does every damm time, and I end up thinking OK here we go again, what do I do now? It makes no difference to me what I move like or try it only feels like he's going in and out and that's it, imagine getting a cucumber and putting that in your mouth and doing the same, that's what his penis feels like!!

Experiment with how vertical you tend to be if its leaning back, bolt upright, leaning forward, experiment with how you angle your hips as well. Your personal anatomy will dictate what's going to get you the most stimulation.

You can use forward -backward sliding motions side to side, in adition to the obvious up and down, and combinations thereof, you can face him or face away from him. Like having the big "O" stressing out too much only makes it harder to achieve.

Then there is what he can do with his free hands... or what you can do as well with yours. Possibility of variety is quite vast.

So I have heard and tried and none of it matters I don't get anything from it at all, and as for his hands they don't do a thing either, come to think of it his tongue too

so i have heard and tried and none of it matters i dont get anything from it at all, and as for his hands they dont do a thing either, come to think of it his tongue tooI remember some of your other threads. And you do suffer from a rather unusual problem. Don't know what to say in your case as I know you have pursued various paths in the past to resolve it.

Yep tried and go kicked off the doctors list for asking for help but that's the uk for you!!

yep tried and go kicked off the doctors list for asking for help but thats the uk for you!!!!Yeah, I've heard some bad things about the Socialized Medicine system you have. If a band-aide (bandage) won't help you are almost S.O.L. (poop out of luck)

I never liked top because, for one, I always felt like I had to spend as much effort in balancing. The thing is you want to do what pleases you. Maybe all that you want doesn't *please* him but he does it for you so it is a give and take alternate things and keep it interesting to each other as well as you getting satisfied.

My last try here. I'm not going to argue about anatomy.

I am not saying he reaches the pubic bone or the mons from inside you. I'm saying he can apply pressure to this area with his body weight. Pressure here, among other errogenous pressure zones, can help some women reach orgasm.

As for the rowing motion, I don't know how to describe it better than I have. It has nothing to do with your stomach. Instead on his being in you sliding him in and out you keep deep contact and you simply thrust your hips toward the head of the bed, then back toward the feet.


well i know that he cant/doesnt ever touch me on the mons when hes inside me or not, and certainly never touches my when in there, only his fingers or tongue can do that. in fact there is enough room between us that you could get about 4-6 inches in that gap.

sorry i just dont understand what your saying that you should do motion wise for being on top, it makes little sense to me. do you mean to sit on top of him and then stick your tummy in and out? i can't see how you can move your pelvis the way you say at all

Yeah I tend to just lean forward so I can balance on my fore arms and then let him do his thing I just hang on for the ride! Similar to riding a horse bare back I guess, lean forward and hang on around the neck!!

my last try here. im not going to argue about anatomy.

i am not saying he reaches the pubic bone or the mons from inside you. im saying he can apply pressure to this area with his body weight. pressure here, among other errogenous pressure zones, can help some women reach orgasm.

as for the rowing motion, i dont know how to describe it better than i have. it has nothing to do with your stomach. instead on his being in you sliding him in and out you keep deep contact and you simply thrust your hips toward the head of the bed, then back toward the feet.


Well unless you can put something under my shins then there is no way I can do what your saying, once he's in me then that's it , I can either go up and down or as I said above hang on for him doing the bouncing from under me, as for sliding nah I can't do that at all as there is nothing to slide on!!

orgless- so you basically do not get orgasms at all? What about through self-stimulation? I understand by not feeling much during sex but I am going to experiment w/being on top because I really haven't & I still believe I can get one this time around...

No I don't get then ever at all from any means, I don't even understand what being close would be

Well I do hope you get passed this meaning you should try different things on yourself... I personally rarely have orgasms during sex but I do on my own. I was raised in a very traditional family where I was supposed to be a virgin till marriage so I had to learn & talk about "sex" w/my friends. I think rasied in a certain environment you are closed off & do not know yourself sexually. I will ask a blunt question- but do you watch porn? This may help some sort of stimulation...

Hahahaahah watchng porn don't do anything at all, to be honest to you I don't even know what being aroused is,

And for however started this thread off I can't orgasm full stop on top on my own with toys or whatever heading you choose to use. Porn does nothing at all, I don't even know what or when or if I ever get aroused

I have moved all of these posts from the original question they came from.

