Hello everyone, I'm currently going through a rough stretch. My girlfriend of a year and a half told me two days ago that she still loves me but needs space. The past month was really good for us, no fighting, and just enjoying our time together. Five days before she asked for space she said she wanted an engagement ring, and that we should get engaged. We ended up getting into a fight because her friend who just came back from living in New York asked her to give her a ride to fill out an application for a job. I got angry because she said she would call me to let me know how things were going, well an hour later I didn't hear from her and called her. She didn't answer the phone then called me right back, I overreacted and told her I didn't want to talk to her. The reason I acted like this is because two of her past friends took advantage of her and I had to help her get rid of them. They were on drugs and were stealing stuff from her and my house. Because of these past issues I feel that I let insecurites from the past cloud my vison. She told me a couple of days ago that she needs to find herself and get herself together. She told me that she has lost all of her friendships and that she doesn't know how to make friends. I feel its unfair, because she never told me any of these things were bothering her. I know she loves me and I have not contacted her in two days. In the mean time all of her clothes are still at my house and so are her cats. And on her myspace page she still has me as her number one and has pictures of us all over her page. She also set her mood to gloomy. I don't know if any of these things mean anything but I'm really confused. I've been keeping myself busy and went out with my friends a couple times last week. I'm holding up pretty good but am still madly in love with her. I need some advice.

What was your reaction to her suggesting an engagement ring?
Are all of her 'friends' creating a negative reaction from you?

Anyone asking for space means it, so I would suggest you give it and hope for the best. This will also give you time to think of taking this relationship further or if it has lost it's spark and what you are willing to do to be comfotable with each other again.

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If you truly love her, and I think you do, fairness has nothing to do with it. When you love her as your friend, she needs space, you give it. You know how to keep yourself busy. If the relationship is meant to be she will come out of her "gloomy" phase and come back.

Give her what she asked for, and keep yourself respect by not acting immature, needy, or making a pest of yourself. A good time to reflect, and regroup, and reorganize your life.

Give her space.

We ended up getting into a fight because her friend who just came back from living in New York asked her to give her a ride to fill out an application for a job. I got angry because she said she would call me to let me know how things were going, well an hour later I didnt hear from her and called her. She didnt answer the phone then called me right back, I overreacted and told her I didnt want to talk to her. The reason I acted like this is because two of her past friends took advantage of her and I had to help her get rid of them. They were on drugs and were stealing stuff from her and my house. Because of these past issues I feel that I let insecurites from the past cloud my vison.

The older I get, the more I realize that no relationship hinges on one thing that anyone has done or said, unless it's really something bad like cheating or stealing or whatever. You can kick yourself to death, wondering what you did or said wrong, but when it comes down to it, if she broke up with you, it had a lot more to do than with one incident.

Thank you for the support. When she brought up the engagement I told her that we would have to wait and see how smoothly things went for awhile. I told her I was going to get her a ring but I wanted to wait for the right time. Ive always been supportive of what she has chosen to do. But when it comes to her friends I can admit that I'm really not that supportive. Its just strange that the realationship ended so abrublty and that she hasn't called yet. If she doesn't call in another week should I keep up n/c? Will she ever call me again, or is that something that is really unsure at this point?

She doesn't have friends because you helped her rid herself of them. Which may be a good thing. But she probably is a little bitter because she doesn't have any. So when she finally hangs out with someone, you kind of wig out on her. Yeah, she's probably bitter that she can't have anyone else in her life. Just give her the space that she is asking for. Don't call or bug her. Let things sort themselves out. Let her contact you.

Thank you for the support. When she brought up the engagement I told her that we would have to wait and see how smoothly things went for awhile. I told her I was going to get her a ring but I wanted to wait for the right time. Ive always been supportive of what she has chosen to do. But when it comes to her friends I can admit that im really not that supportive. Its just strange that the realationship ended so abrublty and that she hasnt called yet. If she doesnt call in another week should I keep up n/c? Will she ever call me again, or is that something that is really unsure at this point?

Hi E46,

I think the best thing for you to do, even though it is hard, is to wait until she calls you. If you don't hear from her, I still don't think you should call her. I think she needs to figure things out for herself, and it's best that you both have your space. You need to keep as busy as you can, try not to dwell on her, or what she is doing, thinking, etc. You must try and be strong, and time will tell, either way.

Maybe instead of getting upset about the situation,just show her you understand... send her flower with a sweet card but don't give them to her personally if you don't have a professional deliver them, put them on her car or something sweet. Whatever you do make sure you let her know that you are okay with giving her space but she still is your number one.. you don't know there might be feeling going through her that she can't explain sometimes its really hard to give up all your friends and still be happy especially when u are not meeting new people.

