I've been in a serious long distant relationship for the last 3 years. I'm in my 50's & he's 42. It was blissful until last summer when I noticed he had a gambling problem (he was a high roller in the casinos) & started abusing my credit cards. He opened an eBay store under my name & then abused that account for financing his other business debts
With my credit. We started agruing constantly... & then I found him lying to me on his whereabouts more often.
It went from bad to worse when we attended a family party & he got drunk & beat me physically where I had to go to the hospital. My daughter had him arrested & sent to jail... & then I found the only way I could get my money back was to drop charges. It was a lot of money!
He continued to do everything to win my trust by apologizing to everyone in the family, sending flowers, gifts, & heartfelt promises. A month later I found out about an affair he had to a young 24 year old the very next month after he was in jail, but he claimed she's was only a friend.
Meanwhile he supplies her a cell phone on his account & still has it even though she has no interest in him.
I haven't seen him for 7 months... but we talk on the phone. His reasons are because he's too broke to travel to see me... but his phone calls are less & less & he's always angry with me when I call him.
He's constantly puts me down & calls me names as if he's trying to justify his bad behavior he did to me.
Today I asked him for closure & lets just end this so called phone relationship civily I said the relationship ended the night you hit me. The only reason I stayed in contact was to resolve the corporation which he kept postponing month after month.
He wants to stay friends... but I feel there's not even a loyal friendship worth keeping & I just want his final words. (hoping that he's mature enough to say thank you for the good & sorry it came to this) Instead I got called pathetic... then he just said goodbye & hung up.
I know I must look foolish to still feel in love... I'm hurt, confused, & feel betrayed.
All I keep thinking about was the affection, love, the countless hours of talks, the marriage proposals & promises of always being there when it was good.
What happened? Is he gone because he tapped all my credit cards? Did he suddenly feel that I was too old for him by getting involved in a 24 year old?
How can I feel so much attraction to man who's obviously abusive & can't take responsibility for his actions?
How can I get over the hurt, the betrayal, & the pain of this break up?

You are 50 why you got committed to a guy with such age gap bet. You and him? It never works, or maybe sometimes It works but in your case it didn't... so sorry :(


I found you this online hope it helps :


Let me make one thing clear:
This has nothing to do with love.
I'm no expert. The very word makes me nauseous and sets my body to a defensive mode. But I have had my heart broken once or twice. Badly. By some pathetic loser by the way who, in my blissful juvenile ignorance, contained my whole world: my oxygen, my insides, my reason for being without whom I'd wither and die to nothingness blah, blah.
Somebody should have whacked me across the head with a Dr. Phil self-help bestseller in hard cover - it may have been enough to cause selective amnesia. But no, I have had to endure many, many self-inflicted humiliations the magnitude of which almost surpasses George W. Bush's abundant stream of faux pas, which I suspect include nuking someone's ticker.
With no access to a warhead, however, to deploy my heart's retribution, I resorted to good old fashioned emotional meltdown that rivaled Chernobyl. Not only have I said and done it all in the name of witless love - things I loathe to enumerate lest the wrath of Virginia Woolf strikes me dead - I have listened excruciatingly to my girlfriends and their hearts' lament on losing Mr. Loser, er, Mr. Right. And the twisted plot to get him back.
What I bemoan most of all is that not one good sista gave it to me straight. That I will change.
So, if a looming break-up is coming your way (trust me, we can all see it coming!), read, learn and gain wisdom from the mistakes of others because you don't want to make them all!
For the ladies who have been-there-done-that and, hopefully, out of the singles jungle, enjoying the safety and comfort of Tarzan's little love-nest high up on the treetops, be a real friend and show the girls how it's done.

Delete, delete, delete ... all traces of your ex.

If your memory is better than mine, there are two phone numbers you know by heart: your mum's and your ex's. In your quest to "get over him", first, delete him from your digital memory store starting with your mobile phone. Erase his mobile number, work phone, home phone, his best friend's number, his mother's number - especially!
If you're an IM user, block him immediately and blacklist his email address from your mailbox.
Then remove every piece of clothing, toiletry and dirty underwear he left behind in your bathroom. And no, don't even think of washing and neatly packaging these into a bundle for him. The concierge has closed and will not be re-opening. Ever.

Whatever you do, DO NOT call him.