While it is okay to bring your personal experience and situation to a thread to try to help the Original Poster, it's really not okay for the rest of the thread to them be about YOUR problem. It's not fair to the OP, and it would probably help you more if you just started your own thread with your own situation anyway.

I'm not really trying to single Orgless out, here--I'm just pointing it out in general, for everyone that tends to post and read in Adult Sexuality.

Please remember as well that this is an ADULT board--chat speak is not tolerated here. Type in full sentences, using real words. While abbreviations like "lol" tend to be okay, shortening "you" to "u" and "are" to "r" is somewhat juvenile, and makes it hard to read a post.

I posted this publicly rather than sending private messages for a couple reasons:
1. I'm a little strapped for time
2. I figured anyone following the thread would want to know where it went
3. It's good information in general to have
4. There were just too many people to send PMs to, to let them know WHY I moved their posts.

That's OK it was just that I had replied to a question and then found this new thread that I hadn't even started and my reply didn't make sense as it had gone on the original thread (I think! But not that sure now! )

yeah sure he does every damm time, and i end up thinking ok here we go again, what do i do now? it makes no difference to me what i move like or try it only feels like hes going in and out and thats it, imagine getting a cucumber and putting that in your mouth and doing the same, thats what his penis feels like!!!!

Well maybe you don't like him much anymore or you expect something more hardcore or more "Vicious" like having him licking you gently rub your slick with some lubricator... or even try some double penetration or stuff like this my ex girlfriend reaaaaaly liked that kind of stuff once we tried. Maybe you are just hangry for good sexe..

Think about it and let me know.

Why don't you guys elevate you bed 8' or so ? You can lay on the bed and he can stand on the floor. Makes for an easier position for all parties involved. Full penetration and some terrific aftermath. Rocking recliners are good too.

Look while he's in my now he's read that he should be rubbing my , why? It does nothing at all! I can't even tell that he doing it most times, its really is that boring for me, and apart from that doing the thrusting and rubbing is as difficult as doing the old rub tummy pat head routine, the timing goes wrong somewhere!! And guess which one gets left out?

As for raising the bed we don't need to as ours is high enough now anyway, but still no contact with my pubic bone area at all

I am sorry to hear this... but its quite mysterious you feel like this... I hope you do found a solution to this because being aroused, having an orgasm or any sort of sexual feeling is a great feeling to have & everyone should be entitled to feel this...

Yeah maybe but seemingly not me!!

orgless, I know what kp2171 is talking about try and have him on top with his body completely down on you, tell him not to move, you move, this will stimulate the 'public bone'. I think your rhythm is all wrong over all, you seem to have given up, you need to get in to it, read a raunchy romance novel, flirt with him before bed, think about sex all day.

Slow down the love making. If you don't think your going to orgasm you will probably just let him at it and be done, slow him down pleasure each other for as long as you can stand it. Orgasm are not all about penetration, will he give you oral sex, rub your clitoris while he is slowly penetrating.

Tons of self help books are on the net buy some, you may have to work a little harder than you are to get this done. If you are not attracted to him, by all means get it done alone, have you thought of buying yourself a vibrator? If you do that don't buy a dildo that will just simulate what your doing now the in and out, vibrators do just that they vibrate and that can stimulate your ever nerve.

Kelyjo, thank you for taking the time to respond to this, but well I don't want to sound rude or anything OK, but I have enough books to open my own library and enough vibrators to open my own shop!!

I don't think you have read what I have said at all, or at least understood any of it, I have said he now does oral as he's read one of the books we have and in that it states that's what he should be doing, hey he's found that out after being together for 27 yrs now!! As for him putting his weight on me and me doing the moving we have tried that but with a heavy lump of him on top its hard enough just to breath never mind move! I have tried it though and even then there just is no contact with my pubic bone at all, to give some idea of the gap when he is inside me and is laid on top and not moving at all the gap is big enough to place on of the many vibs we have and still have room spare.

