Hello,

I work with a guy who when I first started in the job I was seeing. It didn't work out at that time. But since then we have become friends and have gone out for drinks with each other from time to time. He has asked me back out a couple of times but then always seems to change his mind. As I work with him and see him on a daily basis I find it impossible to get him out of my head. Recently he asked me back out (he was drunk at the time) so I chose to ignore the question... Is it worth waiting around for him? Is there anything I can do that would help him make up his mind once and for all without letting on to him how I feel as I would die if he said he didn't want me and I had to face him in work? I would greatly appreicate some advice to this because the situation has been going on for months now!!

How are your job prospects in this field? I ask because work and relationship are huge cans of worms.

If you date, and it ends (95% all dating relationships end), how in the world will you face him every day? The forum here is full of people struggling horribly in this situation, the aftermath of failed workplace relationships.

It's NOT worth putting anything in your life on hold waiting for anyone, too. I recently answered a similar post like this:

"You like him. He DOESN't like you (that way). Now you want to know if you should avoid dating others on the off chance he will randomly change his mind some point in the future?" No, that doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

Don't wait for this guy, don't risk your workplace peace. Your bills need to get paid, your career should be ENJOYABLE, every day you look forward to your accomplishments at work, not freaking out over failing/failed exes.

Life can be so much simpler.

As JB said, its very difficult managing those workplace relationships, and as you have found out, he will be around whether your dating or not. End this and keep your job, without any complications, or there will be a lot of hurt feelings, at the place you depend on to live, and pay bills.

If you think he will come around to your way of thinking, think again.

No easy answer.

Having dated in the workplace I can tell you when it crashes and burns it can be very uncomfortable. And then again, I met my wife in the workplace... since she was in a supervisory position in another department when it looked like things were going to be serious I quit my job. There was another opportunity for a career move, I was ready for one, and it helped our relationship.

And I'm one to generally say don't do that... don't alter your job or life around for a "maybe"...

So... he might be interested. He might be intimidated by the problems that come with breakups in the workplace, etc. he might not be a "chaser".

If you don't have the freedoms to engage this relationship openly and without consequences either change your situation or move your interest elsewhere. At the very least, it sounds like you'd have to make the first moves to give him a green light.

And understand you are always going to be around people you are attracted to. I'm in a solid marriage, but my wife and I both have people we are in contact with who we find attractive and interesting. Just a part of the human condition.