All right, my girlfriend calls me one night, she sounds odd.. I ask her what's wrong and she says she's confused.. anyway, she goes on to tell me about all the stress on her, and the stress within her family, she then goes to tell me that we should take a break. I asked if she thought we would get our relationship started again, and she said "im sure we will".. after all of this she still told me she loved me.. shes not one to use that word lightly, so she really meant it.. anyway, I'm asking you all what I should do.

She might really be stress and need to sort things out so give her what she requested and let her clear her head. This break can even make or break you. It you two might get back together in the future if its your destiny.

I mean, we're in love with each other, she knows I love her a lot and I know she loves me a lot, I just.. I just don't want to lose her... and I really don't know how to act towards her during this break.

The first thing I would say is... if she loves you as much as you think she does then she should want YOUmore than anyone to be there while she is stressed. Are you sure she is not trying to tell you something more?

I

Like what would she be trying to tell me?

Just keep your distance, go out and have some fun. Call the guys up and have a guys night, enjoy the time. Biggest thing, GIVE HER SPACE or it will push her farther away

I just don't want to push her too far to the point that she doesn't want me back, I doubt that'll happen, but there has to be a limit on how much space to give her.. like how often should I speak with her?. or should I just break contact?

You take it a day at a time. You can force yourself on someone. What cantbreath was saying is that you lean on people for support when needed instead of facing it alone. How long she wants a break no one knows also sometime people say they want a break when they really wants to end the relationship. You stated she been acting odd, so who knows, really only her.

Meanwhile, you don't drown in sorrow waiting, waiting for her to call to tell you the break is over. Do things that will keep you busy instead of being sad because it can only lead to depression and anger. Accept it.

Well I mean it was just her voice, it sounded like she had been crying, and I mean she's not one to say anything she doesn't mean, she wouldn't tell she thinks that we'd get back together, unless she actually meant it.

She probulary was crying bdecause it hurted her to say what she said.Most people who asked for a break states that your will get back together.Did she tell you exactly what was bothering her in details?

Yes, her dad's trying to come back into her life, and she just, abhors him.

Unfortunately people say things ALL the time that they don't mean because they are trying to do the right thing. You have to respect her wishes at this time even although it will be very very hard for you. If she truly loves you she will let you know. There is nothing more you can do at this point, she knows how much you love her and want to be with her but ultimately it's her choice to decide if she comes back or not. I hope it works out for you but please remember you are worth more please don't sell yourself short by hanging around waiting until she decides.

Thanks man, I just don't want to leave her because she really does mean a lot to me, more than any other girl.. I just don't want to leave her to early..

You have to give her time that's the only thing you can do because she not cheating she just have family issues. You can call her, not everyday, to give her your support.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking, I just don't really want to give her too much time and look neglectful.

Thanks for these tips guys, this things really been bothering me since she's said it.

Hi Wiggy,

I just read your post, and I agree with the advice that you have received so far. It is best that you give her space, and by all means, you can contact her, but I wouldn't do it everyday, maybe once every week or two weeks. If she loves you, she will be back, she just needs time to get some things ironed out in her own life at the moment.

Keep us posted, okay?

I'll keep you guys posted on how it ends up... I had read stuff that like, people have the same situation, and the girl ends up cheating on the guy, which I really would hate for that to be the case.

Every situation is different and people asks for breaks for different reasons, her is more of resolving her family issues.

But do you think that she wants to get back together with me after all the dust has cleared?

I can't answer that because its her decision not mines, but I hope she will and do and if she loves you she will come back.

Hey Wiggy,

I think a lot of us have been where you are right now. And as everyone else has said, every situation is different, but I would be cautious. Personally, I've been in your shoes twice, the 1st time (relationship for 3 years) she needed space, and it turned out to be someone else in the picture... second time she came back around, but in the long run it didn't work out.

I do believe that sometimes people might need to clear/sort things out on their own, and I really hope this is the case with youe girlfriend.

