I have no ability to communicate. It seems I'm losing all my friends. I just lock up, don't say what I think for fear of losing a relationship. It seems this in itself is causing my to lose friends. I think that I'm petty. Can't blow off little stuff. I want to be good to myself. I know that I hurt people by not taking sides or taking sides "cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion" I'm so ing sad. Lost, don't know what to do, don't know what I think, feel worthless

Are you saying you are a caring, thoughtful, person but just can't express it? Or are you saying you don't listen and thus have no opinion about anything? Or are you saying you are a "yes" man and agree with anybody about anything to get them to like you?

If you are the caring person who doesn't take sides, then I think you need new friends. Most friends just want to let off steam, they don't really want you to take sides, but they also don't want your opinion, just some general questions from you to show you are interested in what they are going through.

If your friends want to debate general questions about politics, the world, space, etc. and you don't respond, but you have opinions, then try giving them your opinion in a reasonalbe, thoughtout manner, and then actively listen to their response. Sometimes people disagree with a point to play "devils advocate" and try to get more information from you. Don't take this as a negative. They may indeed have the same opinion as you but want to hear your complete opinion. If not, you can listen to their response, and still agree to disagree, just do it without emotion (and a smile helps).

I think you should take things slowly and not pressure yourself. It's true that opening yourself up emotionally leaves you vulnerable and that saying the wrong thing could end a friendship, but unless your opinions are hideously racist or something it's unlikely your friends will stop wanting to be with you because of your opinions - people with very different ideas can be good friends provided that they are open and unjudgemental, and sometimes differences can be a good thing. Anyone that does dump you because you disagree with them is someone with whom you never had a genuine friendship anyway. The same is true of anyone that uses your emotional openness and vulnerability to hurt you. You're not giving your friends much credit if you assume that it's unsafe to be yourself with them (because that's the problem here, you're not showing them your true self). You're also not giving yourself much credit if you think that your natural personality and opinions could cause you to lose friends.

Having said that, don't force yourself to open up too quickly - it's scary, so go easy on yourself. Asking your friends questions forces you to communicate and interact with them, shows that you care about them and have an interest in their lives, but doesn't involve you opening yourself up too much, and so might be a good way to start. Eventually you will become more comfortable around them and feel more comfortable offering support, stories of how 'that happened to me to,' and eventually advice and your own problems/opinions. It isn't natural for people to transform themselves overnight so allow yourself time to open up gradually. You say you 'hurt people by not taking sides' but remember it's not reasonable for people to expect you to choose sides and sometimes it's not what they want anyway, they just want to know that you can see their side of the story.

As for the fact that you're 'petty' and 'can't blow off little stuff,' that was a problem with me too. What I found helpful was to allow myself to obsess and be petty, but only for ten minutes. Just re-live and analyse something again and again and then, when the time is up, force myself to stop. It doesn't always happen as neatly as that, but allowing yourself to obsess helps you to work it out of your system a little rather than letting it fester, and over time you'll find it easier and easier to stop obsessing and seething after the ten minutes are up.

Good luck with everything, I hope it works out.

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Join the rest of us who have been hurt deeply and have had a very hard time dealing with the rejection of someone we built our world around. Of course your hurt and reality is tough to deal with because all of a sudden your alone and have to build a life for yourself AND cope with your loss. Your supposed to be depressed for a time, but not wallow in it. It sounds like your overwhelmed but just take small steps and get your legs back under you, and you'll be walking again, and running before you know it. You can do this, we all have and your in the right place to get all the support we have. You must do your part and just give it a try. We are with you!

Unless your thoughts are mean and/or hurtful, never hold back from talking about them. A true friend wouldn't just drop you for having a opinion on a subject. It's not a bad thing to think that your pretty, thinking like that raises self-esteem. Just don't start thinking you're better than everyone else because of it. A lot of people have a hard time blowing off little things, it just takes a determination to train yourself out of it. You should be good to yourself, and never forget that.
The best thing to do (unless the choice is between your friend and somebody you hardly know) is just to stay out of other people's problems, that way you don't need to take sides. If you can't stay out of the problem, just stay neutral. I'm in the middle of an almost constant war between two of my greatest friends and, while I don't take sides, I make sure to see the views of both of these friends and then decide what's best for both of them. It get's really hard at times, but it's worth it to know that I've helped without hurting either of them in any way.
Being sad and lost and feeling worthless are some symptoms of early depression, I would either start being more active (maybe excersize, or go to the mall regularly) or see a doctor before the symptoms get worse. I promise you, even though I don't know who you are I know that you have a purpose.

-Mouse