I have really bad memory and the other night I was super bored and feeling a bit down on myself, so I started making a list of all the guys I had been with since I became sexually active and I started to wonder, if the number of partners a year was actually the norm or was I over board.
Although I wount say how many so far I have to say I was totally honest in the list and counted even that one night stand I wished it never happen counted the ones with and without condoms. And I've noticed the more years that have gone by the more number of partners I have been with. So when it comes to SEX and just sex, what's the avarage or how many do you guys think a girl should have a year? Of course keep in mind, I happen to be a very sexual person who is single and comfortable with her self and most men find me attractive, but I don't want to become a slut. So how many is a healthy number? And don't say one cause of couse that would be the ideal but unfortionally that's not what I'm asking. Thanks!

First, I would want to say al because men find attractive does not mean you have to sleep with because body is your temple and you have to protect it. Having sex with random people, that you will regret the next day, is not good. Having unprotected sex is stupid with all the std's going around or can lead to an unwanted pregnancy.

Second, most men will sleep with anyone and get a pat on the back while the women is called a slut, really double standard.

You can have a high sex drive, that's normal but it don't have be everyone or anyone. Sometimes alcohol plays a lot in your decision.

I have sex a lot but it's with the person I with, because can't be anyone. I been sexual active since 17 and I count on my hand the numbers of guys I been with and I'am 28. I not judging you but just be careful and wise with who you sleep with. I'm not sure if I answered your question but this is just my view and how I do things.

1 or maybe 2, since you should have spent time getting over one, time getting to know another one well first.

Tough call as it depends on how old you are. I would say anything more than 3 a year is out of hand. I won't even talk to girls my age(21 going on 22) that are off two hands. I think a girl should respect herself enough not to give herself up so easily(not saying you do) and there is a great quote about it "will you not know what to say to the boy who gets your heart someday, and your used body"

I would have to say if your in a serious relationship then obviously one. There could be one person who you may consider a friend with "benefits" too. Of course there is always the option of not having sex at all when not in a relationship but for some that is not an option.

Hello m:

Me?? I don't have a double standard. Until they start calling men sluts who sleep around, the word isn't applicable in my opinion. So girl, screw 'em all.

excon

As long as you are practicing safe sex (and you WILL from now on, I hope)---who the hell cares about a number?

I'm not on 2 hands anymore--haven't been since I was 21 or 22. Did I enjoy those encounters? Absolutely. Did I learn from them--oh god yes. Is it anyone's business but mine? Absolutely not.

As long as YOU are comfortable with the number, and with your sexuality--no one else EVER needs to know that number.

Get into a relationship.

The sex is 100 times better when you're with someone you care about. Then you wouldn't have to worry about being a *slut* if you're in one.

I have a friend who is 19 (female) and slept with, I believe, 30 men. :eek:
I don't know how she does it; I couldn't. She often complains to me about never being able to find a nice guy. GEE, I wonder why you can't... :rolleyes:

I can't give you rep Beautiful, but you're a right. Sex with someone you're with is a lot better because feelings are involved. Even as a guy, I don't sleep around at all. It's just not my style. I know a girl who is 21 and has been with 50 some guys. THAT'S SICK

I can't give you rep Beautiful, but you're a right. Sex with someone you're with is a lot better because feelings are involved. Even as a guy, I don't sleep around at all. It's just not my style. I know a girl who is 21 and has been with 50 some guys. THAT'S SICK

You got that right! That is disturbing...

Hopefully she doesn't have an STD :confused:

I wonder what goes through a person's head to make them do that? I would feel dirty and guilty afterwards. That girl must not feel disgusting because she probably would have stopped after #20.

EWWW!

miriwonders,

You'll know when the number is just too much...

Exactly, even as a guy, if I get off 2 hands I, myself, will feel dirty. I mean to each his own, but to treat women like a piece of meat is kidna disturbing.

With that being said, I don't mean being in your 50's and being off 2 hands is dirty, I mean at my age, being off two hands is slightly out of control.

I still think even in a person's 50's if they've slept with 50 people that's a lot!

I wonder, Romefalls, if you have the same issue with women your age that have children? That you won't even consider dating them because of the OBVIOUS evidence that there's been someone there before you.

I placed my child for adoption at 17, and had guys that wouldn't even consider dating me, even years later, because they felt I was "slutty" because I'd been pregnant.

