My 10 year old Daughter seems to be trying to be me. She started doing stuff like attemping to cause arguments between me and my husband. Now its at a stage where she will blatantly defy anything what I have asked of her, try being involved in adult conversations and decisions, tell my 2 year old and 7 year old sons to do the exact opposite as I have just said, take it upon herself to do things that she knows she is not allowed to do, go through my stuff. It just seems like a never ending list. She does these things in front of others sometimes but mainly just so I can see it. Its like having another adult woman in the house trying to take over. Both me and my husband spend time with all 3 kids together and at times on their own. They all get fair punishments for any wrong doings such as timeout, no sweets, early bedtimes etc. But its now got to a point where if I give her a punishment for something she will retaliate by attitude, behaviour and even destroying my stuff. My husband doesn't get anything like this. He seems to be on a pedastal to her. It is all directed at me and others have now noticed. Things are now at a point where its like having your best girlfriend from school staying at your home and she is basically trying to become you and force you out of your home. We have her school involved, our doctor and social services. But help is very slow in arriving and we are getting to the end of the line with her. My first partner and her dad died 5 years ago and the 3 times I took her to councilling they all said she was fine and adjusting and nothing to worry about. We thought she may have some sort of medical issue but doctor said not. So we are now stuck. Any ideas or advice would be very welcome.

Counseling for 3 times, perhaps 2 times a week for at least several months?? But stop and correct her when it happens, do the time out, no computer, no ipods, and so she has a additude,? Who is the parent, if she does either ignore it or increase the punishment

I have a 10 year old brother who does a lot of the same stuff your daughter does, I am a mother myself and understand the stress. I think it is just the acting out of a normal 10 year old and she needs to realize who is boss.

Since she looks up to dad he needs to back you up all the way and let her know that he is not going to tolerate her behavior toward you. Since she wants to please dad then maybe his disciplining her and setting boundries would be effective.
If she continues the way she is going it will only get worse by the time she turns 14.
If she continues she will start treating your personal items like her own. You will go for your jewelry, make up or hygiene stuff and it will be in her room. When you try to retrieve it she will try and make it look like you invaded her privacy and stole it off her.
My daughter was very independent from the time she was a toddler in a good sense but by the time she was in her pre-teens her independence turned to defiance. By 14 she would sneak out of the house with her friends and refuse to let me know where she was and even not come home all night at times.
She needs help now before it gets out of control.