I have very strong feelings for this guy... he's one of my best friends, and we're really really close, I've been in love with him for almost a year now.
The summer I started to like him, I broke up with my boyfriend because I felt unfaithful liking someone else at the same time. Me and my ex never got back together again.

One of my friends told him about my feelings for him last year, but he simply joked about it being cute and really said nothing else about it.

I made a promise to a friend of mine we'd both express our feelings/ask out the people we like by the end of the summer, and he's been single for about a year now too.

The problem remains that I'm unsure whether he likes me back or not.. and we have a 7 to 8 year age difference. It doesn't bother me... but I feel like it'd bother him and that he only really sees me as a kid.

But I really want to try asking for a chance... any advice about it? Whether I should ask or not?

[Also, if I do, I want to pick a good day to do it. I couldn't find a board that relates to Astrology, but if anyone knows, I'm a Libra and he's a Gemini. Doesn't anyone know possibly when would be the best day to do it under astrological influence.. ]

P.S- An important piece of info possibly, we only know each other online. So it'd be long-distance.

Well what are the ages, if you are 18 and they are 10 yes that is a issue.
I am saying this since it sounds somewhat like a teen post "loving" someone you have not dated and having friends tell them.

Actual ages will help.

My advice is to leave the internet dating alone.

It is a fantasy, not a reality.

You have no idea who this person is you have been talking to. It could be a woman. It could be a 70 year old pervert, you have no way of knowing.

You are not in love with "someone", you are infatuated with what someone has typed into a computer screen.

Find real guys, in person, in the area where you can actually get to know them and date them.

You will have enough hurt and disappointment in your dating life, without adding more with this internet dating crap.

Well what are the ages, if you are 18 and they are 10 yes that is a issue.
I am saying this since it sounds somewhat like a teen post "loving" someone you have not dated and having friends tell them.

Actual ages will help.

I'm 14, turning 15 soon. He turned 22 just a week or so ago.

And, I know that usually teenagers haven't a clue what real "Love" is. But I must stress the fact that I am not one to wear my heart on my sleeve, and I really put a LOT of emphesis on the word. I'm not one for levity with that subject.

My advice is to leave the internet dating alone.

It is a fantasy, not a reality.

You have no idea who this person is you have been talking to. It could be a woman. It could be a 70 year old pervert, you have no way of knowing.

You are not in love with "someone", you are infatuated with what someone has typed into a computer screen.

Find real guys, in person, in the area where you can actually get to know them and date them.

You will have enough hurt and disappointment in your dating life, without adding more with this internet dating crap.

>_>; I've dated online before. And I can tell the difference between an internet stalker and a real person. I know who he is, have proof of it too.
And I can't really go "Find" people to date. When I get feelings, I get feelings. I'm not into the whole 'Go have small-talk with that guy from the party and see where it goes', type of thing.

No, anyone in their 20's wanting to date a 14 year old is a stalker or worst. And yes I know at 14/15 you will be getting feelings, and these will grow and mature over the next 5 and 6 years.

But no, this relationship is wrong in every way I could even conceive

no, anyone in their 20's wanting to date a 14 year old is a stalker or worst. and yes I know at 14/15 you will be getting feelings, and these will grow and mature over the next 5 and 6 years.

But no, this relationship is wrong in every way I could even concieve

>__> Thanks...

Would it be "Wrong in every way" If I was 20 and he was 27?

No, so if you want to wait 5 or 6 years, but that does not justify a chlld being with a grown man, I would hope your parents would put a stop to it before it even got started.

>_>; I've dated online before. And I can tell the difference between an internet stalker and a real person. I know who he is, have proof of it too.
And I can't really go "Find" people to date. When I get feelings, I get feelings. I'm not into the whole 'Go have small-talk with that guy from the party and see where it goes', type of thing.

Sorry, I didn't realize at 14 that you were an expert on internet dating, my mistake.

I would be interested in what "proof" you have received?

And of course at 14, dating should not be going much of any "place" either. Now should it be much of a party except for teen parties.

I am sorry if I sound blunt but this is so obvous it is jumpint out and yelling.

Sorry, I didn't realize at 14 that you were an expert on internet dating, my mistake.

I would be interested in what "proof" you have received?

I know many of his friends (And not able to be him on other screen names, because in chats they all talk at the same time), I've seen multiple pictures that have also been proofed by some of his friends, and I've been cam to cam with him.

That's some of the most prominent proof.

And of course at 14, dating should not be going much of any "place" either. Now should it be much of a party except for teen parties.

I am sorry if I sound blunt but this is so obvous it is jumpint out and yelling.

It's fine. Of course I'm not going to agree with every reply... but if all I do is listen to the sorts of replies I want to hear, that'd be sort've missing the point of asking now wouldn't it? So, I do respect your opinion.

All due respect, but the worse part of this on line dating is you build up a lot of feelings, without the benefit of information, you can only get face to face. Given your age, your experience handling your own feelings is suspect, no matter how mature you may be.
As he talks to you, he may be talking to others the same way, and you would never know, and never know how he really lives his daily life, and with whom.
To answer your question directly, why would a grown man take a chance of going to jail, by pursuing a relationship with a CHILD. No disrespect, but 14, no matter how mature you sound, is not an ideal situation for a MAN.

I must admit, I was surprised to read that you are 14. You have a very good head on your shoulders and are very well-spoken... I'd even say that yes, you are mature for your age - judging from your post.