Seriously--attitudes like some of the ones I've seen, both in this question and in similar questions, is why I tell people that they don't have to tell ANYONE that number. No matter WHAT your number is, SOMEONE is going to judge you for it. And really, all it takes is ONE bad partner to change your life--one person with an STD, regardless how many people you've slept with. Ever see the film "Kids"? She ends up having sex with ONE GUY at 15, and finds out she's HIV-positive. ONE person is all it takes--so who is anyone to judge whether a person has had 15 or 5 or 1 or 50 partners? All it takes is bad judgement ONCE--and a virgin can make that bad judgement as easily (or possibly MORE easily, since they don't have the experience) than a person with more partners.

My husband has no idea how many past partners I have. Actually, I don't know if anyone but me knows that number. And I plan on keeping it that way.

I don't believe Romefalls is putting it that way. Actually I know he's not.

It's the fact that some people do sleep with that many that is disturbing.

And I'm just pointing out that... so what? So what if they do? If they enjoy the sex, and don't want to be tied down to one person because of their education or their career or whatever---who cares?

So... if 50 is too many, regardless your age--how many is still okay? 10 at 21 years old? Or 3 or 13 or what? What about at 50? Is 10 okay at 50? Or is 20 okay?

Honestly, I'm seeing this as another form of close-mindedness about the bedroom. As long as a person is safe and willing, what difference does it make?

I guess what my question then is, following in this, is that if a person absolutely refused to give you the number of people they've slept with, but could show you a clean bill of health--would you still be with them?

I wonder, Romefalls, if you have the same issue with women your age that have children? That you won't even consider dating them because of the OBVIOUS evidence that there's been someone there before you.

I placed my child for adoption at 17, and had guys that wouldn't even consider dating me, even years later, because they felt I was "slutty" because I'd been pregnant.

Seriously--attitudes like some of the ones I've seen, both in this question and in similar questions, is why I tell people that they don't have to tell ANYONE that number. No matter WHAT your number is, SOMEONE is going to judge you for it. And really, all it takes is ONE bad partner to change your life--one person with an STD, regardless how many people you've slept with. Ever see the film "Kids"? She ends up having sex with ONE GUY at 15, and finds out she's HIV-positive. ONE person is all it takes--so who is anyone to judge whether a person has had 15 or 5 or 1 or 50 partners? All it takes is bad judgement ONCE--and a virgin can make that bad judgement as easily (or possibly MORE easily, since they don't have the experience) than a person with more partners.

My husband has no idea how many past partners I have. Actually, I don't know if anyone but me knows that number. And I plan on keeping it that way.


Actually, funny you should bring that up. I am currently dating a women with not one, but two kids. So now, someone being there before me is not an issue. I just don't feel comfortable dating someone who has been with many men. I don't ask girls how many guys they have been with, sometimes they are up front about it.

I see your point of view, but it's my preference to not want to be with someone who has been with a high amount of guys, it's just like I wouldn't want to be with someone who has no intelligence. Personal preference some would call it. I NEVER once said anything about bad judgements, but eventually you get to the point where constant bad judgements are being made. I wouldn't want to date someone who has been doing drugs for the past 15 years either, does that make me a bad guy too?

I'm looking at this from a moralistic side.

If a person refused to give me numbers, then I would assume that it's up there. Even if they gave me a clean bill I wouldn't be with them for emotional reasons. That's just how I am.

Hello:

In my view, there are more disturbing things going on in the world than how many people somebody has slept with.

If it disturbs YOU, then don't do it. But, what other people do in the privacy of their bedrooms or with whom, isn't any body's business. Making judgments about their behavior is actually more disturbing to me than the behavior.

excon

I don't do it :)

I'm sure that if you had slept with a woman and she told you that you were #100, you'd be deeply effected.

Yes, STD's being spread around the world is disturbing.

Ha ha! I agree with you beautiful, I would be affected if a girl told me I was number 100... I think I would rush to the damn doctors right then, and some STD's don't show up for YEARS!

It's a matter of personal preference. She asked what we thought would be a high number in a year, and we gave our opinions. How are they wrong?

Even if the person was completely clean I think you would still be affected emotionally.

Nothing more than three sexual partners a year.

Nothing more than three sexual partners a year.