I know that space is the best thing to do right now, but Im just really confused. I know she wanted to get engaged and that she still loves me very much. Im just not sure if she's taking space to get over me, or to help our relationship in the long run. Like I said all of her clothes and personal belongings are still here. And on her myspace page she still has pictures of us. She also has me as her number one, and that she is still in a relationship. Both of her cats are here. All of these things are making me confused, and wondering what her true intentions are.

She said she needed space. She didn't say bye, that's it, so long, etc. She did not officially break up with you.

She probably feels just as lonely and confused as you do right now and is wondering why you don't contact her. A relationship needs trust, mutual respect and assurance.. but if you put everything else in her life in question and make all the decisions, she might feel that you don't trust her to make decisions on her own, and that hurts any woman, no matter how much she loves you. Give her some air to breathe. If a man I loved tried to totally control my life, I would be sad and confused too - and would need time to think.

I would send greetings through myspace, let her know the cats are doing fine but missing her - try not to ask too many questions and don't be disrespectful.


Good luck.

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Dude she will be back, after she makes you miss her some, and she wouldn't have to do such things, if you were ready for an engagement, as she is. I think she is tired of you getting the milk free, and she wants you to buy the cow. You may as well, since you already control when she can see her friends, like a lousy husband.

Dude she will be back, after she makes you miss her some, and she wouldn't have to do such things, if you were ready for an engagement, as she is. I think she is tired of you getting the milk free, and she wants you to buy the cow. You may as well, since you already control when she can see her friends, like a lousy husband.

Gotta spread it again Tal. Sad, but true. Some women like a certain amount of control, but a man also needs to know when to give a little to get more than just a partner that jumps when he snaps his fingers.. He needs to think 'us' and not just 'me'. And if he's not ready for that, then he should let her know so that she does not waste any more prescious time on hoping for a future 'together'. Togetherness is both having an opinion in a partnership.

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I know she cares about me and that there are things that I need to change. That's what I have been working on And I totally agree with what everybody is saying, but I just don't want to be stringed along and then all of a sudden she tells me she doesn't want to be with me. Shoud I never talk to her or give it a certain amount of time? Ive been trying my hardest and I still haven't given in and called her, but today was really rough for me. I know that she doesn't owe me anything but its hard to keep my mind off her completely.

I know she cares about me and that there are things that I need to change. Thats what I have been working on And I totally agree with what everybody is saying, but I just dont want to be stringed along and then all of a sudden she tells me she doesnt want to be with me. Shoud I never talk to her or give it a certain amount of time? Ive been trying my hardest and I still havent given in and called her, but today was really rough for me. I know that she doesnt owe me anything but its hard to keep my mind off of her completely.

Yes, she does owe you something. Just like you owe her some space. Just go do your thing. Hit the gym, rearrange the apartment, do things for you. You are definitely right, you don't want strung along. Give it a couple weeks. Let her contact you. But I would say, after 2 or 3 weeks, make contact if she hasn't. I'm sure she will though. Also, don't pick up the phone. Call her back. Make her feel what waiting feels like.

Make her feel what waiting feels like.

Sorry, mafiaangel, but I don't agree with this suggestion. As you can see, she has given up friends for him and suggested an engagement and he put her off. He has made all the decisions so far and she has done the 'waiting'. So, she is probably taking a break to find out what else she would be giving up for him - and what, of herself, she still has.

IMO, he is still inclined to want a 'time-table' because he's the planner and shaker. Now he misses her but 'what' exactly he misses is not clear. Does he miss her warmth, laughter, companionship... or just someone he has there to fill in a 'space' that he thinks should be filled according to his needs and schedule?

We all know this separation can go two ways, and it takes time... but he wants answers NOW - which means he's not in control of the situation and that, is what I think is bothering him the most.

I could be wrong, but I just thought it worth my time to express another view and sincerely hope it helps.

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I know she cares about me and that there are things that I need to change. Thats what I have been working on And I totally agree with what everybody is saying, but I just dont want to be stringed along and then all of a sudden she tells me she doesnt want to be with me. Shoud I never talk to her or give it a certain amount of time? Ive been trying my hardest and I still havent given in and called her, but today was really rough for me. I know that she doesnt owe me anything but its hard to keep my mind off of her completely.

Dear, how about writing down your feelings in a journal. Don't leave out the part on what you miss about her, and how she has shown you that she cares.. Sometimes it helps to remember how you two got together, the plans you had, good times shared, and yes, even the arguments.

Then, when you've got yourself pulled together again, invite her to a neutral place and have a nice conversation - and don't forget to 'listen' when she has something to say.

Good luck.