Believe me when I tell you though, give her too much space, this will work towards your advantage. I'm sure you said everything you could to make her not take this break, if it's meant to be let time do its thing, unfortunately the ball is in her court right now. Focus on yourself right now, and maybe think about if this is something you really want to be in. After going through relationships myself, I have realized that I want someone who doesn't want to take a break from a relationship from time to time, what happens down the road?

I will promise you one thing, either way, you will be OK.

Keep us updated, and best of luck

I didn't really try to prevent it, I mean I just allowed her to do what she needed to do.. I hope I wasn't wrong in doing that.

You didn't do anything wrong, frankly you could not have prevented this. This was something she had been thinking for a while, no one just wakes up one day and says "hey i want to take a breaK"

Give her space bro

I just want to see her but I know it'll screw things up if I do, lol.

Anyone else, man the more I think about it the more it gets to me, makes me just want to cry, lol.

Wiggy,

You are getting distraught over something you have no control over right now. Maybe that's what's really getting you frustrated.

Ask yourself, are you a needy, clingy person or are you able to go on without placing someone else in the center of your universe?

If you have questions, go to her and talk with her. How long have you two been together? Do you have confidence in your relationship before this 'family issue' came along? Maybe it's a test for both of you - she just could be telling the truth, and you might need to find out for yourself if you can handle life without being with her all the time. You need to be able to function on a normal day to day basis with or without her, so do some stuff on your own to keep busy.

If you are not confident in this, then there was something wrong to begin with - so take this time to think and reflect and give her the benefit of doubt.

Communication and trust are important in any relationship, so what is it you are really scared of? Only you know, and if you feel you acted wrong, fix it.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

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I guess I am needy towards her, the relationship was perfect before it happened, and I believe she is telling me the truth, its just the idea of not being with her is what kills me.

i guess i am needy towards her, the relationship was perfect before it happened, and i believe she is telling me the truth, its just the idea of not being with her is what kills me.

What exactly was perfect?? What wonderful things did you have in common?

Is not being with her, or not having someone to wake up with, or her super smile, or laughter, or her cooking and housekeeping skills, or the talks you have together - that 'kills' you? If you cannot be specific with us, are you at least being honest with yourself?

I know, a lot more questions than answers, but I am here to get you thinking and doing a reality check before you let yourself fall further.

Stand up, be a man, and get your head together - then everything else will work out as it should - for YOU.

As long as you are honest to yourself - and believe me, a break never 'killed' anyone. It should teach you how to cope with your life better now and in the future.

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It was just her, everything about her just blew me away, and she feels the same towards me, we had basically everything in common.. im trying to take her word for it and pray that this break will end soon, but from the way you speak, you make it seem like we won't, and shouldn't get back together.

the relationship was perfect before it happened
That may be your view, but obviously not hers. When someone wants a break, the first question should be what's that? Simply put ,you want a clear definition and understanding, what they want, and then you can give it to them.

So now your as confused, as she is and don't know what the freak to do. I do, you man up, and do what you will with your life like she was never in it. Don't call her, or bother her, and don't pressure her.

If she hasn't called in a couple of weeks, Your already on your way to a balanced life, and still keep your dignity and self respect.

Solid "perfect" relationships, have the partners communicating, and working together, not breaking up. So don't get wimpy with the don't want to lose her stuff, because it's her choice, and she made it. Respect it, and do for yourself, and don't wallow in limbo, waiting for her to unconfuse herself.

The breaks only been going on for 3 days.

By the way, she viewed the relationship the same way, she told me she didn't think it could get any better, and now this family crap has thrown a kink in it.. I honestly see us getting back together soon its just a matter of time, and I don't really know how long I can hold out without being with her.

I know she loves me a lot and she knows I'm crazy about her.. the communication was good, she's just someone I can really open up to, and she knows she can open up to me as well.

Hi Wiggy,

I'm so sorry you are hurting. I don't think love is even an issue. I really believe that she loves you and you love her. You just need to give it time, hon. I know it sucks, believe me I do. But really that is all you can do at this moment. When she is ready to talk and reach out to you, I'm sure she will, but in the meantime, you should keep yourself busy, and try and focus on yourself, and do things that you like to do, maybe even a new hobby?