It's pathetic, really. What are you hoping to accomplish? No, you won't get him back because he's not coming back. The bottom line is if he dumped you, he's not into you. Sound familiar? The word on the street is true and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.
OK, so there are those lucky people that get back together and live happily ever after.
In the movies!
If you're living in the same world as I, you know it's the exception, not the rule. Sadly, most women seem to think, to their detriment, that their situation is somehow always an exception: as if they live in a parallel reality where the rules of engagement do not apply because for some unknown and far-imagined reason, many are under the illusion that they're immune to life's cruel veracity. Well, you're not. The rule of life rules, unless the odd exception, freak-of-nature type event occurs. And it rarely happens. The sooner you realise that, the better.
So, in your moment of pathetic weakness, it's completely understandable and even acceptable to max out your credit card for much needed retail therapy. Even indulge in uncharacteristically obscene behaviour including binge-drinking, a drunken pash or two with complete strangers, or hysterical emotional outbursts in embarrassingly crowded places. Just make sure you're in the company of people who give a damn about you - your friends.
Scream. Cry. Laugh. Do whatever it takes to flush him out of your system. But for goodness' sake, do not call your ex.

Should I return the gold watch he gave me?

Are you kidding me? It's yours. Keep it. Or better yet, take all the valuable items he's ever given you to cash converters - the gold necklace for your birthday, the beautiful pair of earrings last Christmas and that gorgeous bracelet for Valentine's Day. Then buy yourself a new pair of Jimmy Choos. It will elevate your height as well as your mood.
Turning his precious little gifts, which are rightfully yours, into cold hard cash will satisfy a scorned woman's desire for sweet revenge. Albeit briefly. But who cares? Right now, little victories are what you need to get you over the line. And over him.

Let's be friends? Yeah, right!

Oh, please! If you are insisting on remaining friends with an ex who dumped you like vomit, you're up o something and it won't do you any good.
Problem is, you can't see it. So let me make it clearer for you: he's not coming back.
Wake up and smell the stench. You're standing on a gigantic pile of horse collected over the years starting from the time you believed in the myth of Cinderella. Didn't you know? She divorced her prince two months later: they weren't compatible after all.
So, think long and hard about your real motivations. Life is good but it ain't a fairytale.
If he's the one wanting to remain friends, well, beware. Remember, he dumped you. So it's neither an invitation for renewed romance nor for any kind of "real" friendship you want or need right now.
Let me tell you a little secret. Most guys, unfortunately, are cowards. They are scared to death of hurting our feelings because we all go "emotional on them!. They will do anything to weasel their way out of very difficult situations. The fact is, if he wants you, and I mean want-you-so-badly-it-hurts, there are no mixed messages. He will move heaven and earth to be with you. If he's not in to you, the only thing he'll move is his thumb: "want 2 come over tonight?"
Need I say more?


Get a life ... darn good one!

The sweetest revenge is to live a happy life. And it's the only way to live.
But first, change your sheets.
Call your friends. Dance around the house in your underwear or naked if you prefer. Attend a party. Drink good champagne. Wear amazingly red lipstick. Strut around in ridiculously high stilettos. Visit your hairdresser.
Smile.
Chat up a good looking guy at a funky bar. Wear perfume. Flirt. Play games and play it cool. This time, you're the predator, not the prey. Take a risk.
You're so sexy. Who wouldn't want you?
And if you're still weary of rejoining the singles jungle, here's a tip: run an ad for a male flatmate. You may be surprised at what you'll find. Tarzan might just come knocking at your door.
Live life. It's the only one you've got.

Love is blind. People stay in abusive relationships all the time, and to people on the outside you can't seem to understand why.

This guy is beyond loser, he is absolutely good for nothing and I would be thankful he is out of my life. Never take another phone call from him... EVER!

There is no need to be friends with this man, I mean would you ever be friends with someone (not your boyfriend who you are supposed to trust unconditionally) who did all this to you.

I'd say the best way to get over this one is to get your life, finances and everything else back on track. Take care of yourself and do things that make you feel special.

This guy probably did care for you at one point, but I don't think he ever respected you and knew all along that he could take advantage of you to the fullest, and you allowed him to because you loved him.

I suppose time is the only thing that will heal these wounds. And please block him out of your life for good!