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Sorry, mafiaangel, but I don't agree with this suggestion. As you can see, she has given up friends for him and suggested an engagement and he put her off. He has made all the decisions so far and she has done the 'waiting'. So, she is probably taking a break to find out what else she would be giving up for him - and what, of herself, she still has.

IMO, he is still inclined to want a 'time-table' because he's the planner and shaker. Now he misses her but 'what' exactly he misses is not clear. Does he miss her warmth, laughter, companionship.... or just someone he has there to fill in a 'space' that he thinks should be filled according to his needs and schedule?

We all know this separation can go two ways, and it takes time... but he wants answers NOW - which means he's not in control of the situation and that, is what I think is bothering him the most.

I could be wrong, but I just thought it worth my time to express another view and sincerely hope it helps.

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You're right! Sorry, I'm sure she does know what waiting feels like.

I agree I can't control this situation, and I have made her wait for me. How long should I wait before I contact her? Do I ever call her first? When she first said she needed space I was texting and calling her a lot without any response from her. She finally texted me all the things I told you guys. We have had problems before and we didn't talk for a day or two, but this time it feels different. This time I feel like she is really upset with me. She is very stubborn and I feel like she will never call me. It's been three days since Ive talked to her and its really hard. I keep wanting to call her, but I'm not giving in.

This time I feel like she is really upset with me. She is very stubborn and I feel like she will never call me. It's been three days since Ive talked to her and its really hard. I keep wanting to call her, but i'm not giving in.

Sounds to me like you both have very strong opinions, but are not on the same level. You wanted what you wanted when you wanted it, and she wanted something too... Well, this is not a competition on who is going to hold off the longest.. this is a relationship between two people who should be communicating with each other and not see who will give in first.

You can't control how much longer she will stay away, but if you really feel that you miss her and need her, how are you going to let her know this if neither of you budge. You have control over this... you either contact her and tell her how you really feel, or stand your ground and wait until she comes by to pick up her cats and other things. At any rate, the signal you are not sending is helping her move further and further away.. and the only way YOU can stop her from moving further is to take a step forward.

If you think you might still have a chance and really want it, try emailing her about her cats.. that they are fine and miss her... and leave it at that - see if she reacts. But, be careful because 'urging her' to make up her mind is not the right tactic to use.

Good luck.

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So I called her today. She didn't pick up the phone so I left a voicemail. I let her know that her cats were doing fine, and that I was respecting the fact that she wanted space and that's why I haven't called her. I told her I was taking this time to improve myself and that I understand why she wanted space. I also said that I wanted to get back to the man she fell in love with, and that I was doing a lot of soul searching. I don't know what to do from this point. Im not going to call or text her again, but I don't know what to think about this situation. Is she going to respond? Im wondering if the message meant anything to her. Im just really confused about where we stand.

Dear, you did what you could to try and mend things. Now, it's her move. You might have to wait a while, but you will eventually get an answer. What the answer is, none of us can guarantee. However, you've done your part - now only TIME will tell.

Continue to work on yourself, have patience and stay with us when it gets hard to wait. We've all been there - some of us more than once in our lives and I promise, you'll survive.

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Thank you for the support Chery. I know I have to work on myself, and I will continue to do that. I know its going to be tough and there will be days when I want to call her, but I have to promise myself I won't do it. What do I do if she texts me back? Do I respond or wait until she calls? I will continue to let everyone know what's going on.

When she contacts you, respond - let her decide if and when to meet and talk. It might not be totally what you would like, but still stay calm.

I'm not going to leave you on your own now that you've gotten this far. At least it's a step forward.

Be patient and stay with us - and keep busy with other things too so as not to stress yourself out.

TaTaForNow.
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Thanks for the advice and comfort Chery. All of this has helped me a great deal and I'm very thankful. I will continue to work on myself and be patient. I will let you know how things go within the next couple of days.

Ok so its been about a week since I've heard from her. I honeslty am to the point where I feel like I don't deserve to be treated like this. I haven't contacted her and am not going to, but I just don't understand how somebody tells you they love you and want to get engaged to you and then they take off and I never hear from them again. I think its very cruel and hope this doesn't affect me with later relationships. Any advice would really help me out, thanks.

but I just don't understand how somebody tells you they love you and want to get engaged to you and then they take off and I never hear from them again.

Bear in mind when someone says this, they are sitting twiddling their thumbs hoping to be taken back. That is the problem, as I can imagine what goes through your mind, when she doesn't indicate where you stand.

Your better served by taking the bull by the horn, making your own decision, and making sure she gets her stuff. Then you know what you do next. Just my opinion, but one partner can't control the whole relationship, unless you let them. You have as much right to stand up for yourself, a she does pursuing her own interest.