These are all very good things and are a huge testament to you as a person, but they don't change the fact that you are 14. From reading your original post, I formed the opinion that you were in your 20's and he was in his late 20's/early 30's. In that case (that age difference), age is not so much an issue.

BUT (and that's a big "but), you ARE 14 and no, that is not acceptable. You are very mature for your age, but under no circumstances is it acceptable for a 20 year old to even entertain thoughts of dating a 14 year old girl.

No circumstances.

So sweetie, use that awesome personality you have to get to know the guys in your class, at your church, in your community. Don't focus on older men online - because like Fr_Chuck said, you honestly do not know if the man that you "love" is the man that is corresponding with you. You can do ANYTHING online these days.

Protect yourself. Protect your childhood. Get into drama/theatre. Focus on your studies. You'll find that white knight one day; don't wish away your precious school days.

Can we assume that he knows how old you really are? Because if he does, you need to end this right away. A 22 yr old should not be camming with a 14 yr old. Its one thing to participate in chats but camming goes too far in my opinion.

While I agree with HistorianChick, that you are well spoken and appear mature for 14, you still are only 14. And there is a big difference between 14 and 22. Too big for a relationship now. An 8 year difference doesn't mean much when both are adults but when one is a minor, its very wrong.

Can we assume that he knows how old you really are? Because if he does, you need to end this right away. A 22 yr old should not be camming with a 14 yr old. Its one thing to participate in chats but camming goes too far in my opinion.

While I agree with HistorianChick, that you are well spoken and appear mature for 14, you still are only 14. And there is a big difference between 14 and 22. Too big for a relationship now. An 8 year difference doens't mean much when both are adults but when one is a minor, its very wrong.

What's wrong with camming? o_o We don't do anything pervy. It's juse like talking on the phone.

Thank you all for your responses, by the way.

What's wrong with camming IN YOUR CASE is that a 22 yr old should not be having a personal relationship with a 14 yr old. I'm not saying you did anything that you shouldn't, but a 22 yr old should know that he risks problems in such a case. It's one thing to chat in a group, but when it goes one on one, alarms bells go off.

What's wrong with camming IN YOUR CASE is that a 22 yr old should not be having a personal relationship with a 14 yr old. I'm not saying you did anything that you shouldn't, but a 22 yr old should know that he risks problems in such a case. It's one thing to chat in a group, but when it goes one on one, alarms bells go off.

o_o
I'm sorry, I really don't know what you mean.
Of course we talk one on one,
He's one of my best friends. >_>
Nobody risks anything by having friends.

I have very strong feelings for this guy...he's one of my best friends, and we're really really close, I've been in love with him for almost a year now.
The summer I started to like him, I broke up with my boyfriend because I felt unfaithful liking someone else at the same time. Me and my ex never got back together again.

One of my friends told him about my feelings for him last year, but he simply joked about it being cute and really said nothing else about it.

I made a promise to a friend of mine we'd both express our feelings/ask out the people we like by the end of the summer, and he's been single for about a year now too.

The problem remains that I'm unsure whether he likes me back or not.. and we have a 7 to 8 year age difference. It doesn't bother me... but I feel like it'd bother him and that he only really sees me as a kid.

But I really wanna try asking for a chance... any advice about it? Whether I should ask or not?

[Also, if I do, I wanna pick a good day to do it. I couldn't find a board that relates to Astrology, but if anyone knows, I'm a Libra and he's a Gemini. Doesn anyone know possibly when would be the best day to do it under astrological influence..?]

P.S- An important peice of info possibly, we only know eachother online. So it'd be long-distance.
Well it depends on the people, how mature they are how independent they are, and the ages. If the youngest age is about 17/18 and then like 7 years older than that, IF you are read for it, then go for it. I am in a relationship with a man that is 6 years older than me, but I am very mature for my age and mentally it seems that we are the same, there is no difference in how we think or act, and we have been together for a few years now and things are going great, we are getting married. So basically I think that it depends on the situation and the people.

14 and 22, AND long distance is not a practical relationship at all.

I am 16. My girlfriends ex is 20. My girlfriend is 16. Even that 4 year difference is pretty big. She is in grade 10 of high school, he is in 3rd year of university. The relationship didn't last.

The 20 year old guy wanted a family, marriage, and a life after he graduates university. The 16 year old girl wanted some fun, and a supportive, maybe high school sweetheart style boyfriend. This difference in needs caused them to break up.

I can assure that the same will happen to you. He will want many different things than you out of the relationship, like sex. You at 14 and him at 22... I'm assuming he has a different mind than you, and different goals. The guy is a creep in the first place to be preying on 14 year olds over the internet.

If you two can have any relationship whatsoever, it would be a "big brother" "little sister" relationship. But if he wants anything more, get away from him.

I wouldn't even support you talking to this guy over the internet as friends. He is a creep, and in my opinion, you should stay away from him.

o_o
I'm sorry, I really don't know what you mean.
Of course we talk one on one,
He's one of my best friends. >_>
Nobody risks anything by having friends.

It is highly unusual and very suspicious for a 22 yr old male to be a best friend to a 14 yr old female. I'm sorry if you don't accept or believe that, but its true. Its bad enough that the relationship exists online, but to take it into the real world would be a big mistake. A 22 yr old and a 14 yr old are at vastly different stages of their lives with very different interests.

