Ok, this is going to be long, I think, but please bear with me as I feel really, really awful.

We were together for almost 2 years. He's older than me for 3 years. This guy was my first boyfriend and love, and I was his first love and long time girlfriend (the only other serious girlfriend hehad was with him for only 3 months). We met through a mutual (ex) friend... (more on the ex friend later).

It was all sweet and awesome when we started dating. We fell in love really quickly because we have so much in common - from musical taste, to hobbies, political and intellectual thoughts, spiritual beliefs, educational background, goals, etc. We had been friends for 5 months before. We just had chemistry since we met, even though I was interested in another person at the time, and so was he. But the chemistry was there.

This sweet and blissful heaven lasted only 6 months. It turns out, he is a very jealous man. At least that's what he told me from the beginning of the relationship. He didn't want to know about my past - so I didn't tell. But the thing is, one day we had gone out to a concert with the mutual (ex) friend and I had brought my camera with me, so I took pics of everyone there, however, I took a single pic where the mutual (ex) friend was alone. It was the only picture where only one person was alone. This made my ex boyfriend suspiscious of me. So he asked me if I had ever had something with the mutual (ex) friend. I denied it. He didn't believe me so he asked again. I came clean - yes, about two years prior to meeting my ex boyfriend, I had had a friendship with benefits with the mutual (ex) friend. I kept some details to myself, but this opened a Pandora's box that never got closed.

I lied some more about this, but always came clean. My ex boyfriend humilliated me a lot after the truth came to light, this is mainly why I never told him or why I lied, I just had a gut feeling that he'd be verbally and emotionally abusive if he found out. And he was. He called me a lot of names, made me cry, yelled at me for crying, hung up the phone on me, said hurtful things on purpose, and judged me A LOT on my past. He said I was easy, cheap a sl*t and not trustworthy. But he continued to tell me he loved me and most of the time the relationship was very sweet and nice, blissful almost like the first 6 months.

But then I started losing friends, because he didn't trust them, or just didn't like them. I stopped going out with them because he didn't trust me around them. I just stopped going out altogether. I stopped talking to some guys from the past (like past crushes or guys he didn't like), but then talked to them for a while behind his back. I told him and told me I was not to trust. He just didn't trust me at all but sweared he loved me. All of this made me resent him and became more insecure around him and anxious and just started hiding a lot of things, even unimportant things like if I had gone out to the store. But most of the time the relationship was nice. He just out of the blue judged me and stuff. And somehow I started not trusting him and becoming anxious that he'd cheat out of revenge. I started becoming really anxious and paranoid about everything, especially during arguments. So I started reacting worse and worse... when we'd argue, I'd cry and if he started yelling at me for crying it was worse and I just couldn't get calm, so I just got more upset and I'd hit myself in the head or pull my hair. That made him more and more angry.

Last night, we went to a party to one of his friends' house. He came to pick me up and I wasn't quite ready yet, so we left a bit late (like 5 or 10 min). He got upset by this. He was just kind of upset. We arrived there, and he got all defensive when his friends asked him about stuff that I didn't know about (because they're his classmates so they have a lot of inside jokes and stuff). So if they laughed and I didn't I asked him "What's the joke?" And he'd become upset because he thought I was mad and making a big deal out of nothing, and when I tried to explain that I wasn't mad and was asking only to understand because I don't know his friends, he'd get all defensive and tell me to "Shut up and quit nagging". So I got quiet and it was hard to fake having a good time. So then later he told me that I was making a scene in front of all of his friends, when all I did was maybe have a bit of a sad face. Then whe I'd try to explain, he'd get mad and tell me to quit nagging...

So he came and dropped me off, with a few of his friends. I was so sad, but let it go and though maybe tomorrow everything will be better. Well today I received an email from him telling me it was over. That he was fed up with me, even though he loved me and wanted things to work, but that I never changed for the good and that for his mental sanity, he'd just break it off, for good (as he had broken up with me several times before).