I agree, I feel that she thinks she is in complete control. I admit I overreacted but I don't deserve to be treated as if I did something way worse. I guess I just feel abandoned, and am in denial that she actually did this. I don't know if I will hear from her in the future, but I don't want her to think she can have me whenever she wants. I don't want to be her safety net. I thought she loved me so much more then this. But I guess packing up her stuff up would be a good first step. Should I contact her, even though she hasn't contacted me for over a week?

After you've packed up her stuff I think it would be a good idea to contact her and ask her if she wants to pick her stuff and the cats up or if you should call an animal shelter and throw her other stuff away. If you still don't hear from there then, she might be in hospital or worse - but at least then you will know what your next step will be. I would also give her a time-limit to respond as you don't need to be put on hold like this too long. You could dump her stuff and find a good home for the cats if you don't want them.

You should not be used as a safety net and you did make a move toward mending, so I would take the next step and start the healing process.

As I said before, we will be here for you, no matter what happens. You need closure so that you can start moving on - and I'm crossing my fingers for you dear.


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We all know that life is not always fair, but we do have a right to find our happy space in it and not let anyone else control it.

When a girl she needs space.. she means... dont talk to her if she wants to talk shell get up with you don't put her on a pedestal have confidence in yourself and your relationship will prevail

So I texted her last night and told her I packed up her things and that if she wanted them she could come pick them up. She responded by saying thanks. I asked her how she was doing and she said good, and that she wants nothing to do with me. I was really surprised by this and asked her why. She said that we have had to many problems and that she did love me but she was done. She said she would send her dad over to get her things, and I said I didn't want to do it like that. I told her it would be awkward for me. She told me she didn't want to hurt me but that she didn't want to be with me. She also said that I pushed her away and that she's made up her mind and that she's going to be strong. We continued to go back and forth about how she was going to get her things. I finally cracked and told her that I love her and didn't want the relationship to end. She told me that this was the type of stuff that's pushing her away, because she said I was trying to force her into a relationship she didn't want to be in anymore. Well I went to sleep and the next morning texted and told her that I would take care of the animals because they have way more room here. We texted back and forth and I finally said that I couldn't believe how badly she wanted to end things. She said that its been falling apart and that are problems never went away. I continued to tell her why I love her and that I would do anything to be with her. She responded by telling me that we have different opinion's on things and that I'm to controlling. She also said that she can't put herself in the same situation, and that she can't believe that things will be different. I was so devastated by all of this. It really made me feel depressed and that I had lost the love of my life. I waited until she got off work around four o'clock and asked her how her day went. She didn't respond and I told her I don't deserve to be treated like this. I finally told her on the last text message I sent her that I am going to move on, and that I have to continue to work on myself. I feel really heartbroken and that I really screwed up. I have so much regret and I feel like I ruined a great relationship with a great girl. It sucks when you know you messed up but can't fix the situation. I know I don't have a choice but move on, but I'm really struggling right now. I have been really depressed and at sometimes during the day I feel like I don't even want to face the truth and life. I need some advice on where I should go from here. Thanks for all of the support, without everybody on this site I would be even worse right now.

I would have reacted the same way, but control the anger management. I was in the same boat as you were... my girlfriend (now ex) finally left me =/

So I texted her last night and told her I packed up her things and that if she wanted them she could come pick them up. She responded by saying thanx. I asked her how she was doing and she said good, and that she wants nothing to do with me. I was really suprised by this and asked her why. She said that we have had to many problems and that she did love me but she was done. She said she would send her dad over to get her things, and I said I didnt want to do it like that. I told her it would be awkward for me. She told me she didnt want to hurt me but that she didnt want to be with me. She also said that I pushed her away and that she's made up her mind and that she's going to be strong. We continued to go back and forth about how she was going to get her things. I finally cracked and told her that I love her and didnt want the relationship to end. She told me that this was the type of stuff thats pushing her away, because she said I was trying to force her into a relationship she didnt want to be in anymore. Well I went to sleep and the next morning texted and told her that I would take care of the animals because they have way more room here. We texted back and forth and I finally said that I couldnt believe how badly she wanted to end things. She said that its been falling apart and that are problems never went away. I continued to tell her why I love her and that I would do anything to be with her. She responded by telling me that we have different opinion's on things and that im to controlling. She also said that she can't put herself in the same situation, and that she can't believe that things will be different. I was so devastated by all of this. It really made me feel depressed and that I had lost the love of my life. I waited until she got off work around four o'clock and asked her how her day went. She didnt respond and I told her I dont deserve to be treated like this. I finally told her on the last text message I sent her that I am going to move on, and that I have to continue to work on myself. I feel really heartbroken and that I really screwed up. I have so much regret and I feel like I ruined a great relationship with a great girl. It sucks when you know you messed up but can't fix the situation. I know I dont have a choice but move on, but im really struggling right now. I have been really depressed and at sometimes during the day I feel like I dont even want to face the truth and life. I need some advice on where I should go from here. Thanks for all of the support, without everybody on this site I would be even worse right now.

