After searching and searching online for hours reading countless articles on "How to Get Her Back" which only led me to their books and DVD promos, I found this forum and hope that someone out there can be of some assistance for me.

My girlfriend broke up with me today. :( I'm in real pain that I haven't felt from any other relationship I've ever had before including my ex-wife... but I'll get into that.

March 7th 2008, my wife decides she can't take it anymore and tells me she wants a divorce. The next few days were hell. I mean total HELL! My guts were destroyed, but at the same time they should not have been and I should have seen it coming because in the 3 & 1/2 years we were married, I became very unhappy after about the first year and even saw myself divorcing her then. So anyway, after she decides to divorce me I have to look for a new apartment because she and her kids are staying in the house. I find a great place not too far from work, family, friends, etc. I found this place on St. Patrick's Day. Later on St. Patty's I met up with a couple of friends at a pub for some beers and after hanging there for a couple of hours, this beautiful girl bumps into me... literally, and we start talking and it's going great. Keep in mind my wife told me a week ago she wants to divorce me. So I'm having this great time with this girl and as I'm getting ready to leave, she asks for my number. I explain to her my situation, i.e. Going through a divorce and things are kind of crazy right now and will be moving the next Saturday. She totally understood and wanted my number anyway. She plays it coy and calls me after the 2 day rule, and we make plans to meet for dinner the night I move out of my ex's house into my own place.

Saturday comes along and the move went well, well in the term that I'm out of that house, and I meet up with the new girl for dinner down the street from my new place. We closed out the bar and as we were getting into our cars, the uncomfortable silence crept in and then she said, "Oh, did you want a kiss?" "Yes, I do."

To make the long story short, I've been going through the battles of the divorce and will be signing the final paperwork this upcoming Monday, and through the whole ordeal, the new girl has been very supportive, caring, nurturing, etc. and I've fallen in love with her.

From the first date until today, she has stressed that she wasn't looking to get into a serious relationship right now, but that's what it had worked it's way into and because I care about her and love her the way I do, I had insecurities about the "guy friends" she has and has had for a long time and she got spooked and felt that I was jealous and didn't trust her. During the breakup, I reassured her that I don't have a problem with her guy friends anymore and am fine with the friendships she has with them because I know they won't be more than that, yet she was still crying and wouldn't change her mind.

Now, I know that she still cares a great deal for me and there isn't another guy in the mix, but she still didn't want to be together anymore. I've talked to some friends and told them that I would rather wait for her because I know that we would have a great future together, than to forget about her all together.

I know that timing was terrible for us because she isn't looking for a serious relationship, and I'm getting out of a crappy marriage. My questions are:

1. Will we get back together if we give each other the time apart we need to take care of ourselves?
2. I don't want to lose her, what can I do to make sure that the perfect relationship we had can and will proceed stronger than before? Keep in mind, that if I didn't mention the insecurities I had... HAD with her guy friends, that we would probably still be very happy together. We had no problems before today.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and I appreciate any help you could give.
- Rob =)

Hi Rob.

I'm sorry that you are going through your divorce, and now so hurt over this too. I have been there myself, and I know how awful it feels to feel like your guts are being ripped out through your throat. I wish I had some magic words for you, but I'm going to post a link to another thread for you. Don't be put off by the subject of the link. There are a lot of guys, and a few girls too, that can absolutely relate to what you are talking about. A lot are awesome people, that can give you some really good advice. You sound like you could use some good insight from the guys, and some input from the girls too.

I wish you the best!
(Starby)
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/nc-calendar-124229.html

Divorced and now a breakup. If anyone can understand this, it's you. It takes a LOT of things to come together properly to create a lasting relationship. I mean a LOT.

Your feelings for any girl and hers for you, that's nothing more than the spark that gets things rolling. You will like every girl you date, you will love some. But MOST relationships end (and SHOULD) for one reason or another.

It takes a LOT of things to come together in the right time, the right place, the right temperments, the right point in life, the same goals, same life outlook, the same opinion of each other, of relationships, of availability, finances, habits, hobbies, friends... DUDE... a LOT has to match up. Your attraction is a given and isn't even on this list! It's almost irrelevant in making the choice. Oh my.

When either party has had enough, it's over. You CAN put your life on hold hoping and waiting, but it's not only usually futile, it's pitiful. And if there IS some small fleeting chance this girl will come back to you someday, it won't be because you're acting pitifully.

So, deep breaths. You're single again. You have a very important job to do, now. You have to reestablish yourself as a desirable, fun, attractive and confidant man. You do that by actually BEING those things. This is going to take time.

You will actually benefit from not being attached at the hip to a girl. This will give you some time look at your own life and get comfortable in your own skin. There is nothing more attractive than a man who is calm and happy in who he is, what he's involved in... unapologetic about the busy life he has. A man who gives a woman something to be proud OF is already ahead of the game.

What I mean is that you will be better all the way around if you don't NEED a woman to be happy right now. Talaniman (another Expert here on AMHD) frequently says, "Love yourself first..." and I believe that's sage advice for you here.

Your next relationship(s) need to not be so serious. You were married, and your next relationship after that... both sounded pretty serious. You need to reconnect with the possibility that everyone you love/date won't be a keeper. In fact, YOU aren't a keeper either for many women. This is reality. It's not harsh, it's not mean, it's just reality.

Dating again, learning to have fun, being able to move from one "not gonna last" relationship to another and another until you suddenly find yourself facing a keeper (and you're a keeper for her, too)... well, that's going to be a journey.

This journey starts with you calming down and settling into just being you for awhile.

Hey I'm sorry about your divorce with your wife but this new girl sounds very sweet and caring but I wouldn't want to let the relationship go toooo fast for you take it slow clam down for a while then when your eady to go back out there go I bet that u 2 would have a great relationship together.
But take things slow

Thanks for the help. I text her an invite to talk more and she agreed without any hard effort. I suggested just talking over drinks and talking over dinner, and she chose dinner where we had our first date... which I think is a good step in the right direction showing that she is willing to hear what I have to say and hopefully she slept on her decision and is willing to give me another chance with a relationship that isn't so serious. I would rather be in a slow paced relationship with her, than to let the 1 women I see growing old with slip away. Wish me luck, say a prayer, cross your fingers that dinner tonight will be helpful for her and I.

Thanks again. :)