I hope this pig hasn't jaded you in anyway towards loving another.

Thanks Northern Guy... I can't believe I didn't squash him in the court system pressing charges after he hit me last summer.. I can't believe I slept with him again afterwards.. (3 different visits) I can't believe we talked on the phone about working it out... I can't believe I believed him!!
My gut always told me from the beginning of this relationship that he was a user. There has been money issues from the beginning of him abusing my credit. He'd asked for my credit card every time we went to dnner.. & the only time he paid, was when he got a comp at a Casino for gambling.
He still owes me thousands & I know I'll never get it back... I've tried weekly since last summer.
He's even gambled over $200K of his retired parents savings!
Your right.. he's beyond loser!
All my friends & family warned me.
I feel stupid for begging him for closure thinking he was mature enough & had enough integrity to stand for all the talk he claimed of himself. He would always assure me that he will always love me, be there, be my best friend, blah blah blah... it was a scam to milk me for all my money! Even his best friend claims he's a scam artist & lyer.
I confirmed all this by knowing his email password one day & getting online to read the last 4 years of his transactions. OMG! He scammed everyone!! He was running from everyone he knew that he took for money or abused their credit cards... he was seeing & writing mushy emails to other women in other cities all along throughout our 3 year relationship!
Creditors, banks, & business associates were all writing threatening emails after him to pay his bills. So it's "who" he is... it's not just me he's done this too... he does this as a way of life & uses people to benefit himself.
He talks a big story... he's an expert at convincing you & looking vunerable. He knew how to show affection & attention calling 20 times a day & always doing you favors... giving small gifts & listening to everything I had to say with remembering all the details.
His touch was always like the first.
He's most definitely a flim flam one man circus show... & I got scammed. I feel foolish & stupid for not listening to my instincts. I feel like he's laughing at me for being fooled & he's scored another idiot's bank account.
Your so right... never take his calls!! I have my cell number connected to his corporation... so it won't be long before I'm disconnected. I already got another phone number he doesn't know... & by the way... I think I've downloaded about $800 worth of games & music just out of anger for being taken. Now I feel guilty for being vindictive.
It's not my style to be vindictive... & I feel like I lowered myself to his level.
Oh well... it's already done & I'm sure I'll get a screaming maniac calling me soon... but like you siad don't ever answer his calls again... EVER!

First no, you as many start making excuses why to be in a abusive relatioshiop,

You made a lot of mistakes, letting him have credit card numbers , I can only shake my head,

And someone who hits you once ( and most certainly beats you) will do it again, you run from them.

You haveIf your phone is connected to him, mail it back, if he still owes you money sue him in court for fraud. See if you can go back and press charges for the assult, the SOL may not be out.
You may lose but what the heck,

He stole your money, heart, trust, dignity, and abused you on top of that. Get a free consultation with a lawyer, and see about getting your money back, the rest you must do yourself. If you need guidance through the process of getting yourself back, don't hesitate seeing a therapist, and be patient. Good luck!

My heart goes out to you. Please don't take another phone call from this man, he is abusive, he stole everything from you. I agree with Tal, the only contact you have with him is in court, to get your money back. You deserve so much more than that. No one deserves that kind of treatment. Get a restraining order on him, and you can't talk to him either.. We are here for you..

My heart goes out to you. Please don't take another phone call from this man, he is abusive, he stole everything from you. I agree with Tal, the only contact you have with him is in court, to get your money back. You deserve so much more than that. No one deserves that kind of treatment. Get a restraining order on him, and you can't talk to him either.. We are here for you..

If I added up all the financial abuse that I didn't get back... it would be well over $20,000 & I have all the documents to prove it. I'm wondering should I let this go or file a civil suit. It was almost a year ago in July that he went to jail for beating me & I've tried to recover my money back for the last 11 months. I read that I can file a civil suit for victims compensation within the first year. I'd have to do it this month. I'm torn on whether to just let it go & heal or have the justice I couldn't get with him doing jail time for beating me & getting away with this without any remorse.
It would cost him dearly just to defend himself with an Attorney since I have so much evidence of credit card fraud, abuse, insufficient checks, & frudulant corporate transactions.
He's not even a US citizen!

I would sue him but do it without any personal contact, I would get a restraining order against him so that any contact has to be though your attorney