Oh sh*t mate... I'm sorry for your troubles.

Same crap happened with me =/

DO NOT DO WHAT I DID..
My friend let me take his car so I drove WITH EXPIRED PERMIT & UNDER THE INFLUENCE
I stayed insomniac for 2-3 days straight
I lost focus & inability to concentrate; I ate like 2 meals/week

What helped me was listening to Gloria Gaynor: I will Survive 100+ times for 2 weeks.

The last thing you need is to contact her in any way.

Ok so her mom called me and told me that she wanted to come over to get my ex girlfriends things. I told her she could, and talked to her about the whole situation. Her mom said she was really upset and she was struggling with money and just overwhelmed. I gave her all of her stuff except one of our dogs, because I am very close to the dog and it was hard for me to give him back. Well her mom called me and told me that my ex was crying because she wanted her dog. I told her mom that my ex needed to call me so we could figure everything out. Well my ex girlfriend called me for the first time in 2 weeks. I told her I would give her the dog back in a couple days. We continued to talk for 40 minutes about our relationship. She was crying and telling me that its been really hard, but that she can't believe me that I have changed. She sounded really sad, and a couple times like she wanted to get back together, but held herself back. She told me she couldn't be in a relationship right now and that she needs to get herself back together first, and she doesn't know if she wants to get back together yet. After we got off the phone she texted me that she doesn't want to talk to me for awhile, because she needed to get through this and needed to find herself. I asked if after she regroups if she would want to start over and she said she doesn't know right now. I asked her what am I supposed to do. And if she really didn't want to be with me, or had no intention of being with me to just tell me. Her response was that she didn't know if she ever wanted to talk to me. I need advice on where I should go from here. She never gave me a clear answer on whether she wanted to get back together later on. What should I do in the mean time? Should I move on? Im really confused.

Ok so her mom called me and told me that she wanted to come over to get my ex girlfriends things. I told her she could, and talked to her about the whole situation. Her mom said she was really upset and she was struggling with money and just overwhelmed. I gave her all of her stuff except one of our dogs, because I am very close to the dog and it was hard for me to give him back. Well her mom called me and told me that my ex was crying because she wanted her dog. I told her mom that my ex needed to call me so we could figure everything out. Well my ex girlfriend called me for the first time in 2 weeks. I told her I would give her the dog back in a couple days. We continued to talk for 40 minutes about our relationship. She was crying and telling me that its been really hard, but that she can't believe me that I have changed. She sounded really sad, and a couple times like she wanted to get back together, but held herself back. She told me she couldnt be in a relationship right now and that she needs to get herself back together first, and she doesnt know if she wants to get back together yet. After we got off the phone she texted me that she doesnt want to talk to me for awhile, because she needed to get through this and needed to find herself. I asked if after she regroups if she would want to start over and she said she doesnt know right now. I asked her what am I supposed to do. And if she really didnt want to be with me, or had no intention of being with me to just tell me. Her response was that she didnt know if she ever wanted to talk to me. I need advice on where I should go from here. She never gave me a clear answer on whether she wanted to get back together later on. What should I do in the mean time? Should I move on? Im really confused.

Just let her be. It seems like she's the immature one cause her mom HAD to call you to pick up the things? That's stupid. As for the relationship, it's better to let her go; similarly, my ex is the same way.. treats me "like a friend" but does not be honest with me. She says we might get back.. I told her deadline is 6 months.

Why? Because I don't want to be dragged into her sh*thole.

Just relax.. You live in Temecula? drive to Solana Beach!

I live in Del Mar/UCSD area.

Because she is confused, and doesn't know what she wants, is no reason for you to be. Take the bull by the horns, and go with the one fact you do have, she has ended the relationship, and you need to accept that. We sometimes want to overlook those facts, because we can use the excuse she is confused now, but that's what it is an excuse, to have false hope instead of doing what we have to, and moving on to better things. Trust me, there are better things out there for you, after you have healed, and ready to go for them, and put this behind you where it belongs. Don't be stuck on stupid, her message was quite clear.

Thank you for the advice, I know I need to move on and not have false hope. I can admit I'm still in love with her, but I need to focus on myself and put her behind me. What do I do if I finally recover from all of this and get my life back together and she contacts me out of nowhere? I really feel like I messed up, I hate having so much regret.

Thank you for the advice, I know I need to move on and not have false hope. I can admit im still in love with her, but I need to focus on myself and put her behind me. What do I do if I finally recover from all of this and get my life back together and she contacts me out of nowhere? I really feel like I messed up, I hate having so much regret.