>_>; I've dated online before. And I can tell the difference between an internet stalker and a real person. I know who he is, have proof of it too.
And I can't really go "Find" people to date. When I get feelings, I get feelings. I'm not into the whole 'Go have small-talk with that guy from the party and see where it goes', type of thing.


Certainly - would you share how you know the difference between stalkers and real people? It's a real problem in my area and I don't have the answer.

well it depends on the people, how mature they are how independent they are, and the ages. if the youngest age is about 17/18 and then like 7 years older than that, IF you are read for it, then go for it. i am in a relationship with a man that is 6 years older than me, but i am very mature for my age and mentally it seems that we are the same, there is no difference in how we think or act, and we have been together for a few years now and things are going great, we are getting married. so basically i think that it depends on the situation and the people.


I have read your other posts and don't necessarily think you are very mature - before you marry you should turn yourself in on the outstanding warrant or your boyfriend is going to be raked over the coals by law enforcement.

14 and 22, AND long distance is not a practical relationship at all.

I am 16. My girlfriends ex is 20. My girlfriend is 16. Even that 4 year difference is pretty big. She is in grade 10 of highschool, he is in 3rd year of university. The relationship didn't last.

The 20 year old guy wanted a family, marriage, and a life after he graduates university. The 16 year old girl wanted some fun, and a supportive, maybe highschool sweetheart style boyfriend. This difference in needs caused them to break up.

I can assure that the same will happen to you. He will want many different things than you out of the relationship, like sex. You at 14 and him at 22... I'm assuming he has a different mind than you, and different goals. The guy is a creep in the first place to be preying on 14 year olds over the internet.

If you two can have any relationship whatsoever, it would be a "big brother" "little sister" relationship. But if he wants anything more, get away from him.

I wouldn't even support you talking to this guy over the internet as friends. He is a creep, and in my opinion, you should stay away from him.

Why did you assume he's "Preying" on 14 year old girls? He doesn't want anything LIKE that. He's not a stalker. And I don't appreciate you calling my best friend a creep!
By the way, I don't talk to mindless perverts who only expect sex out of relationship, mind you. And I'm not the sort of person that only looks for fun in a relationship. Love is much more important than the highschool-sweetheart sort of deal.

Certainly - would you share how you know the difference between stalkers and real people? It's a real problem in my area and I don't have the answer.

Stalkers ask personal questions, never have pictures, never tell you about their friends, say perverted things, ask for your number... a number of qualities.

Real people have proofed friends, have a realistic non-personal life-probing personality, just basically the opposite of the stalker traits.

Allright, I don't want anymore answers to this original post.

(Does anyone know how to delete questions?)

Nobodie's helped, and most of the people who did answer have proven to assume all the wrong things.

End question.

Why did you assume he's "Preying" on 14 year old girls? He doesn't want anything LIKE that. He's not a stalker. And I don't appreciate you calling my best friend a creep!
By the way, I don't talk to mindless perverts who only expect sex out of relationship, mind you. And i'm not the sort of person that only looks for fun in a relationship. Love is much more important than the highschool-sweetheart sort of deal.

You are 14. I don't think you even know what a mature, true love kind of relationship is. I understand why you are mad. You probably came to this site here looking for advice on how to ask this guy to be your boyfriend. You wanted support, and things like that. Instead, you got the truth.

Bottom line, you are 14 and are not mature. You think you know everything, you think you are an expert in everything. You know all. You are invincible. Everybody else is wrong. That is the kind of attitude that is scaring me. One day, if you continue meeting guys on the internet, you are going to make a mistake in your judgement. There is the possibility for tragedy here. I don't think you understand the risk you are taking. You are best to meet guys your own age, NOT 22!

You can be mad at me, I don't really care. However, what I do care about is you becoming the victim of an online predator.

If this guy is as you say, that he is NOT a creep, then he won't want to have a romantic relationship with you. If he is a respectable, decent person, he would pursue a brother-sister FRIENDSHIP style of relationship and NOTHING MORE. If this guy accepts anything more than friendship, HE IS A CREEP! I know you don't want to hear it, but trust me, ITS TRUE!

So, my advice would be as follows:
- ask the guy what kind of relationship he is looking for with you
-If he says he wants to be friends, and a brother-sister thing, okay
-If he says he wants to be romantic and be your boyfriend, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM!

I am not even sure you should stay around if he says he just wants to be friends. He could be manipulating you, and you don't even know it. So, basically, my overall advice to you would be to break all contact with this guy. Stop meeting guys over the internet. Start meeting guys your own age, or at least within reason.

-Jay


P.S, I know that what I am saying is going to piss you off, but it has to be said. For the other people on this thread... Am I the only one who feels this way about this situation?

Allright, I don't want anymore answers to this orginal post.

(Does anyone know how to delete questions?)

Nobodie's helped, and most of the people who did answer have proven to assume all the wrong things.

End question.

I'm sorry you feel this way. But everybody has helped, you just can't see it.
I hope you make the right decision here.

You are 14. I don't think you even know what a mature, true love kind of relationship is. I understand why you are mad. You probably came to this site here looking for advice on how to ask this guy to be your boyfriend. You wanted support, and things like that. Instead, you got the truth.