This is an interesting discussion. Ok, I'm just using this one as an example.AW says no more than 3 a year, that doesn't sound too bad. So between the ages 18 and 36, 18 years have passed. If the person had 3 partners a year, that's 54 partners by the age of 36. Or if it's only 2 partners a year as someone else suggested then that's 36 partners by the age of 36. Someone else said that 50 partners by the age of 50 is too much. But there are 32 years between 18 and 50, so at 2 partners a year that adds up to 64 partners, and at three partners a year that adds up to 96 partners. Are they a slut then if they had sex exactly twice a year? Three times?

I really don't think there is some magical number you cross one day.
I think it is more an attitude. More what you answer to questions like why do I end up with one night stands, am I looking for someone special or just taking my chances with anybody that comes along. I think when you can regret being with some of the guys it is time to re-evaluating just who and what you are looking for.

This is an interesting discussion. Ok, I'm just using this one as an example.AW says no more than 3 a year, that doesn't sound too bad. So between the ages 18 and 36, 18 years have passed. If the person had 3 partners a year, that's 54 partners by the age of 36. Or if it's only 2 partners a year as someone else suggested then that's 36 partners by the age of 36. Someone else said that 50 partners by the age of 50 is too much. But there are 32 years between 18 and 50, so at 2 partners a year that adds up to 64 partners, and at three partners a year that adds up to 96 partners. Are they a slut then if they had sex exactly twice a year? three times?

We all have our opinions.
I believe 50 in a life time is WHOA, but that's because I believe sex should be between two people in love, not just a 'one night stand' and such.

You do in fact make a good point though. In the example you gave, I'm in between if that person is considered a 'slut.' Assuming that the person that had 64 partners from age 18-50 didn't love any of them, then yes that is going outside of my moralistic values. BUT in the case that they did, well that's a lot of loving :)

I would feel gross to know that I gave myself to 64 different men in my lifetime. I would rather give myself to someone that I love and plan to be with for awhile. Who knows though, I could fall in love 64 times.

Also, the number that you calculated was based on 32 years. What if the person decided to stop having sex (or found 'the one?') when they turned 30, 40? The number would decrease right? From 18-30 w/2 partners a year=24. From 18-40 w/2 partners a year=44. Those numbers can't compare to 64 or 96.

I really don't think there is some magical number you cross one day.
I think it is more an attitude. More what you answer to questions like why do I end up with one night stands, am I looking for someone special or just taking my chances with anybody that comes along. I think when you can regret being with some of the guys it is time to re-evaluating just who and what you are looking for.

You are totally right N0help4u.

I don't have to answer any of those questions because I choose not to have anyone that 'comes along.' Some people have to.

And I'm just pointing out that ...so what? So what if they do? If they enjoy the sex, and don't want to be tied down to one person because of their education or their career or whatever---who cares?

So...if 50 is too many, regardless your age--how many is still okay? 10 at 21 years old? or 3 or 13 or what? What about at 50? is 10 okay at 50? or is 20 okay?

Honestly, I'm seeing this as another form of close-mindedness about the bedroom. As long as a person is safe and willing, what difference does it make?

I guess what my question then is, following in this, is that if a person absolutely refused to give you the number of people they've slept with, but could show you a clean bill of health--would you still be with them?

I follow your logic, however it is still the persons right to decide if it bothers them or not.

I don't think it's fair to call someone close-minded because they aren't comfortable being with someone who has been with so many people. They aren't judging the person, simply stating that they aren't comfortable with it.

It is no more wrong to say you aren't comfortable with it than it is to have a "large" number...

So how many is a healthy number?

To each his own. If your healthy, and happy with yourself, that's all that counts.

I just don't see why Rome was attacked ha ha. All I said was it wouldn't be something I'm okay with being in a relationship with. That somehow got transferred into anyone who has kids, which then was proved false and yet no response from the accuser..

I agree, to each their own, I just wouldn't have a part of it if someone was in a high number.

I didn't mean it to be an attack--apparently my "tone" was off all over the place yesterday. I apologize if anyone took it that way. I was just honestly curious--believe it or not, I LIKE to hear what the other side of a discussion has to say. It makes me think.

As far as not responding--I was just extremely busy, and hadn't gotten a chance to yet. Alhtough--you answered my questions, so honestly I don't have a lot to say at this point. I was really looking to understand the other point of view, and you've helped me do that.

