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View Full Version : Friend or possible boyfriend? (a man's perspective would be nice)


sweetbttfly2005
Jun 12, 2008, 03:27 PM
OK. So, I work with this guy, and about February he started talking to me and what not. He asked me to to take down his number, I did. We went to the bar, and surprisingly, we got a long really well.
It is now 4 months later, and I have no idea where we stand. I have grown to really like this guy. Basically, we hang out at least once a week, if not more. We will either go to the bar, or he will come over and we will watch movies or our favorite show together. In our drunken episodes we have done some intimate things, but have not had sex. If I'm feeling down or upset, he will try to cheer me up.

However, I do not know if he is just a womanizer, really likes me, or looks at me as a really good friend with some benefits. He will tell me things that he tells no one else, and is always saying he values my opinion because I am his friend. All right, I'm being sporatic. Let me put it in a list for you.

Things he does to make me think that he likes me and maybe wants to be with me:
Hangs out with me
tells me I'm pretty
We will mess with each other. As in antagonize each other, wrestle around.
He tells me things he tells nobody else.
He asks who I'm dating, and tells me most of the time that the guy seems like a joke.
When I was dating a guy and it went sour, he came over and let me cry on his shoulder.
He sometimes holds my hand.. depends on the mood.
He will text me or call me real late at night wanting to talk, just because he's bored.
He will have me scratch his back and arms and legs, and in return will play with my hair.
He always says things like, "You know i love you baby," or "Come sit on my lap."
He will touch my boob when I get angry with him and says that I should feel better.
If we get in an argument, and he is a little more opinionated than he should be and I get angry, he apologizes later on and says that he values my friendship.
When we go to the bar, he always eggs me on to drink more, then I'm not able to drive home... so he takes me back to my place, we chill, then when I'm sober, he'll take me back to my car... at 9:00 in the morning. This has happened about 5 times. Or, if I'm able to drive, he will come over, and stay till about 5 or 6 in the morning. Then blames me for him being tired at work the next day.?
He will say little things like, "Me and you have really become close, I didn't expect that."

Things he does that makes me think that he's full of it and that we are just better off as friends:

He tells me about the hot girls he meets and what he would like to do to them.
He asked if we could have casual sex, (I said no, because I would get emotionally attatched.)
Said that he would, "Tag me" as in take me to bed without hesitation
He tells me about this girl that he really wants to be with, and If I ask about it he says it, I'm not going to try anymore with her, but if she came up to me I wouldn't turn her away.
One time I tried kissing him, ( I was really drunk), he said no, because he didn't want to ruin our friendship.
He will say things like, "you're going to make some guy really happy someday."
He says that I irritate him sometimes... (to be expected I suppose.)
He says that I'm one of his best friends

All right, So I am really confused. Not sure what this guy is wanting from me. I just need some sort of advice. The truth is, is that he has really grown on me and I could see us together. But, I don't know how to let him know this without actually telling him. If I knew he liked me then I would let him know how I feel, but since I don't, I don't want to say anything and make things awkward and possibly ruin our "friendship"!
Thanks in advance...

CheekyChop20
Jun 12, 2008, 03:50 PM
If I like a girl she sure gets to know about it. I think he sees you as a friend but would like some benefits thrown in for good measure. You should have this out with him - you have nothing to lose right?

JBeaucaire
Jun 12, 2008, 06:03 PM
Your confused because you want one thing and are acting like you don't want that one thing. You want to date one guy and be in serious relationship. Then you "fool around" with a male friend instead.

The confusion isn't coming from him, it's coming from you. Your story makes it clear he is a friend to you and is interesting in being friends with benefits. That's where he is. It's clear as day.

A guy is what he does, not what he says. This guy doesn't steer you away from other guys, but is there to reap the "consolation attention" when things are going badly for you. He does care about you, and would have a sexual relationship with you if you allowed it. But he's not interested in "dating you exlcusively" and you know that. This is all simple and clear, no confusion at all.

So the problem is you. If you want a boyfriend, go after one. That just means YOU actually pursuing guys you're interested in one at a time and no more "fiddling" with this guy, even a little, unless HE'S the one you're currently courting.

This should eliminate all future confusion.

f104
Jun 12, 2008, 07:32 PM
I would guess that he is not looking for a long term relationship with you. If, as you say you would get emotionally attached if you have sex with him then I would be careful. Sounds as though having sex with this guy could get you hurt. Overall I think he sounds like a bit of a creep.

NorthernNiceGuy
Jun 12, 2008, 09:56 PM
Sorry sweet,

The last few things on your list of things saying he doesn't want to be with you seems pretty clear. Yea he cares about you, but he rejected a kiss from you, and to me that speaks volumes. He's not into a relationship right now, sorry. I can see how you would get those feelings, doesn't really help that he acts like a boyfriend. There are obviously things that will give mixed messages, but several of his signals are clear enough that right now nothing is going to happen.

Guidostern
Jun 12, 2008, 10:08 PM
He definitely thinks of this as a friendship and nothing more at this point. I can promise you just like most of the others that have said... you would know it if he wanted you that way.

talaniman
Jun 13, 2008, 06:26 AM
You sound like great buddies, and since you work together, you better leave it at that.
Imagine if you will, having sex and getting disappointed that that's all he wants, and you wanted more. What would it do to your workplace? Can you deal with that?

So before you go further, think of what effect on your livelihood a relationship will have.

Tribune17
Jun 13, 2008, 07:55 AM
I think if you were going to get together totally it would have happened by now, above reponses make sense - there seems to be no spark, the word friend comes up a lot, that's what it is by the looks of it. If you like the situation stick with it if not move to next stage and tell him what you want expect.

He maybe wanting you by not showing much attention also so you want him more, just a theory but it has been known to work.