Bottom line, you are 14 and are not mature. You think you know everything, you think you are an expert in everything. You know all. You are invincible. Everybody else is wrong. That is the kind of attitude that is scaring me. One day, if you continue meeting guys on the internet, you are going to make a mistake in your judgement. There is the possibility for tragedy here. I don't think you understand the risk you are taking. You are best to meet guys your own age, NOT 22!

You can be mad at me, I don't really care. However, what I do care about is you becoming the victim of an online predator.

If this guy is as you say, that he is NOT a creep, then he won't want to have a romantic relationship with you. If he is a respectable, decent person, he would persue a brother-sister FRIENDSHIP style of relationship and NOTHING MORE. If this guy accepts anything more than friendship, HE IS A CREEP! I know you don't want to hear it, but trust me, ITS TRUE!

So, my advice would be as follows:
- ask the guy what kind of relationship he is looking for with you
-If he says he wants to be friends, and a brother-sister thing, okay
-If he says he wants to be romantic and be your boyfriend, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM!

I am not even sure you should stay around if he says he just wants to be friends. He could be manipulating you, and you don't even know it. So, basically, my overall advice to you would be to break all contact with this guy. Stop meeting guys over the internet. Start meeting guys your own age, or at least within reason.

-Jay


P.S, I know that what I am saying is going to piss you off, but it has to be said. For the other people on this thread... Am I the only one who feels this way about this situation?

I tried not to come off as that way, sorry that I did; No, I don't think I know everything and I know I'm just a 14 year old kid, and I could understand why you'd think that's how I feel.
But believe me when I say that no, I don't think I'm an expert, etcetera.

I didn't expect every response to be supportive, but I also didn't expect to have my feelings ridiculed, of sorts, by most of them either. (Not you personally, by the way.)


I can't help who I meet, I use the computer a lot, and I socialize via MMORPGS and other sorts. I'm going to make friends with people online. I can't choose who I fall for, and I don't personally like the fact it always ends up being someone out of reason.

Perhaps when I'm older it will be easier, because it tends to be I fall for the more mature types, (Who of course tend to be older), rather than most of the perverted teenage population at my school.


Thank you for your advice and your opinion.

Sorry if I came across as a jerk, but the reason I do that is because I care. The reason everybody here speaks up this way is because they care.
The reality is, is that there are thousands of teens who are preyed on every day. You can't blame us for looking at the situation the way we do.

I think you need to look at this situation though. Find out what he wants. If he wants more, I strongly recommend you break contact with him. But really think, he is 22. You are 14. Sorry, but it just isn't practical.

And I know that you can't choose who you fall for, but maturing involves making smart decisions, and good choices. You need to start thinking with your head, and not with your heart. Love isn't the only part of a relationship.

The internet is great thing. It provides us with a resource to research projects for school. It allows us to communicate, and to socialize. It also makes us vulnerable to many bad people, including online predators.

So, I hope you make a smart decision based on our advice, and on your own thoughts and expirience. Let me know what you choose to do. I will stop trying to convince you to think the way I do, sorry for doing that. But, you know how I feel, and my thoughts on your situation. So good luck with this, and I hope you make a good, responsible, mature decision.

No hard feelings right?

It is highly unusual and very suspicious for a 22 yr old male to be a best friend to a 14 yr old female. I'm sorry if you don't accept or believe that, but its true. Its bad enough that the relationship exists online, but to take it into the real world would be a big mistake. A 22 yr old and a 14 yr old are at vastly different stages of their lives with very different interests.

How is that supicious? I'M not HIS best friend really, but I consider him one of mine.
If we were that vastly different anyway, we wouldn't be friends.
Honestly I'd have to say we're pretty much the same at Mental Level.

Sorry if I came across as a jerk, but the reason I do that is because I care. The reason everybody here speaks up this way is becasue they care.
The reality is, is that there are thousands of teens who are preyed on every day. You can't blame us for looking at the situation the way we do.

I think you need to look at this situation though. Find out what he wants. If he wants more, I strongly recommend you break contact with him. But really think, he is 22. You are 14. Sorry, but it just isn't practical.

And I know that you can't choose who you fall for, but maturing involves making smart decisions, and good choices. You need to start thinking with your head, and not with your heart. Love isn't the only part of a relationship.

The internet is great thing. It provides us with a resource to research projects for school. It allows us to communicate, and to socialize. It also makes us vulnerable to many bad people, including online predators.

So, I hope you make a smart decision based on our advice, and on your own thoughts and expirience. Let me know what you choose to do. I will stop trying to convince you to think the way I do, sorry for doing that. But, you know how I feel, and my thoughts on your situation. So good luck with this, and I hope you make a good, responsible, mature decision.

No hard feelings right?

Of course, thank you very much. =]

Hi Kaege.
I like the way so many people have assumed an online friendship = stalker... good to know people have so much faith in the world. :P
I've had friendships over the internet too, and they can definitely be real. But they can also be misleading. People are inclined to sound very different online because, not being face-to-face, they can be more open. They also get to consider their wording before typing it, and avoid spontaneity. I'd advise anyone with feelings for an online friend to at least meet them in person before trying to get into a relationship.

The age gap is an issue. No matter how mature you are, you're at very different stages in your life. And as nice and harmless as he seems, he's 22, so probably wants sex out of a relationship. Which, at 22 is perfectly reasonable. But at 14 isn't. You want a high school romance, he wants an adult relationship.
He might like you, even respect you, but chances are he DOES see you as a child in many ways.
Maybe in a few years the age gap won't be an issue. But at the moment it probably is.