Go to Solana Beach or Del Mar?

Yeah that sounds like a good idea. I need to get out for the day. I was wondering the best ways to stop thinking about her. I try to keep myself busy and am trying to move on, but she is always in the back of my head.

Yeah that sounds like a good idea. I need to get out for the day. I was wondering the best ways to stop thinking about her. I try to keep myself busy and am trying to move on, but she is always in the back of my head.

Drive to LA & party?

This is all about coping with your feelings, and building a life without her. Just read the stickies in this forum, for some excellent suggestions about what to do.

Above all be patient with yourself. Time does the healing, you do the coping.

Hi dear. Take Talaniman's advice and read the stickies!

After being on this site for a while, you know that you are not the only one going through this and that you will eventually get yourself back together - maybe even better. But, you also know that the healing process takes TIME... TIME is what you need most now, and it will be occupied with regrets, anger, denial, false hope, etc. That's just part of life and you are a sensitive and emotional human being. There is absolutely nothing you can do to avoid feeling down sometimes, but it should not occupy your whole day.

So, feel down, then get angry at yourself, then start picking yourself up and work on healing.

We will be here and you can vent any time.

Do some mind and house-cleaning and get rid of all evidence of her that upsets you and give you false hopes. Rearrange the furniture, change the décor, rearrange the stuff iN the kitchen and bedroom... make the place as 'new' as possible. It will also help if you watch a lot of comedy or stupid stuff on the TV for a while, anything that will not remind you of 'her'.

Change your choice of music back a few decades and remember younger days before you met her... anything that will take your mind off for a few hours a day. Take one step at a time and you will eventually be OK.

Take trips, and go to new places to eat or have coffee - meet new people.

Stay with us and we'll help get you through it.

Good luck.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

I promise, you too will survive this - TIME heals - if you let it.

hey e46
I read your problem and the only thing I can say is wait if she says she needs to find herself then mabye she has something in her life that she is trying to figure out and though she loves you she needs this time for herself. Im glad your trying to give her space by hanging out with your own friends. Like mentioned before she might be bitter about not having any friends which I had trouble with myself and I can definitely understand her she feels alone and even though you might think she doesn't have friends at least real ones she still misses that. She might call you but I'm not sure because every girl is different and has different needs. But the point is when she does call you pick up and just talk she might vent on you.. so for now be her friend so she can tell that you are always there for her. Take it slow for now just enjoy herself. That she has her clothes and her cats at your place could be a good and bad thing, she could always come and get her stuff but if we see it in a positive light she still isn't ready to let go and probably doesn't want to which is good. Don't move her stuff or anything leaving the way things are if she ever does come will make her see that you haven't moved on and that you waited for her and she will appreciate that. So don't call her, enjoy yourself, wait till she calls, if you miss her don't hesitate to ask for advice again
I hope this sort of helped since everyone pretty much said the same =)

Thank you so much for the support. I have been trying everyday to be as strong as possible. This website has helped me so much, and I' am forever grateful. I haven't talked to her in 3 days and I am not going to contact her. The last thing she told me was that she didn't know if later on she wanted to get back together. So I asked her to tell me if she didn't really want to ever talk to me again to just tell me the truth and not string me along. She responded by saying that she didn't know if she ever wanted to talk to me. So I know that I should never contact her, but today was really hard for me. There was a couple of times during the day that my thoughts were focused so heavy on her that I had to fight my tears back. She did a complete 360 in one week. She is treating me like she doesn't even care about me. And when I talked to her on the phone, she was crying a lot and said she couldn't jump back into a relationship with me right now. I don't know if I will hear from her, but right now I'm just trying to focus on my life, and trying to be happy again. Im still very in love with her, and its been really tough. And I agree that time will heal the pain, that's if I use that time in a productive way. I'm just really confused.

Another thing that is very confusing to me is that she hasn't changed her myspace. We haven't seen each other in two weeks and she still has pictures of us on her page, I'm still her number one, and she still has her status as in a relationship. I don't know if any of these things mean anything, but it confuses me. And I already gave her clothes back. On top of all of this I just got back from the animal hospital where I found out my dog has parvel. I love my little dog a lot and I don't know if he is going to survive. This is the hardest time in my life. I really feel like god is testing my faith. I finally realized today that my life has changed dramatically and that I took so many things for granted. Im so pist off at myself. I wish I didn't feel so alone, confused, and angry.

Another thing that is very confusing to me is that she hasnt changed her myspace. We havent seen eachother in two weeks and she still has pictures of us on her page, im still her number one, and she still has her status as in a relationship. I dont know if any of these things mean anything, but it confuses me. And I already gave her clothes back. On top of all of this I just got back from the animal hospital where I found out my dog has parvel. I love my little dog alot and I dont know if he is going to survive. This is the hardest time in my life. I really feel like god is testing my faith. I finally realized today that my life has changed dramatically and that I took so many things for granted. Im so pist off at myself. I wish I didnt feel so alone, confused, and angry.