Yeah, I've been playing guitar hero 3 trying to keep my mind off it :P

yeah, i've been playing guitar hero 3 trying to keep my mind off it :P

Very Cool! Good! As long as you try and keep yourself occupied, this will help time pass quicker... and remember that we all here if you want to talk, vent, etc.. :D

I'm trying to keep busy, but from what I've told you, what outcome do you see coming from this.

As long as she's being honest with you (needing time to herself to straighten things out with family, etc), then I think there is no reason why she wouldn't come back to you. Again, as long as she is being honest, and those are the reasons she needed the break.

i know she loves me alot and she knows im crazy about her..the communication was good, she's just someone i can really open up to, and she knows she can open up to me as well.
It wasn't good enough to work together. As I said you should have defined your terms because a break can mean anything. Is it fair? I hope it turns out the way you want it.

I'm not sure, she just felt the need to separate me from the situation, so that it wouldn't effect our relationship at all.. which is my understanding of it.

Sweetie, that is what I am concerned with. She "felt the need to separate you from the situation". What situation is she referring to?

The one in her family, it involves her dad, and if he gets his way she has to live with him.

im not sure, she just felt the need to seperate me from the situation, so that it wouldnt effect our relationship at all..which is my understanding of it.

You sound pretty affected to me.

Well I mean the break is affecting me, but to her, having to deal with moving would have really hurt our relationship, just telling me we need a break just kind of.. I guess placed us on pause.. and I doubt she'll get another partner, I'm taking her word for it, and I'm going to allow her time to sort things out in her family.. and if she does get into another relationship, then I'll have learned a lesson.

the one in her family, it involves her dad, and if he gets his way she has to live with him.

If she did move in with her dad, is that far from you? Maybe that is why she broke things off with you, because she is moving further away from where you live?

I feel for you, it's a tough situation, that's why I say stay busy with other things as it works out.

Yeah its further, but the chances of her being taken away are highly unlikely.. and what would happen would she'd have to live with her dad for the remainder of the summer.. which is why I think she told me we needed this break.. I honestly believe what she was telling me about us getting back together.. she's just going through a stressful time.

Yeah its further, but the chances of her being taken away are highly unlikely.. and the most likely thing to happen would be she'd have to live with her dad for the remainder of the summer.. which is why I think she told me we needed this break.. I honestly believe what she was telling me about us getting back together.. she's just going through a stressful time.

That is what it sounds like to me. Just hang in there as best as you can, and keep us posted. You will be fine, too :)

Will do, I just want it work out where we're together in the end.

Stop thinking about YOU! She's crying out for your help. She's been saying she's stressed, so mabe she just couldn't handle everything. Just try to help her with her "stress" and I'm sure you guys will be back together in no time!

Thanks 99, the only way I could contact her was through a myspace message, in which I told her I still loved her and didn't want to lose her, and after this thing has settled, ill still be here for her... I don't know if it was the right thing to do, I just felt it was something I had to tell her.

Going to work on my dads farm, try to keep busy and clear my head..

it was just her, everything about her just blew me away, and she feels the same towards me, we had basically everything in common..im trying to take her word for it and pray that this break will end soon, but from the way you speak, you make it seem like we wont, and shouldnt get back together.

Not really. All I said was that a break up never killed anyone. It hurt several of us more times than we like in life, but we still survived and live on.
A break does not always mean for ever.. You just need to learn to cope with the time you have on your hands without constantly being pre-occupied with her and fearing that you might loose her if not around - that's called insecurity. If you have a lot going for each other, and she is of the age where she can still be forced to live with one of her parents - then you can wait until she is legally able to make her own choices - and just let her know that you will support her and will be there for her when she needs you. But please don't make anyone the center of your universe - that makes you very vulnerable - which is not healthy.

I wish you the best of luck, keep busy, and don't drag yourself down over something you have no control over.