Kal

No I think your too young you might get hurt but if you really feel like you should d this and you know in your hear you should then take a risk but I'm just saying it won't turn out good mabye when your like 22 and he's 29 that woud be OK but 14 and 22... no

Sorry if I came across as a jerk, but the reason I do that is because I care. The reason everybody here speaks up this way is becasue they care.
The reality is, is that there are thousands of teens who are preyed on every day. You can't blame us for looking at the situation the way we do.

....
No hard feelings right?

You did NOT come across as a jerk. Your posts here have been right on the money.


How is that supicious? I'M not HIS best friend really, but I consider him one of mine.
If we were that vastly different anyways, we wouldn't be friends.
Honestly I'd have to say we're pretty much the same at Mental Level.

That's the point you refuse to accept and understand. If you think a 14 yr old girl and 22 yr old man are on the same level, then your judgement is impaired and you are deluding yourself.

I'm sorry if you think this is ridiculing your feelings, but those of use who are mature, who have epxerience and who care about you, know you need to be told the truth. Even if you refuse to accept it.


Allright, I don't want anymore answers to this orginal post.

(Does anyone know how to delete questions?)

Nobodie's helped, and most of the people who did answer have proven to assume all the wrong things.

End question.

This is an example of how you need some more maturing. You don't like what you hear so "Nobody helped". You ignore the fact that we have all expressed concern for you. You may not feel that concern is well placed, but that's what has motivated us.

You did NOT come across as a jerk. Your posts here have been right on the money.

Thanks, That's what I thought. I just needed to hear that I was right from some other people. I was just doubting myself. I just thought I might be a little hard here. Now that I think about it again, she does need a talking good to.

The fact that she won't listen to ANY of us here does show her immaturity, and it really is too bad that she would ignore us like she is doing.

I hope she does come back, and continues to 'argue' with us, for lack of a better word, and she maybe will see the light one day. That 22 year olds shouldn't date 14 year olds. There are laws in place to prevent this, and those laws are there for a reason. Even 18 would be illegal.

I just think that if she isn't going to come back, and talk to us, that we have to hope for the best. Maybe she will make her mistake. Maybe she will learn from it. She has the final decision, and if she refuses to listen, all we can really do is hope for the best...
__________________

At one point, she said that they are at the same mental and emotional level, and that is suspicious for a 22 year old, like ScottGem said. For him to even say that he has the same interests as this child is suspicious.

I stick to my opinion that Kaege should get away from this guy and cut all communication with him. She should stop meeting people online immediately. She should start thinking with her head, not her heart. Be realistic. Meet guys her own age.

Thanks, Thats what I thought. I just needed to hear that I was right from some other people. I was just doubting myself. I just thought I might be a little hard here. Now that I think about it again, she does need a talking good to.

The fact that she won't listen to ANY of us here does show her immaturity, and it really is too bad that she would ignore us like she is doing.

I hope she does come back, and continues to 'argue' with us, for lack of a better word, and she maybe will see the light one day. That 22 year olds shouldn't date 14 year olds. There are laws in place to prevent this, and those laws are there for a reason. Even 18 would be illegal.

I just think that if she isn't going to come back, and talk to us, that we have to hope for the best. Maybe she will make her mistake. Maybe she will learn from it. She has the final decision, and if she refuses to listen, all we can really do is hope for the best...
__________________

At one point, she said that they are at the same mental and emotional level, and that is suspicious for a 22 year old, like ScottGem said. For him to even say that he has the same interests as this child is suspicious.

I stick to my opinion that Kaege should get away from this guy and cut all communication with him. She should stop meeting people online immediatly. She should start thinking with her head, not her heart. Be realistic. Meet guys her own age.

We both like to roleplay, we both enjoy the arts, and we both love anime. Having the same interests or hobbies isn't anything supicious.

Relationship issue aside, now you're questioning our very friendship?
I see absolutely no reason why I should just go and drop everything because of our age.


Also I didn't say that I wasn't listening, I AM listening. I guess I can't change the fact I'm coming off as immature.
But this post has gone from A relationship is out of the question, to My friend is a creep and any sort of communication is suspicious or wrong.

I asked for help on whether I should pursue what would make me happy or not,
Not for my friends to be basically insulted.

Most everyone has said the same thing, so please, for sake of my climbing stress level, I'd appreciate if the 'arguing' is over.

I apologize.

You did NOT come across as a jerk. Your posts here have been right on the money.



That's the point you refuse to accept and understand. If you think a 14 yr old girl and 22 yr old man are on the same level, then your judgement is impaired and you are deluding yourself.

I'm sorry if you think this is ridiculing your feelings, but those of use who are mature, who have epxerience and who care about you, know you need to be told the truth. Even if you refuse to accept it.



This is an example of how you need some more maturing. You don't like what you hear so "Nobody helped". You ignore the fact that we have all expressed concern for you. You may not feel that concern is well placed, but that's what has motivated us.

I did not ignore that fact.

And I realize I cannot express or show any real detail to the reality of our friendship, thus it's easy to see why you all are so suspicious of it.

I guess this defeats the point of asking in the first place, but I don't think you can rightfully say you have real concern for me. I'm just a stranger.