She's probably too lazy to change...

My ex took pics of us together off.. (, eh?)... rarely talked to me... and so on

Forget that ex.. partyyyy

Stay off her web page, that's a real good way to keep those feelings fresh in your mind and bring you anguish and more confusion. There are literally millions of break ups a day and every one cause confusion, chaos, and shock. You will deal with this daily, so get used to handling how you feel, and staying busy and being active. Haunted by old memories?? Make new ones!

I know that I have to move on, and I feel like I get a little stronger everyday. Today I logged onto myspace and saw that she set her mood to mischievous and that she was chillin with her friend bud light (the beer). I don't understand her at all. She didn't drink one beer in the past 8 months, and 4 days into no contact she is drinking again. I feel like her friends are telling her to move on and stay away from me. It really pissed me off because it doesn't even seem like she cares. I did so much for her, I co signed on her car, was there to support her through school, I even took her on a incredible cruise to the bahamas. I deleted her from my friends list, I know this will help me move on. I just don't understand how she doesn't even care about me anymore.

I know that I have to move on, and I feel like I get a little stronger everyday. Today I logged onto myspace and saw that she set her mood to mischevious and that she was chillin with her friend bud light (the beer). I dont understand her at all. She didnt drink one beer in the past 8 months, and 4 days into no contact she is drinking again. I feel like her friends are telling her to move on and stay away from me. It really pissed me off because it doesnt even seem like she cares. I did so much for her, I co signed on her car, was there to support her through school, I even took her on a incredible cruise to the bahamas. I went ahead and deleted her from my friends list, I know this will help me move on. I just dont understand how she doesnt even care about me anymore.

Don't assume she drinks... theres alot of girls who take beer bottles and pretend to drink... idiots

As for you, I feel the same way too.. my ex was a Jehovah's Witness and pretty much lived a solitary life. I went into her life, got her outgoing, and boom... she's gone~

Ok so tomorrow will be a full week of no contact. But today is really tough for me, I miss her so much and am still in love with her. I keep thinking about her and how much we meant to each other. I know I need to continue no contact, but I really feel like she was a very special person that I let get away because of insecurities. Im in this weird state of mind that I'm going to be single forever, and never find anybody again. I really feel like its going to take me a long time to find love like this, if I even find it at all. I wondering if all of these things I'm thinking are normal? At the same time when I feel like I'm going to contact her I remember how bad she treated me, and abandoned me without even a phone call. I just can't believe she did this to me. And another thought that's eating away at me is picturing her with someone else. She is not with anybody, but I keep picturing it and it drives me crazy. How do I deal with that. And how could she ever want to be with anybody else if she loved me so much. Sorry for such a long post, but I figured if I didn't express my feelings on here I would contact her again.

Give yourself a pat on the back for coming here instead of at her. Have you read the stickies yet?

Yes I read them and they are very encouraging. This site has helped me tremedoulsy and I know that if I didn't post my feelings on here I would talk to her. Im never going to call her, but I just feel like I'm never going to meet someone again. Is this a normal feeling everybody has after a breakup? I mean I'm only 22 years old and I know I have plenty of years ahead of me. Im starting to regret the times I called and texted her before, she treated me so badly and has been completely cold hearted. I wish I could turn the tables.

Your feelings are normal when you lose a great relationship, but after you heal, you'll try again, we all do.

I have felt the same thing a few times, and if I had not been kicked to the curb, I would not have found my wife of more than 30 years. So sooner or later, you'll look back with some fond memories, and grown rug rats, so enjoy your youth, no matter who kicks you to the curb.

Your feelings are normal when you lose a great relationship, but after you heal, you'll try again, we all do.

I have felt the same thing a few times, and if I had not been kicked to the curb, I would not have found my wife of more than 30 years. So sooner or later, you'll look back with some fond memories, and grown rug rats, so enjoy your youth, no matter who kicks you to the curb.

30 years? Wow!

