View Full Version : Can't have sex with my girlfriend
yk427
Jun 16, 2008, 04:24 PM
This is really embrassing and I could use any help I can get. I've been seeing my girlfriend for about 7 months now and about 2 months ago she moved in with me. I don't mind saying that I love this woman more then I've ever loved anyone else before. Which is what makes this even more difficult. Every since she moved in, every time we try to have sex, everything on my end gets screwed up. Everything will be fine in the beginning. Meaning I get an erection but when it comes time for penetration, I lose my erection along with a whole lot of myself esteem. What makes this even more difficult is that she thinks that the problem is her. Like I'm not attracted to her. Which is not the case at all! I'm told this is all in my head and it probably is but I just want to be able to make her happy again.
Trandy
Jun 16, 2008, 04:44 PM
How old are you?
Has this ever happened before?
I'm thinking, that you are pretty young, and maybe it is just a matter of being stressed out about pleasing her, her living with you, and you not being sure if you can keep her happy, I don't mean sexually. That probably doesn't help matters though! If she didn't want to be with you, she probably would not be. Try relaxing a little, and accepting this little truth! She Loves You, or she Would Not Be There.
If this does not work, try consulting your family physician on the matter.
Best of wishes... Randy
mydogquestion
Jun 16, 2008, 04:45 PM
First off relax. If you think there might be a medical problem see a doctor. Before she moved in were there any problems? Maybe your are worrying too much. Sometimes this just happens. Talk with her . If you lose your erection that does not mean that you have to stop everything. Go back for more foreplay and relax if your are stressing it won't help. Mabye try a different room to take some of the performance anxiety out. I am a female and have never thought less of a man when this happens .So relax
RedneckMama
Jun 16, 2008, 04:56 PM
"i don't mind saying that i love this woman more then i've ever loved anyone else before."
... maybe you've built her up so high in your heart & head that there she sits on her pedestal waiting to be pleased, but you're so scared you might disappoint her that you're not even able to try anymore... of course--like you said--each and every time this happens, you lose more self esteem, leaving you that much more ill-equipped to try the NEXT time... and round and round you go... leaving you to feel like a failure and her to feel unattractive...
... I agree with 'T' above in that you should relax... but I'd be willing to go a step further and say maybe you should move the sex OUT of your apartment and let it happen elsewhere in the spur of the moment whenever you get the urge--that way you don't have time to think of much else other than SEX.. that way there's not a lot of time for you to over think the sex you're having, no time to worry whether she's pleased... she'll be pleased enough just to see you enjoying yourself (and her) again...
Choux
Jun 16, 2008, 05:21 PM
Good advice above.
My opinion is that the whole romance has become so very much more "important/serious" since she moved in, not just a girlfriend, but a very serious loving relationship much like a husband and wife. I think it would be easy to become a little overwhelmed by the rush of feelings and a perception of responsibility.
Very best wishes in adapting. :)
kp2171
Jun 16, 2008, 09:27 PM
Choux is right.
The mental side of sex gets played up for women all the time, but it can be just as powerful for a man... which means mental blocks for you can be debilitating sexually. A study of younger men with sexual dysfuntion showed a high percentage responded well to therapy.
What does this mean for you?
It means your mind in is your way. It happens.
Are you worried about pregnancy? Are you stressed in other areas of your life? Are you stressed about your relationship?
Chances are, you just need a "win" or two... a few times when things go right and the noise washes away.
So... first of all, take care of her first. Does she respond well to oral? If so, take care of her first. Then the pressure of pleasing her is off. Now... I love oral first to prime a woman, but that doesn't mean it's a long term solution... but we are just trying to get you to a place where you can breathe and relax. If you can get her off first, perhaps you can then focus on yourself.
Make foreplay all about her. Don't focus on yourself. Enjoy yourself and breathe in her body. Just love that moment when you make her arch her back is pure joy.
Then take a breath... tell her not to rush... but let yourself go. Lose yourself in the moment. You need to build sensual tension. You can ask her to massage your body. You can have her blindfold you and ask her to tease you.
Be patient with yourself.
I honestly think this is something you can work through. But if there is other tension in the relationship or elsewhere, you need to deal with it. If you are drinking or getting crappy sleep or self stimulating you need to curb yourself.
But try pleasing her first manually or orally and then see if you can approach her without worrying about her first... its not a long term solution, but maybe just a "win" or two is what you need to get past this.
Any other issues or concerns we should be talking about?