Hi Kaege.
I like the way so many people have assumed an online friendship = stalker... good to know people have so much faith in the world. :P
I've had friendships over the internet too, and they can definitely be real. But they can also be misleading. People are inclined to sound very different online because, not being face-to-face, they can be more open. They also get to consider their wording before typing it, and avoid spontaneity. I'd advise anyone with feelings for an online friend to at least meet them in person before trying to get into a relationship.

The age gap is an issue. No matter how mature you are, you're at very different stages in your life. And as nice and harmless as he seems, he's 22, so probably wants sex out of a relationship. Which, at 22 is perfectly reasonable. But at 14 isn't. You want a highschool romance, he wants an adult relationship.
He might like you, even respect you, but chances are he DOES see you as a child in many ways.
Maybe in a few years the age gap won't be an issue. But at the moment it probably is.

Kal

Mm, that is true.
I suppose waiting is mandatory, or perhaps trying again to get over it.

Thank you for your reply.

Hi Kaege

this is a tricky situation to be in,I have read the question and all the previous posts and yes they are saying basically the same thing... LEAVE HIM ALONE... I'm inclined to agree with them, at the same time I can see where your coming from.

The main problem obviously is your age, 14 is very young and your hormones will be running riot at this stage in your life, that's not to say what your feeling isn't real, I'm sure it is, I remember a similar thing at that age, only the age gap was at least 30 years, a definite no, plus they were married, a double no, trouble is it doesn't stop the way you feel, as time went by I realized that the attention and kindness that was shown to me was also shown to many other people, it was just the way this person was, I then realized that I wasn't special after all and cried for days.

This person never ever new how I'd felt about them,which allowed us to remain friends to this very day.

What bothers me about your friend ,is the fact that when he was told of your feelings for him, his reply was... how cute... which implies that this is some sort of school girl crush and a big boost to his ego.

I'm so sorry Kaege I've no wish to hurt your feelings but think about it just for a moment, if someone had said the same to you and you were interested, what's the first thing you would do... well, you'd do the same as anyone else and contact them straight away and arrange to meet or something.

This says to me that he thinks of you as a friend, some one to chat to online ,maybe share opinions or have a discussion with, someone he values as a friend whom he wouldn't want to loose should the relationship develop into something else.

If I were you Kaege I'd enjoy each others friendship, you can always say your friend was having a joke or something like that to cover what's been said, I'm sure eventually things will return to normal and you'll still be the best of friends with out the complications.

I'm not going to repeat what the previous posts have warned you about, you seem a very sensible girl and I'm sure you've taken all of the advice on board...

You are a Libra, so am I, Gemini is suppose to be a match for librans, but take note: my other half was a gemini who after 20 years of marriage I plucked up the courage to devorce for CRUELTY... so please don't go by the stars.

Your young and the world is your oyster, when the time is right some dashing young man will sweep you off your feet and spoil you for the lovely person that you obviously are, don't settle for second best...

I have tried to give you a balanced view I hope this has helped.

Takecare

Stalkers ask personal questions, never have pictures, never tell you about their friends, say perverted things, ask for your number... a number of qualities.

Real people have proofed friends, have a realistic non-personal life-probing personality, just basically the opposite of the stalker traits.


You just described the traits of a "professional," seasoned stalker. It's the slow, gradual gaining of trust.

I can understand what you see in him - he's an older man, all of that; what do you think he sees in you?

A grown man and a girl in (possibly) middle school or high school?

And where are your parents?

Thanks, Thats what I thought. I just needed to hear that I was right from some other people. I was just doubting myself. I just thought I might be a little hard here. Now that I think about it again, she does need a talking good to.

The fact that she won't listen to ANY of us here does show her immaturity, and it really is too bad that she would ignore us like she is doing.

I hope she does come back, and continues to 'argue' with us, for lack of a better word, and she maybe will see the light one day. That 22 year olds shouldn't date 14 year olds. There are laws in place to prevent this, and those laws are there for a reason. Even 18 would be illegal.

I just think that if she isn't going to come back, and talk to us, that we have to hope for the best. Maybe she will make her mistake. Maybe she will learn from it. She has the final decision, and if she refuses to listen, all we can really do is hope for the best...
__________________

At one point, she said that they are at the same mental and emotional level, and that is suspicious for a 22 year old, like ScottGem said. For him to even say that he has the same interests as this child is suspicious.

I stick to my opinion that Kaege should get away from this guy and cut all communication with him. She should stop meeting people online immediatly. She should start thinking with her head, not her heart. Be realistic. Meet guys her own age.



Where are her parents in this scenario? That's what scares me - apparently absolutely no supervision over the past year.

Where are her parents in this scenario? That's what scares me - apparently absolutely no supervision over the past year.

My mother is completely aware that I have friends of his age, and older.

You just described the traits of a "professional," seasoned stalker. It's the slow, gradual gaining of trust.

I can understand what you see in him - he's an older man, all of that; what do you think he sees in you?

A grown man and a girl in (possibly) middle school or high school?

And where are your parents?

... That is a good point. I can't think of absolutely anything that anyone would see in me.

My mother is completely aware that I have friends of his age, and older.

And why is she not grounding or stoping it, parents who allow things like this are not doing their job and part if not the main part of the problem, a good parent would have never allowed this if they were aware

And why is she not grounding or stoping it, parents who allow things like this are not doing thier job and part if not the main part of the problem, a good parent would have never allowed this if they were aware

Because my mother knows that I don't make friends with the wrong kinds of people. o_o
And my mother IS a good parent.