Good luck dear.

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Not really. All I said was that a break up never killed anyone. It hurt several of us more times than we like in life, but we still survived and live on.
A break does not always mean for ever.. You just need to learn to cope with the time you have on your hands without constantly being pre-occupied with her and fearing that you might loose her if not around - that's called insecurity. If you have a lot going for each other, and she is of the age where she can still be forced to live with one of her parents - then you can wait until she is legally able to make her own choices - and just let her know that you will support her and will be there for her when she needs you. But please don't make anyone the center of your universe - that makes you very vulnerable - which is not healthy.

I wish you the best of luck, keep busy, and don't drag yourself down over something you have no control over.

Good luck dear.

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Hi Chery,

Excellent advise. I have to try that for myself too. For the past 4 years, he was the center of my universe

I couldn't help it, this was like my first serious relationships, all the other ones were just like.. hey, lets have sex, and that was it.. basically just a sexual partner, but her.. she's the only real one I've ever had feelings for.

Only on my second day of no contact, I really want to talk to her :S.. I mean I really just want to ask her how she feels about me now.

I really just want to ask her how she feels about me now.
If she isn't contacting you leave her alone, especially for a selfish reason like that.

only on my second day of no contact, i really want to talk to her :S..i mean i really just want to ask her how she feels about me now.

Boy do you sound insecure!

One way we can find out more about ourselves, is to be able to hang around with ourselves, and discover the things we like about or dislike about ourselves... COPE with being alone first before forcing yourself on others.

Once you like who you are, then you can be secure in sharing yourself with others.

I don't know if it's still in print, but see if you can find a book called:
''How to be your own best friend'' - because essentially that's what we all need to do before expecting others to like us and believe they are being sincere. If you fear that 'out of sight, out of mind' is what will happen, you don't really like who you are yet.

Don't look for reassurance from others, look in the mirror and work on it yourself - you are still young and have plenty of time finding and being secure in what you found.

Good luck.

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Hey guys, its been a while since I've updated you all.. but.. the relationship ended.. im sure it was because she wanted her ex boyfriend back.. but I'm fine, I'm fully over it, and I've moved on to another girl.

She may not be comfortable with having a boyfriend, or maybe she just needs some time to think. If you're her first long time boyfriend she may want to see what else is out there, I'm sure she really does love you though.

Sorry I didn't read what you wrote before me but its good that your over it I guess.

Hey guys, its been a while since i've updated you all..but..the relationship ended..im sure it was becuase she wanted her ex boyfriend back..but im fine, im fully over it, and i've moved on to another girl. RED FLAG! You really ticked me off with that statement... after crying and professing love and now this!
Oh, boy, here we go again. You are so 'sure' it's because of the 'other guy'. Well, if you need an excuse, that's the one all of you guys always use.. You are not being fair to the poor other girl either - because you have not worked on yourself and will cling to her too. Rebound relationships are not honest and in my opinion disrespectful to the new girl.

Be honest with yourself, you were insecure and reflected this to her - she also has to do what her parents tell her to do and has probably just as much fear, confusion and frustration in her life as you do - and you added to it. The way you act, any girl with sense will drop you... you are too clingy.

Get a life, stop making another person the center of your universe and get to know yourself better. From what I can read, the only thing that makes you tick is when you are jumping on and clinging to another person - I repeat... this is NOT HEALTHY.

You freaked out after two days without her?? Again, no wonder it's over...

Now, read the first four stickies in the relationship's section and start working on some self-respect and grow up. Sorry to sound so harsh, but you really need a kick in the rear to wake up and start respecting yourself and others instead of jumping from one girl to the other.

Good luck.

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Haha, no, I'm sure it was her ex.. and I've got quite a life.. this new girl, I didn't mean I had jumped into a relationship with her, I waited until I felt like I was over the first girl.. it turned out it wasn't family issues after all.. it was just she wanted her ex back, and she got him.. anyway.. I didn't mean I started a relationship with this new girl, its just that I'm getting to know her better..