I have been with my boyfriend for around 11 months now. I am 19, he is 22. We get on really well and are very compatible in many ways and we really do love each other. We are very similar, in the sense, we are in a way a bit geeky, into animals, nature, walking, like museums, art galleries etc. I know everyone's different, so should not really call ourselves geeky. But we do have a difference... my friends accept me for who I am. I can still go out, have a few drinks, have a laugh, but they know I'm not one for getting drunk every weekend. However with him it's a different story, he obviously feels his mates would not accept him, so therefore in front of his mates he puts on an image, "I am a strong boy, I am cool, I am this that and the other!" He goes out most weekends and drinks. I understand it's a pretty normal thing for a lad to do of his age. But I cannot work out if its what he really wants to do. His close mates are all rich through parents, and my boyfriend is not short of cash but not rich. He obviously feels he needs to live up to their standards by drinking loads, but then he suffers beause he runs out of money, or cannot take the amount of alcohol they take. Also, my boyfriends dad is getting a brand new 5 series BMW next week, and my boyfriend is getting insured on it. All he can say is, "just wait until im cruising round in that baby with all my mates in the car!" and he says stuff like "pulling up in that, and just parking it and every looking at me thinking wow!" It really bugs me, as I know deep down its all an image thing. I have tried to talk to him about it, but he will not accept it, he says he is not influenced by anyone, especially not his mates and he is his own person. Its just this whole image thing gets on my nerves, but it seems too trivial to finish our relationship, when we are so strong and so close after such a short time.

My boyfriend is very good looking, but he does know it. He used to be a model, and on a night out he has people surrounding him, asking if he will model. Lots of people always ask him for his autograph because they think he is famous. He also knows a lot of well known football players, and this does not help as he feels that he is in with them, and it all just comes back to the same problem.

Can anyone help me, as I do not know if he does generally have a dead nice, chilled relaxed side like me, but then also has this other side to him, where is like every look at me, money money money sort of side to him. I have noticed recently his dad is into money talk in a big way, but his mother always has her say and always says love is far more important that money. And when my boyfriend is really chilled out and with me, he always says love and happiness is the most important thing.

He is quite hard to weigh up at times, and I know I have created a bad image of him, which I did not want to do, as I do not want to break up with him at all, just wish I could get to the bottom of the image issue!

From what you describe I do not see where you think he gets the geeky image.
Maybe you are trying to project that image on him? Try looking at him as only the flashy image seeking guy for awhile. Maybe if you look at him in a different light you will see what it is all about with him. He sounds like he is insecure and immature and trying to fit in even though he claims to not care what others think.
With him having the BMW I think it will bring out what he really is all about and you may end up wanting to leave. Really nothing you can do about it since it is between him and his dad though.

I doubt you can change him, but he sounds like a normal young guy to me, doing normal guy stuff. If he treats you well, then what more can you ask for? He will change as he matures, and grows, and so will you, so patience on your part, and accept him as you know him. We boys grow slowly.

I am not doubting he is not normal. If I was insured on a brand new BMW I would want to show it off, and perhaps the novelty will wear off soon, who knows. Perhaps I did not explain myseld too well, basically the message I was trying to get across is that deep deep down he is just like me, one on one with no interuptions everything is honestly perfect between us. It's when others get in the way, he changes and becomes easily influenced, which he does not see. Basically this image is "put on".. but perhaps your right, maybe its just time.

I have had a go at him before, about going out every weekend with hs mates and never going out with me, or staying in with me, but he said he needed friend time. His friends do heavily lead him on and influence him, which is why I get scared when they go out every weekend, as he mates are always on the pull, they cannot hold a girl down, whereas me boyfriend differs to them in that way and he has me, yet still wants to be out having fun at the weekends, its seems fair but I do worry!

I guess I shall have to wait until he matures, he starts a proper career in October, a career for life in the police, therefore perhaps that will change him, but then I guess he will be even more tired then, and sleep in the evenings as oppose to the days. Maybe he is not right for me, but as you say Talaniman maybes its just patience and time!

All you can do is let him do what he wants until it gets old and be patient with him.

He sounds a little immature, but that not uncommon with us guys when young. Getting in the real world and working around new people can certainly change things.

Communication is important in all long term relationships... you need to willing to talk about money, sex, goals, desires, problems. Talking and thinking about money isn't a bad thing. I know a guy who acted kind of like your boyfriend and it drove him to success... sure he sometimes put up a front... made sure people could see his success in his car and home and clothes... but he also provided well for his family and seemed to be a good husband from what I know.

So... the drinking and all that noise... usually that goes away in time, especially when you are working. Let him have his cave time with the boys some. Hopefully you can find ways to get him to engage new friends from work... like grilling out during a game or something like that.

I'm not saying its wrong for you to feel like this... and its really not wrong if you think it isn't a good fit. You feel however you feel.

The only thing id be concerned about is the running out of money thing. The sooner you can get organized around a solid budget, the better. If he really wants material things in his life he can have them, but it takes planning and choices.

Hi Brownie,

I think everyone has given you the best advise, so I really don't think I can do much better. But, I do think that once he starts his job with the Police Dept. he will most likely relax a bit. I would just be patient and see how it goes. He is young too, so that has a lot to do with the 'image' thing as well.