Thanks Synnen, that means a lot to me. We all have our off days where what we mean to say comes off completely the wrong way we intended it to come off ha ha. I understand, I also like a healthy debate on the forums, gives me something to do during this long boring IT job I'm at right now ha ha

long boring IT job im at right now ha ha

Agreed...

I'm starting to think a lot of people here work in IT...

What an interesting discussion! It is squarely in that space between human desire and moral responsibility. I have a psychologist friend who defines levels of insanity as the space between what we are and what we think we are. If the space is too wide, we are nuts. The US has a problem here. It really is a lusty place, but we claim that we are one of the most moral nations in the world so we don't want to push the question.

I don't think much of the rest of the world would be having this discussion. Aside from the std issues, few people outside the US would care how many partners anyone had.

(There is a great scene in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" where the male character and the female character get into a discussion of past lovers. He considers himself a stud until she starts enumerating her experience.)

But, to provide some data against the original question, I did an internet search. Here's what I found from a US survey:

Total Number of Sex Partners
Average Median
All 13 5
Men 20 8
Women 6 3

Total Number of Sex Partners
All Men Women
One 19% 12 25
2-4 25 16 33
5-10 28 26 29
11-20 12 18 6
21+ 12 20 4

I don't believe I'd trust the numbers, but the trends are interesting. Most women "claim" to be below the "both hands" number... ~85% Only 10% of women "claim" to have had more than two hands. Men on the other hand average four hands.

This is fascinating. Given that there are around the same number of males as females, that top 10 % of women must be getting some workout.

BB yea the job of IT can be describe as this. If it's slow, it's dead slow... If it's busy, it's freaking crazy!

BB yea the job of IT can be describe as this. If it's slow, it's dead slow...If it's busy, it's freaking crazy!

I'm in IT as well. You are all so right, when it's busy, oh man it's busy, when it's slow, it's slow LOL!

I don't have the word 'slut' in my vocabulary and haven't since I was 16. What I call people you have a healthy sex life is normal. I could count the guys on both hands as to I have been with. I do regret some so does everyone but as long as you feel that all you have is healthy sex life there is not anything wrong with a strong sexual drive. It is there to enjoy.

BB yea the job of IT can be describe as this. If it's slow, it's dead slow...If it's busy, it's freaking crazy!

I hear that... I was bored this morning... Just got done running around for the last 4 hours :(

We all have our opinions.
I believe 50 in a life time is WHOA, but that's because I believe sex should be between two people in love, not just a 'one night stand' and such.

You do infact make a good point though. In the example you gave, I'm in between if that person is considered a 'slut.' Assuming that the person that had 64 partners from age 18-50 didn't love any of them, then yes that is going outside of my moralistic values. BUT in the case that they did, well that's a lot of loving :)

I would feel gross to know that I gave myself to 64 different men in my lifetime. I would rather give myself to someone that I love and plan to be with for awhile. Who knows though, I could fall in love 64 times.

Also, the number that you calculated was based on 32 years. What if the person decided to stop having sex (or found 'the one?') when they turned 30, 40? The number would decrease right? From 18-30 w/2 partners a year=24. From 18-40 w/2 partners a year=44. Those numbers can't compare to 64 or 96.

I have just one question for you. Do you think people don't have sex after 50? Because when you keep going after 40 us when you get to 64 and higher.

I have just one question for you. Do you think people don't have sex after 50? Because when you keep going after 40 us when you get to 64 and higher.

I said WHAT IF the person decided to stop having sex w/x amount of men after 30 or 40 and just find one person.

I sure hope I don't stop at 50 :)

My brother once told me he would not get involve with someone who had many sexual partners because guys give and the female receives, so he would not want someone who give up their goodies to everyone. It might be double standard to some, but I get the point.

I can't have sex with anyone that why I don't se how some people could a prositute. I not judging just don't understand it. Me and one of my best friends are opposite because she sleeps with anyone to cure her loneliness and I always find myself defending her because people talk about her.

I guess if your comfortable with your number then who cares, its your body, but having one night stands and unprotected sex is never good . My mother always told me if you going regret something then don't do it.

I said WHAT IF the person decided to stop having sex w/x amount of men after 30 or 40 and just find one person.

I sure hope I don't stop at 50 :)

I have to agree there me either I hope I'm still raring to go after 50. :)