From the way you talk about discussing your feelings I am guessing that you are in high school and the person you are attracted to is in his late 20's. Of course he will see you as a child. You still are one. Of course you are very strongly attracted to him, he is mature and has a different approach to the world than your peers. Should you ask him out ? I don't think that's a great idea right now. Give it until you graduate at least.

From the way you talk about discussing your feelings I am guessing that you are in high school and the person you are attracted to is in his late 20's.
She has already mentioned that she is 14, and the guy in question is 22.

You say that you have a lot of expirience with meeting people online... I'm just curious as to what expirience you have. Is it meeting friends, or have you have long distance relationships over the internet before? Also, what is your history with dating?
Have you ever gone to meet somebody in real life that you met online?
And do you know the risks you are taking with trusting those you meet online as much as you do?

I'm just curious because at 14, I can't understand how you can have all this expirience. Maybe you can prove me wrong though, I won't assume anything here. All people and situations are unique, and I think if you provide me/us with more information, we can provide more accurate advice.

... That is a good point. I can't think of absolutely anything that anyone would see in me.
I'm sure you have a lot going for you. You express yourself well, and from what you've said you have a wide range of interests. I'm sure the comment wasn't meant to imply that nobody could find you attractive, just that you're at different levels, so he wouldn't think about you in that way.

And please, having an online crush is NOT a sign of bad parenting. I'm not sure how people have made that jump.

Kal

And please, having an online crush is NOT a sign of bad parenting. I'm not sure how people have made that jump.

Having an online crush is NOT a sign of bad parenting. However, parents letting their 14 year old date a 22 year old online is a sign of bad parenting. Parents should be protective, and should have no tolerance for who she meets online. With the thousands of online predators out there, the chances of this girl running into one are HIGH!
There is nothing wrong with an online crush. There is something wrong with a 14 year old and a 22 year old having a romantic relationship over the net.

From what it sounds, Kaege's parents don't sound to involved or aware of what Kaege is doing online. If they were good parents, they would be much more involved and protective.

And Kaege, don't take this as a personal attack, it's just my opinion.

I'm sure you have a lot going for you. You express yourself well, and from what you've said you have a wide range of interests. I'm sure the comment wasn't meant to imply that nobody could find you attractive, just that you're at different levels, so he wouldn't think about you in that way.

I agree with Kal here. You probably do have a lot to offer. You are probably a beautiful, smart, girl, and any guy (your age) would be lucky to have you. A 22 year old is probably looking for a different kind of relationship, and you may not have much to offer him.
You'd be better off having a relationship with someone your own age, and at your 'level.'

Having an online crush is NOT a sign of bad parenting. However, parents letting their 14 year old date a 22 year old online is a sign of bad parenting. Parents should be protective, and should have no tolerence for who she meets online.

Fair enough that parents should be protective. But think about it from where they currently stand. From their point of view, she has an older online friend. They're not dating, they just talk. I don't see why a parent would have to be concerned at this stage.

And at that age I'd have been furious if my parents had started monitoring my online conversations, because it's invasive. She's already said her parents are aware that she has older friends.

Be cautious... but sometimes people overreact with these things.

Kal

It is tricky with these situations...
When does it get too invasive? Where do we draw the line?
The way I look at it is better safe than sorry.
We have a disagreement on 'parenting,' and that's okay. I am not going to try to force my views on you.

What we need to do is help this girl, and try to make sure she makes the right decision.

And back on that situation, I think he only sees Kaege as a kid anyway. Kaege says it herself in the first post. I don't think the guy wants to pursue a romantic relationship with this girl. BUT, if he does, I would watch out for the guy.

II don't think you can rightfully say you have real concern for me. I'm just a stranger.

And this, I'm sorry to say, is another sign of your inexperience if not immaturity. To assume that we can't care about someone because they are a stranger negates the whole concept of sites like this. It also indicates a very self centered attitude.

To assume that we can't care about someone because they are a stranger negates the whole concept of sites like this. It also indicates a very self centered attitude.

It's true. Most people came to this site in the first place because we trusted that strangers can care... I'd assume that's why you came too.
Don't doubt that we care just because we've never met. The fact that I know you exist makes me care about you.

Kal

Because my mother knows that I don't make friends with the wrong kinds of people. o_o
And my mother IS a good parent.


No father in the picture - ?

... That is a good point. I can't think of absolutely anything that anyone would see in me.



Passive aggressive is a definite sign of immaturity -

I am beginning to understand your on line "relationship" less and less -

I'm sure you have a lot going for you. You express yourself well, and from what you've said you have a wide range of interests. I'm sure the comment wasn't meant to imply that nobody could find you attractive, just that you're at different levels, so he wouldn't think about you in that way.

And please, having an online crush is NOT a sign of bad parenting. I'm not sure how people have made that jump.

Kal


Going to combine answers here -

Before you criticize my earlier post - (I guess I'm "the people" who made that jump) I wonder what the mother's involvement is here? Has she seen/read e-mails and I-mails back and forth? Is she aware of this "relationship?" What does she know about the "boy?" Kids have crushes on teachers and neighbors and who knows who else all the time - I am talking about an on-line relationship at 14 and 22.

