I posted here earlier and thank all those who helped with advice...

I need one more bit of help...

Should I call my ex under any circumstances??
There's things I want to know the answers to but would hurt like hell if I got them...
So the conundrum is...

Ill never know the answers to these questions and won't get hurt,, Or get the answers and if they are not want I want just go under but at least I know?

I know it sounds weird as a problem but has anyone else ever faced it...
She told me she got really drunk recently at a party and assures me nothing happened now I know that's a trust issue on my behalf and she has always been honest...

Id prefer to think nothing happened but it was a major drink fest with guys her own age who are apparently interested..

Its kind of killing me not to know but would kill me if I did... has anyone had the same prob
Im really trying the NC bit at the moment but something just well up in me
:(

Everyone has had the same problem.

From experience... It is much easier to deal with these things when you don't know anything. Assumptions are a killer, but the thing about assumptions is that you know they might very well not be true. Facts are indisputable.

Your best bet is to leave it be, stop talking to her, and don't ask questions.

To rely on a quote I heard long ago: "Don't ask the questions if you fear the answers."

Its kind of killing me not to know but would kill me if I did... has anyone had the same prob
You would have those confusing feelings if you were not in contact with her, but you are.
Im really trying the NC bit at the moment but something just well up in me
Let it go, and do some real NO CONTACT, not your watered down version.


She told me she got really drunk recently at a party...


That is NOT No Contact, but you still being in her business, and not healthy.

Let it go, and do some real NO CONTACT, not your watered down version.


I agree with that. A lot of people try to cheat around the meat of NC to make it easier for them. What they don't understand is that they are making it harder for themselves, not easier...

You don't need to work on your trust issues with your ex. You need to find some way to ACTUALLY stop talking to her. It's not punishing her to stay away, it's honest.

I read this in a recent post here on the forum and suggest it to you if SHE ever contacts you:
"Please do not be angry when I hang up, it is for your own good." (click)

No texts (delete without reading)
No emails (delete without reading or teach program to JUNK MAIL them)

STOP talking to her, you aren't doing any type of No Contact at all. No contact isn't when you feel like it.

What she does now is her business. You should have no contact whatsoever with her. You will not move on until you make up your mind to leave her alone.
You said yourself you were quite controlling, it might help to get some counseling. It will take your mind off her and put the focus on getting yourself together.

Guys THANK YOU
You all made so much sense I was very close to doing it and talked myself out of it when I read your posts it showed me I had made the right decision
Funny.. for the first time today I started seeing the 'light at the end of the tunnel' has that happened to anyone else where for a split second in time and at various times you see it all gone and your OK... your not concerened anymore?
Then it clouds over again..
Well I DO SEE THE LIGHT But it's a long way off yet...
Thanks everyone so far this is a magnificent site for those dealing with this...
Id bet you a million bucks though, she isn't anywhere on this site lol
Ill keep you posted

I started seeing the 'light at the end of the tunnel' has that happened to anyone else where for a split second in time and at various times you see it all gone and your ok... your not concerened anymore?


I'm willing to bet it happens to everyone. Certainly happened to me over and over again. The best part about it is that you know that it is going to get better now. You feel good now, so next time you are feeling down, just remind yourself that you did feel better, and you will again. That alone can lift you out of the dumps.

As time goes on the sky gets clearer and clearer, and that light get brighter and brighter :)

BigBird many thanks I think I can do this I'm feeling better already this site is great

I'm willing to bet it happens to everyone. Certainly happened to me over and over again. The best part about it is that you know that it is going to get better now. You feel good now, so next time you are feeling down, just remind yourself that you did feel better, and you will again. That alone can lift you out of the dumps.

As time goes on the sky gets clearer and clearer, and that light get brighter and brighter :)

It's been less than a week since I got dumped but I can admit that today for the first time I also saw the light for just a moment, I'm usually way too controlling and check up on people but I try to pinch myself and maintain NC, I try to think that whatever she does or wherever she goes it's beyond my control and I shouldn't waste my energy on it and that I just need to work on my own life instead.

Best of luck to you friend.

Its so hard at times isn't it... you just want to know what they are doing for 'closure' or something... but the more I think of it the more I'm starting to think 'hey why am I wasting my energy on this'
Maybe the light is getting better