Here I am now, feeling like crap, as I've had low self esteem for a while already and this just makes it worse. I have no friends as most left town for college and the ones that stayed and I grew apart, as they developed different interests and all. I really have no friends, while he has this wonderful, solid group. I feel awful because most of this was my fault, I don't think he's an awful man, but I'm confused as maybe he'll be like this with all his girlfriends? If he won't be like this then I'll feel awful as I brought the worst out of him. I just feel like a mentally and emotionally wrecked person, like a freak, like I have mental and emotional problems, like I'm not a healthy person for anyone and that I'll end up alone. This was my first love anyway, and we had a lot in common and he had even talked about marriage. I just feel so alone, and so stupid and ugly, and just... I don't know, I feel like a failure because it was so simple to stop being a crybaby and be more mature and I just couldn't do it, I couldn't stop the self harm, the self doubts, the insecurity and the distrust in him and all that drove him away. I truly felt like he was my soulmate, and I feel like I'll never find someone who'll have as much in common with me.

I guess we weren't meant to be as he judged me so hard on my past and told me I was a sl*t every chance he got. Now I don't know what to do as I can't believe this is over for good.

:( :( And I feel ugly and worthless!! :( :(

Miss from what Im reading is that you feel ugly and worthless,if I stand correct,right?
You are no such thing.
You have inner and outter beauty that your Ex must not see.
Please don't judge me by my age but,
Im about to be a teen and well I've dated a lot.
I know Im too young,but I've been in Love,
Even though I cleary don't understand love a lot but I do enough.

What I have learned is,you never shed a tear for a man,nor a woman.
You may have loved him,with the utmost you could give.
But never cry.
Your much better than that,miss and Im sure of it.

But there is somebody for everybody,just don't look so hard,he may come to you.
Im sure of it :]

Life is like a box of chocolates....you'll never know what you'll get.

Miss from what Im reading is that you feel ugly and worthless,if I stand correct,right?
You are no such thing.
You have inner and outter beauty that your Ex must not see.
Please dont judge me by my age but,
Im about to be a teen and well I've dated alot.
I know Im too young,but I've been in Love,
even though I cleary dont understand love alot but I do enough.

What I have learned is,you never shed a tear for a man,nor a woman.
You may have loved him,with the utmost you could give.
but never cry.
your much better than that,miss and Im sure of it.

But there is somebody for everybody,just dont look so hard,he may come to you.
Im sure of it :]

Life is like a box of chocolates....you'll never know what you'll get.


Hai.
^^
your welcome Im just here to make people smile.
I love when people smile
makes me happy.
Plus even if I never saw you,
I bet your much prettier when you smile m'dear.

That guy you were with is emotionally abusive. Please stay away from him. YOu can get help from counselors and the like. This man you were with was horrible.

It is okay to cry. It is not okay to abuse people. You are a victim of abuse.

"like I'm not a healthy person for anyone"

That's one of the only things you said that you're right about.
I've been where you are now, and while I know no one could ever feel exactly how you feel right now, I have felt very similar. The truth is, you're not a healthy person for anyone... right now. You left that part off. You are an emotional wreck right now, and it may take months to be OK again, but you will be OK again. You've had your heart broken by someone who you trusted never to break it, and that is a tough blow. But you will find someone else, even though you probably don't want to hear that right now. You will make friends again, and then, hopefully, get into a relationship where you are allowed and even encouraged to keep your friends, where you are not afraid and where you can react to things how you naturally react to them, and what's more, your reactions will improve once you know you are not being judged by them, and you won't feel like such a horrible person. Luckily, that is the kind of relationship I am in now, and while no one can know what relationships will make it, you stand a better chance the better you feel in the relationship. Eventually this will stop hurting. You will be affected every time you hear his name or remember the good times with him or when your anniversary comes around (an emotional wreck), and then in a month or two, you'll start being defensive and any time he talks to you or his name is brought up you'll act like you don't care, only you'll over do it and everyone will know that you are still hurt (a person in denial, unable to move forward), then you'll start hating him and not give a damn about him (an angry person), and then, slowly but surely, the sting will wear off and you will be able to see him and not feel much of anything, you'll be able to talk to him and be honestly happy for him when he talks about his new girl, or feel really sorry for him when he can't get one, and not vengeful. You will be free to become the person you want to be at that point. It's really up to you how long that takes, but don't rush too fast. In spite of all this, the saying hold true: "'tis better to have loved and lost than to ne'er have loved at all."