Also getting him to slow down so we can pleasure each other for as long as we can stand it!! Lol he does this stuff to me for as long as he wants, sometimes it goes on for hrs but to be honest at any point during that time I could just get upand walk away and not feel bad about it at all, whereas he would feel that he has to finnish himself off if I wasn't in the room with him. So you could say in fact that whatever he thinks of as foreplay is doing nothing for me at all, as I said before I don't even know what being aroused actually feels of.

As for him rubbing my while penetrating me that's near impossible as I said before, he can't seem to do that and move himself at the same time, so once he gets going and he gets confused or more into what he is feeling then I get forgotten about totally, as for me doing it, I simply can't rub myself at all, even alone when I have tried there is no feeling at all, the sensation that I get is similar to when you rub the tip of your nose, a dead feeling loose skin moving around, numbness. Nothing worth doing it for at all.

Hope that clarifies things for you

orgless... okay good luck to you then!

Yeah I guess so!!

Well... one of the "great debates" of the last couple of decades is the presence of the g spot. Some women respond very well to stimulation of the erectile tissue that covers the urethra internally... some are less responsive... some feel pleasure... some feel the need to urinate... and some feel little to no pleasure at all.

Two thoughts about the differences are how the mind interprets the impulses and also how the area is innervated.

The first issue, concerning interpretation ties into how your mind responds to stimuli. For ex... if a guy walks into a table and racks himself, he doubles over in pain. But take some of the same action during intercourse, such as from behind the woman, that hard "slapping" is suddenly pleasurable. Its about how the mind interprets the moment.

The second situation deals with the innervation of the region. The cl!toris generally is twice as innervated as the penis... meaning a very sensative region in a small space. Its why some women can't take a hard "thrashing"... at least for a long time.

Now the issue with the g spot is for some women this region seems to be responsive to sexual stim. Some "sexperts" claim that this region is actually just an internalized part of the clitoral complex. An italian study in the last year suggested that some women simply aren't well innervated here... leading them to be mostly unresponsive to g spot stim. Leading them to feel broken or at a disadvantage sexually.

I fall into the group that think the later is certainly possible. I've been with partners who were very responsive to g spot stim, and with others who were not as responsive, and the variability in innervation makes sense to me physiologically.

I haven't seen anything about cl!toral innervation and a complete lack of response there. Again... I think women can be innervated very differently here AND the mind can interpret things very differently here... one woman's "pain" is anothers "pleasure"...

What I WOULD STRONGLY suggest for you is, if you haven't already, talk to a doctor about this and see a specialist. One issue that perimenopausal and menopausal women face is changes in libido and sexual response due to changes in hormones. Some women respond very well to hormone therapy. You don't have to be menopausal or perimenopausal to have imbalances.

It might be the case that there are hormone imbalances that are causing your nonresponsiveness.

Knowing that you have tried so many things... my next step, if you were my partner, would be to deal with the two issues that often govern sexual response...

Are there any mental hangups that are in the way... simply the failure to have an orgasm is a block that is hard to release... but more importantly, are there any physiological imbalances that are in place that prevent you from reaching orgasm?

Were you my partner, id seek out the answers to the second case first. Hormone therapy with a physician that specializes in sexual dysfunction is a possible next step.

well... one of the "great debates" of the last couple of decades is the presence of the g spot. some women respond very well to stimulation of the erectile tissue that covers the urethra internally... some are less responsive... some feel pleasure... some feel the need to urinate ... and some feel little to no pleasure at all.

im not sure really what anyone means by the term pleasure? just what is that? sexually i mean,

two thoughts about the differences are how the mind interprets the impulses and also how the area is innervated.

the first issue, concerning interpretation ties into how your mind responds to stimuli. for ex... if a guy walks into a table and racks himself, he doubles over in pain. but take some of the same action during intercourse, such as from behind the woman, that hard "slapping" is suddenly pleasurable. its about how the mind interprets the moment.

the second situation deals with the innervation of the region. the cl!toris generally is twice as innervated as the penis... meaning a very sensative region in a small space. its why some women can't take a hard "thrashing"... at least for a long time.