Ok so its been awhile since I have logged on. I have improved my situation a lot since the last time I was on here. My ex girlfriend and I have been broken up for almost three months and I was starting to get back to normal. Then out of the blue she texted me telling me she needed to pick up some more stuff I forgot to give her. She ended up coming over to my house to get her stuff and we talked for about an hour. She told me that she still cares and if she didn't she wouldn't be here and that she was scared to get hurt again. I told her that I have gotten myself back together since the breakup and asked her if she wanted to take things slow. She said yes and that she wouldn't say stuff she didn't mean. Before she left my house she said she thought things went great. When she was at my house the chemistry still seemed there and it wasn't awkward at all. Well she said I could call her last Tuesday but she said she had a family emergency and that she would call me tomorrow. Pretty much throughout the whole week she tells me she will call and it hasn't happened yet. She sends me text messages telling me she will call. I asked her if she was avoiding me and she said no. I don't know what's going on and I need some advice on the best direction to take. The last time I talked to her was on Friday, she said that she would call me when she wasn't working like crazy. I know she is going though a rough time with her family but I am really confused.

Hello everyone, i'm currently going through a rough stretch. My girlfriend of a year and a half told me two days ago that she still loves me but needs space. The past month was really good for us, no fighting, and just enjoying our time together. Five days before she asked for space she said she wanted an engagement ring, and that we should get engaged. We ended up getting into a fight because her friend who just came back from living in New York asked her to give her a ride to fill out an application for a job. I got angry because she said she would call me to let me know how things were going, well an hour later I didnt hear from her and called her. She didnt answer the phone then called me right back, I overreacted and told her I didnt want to talk to her. The reason I acted like this is because two of her past friends took advantage of her and I had to help her get rid of them. They were on drugs and were stealing stuff from her and my house. Because of these past issues I feel that I let insecurites from the past cloud my vison. She told me a couple of days ago that she needs to find herself and get herself together. She told me that she has lost all of her friendships and that she doesnt know how to make friends. I feel its unfair, because she never told me any of these things were bothering her. I know she loves me and I have not contacted her in two days. In the mean time all of her clothes are still at my house and so are her cats. And on her myspace page she still has me as her number one and has pictures of us all over her page. She also set her mood to gloomy. I dont know if any of these things mean anything but im really confused. I've been keeping myself busy and went out with my friends a couple times last week. I'm holding up pretty good but am still madly in love with her. I need some advice.

You messed up big time dude. But maybe there's a good shot that she might come back around. FROM NOW ON DUDE LEARN TO PICK YOUR BATTLES... AND NEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN... YOU'LL NEVER WIN! YOU GOT SLOPPY WITH THIS GIRL BIGTIME!

But hopefully you gave this girl just what she asked for "SPACE."

GO NO CONTACT... GIVE HER TIME... LET HER CONTACT YOU...

When she contacts you... apologize only once! And then go from there...

I agree with misssarahanee, show her you care without invading her personal space, and wait a few weeks to try something new. You will loose her one way or another if you don't support her need for independence, I've been married for 15 years and trust and oppisite activities are extremely important, even for you. You just might realize there is so much in this wonderful world, to enjoy, and life is short and every day goes on with or wothout your participation, so relax and live every day like it is your last!

Ok so its been awhile since I have logged on. I have improved my situation alot since the last time I was on here. My ex girlfriend and I have been broken up for almost three months and I was starting to get back to normal. Then out of the blue she texted me telling me she needed to pick up some more stuff I forgot to give her. She ended up coming over to my house to get her stuff and we talked for about an hour. She told me that she still cares and if she didnt she wouldnt be here and that she was scared to get hurt again. I told her that I have gotten myself back together since the breakup and asked her if she wanted to take things slow. She said yes and that she wouldnt say stuff she didnt mean. Before she left my house she said she thought things went great. When she was at my house the chemistry still seemed there and it wasnt awkward at all. Well she said I could call her last Tuesday but she said she had a family emergency and that she would call me tomorrow. Pretty much throughout the whole week she tells me she will call and it hasnt happened yet. She sends me text messages telling me she will call. I asked her if she was avoiding me and she said no. I dont know whats going on and I need some advice on the best direction to take. The last time I talked to her was on Friday, she said that she would call me when she wasnt working like crazy. I know she is going though a rough time with her family but I am really confused.


You're confused because you believe what she's telling you.. and what she's telling you is not 100% honest and is now leading you on. I know how you feel and I know what you're going through man, we all felt like this. You keeping in contact with her isn't helping, you're still confused aren't you?

I was just like you, so confused with everything. Then I forced myself to stay away from her and everything that reminded me of her... smartest thing I've ever done. It will uncloud your mind and see things as they really are. I know it's hard man, but it's necessary. She's leading you on to make herself feel better, don't give her that luxury. She left you, I suggest you do the same.

Stop building hopes on what she tells you and pay attention to the actions.

Fact-She keeps putting you off.

Fact- You keep chasing any way.

So what do the facts say. Stop chasing, and go about your life, because despite her words, you are not a priority in her life, and that's another fact.

e46 its been a long time, what ever happened between you two? I'm going through something similar, she broke up with me tells me she loves me but doesn't know how she feels about our relationship that she needs space. Did you tow get back together?