Best of luck

You deserve better than the way he treated you! He apparently is very selfish person and that is the last thing you want to deal with! I understand its hard that a relationship is at the end but soon you will feel better about it and look back wondering why you were with him in the first place! You should do something nice for yourself or example get your hair done! If he was truly your soulmate he wouldn't of treated you that way! Just remember from this point on there is only one way to go and that is up.

There are a lot of fishes in the sea don't worry you have time to start up another relationship what a jurk

I can give you experienced advice for this question because I've been through it. I know what it is like to love somebody and want to build a life with them but it's just not working.


I've had the being broken up with many times, then when he did it for good wonder why I just couldn't take things he did/said on the chin more and be easier to be with- basically blaming myself for his shortcomings.

I can tell you that depite the heartache-the the best thing to do now is let him go, and learn from it. Though it will take me a long time to trust again, I will learn for my next relationship to be aware straightaway of unnacceptable behaviour such as the kind your boyfriend (and mine actually) has showed, and not let it go too far.

It is terribly hard, I won't lie to you, but it gradually gets better..

I've had the feeling ugly and stupid thing too, and I'm going to the doctor for help to deal with my depleted low self esteem- from the way he's treated me. Trying to make things work with this guy will lower your self-esteem more.

Seriously, it's best to let it go. One day it will be so obvious to us both that we deserve better. Look forward to that day.

Darn , can't you see that he is your problem. He is poison.

You are being too hard on yourself. Time out. Space is good. You are not inferior. You just hooked up with the wrong guy... a textbook abuser. You have all the signs of an abused woman. You need a break from him. He is a jerk, an abuser that WILL NEVER CHANGE. Its not you. You need a support group. My husband would pack and leave in a dramatic tantrum, broke up with me 10x. It was heartbreaking, confusing, out of nowhere. I felt so drained emotionally from his verbal and emotional abuse. I was self destructive and crying every day. I listened to the folks here and I stayed with the pain. I felt it. I dealt with it. I'm alive and much happier just 2 months later after coming here. I have not seen him in a month and my life is just beginning. When you get away from an abuser for a period, you are not caught up in the tornado and you will think clearly... Dont permit yourself to be degraded. Please read some stuff about verbal abuse. It's not you, honey. Hold up your head. Don't give into those feelings. Good things will happen to you when you make a hard decision to STAY AWAY FROM HIM. HE IS AN ABUSER. He'd make Ms. America feel rotten! Hey, think of it like this... now you know what you don't want in a guy so you'll more easily recognize the one you do want. I feel lonely sometimes, so does everybody, hence the popularity of the Internet. You are not alone. There is a book Why Does He Do That?, by Lundy Bancroft. This may give you some insight about his crazy making behavior. Love of your life? I felt that way too. Now that my head is clear because I am away from his daily degradation, I'd throw a rock at him if he comes near me & I have a new love of my life and that is... me.

You are not ugly or worthless!

Also, He sounds quite verbally and as someone above said, emotionally abusive. The reason you'd get so upset and freaked out when you two argued because it sounds like he was abusive with you. In other words I mean instead of arguing fair to resolve the problem, he was just calling you a nag, and a million other terms, and honestly this guy seems like a real creep.

Believe me EVERYONE has SOME good qualities. But whatever your guy's good qualities are-- they don't make up for his bad ones!

Please Think of him breaking up with you as him giving you a gift. The gift of not having to be around his abusive behind anymore!

Then Please read: 'The Verbally Abusive Relationship' by Patricia Evans.

life goes on.