now the issue with the g spot is for some women this region seems to be responsive to sexual stim. some "sexperts" claim that this region is actually just an internalized part of the clitoral complex. an italian study in the last year suggested that some women simply arent well innervated here... leading them to be mostly unresponsive to g spot stim. leading them to feel broken or at a disadvantage sexually.

i fall into the group that think the later is certainly possible. ive been with partners who were very responsive to g spot stim, and with others who were not as responsive, and the variability in innervation makes sense to me physiologically.

i havent seen anything about cl!toral innervation and a complete lack of response there. again... i think women can be innervated very differently here AND the mind can interpret things very differently here... one womans "pain" is anothers "pleasure"...

what i WOULD STRONGLY suggest for you is, if you havent already, talk to a doctor about this and see a specialist. one issue that perimenopausal and menopausal women face is changes in libido and sexual response due to changes in hormones. some women respond very well to hormone therapy. you dont have to be menopausal or perimenopausal to have imbalances.

i have been to sex therapy with my hubby she had us doing sensate focus for months on end, i hated every second of it, i actually ended up having panick attacks during it but when informing her it was "more of the same" we stopped going. i saw my gyn and was given testosterone patches for 9 months i ended up asking just what they were meant to be doing, i was stopped from that again.

it might be the case that there are hormone imbalances that are causing your nonresponsiveness.

knowing that you have tried so many things... my next step, if you were my partner, would be to deal with the two issues that often govern sexual response...

are there any mental hangups that are in the way... simply the failure to have an orgasm is a block that is hard to release... but more importantly, are there any physiological imbalances that are in place that prevent you from reaching orgasm?

the one big thing i think was the fact that til a few yrs back i thought only men had orgasms, i really didnt know any differently about that, now i feel like i have been made a fool of for all these yrs and cheated mainly by my hubby, surely in 25 yrs of being married he would have asked me even once about orgasms for me? he never did that at all

were you my partner, id seek out the answers to the second case first. hormone therapy with a physician that specializes in sexual dysfunction is a possible next step.

I saw my doctor about all this and now she won't even see me if I have a cold! She even had me taking viagra once for her to tell me lies regarding that and because I complained to her boss I was struck off her list and am left without a doctor in general.

Sorry about responding like this but its far easier to answer your questions this way, thanks for asking though

i saw my doctor about all this and now she wont even see me if i have a cold!! she even had me taking viagra once for her to tell me lies regarding that and because i complained to her boss i was struck off her list and am left without a doctor in general.

sorry about responding like this but its far easier to answer your questions this way, thanks for asking thoI am really sorry you got that sort of answer from your physician. That is a great example of one that should have their license to practice medicine revoked. Its one thing to admit to not knowing how to help you but its totally wrong for them to tell you what they have.

i saw my doctor about all this and now she wont even see me if i have a cold!! she even had me taking viagra once for her to tell me lies regarding that and because i complained to her boss i was struck off her list and am left without a doctor in general.

sorry about responding like this but its far easier to answer your questions this way, thanks for asking tho
Any doctor who treats me this way, or treats a family member this way, gets FIRED!

You are not without a doctor. You are without a lazy, arrogant doctor.

You DO have the task of finding another general practitioner, and then a specialist. One bad experience (or several) doesn't negate the need to find competent health care providers. There are duds and bad apples in EVERY field.

You can throw your hands up and give up, or take charge and move on. We've fired two different physicians due to a lack of proper service, either from the doctor or from the staff that ran the front desk.

I get your frustration... but seriously... time to search for a better physician and then a good specialist.

Thanks and yes I hear what your saying but in the uk the system doesn't work in a way that we can pick who we see, never mind the doctor situation can we get back to what I had said in your last post please?

She's in the UK, KP. They don't always have a choice in the matter, due to their socialized medical system.

thanks and yes i hear what your saying but in the uk the system doesnt work in a way that we can pick and choose who we see, never mind the doctor situation can we get back to what i had said in your last post please?

OK. I get you are "stuck" to some degree.

So... what are we "getting back to"?. the fact remains, regardless of where you live, I think the next step is looking at hormone levels. Period. If you cannot do that, I don't have a next step.

You first must address physiological issues and then psychological issues. You have not addressed the first in full, in my opinon. Might not be your failure, but its still an issue I would want my lover to look at.