You have also posted that if your parents monitored your phone conversations when you were 14 you would consider it an invasion of your privacy. I'd be curious to see how others feel about that - I don't think your parental responsibility ends when a child is 14 and the need to supervise and direct continues and continues and continues. In my opinon, when the child is 14 the parent is still the parent and the child is still... the child.

Originally Posted by Kaege
Because my mother knows that I don't make friends with the wrong kinds of people. o_o
And my mother IS a good parent.


She knows your conversating with a 22 year old boy, and wants to set up a date?

She has already mentioned that she is 14, and the guy in question is 22.

You say that you have a lot of expirience with meeting people online... I'm just curious as to what expirience you have. Is it meeting friends, or have you have long distance relationships over the internet before? Also, what is your history with dating?
Have you ever gone to meet somebody in real life that you met online?
And do you know the risks you are taking with trusting those you meet online as much as you do?

I'm just curious because at 14, I can't understand how you can have all this expirience. Maybe you can prove me wrong though, I won't assume anything here. All people and situations are unique, and I think if you provide me/us with more information, we can provide more accurate advice.

My first boyfriend IRL was in 6th grade, a girlfriend in 7th (Both being fakey puppy love that ended quickly), then the last in 8th.
After my breakup with him, I did have a friend online that I liked, and she liked me back, but we never went further because of age. (She was 23, and I was 13.)

By online experience I do mostly mean only friendships. However, I have had a couple 'flings' you could say, online. I play an MMORPG, and I've had a few relationships via characters before. As in, it was our RP characters who established a relationship, but the other and I did have some real feelings for each other, just never did anything with it.

I understand the risks, but again I do stress the fact that I don't give information out like last name, number, high school, address, etc. which the crazy stalker types could track me down with. And I have met people like that before. Believe me I can tell the difference.

She knows your conversating with a 22 year old boy, and wants to set up a date?

She knows that I have -friends- of that age, but she doesn't know that I like them. I've never once told my mother about my crushes or relationships.

No father in the picture - ?

No, divorced and he's not allowed to see me.

Having an online crush is NOT a sign of bad parenting. However, parents letting their 14 year old date a 22 year old online is a sign of bad parenting. Parents should be protective, and should have no tolerence for who she meets online. With the thousands of online predators out there, the chances of this girl running into one are HIGH!
There is nothing wrong with an online crush. There is something wrong with a 14 year old and a 22 year old having a romantic relationship over the net.

From what it sounds, Kaege's parents don't sound to involved or aware of what Kaege is doing online. If they were good parents, they would be much more involved and protective.

And Kaege, don't take this as a personal attack, it's just my opinion.

Believe me, my mom has definitely questioned me about my friends before, and she constantly reminds me that "anyone could be a predator!" etc.

She's not one for levity when it comes to my online activity.

But as the usuale teenage kid would do, I stress my personal privacy. So she doesn't read my IM's over my shoulder, or the like, that often anymore.

After my breakup with him, I did have a friend online that I liked, and she liked me back, but we never went further because of age. (She was 23, and I was 13.)

That was a good decision. She was 23, you were 13. A 10 year gap. 14 and 22 is still a big age gap. An 8 year gap. Don't you think this relationship won't go any further because of age difference?

That was a good decision. She was 23, you were 13. A 10 year gap. 14 and 22 is still a big age gap. An 8 year gap. Don't you think this relationship won't go any further because of age difference?

Yeah.

So I guess "Maybe someday" is what I'm stuck to thinking for now.

My first boyfriend IRL was in 6th grade, a girlfriend in 7th (Both being fakey puppy love that ended quickly), then the last in 8th.
After my breakup with him, I did have a friend online that I liked, and she liked me back, but we never went further because of age. (She was 23, and I was 13.)

By online experience I do mostly mean only friendships. However, I have had a couple 'flings' you could say, online. I play an MMORPG, and I've had a few relationships via characters before. As in, it was our RP characters who established a relationship, but the other and I did have some real feelings for eachother, just never did anything with it.

I understand the risks, but again I do stress the fact that I don't give information out like last name, number, highschool, addres, etc., which the crazy stalker types could track me down with. And I have met people like that before. Beleive me I can tell the difference.



You do know that if you sent me an e-mail and I set out to find you I could get your identity with a fair degree of certainty - depending on your area - in a very short time?

People give out identifying information all the time, often without realizing it.

You do know that if you sent me an e-mail and I set out to find you I could get your identity with a fair degree of certainty - depending on your area - in a very short time?

People give out identifying information all the time, often without realizing it.

Yes, which is why I don't disclose anything like that to anyone who gives off the 'stalker' flare, or anyone who I'm not personally friends with.

Yes, which is why I don't disclose anything like that to anyone who gives off the 'stalker' flare, or anyone who I'm not personally friends with.


You are on the Internet, right? You have an Internet Address. All the other person needs is some knowledge and/or a "connection."

Look, you are apparently going to do whatever you are going to do. I have no idea why you even posted the question when your mind is already made up.

You are on the Internet, right? You have an Internet Address. All the other person needs is some knowledge and/or a "connection."

Look, you are apparently going to do whatever you are going to do. I have no idea why you even posted the question when your mind is already made up.

My mind WASN'T made up.

I know that it's easy to find someone over the internet, I know. I seriously doubt anybody is going to find the need to stalk me, allright?